The little girl was very particular about everything. Her food, her clothes, even the bows in her hair. She amazed both Bonnie and Rhianna by putting away her toys without being asked and requesting a washcloth whenever she spilled a drop of paint or food on herself. Bonnie worried that such behavior was unnatural, but Rhianna thought it was a whole lot better than having to care for one of those toddlers who behaved like a wild animal. That might have been a deal breaker.
“Bonnie,” she ruffled Alice’s golden curls on her way to the counter, “Jules is a woman.”
So far, Rhianna had not identified herself as a lesbian. She had asked the Mosses at their interview if they objected to gay or lesbian people working for them. The couple had been so outspoken in their disgust with homophobia and hypocrisy that she knew she didn’t need to disclose any more personal information than necessary. Her lawyer had told her that the less other people knew about her, the fewer pieces they could put together.
During the six months she’d worked for the Mosses, she had met many of their more senior employees, folks invited to the house for outdoor parties and barbecues. Several were gay men and Rhianna was pretty certain one of the women was a lesbian. The Mosses were clearly gay-friendly.
Bonnie repeated, “A woman?” It seemed to hit her then and she sounded a little miffed as she said, “You should have filled me in sooner! There I was inviting single males to our barbecues and bugging Lloyd to find someone decent…now you tell me I’ve been barking up the wrong tree the whole time?”
“In a word, yes.”
Bonnie got busy rinsing the vases and filling them with water. “You know, I wondered, because you never seemed interested in any of the guys. But I had no idea.”
“I’m sorry. I should have said something.”
“Why? I mean, I don’t go around saying ‘by the way, everyone, I’m a heterosexual.’ It’s no one’s business.”
“I would have told you from the start if I felt it might be a problem,” Rhianna said. “I mean…with Alice. A gay person looking after your child. Not everyone would be comfortable with that.”
“Well, they’re ignorant. Name me ten lesbians who’ve been convicted of child molestation, and I’ll name you a thousand heterosexuals.”
Smiling, Rhianna located a pair of shears and began to trim the stems and place the flowers in water.
“I mean it about your friend,” Bonnie said. “Invite her out here when you get back from Denver.”
Rhianna caught a flash of herself and Jules stepping out onto the patio as the sun rose behind the Black Mountains and spilled its bright gold beams across the jagged horizon. Nice idea, but she was pretty certain cozy, domesticated togetherness was not what Jules had in mind when she suggested they hook up occasionally. She was amazed all over again that Jules had bothered to send a romantic bouquet when she only wanted another casual encounter. A woman like her couldn’t possibly be short of dates.
“I’m not looking to get involved with anyone right now,” she told Bonnie. “But thanks. It’s really kind of you to offer.”
“Well, for entirely selfish reasons, I’m happy that you’re single, but I hope you change your mind about that before too much longer. No one is an island.”
Rhianna laughed. “Do you know how funny that sounds, living out here in the desert?”
Bonnie joined her laugher and trimmed a couple of iris stems. “I should get back to those accounts. I’ll put Alice down for her nap.”
After Bonnie carried her sleepy daughter away, Rhianna finished arranging the flowers and carried the vases one at a time to their respective destinations, the larger to the hall table near the front door, the smaller to her apartment. She set the modern crystal container down on her dressing table, then took the florist’s card from her pocket. Good manners dictated that she should call Jules to thank her. She also wanted an explanation. How had Jules managed to obtain the name and address Rhianna had not divulged to her? What else did she know?
She stared down at the phone number for a long time before she dialed. Although she’d mentally rehearsed a message to leave on the voice mail, the sound of Jules’s voice shocked her so much that she couldn’t speak at first. All she could remember was that same warm, low drawl in her ear as they had sex for hours.
“Kate?”
A real person. She hadn’t expected that. “Oh, I thought I’d be talking to a machine.”
“I saw the area code on caller ID and figured it was you. It’s good to hear from you.”
“Well, I’m sure you must have expected me to call,” Kate said dryly. “To say thanks for the flowers.” Before she could get as far as a comment on the invasion of her privacy, Jules preempted her.
“I want to apologize for hunting you down when you didn’t share your personal details with me. You have every reason to be angry, and I’ll understand if you toss the flowers in the trash and hang up right now.” She paused and in a velvety tone said, “I promise, if you want to end this call, I’ll respect your choice and never contact you again.”
Rhianna stared at the flowers. Their faint sweet scent already pervaded her room. What did she really want? Her uncertainty surprised her. She had been so determined to keep to her plan, it had only occurred to her on the drive back from Palm Springs that she had no reason to refuse to see Jules again. Just because having sex had not freed her of her demons, she shouldn’t necessarily give up on the woman she had slept with.
She’d been stunned to awaken after their night together still feeling displaced in her own skin. Worse still, her body bore such plain testimony to the pleasure she’d experienced, it only made her numbness more acute. But perhaps repeat encounters might change that. Or perhaps she just needed to give herself more time.
No one made an overnight recovery from rape. Why should she be any different? She’d had intensive therapy for two months after the attack, and then she became fed up. All she wanted was to stop thinking about that night and move on. She wanted to build a new life in a place where no one knew anything about what had happened and the people she worked with treated her just like anyone else. She was fed up with the pity and embarrassment, with people falling silent when she walked into a room.
Living a sane life had become impossible for her in Denver, and when Werner Brigham was released on bail after the preliminary hearing, she had known the protection order would make no difference. He would come after her again, and this time she would not get away.
“Kate, are you there?”
Rhianna wondered how her real name would sound from those lips. The thought set off a small warning explosion in the back of her mind. This was why she had to be careful about getting close to people. The first thing she wanted to do was tell them the truth. She hated living a lie, having to pretend to be someone other than herself. But she could not afford to relax. It was too soon. She hadn’t come this far, lost so much that mattered, just to give herself away because she wanted to hear a sexy woman speak her name.
“I’m here,” she said. “How did you find me?”
“Actually, I didn’t find you. I cheated. I asked the owners at Casitas to send the bouquet on my behalf.”
A flood of relief engulfed Rhianna. Jules hadn’t traced her after all. She’d agonized over the registration form when she’d checked into Casitas, wondering how she could avoid providing an address when it was probably required for billing to a credit card. For a few moments, she’d even considered paying for her room in cash, then she realized she was being silly. It didn’t matter if she wrote down an address for Kate on a form at a hotel or a doctor’s office. No one in the world knew that Kate Lambert was Rhianna Lamb.
“So they didn’t give you my details?” she confirmed.
“No. Although, since you just called me from your address, I have the landline number now.”
Rhianna rolled her eyes. She had assumed Jules knew where she was, so it wouldn’t matter if she used the Mosses’ phone to call. Not that it made any difference. She reminded herself yet again that it was okay for people to know where “Kate Lambert” lived. In fact, it would only arouse suspicion if she behaved secretively. She had assumed a new identity, and if she wanted to avoid drawing attention to herself, she needed to act like a normal person.
Curious, she said, “Why did you want to get in touch with me?”
“Because I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.” The answer was almost a cliché, but Jules did not sound flippant.
Rhianna wasn’t sure what to say. “I’m flattered, but—”
“Just hear me out. I know you’re not looking for a girlfriend, but does that mean you’ve taken a vow of celibacy?”
“I guess I’m trying to avoid complications. I don’t want to mislead anyone about what I can offer.”
“Then we have that in common,” Jules said. “Come on, Kate. Don’t you think if I wanted a regular partner I’d have one? I’m quite a catch.”
“And modest to a fault.” Rhianna laughed.
“Just stating the facts. I have a well-paying job, a big house, a nice life. Finding someone to share all that would probably take me a week. If I wasn’t fussy and if I bothered to look.”
“Why don’t you?”
“Because I know my limitations. I can’t make long-term relationships work. I’ve tried.”
“Me, too.”
“Is that what happened to you?”
“What do you mean?”
A short silence followed, then Jules said as if she were measuring each word, “I can recognize damage. It’s not rocket science.”
Rhianna eased her white-knuckle grip on the phone and flexed her fingers. What was Jules trying to say? Did she think getting tied up was weird? She seemed to be into it at the time. Embarrassed, Rhianna said, “I don’t
have
to tie someone up to have sex, you know. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.”
“I’m not talking about
that
. I like games.”
“Then what?”
“It was just a feeling.” Jules’s tone was very casual. “I could be completely off base. So…I have a suggestion. Let’s meet again and prove I’m wrong.” When Rhianna didn’t answer, she teased, “I guess you saw that coming, huh?”
Rhianna’s heart thudded loudly in her ears. “Okay, let’s meet.”
“When?”
Right now.
Rhianna let herself imagine Jules naked in her bed, staring up at her with those shadowed eyes, the pupils huge and black. Saying the things she said.
Come on. Do me. You know I want it.
Tasting the way she tasted—wet honey, bitter almond, and salt. Rhianna could feel the slick aftermath of her, clinging to her mouth and chin. She’d held nothing back. Rhianna had wanted total control and Jules had given it to her. A gift. Rhianna had known it, and yet she’d thrown it back at Jules the next morning, walking away like it meant nothing. Suddenly, she wanted to make up for that rebuff, but she wasn’t sure how. She certainly couldn’t reciprocate in kind. It wouldn’t matter how well she knew someone; she would never be able to surrender herself completely.
“I wish you were here.” The words were out before she could get a grip on herself.
“Me, too.” Something changed in the timbre of Jules’s voice. “I want you.”
“Mmm.” Rhianna’s nipples tightened.
“God, I could come so easily right now.” Jules sighed. “I’ve been like this all week.”
Rhianna hesitated. “I can still feel you.”
A soft groan teased her ear. “Do you know how wet you just made me?”
“I wish I could touch you,” Rhianna whispered.
“Tell me what you want.”
“To have you in my mouth. Sucking until you’re hard and swollen and you just have to come.” Rhianna heard a soft groan and a metallic click. Jules had just locked her door. The knowledge swept through her, making her nerves tingle. She got off her bed and did the same. “I’ve been thinking about you, too. Ever since Palm Springs.”