Darker (17 page)

“No.” She shakes her head. “I was thinking of the treasure map that we’ve drawn on you.”

What?

She rubs her nose against mine, distracting me.

“And what would that entail exactly, Miss Steele?”

She raises her hand and tickles my stubble with her fingertips. “I just want to touch you everywhere I’m allowed.”

Her index finger brushes my lips and I capture it between my teeth.

“Ow,” she yelps when I bite down, and I grin as I growl.

So she wants to touch me. I’ve given her my boundaries.

Try it her way, Grey.

“Okay,” I acquiesce, but I hear the uncertainty in my voice. “Wait.” I lift her and remove the condom and drop it beside the bed. “I hate those things. I’ve a good mind to call Dr. Greene around to give you a shot.”

“You think the top ob-gyn in Seattle is going to come running?”

“I can be very persuasive.” I smooth her hair behind her ear. She has the most beautiful small, impish ears. “Franco’s done a great job on your hair. I like these layers.”

“Stop changing the subject,” she warns.

I lift her so she’s astride me once more. Watching her carefully, I recline onto the pillows while she rests her back against my upright knees. “Touch away,” I murmur.

Her eyes never leave mine and she places her hand on my belly, beneath the lipstick line. I tense as her finger explores the valleys between my abdominal muscles. I flinch and she lifts her finger.

“I don’t have to,” she says.

“No, it’s fine. Just takes some readjustment on my part. No one’s touched me for a long time.”

“Mrs. Robinson?”

Shit.
Why did I allude to her?

Warily, I nod. “I don’t want to talk about her. It will sour your good mood.”

“I can handle it.”

“No, you can’t, Ana. You see red whenever I mention her. My past is my past. It’s a fact. I can’t change it. I’m lucky that you don’t have one, because it would drive me crazy if you did.”

“Drive you crazy? More than you are already?”

“Crazy for you,” I declare.

She grins, a large, genuine grin. “Shall I call Dr. Flynn?”

“I don’t think that will be necessary.”

She wriggles on top of me and I drop my legs. With her eyes on mine, she places her fingers on my belly.

I tense.

“I like touching you,” she says, and her hand slips down to my navel, teasing the hair there. Her fingers quest lower.

Whoa.

My cock twitches in approval.

“Again?” she says with a carnal smile.

Oh, Anastasia, you insatiable woman.

“Oh yes, Miss Steele, again.”

I sit up and clasp her head in my hands and kiss her, long and hard. “You’re not too sore?” I whisper against her lips.

“No.”

“I love your stamina, Ana.”

SHE DOZES BESIDE ME.
Replete, I hope. After all of today’s arguments and recriminations, I’m now feeling more at peace.

Perhaps I can do this vanilla thing.

I look down at Ana. Her lips are parted and her lashes leave little shadows across her pale cheek. She looks serene and beautiful, and I could watch her sleep forever.

Yet she can be really fucking difficult.

Who knew?

And the irony is—I think I like it.

She makes me question myself.

She makes me question everything.

She makes me feel alive.

BACK IN THE LIVING
room, I gather my papers from the sofa and head into my study. I’ve left Anastasia asleep. She must be exhausted after last night, and we have a long night ahead at the ball.

At my desk I fire up my computer. One of Andrea’s many virtues is that she keeps my contacts up-to-date and synced across all my devices. I look up Dr. Greene and, sure enough, I have her e-mail address. I’m so over condoms—I’d like her to see Ana as soon as possible. I send her an e-mail, but I don’t imagine I’ll hear from her until Monday—after all, it’s the weekend.

I send a couple of e-mails to Ros and make some notes on the reports I read earlier. Opening a drawer to put away my pen, I spy the red box with the earrings I bought Ana for the gala that we never attended.

She left me.

Taking out the box, I examine the earrings once more. They are perfect for her. Elegant. Simple. Stunning. I wonder if she’d accept them today. After the fight about the Audi and the twenty-four thousand dollars, it seems unlikely. But I’d like to give them to her. I put the box in my pocket and check my watch. It’s time to wake Ana, as I’m sure she’ll need a while to get ready for tonight.

SHE’S CURLED UP IN
the middle of the bed, looking small and lonely. She’s in the sub’s room. I wonder why she’s up here. She’s not my submissive. She should be asleep in my bed, downstairs.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” I kiss her temple.

“Mmm,” she grumbles, and her eyelids flicker open.

“Time to get up,” I whisper, and kiss her quickly on the lips.

“Mr. Grey.” Her fingers caress my stubble. “I’ve missed you.”

“You’ve been asleep.” How can she have missed me?

“I missed you in my dreams.”

Her simple, sleepy statement floors me. She is so unpredictable and bewitching. I grin as an unexpected warmth spreads through my body. It’s becoming familiar but I don’t want to put a name to the feeling. It’s too new. Too scary.

“Up,” I order, and I leave her to get ready before I’m tempted to join her.

AFTER A QUICK SHOWER,
I shave. Usually I try to avoid eye contact with the asshole in the mirror, but today he looks happier, though somewhat ridiculous with a smeared red lipstick line around his neck.

My thoughts turn to the night ahead. I usually loathe these events and find them intensely dull, but this time I’ll have a date. Another first with Ana. I hope having her on my arm will ward off the flocks of Mia’s friends who try desperately to get themselves noticed. They have never learned that I’m just not interested.

I wonder how Ana will find it—perhaps she’ll think it’s dull, too. I hope not. Maybe I should liven up the evening.

As I finish shaving, an idea comes to mind.

A few minutes later, wearing my dress pants and shirt, I head upstairs, pausing outside my playroom.

Is this a good idea?

Ana can always say no.

I unlock the door and step inside.

I’ve not been in my playroom since she left me. It’s quiet, and ambient light glows on the red walls, giving the place an illusion of warmth. But today this room is not my sanctuary. It hasn’t been since she left me alone and in darkness. It holds the memory of her tearstained face, her anger, and her bitter words. I close my eyes.

You need to sort your shit out, Grey.

I’m trying, Ana. I’m trying.

You are one fucked-up son of a bitch.

Fuck.

If she only knew. She’d leave. Again.

I discard the unpalatable thought and from the chest fetch what I need.

Will she go for this?

I like your kinky fuckery.
Her hushed words from the night of our reconciliation give me some consolation. With Ana’s confession in mind, I turn to leave. For the first time ever, I don’t want to linger in here.

As I lock the door I wonder when or if Ana and I will revisit this room. I know I’m not ready. How Ana will feel about the—what does she call it?—Red Room of pain, we’ll have to see. The thought that I may never use it again depresses me. Brooding on this, I walk to her room. Perhaps I should get rid of the canes and belts. Maybe that would help.

I open the submissive’s room door and stop.

A startled Ana whirls around to face me. She’s dressed in a black corset, tiny lace panties, and thigh-highs.

All thought is erased from my mind.

My mouth dries as I stare.

She’s a walking wet dream.

She’s Aphrodite.

Thank you, Caroline Acton.

“Can I help you, Mr. Grey? I assume there is some purpose to your visit other than to gawk mindlessly at me.” There’s a haughty edge to her voice.

“I am rather enjoying my mindless gawk, thank you, Miss Steele.” I step into the room. “Remind me to send a personal note of thanks to
Caroline Acton.”

Ana gestures with her hands. She’s wondering what I’m talking about.

“The personal shopper at Neiman’s,” I clarify.

“Oh.”

“I’m quite distracted.”

“I can see that. What do you want, Christian?” she says, sounding impatient, but I think she’s teasing me. I pull the kegel balls out of my pocket for her to see, and her expression changes from playful to alarmed.

She thinks I want to spank her.

I do…

But.

“It’s not what you think,” I reassure her.

“Enlighten me.”

“I thought you could wear these, tonight.”

She blinks several times. “To this event?”

I nod.

“Will you spank me later?”

“No.”

Her face falls and I can’t help but laugh. “You want me to?”

I watch her swallow, indecision plain on her face.

“Well, rest assured I am not going to touch you like that, not even if you beg me.” I pause and let that information sink in before I continue. “Do you want to play this game?” I hold them up. “You can always take them out if it’s too much.”

Her eyes darken and a small, wicked smile teases her lips. “Okay,” she says.

And once again I’m reminded that Anastasia Steele is not a woman to back away from a challenge.

I spy the Louboutins on the floor. “Good girl. Come here, and I’ll put them in once you’ve put your shoes on.”

Ana in fine lingerie and Louboutins—all my dreams are coming true.

I hold out my hand to help her into her shoes. She steps into them, and turns from elfin and gamine to tall and willowy.

She’s gorgeous.

Man, what they do for her legs.

I lead her to the bedside and fetch the bedroom chair and place it in front of her.

“When I nod, you bend down and hold on to the chair. Understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Now open your mouth.”

She does, and I slide my index finger between her lips.

“Suck,” I order. She clasps my hand, and, with a lustful glance at me, she does exactly as I ask.

Christ.

Her look is scorching. Wanton. Unwavering. And her tongue teases and pulls at my finger.

I might as well have my cock in her mouth.

I’m hard.

Instantly.

Oh, baby.

I’ve known very few women who have had this instant effect on me, but none as instant as Ana…and given her naïveté it surprises me. But she’s had this hold on me since I met her.

Get to the matter in hand, Grey.

To lubricate the balls, I slip them into my mouth while she continues to pleasure my finger. When I try to withdraw it, her teeth clamp down and she gives me a winsome smile.

No you don’t, I warn, shaking my head, and she loosens her grip, releasing me.

I nod, indicating she should bend over the chair, and she obliges.

Kneeling behind her, I move her panties to one side and slide my fellated finger inside her and circle slowly, feeling the tight, wet walls of her vagina. She moans and I want to tell her to be quiet and to stay still, but that’s not the relationship we have anymore.

We’re doing things her way.

I withdraw my finger, then gently ease each ball inside her, carefully pushing them as deep as they can go. As I slip her panties back in place, I kiss her delectable derrière. I sit back on my heels and run my hands up her legs and kiss each thigh where her stockings stop.

“You have fine, fine legs, Miss Steele.” I stand and grasp her hips, pulling her against my arousal. “Maybe I’ll have you this way when we get home, Anastasia. You can stand now.”

She does, her breath quickening once she’s upright, and she shimmies in front of me, her ass brushing my erection. I kiss her shoulder and extend my arm around her, palm up, holding out the Cartier box.

“I bought these for you to wear to last Saturday’s gala. But you left me, so I never had the opportunity to give them to you.” I take a deep breath. “This is my second chance.”

Will she accept them?

It seems symbolic somehow. If she’s serious about us, she’ll accept them. I hold my breath. She reaches for the box and opens it and stares at the earrings for the longest time.

Please take them, Ana.

“They’re lovely,” she whispers. “Thank you.”

She
can
play nice. I grin as I relax, knowing I won’t have to fight to get her to keep them. I kiss her shoulder and spot the silver satin dress on the bed. I ask her if that’s what she’s chosen to wear.

“Yes. Is that okay?”

“Of course. I’ll let you get ready.”

I’VE LOST COUNT OF
the number of these events I’ve attended, but for the first time I’m excited. I get to show Ana off to my family and all of their well-heeled friends.

I finish tying my bow tie with ease and grab my jacket. Slipping it on, I take one last look in the mirror. The asshole looks happy, but he needs to straighten his tie.

“Keep still,” Elena snaps.

“Yes, Ma’am.” I stand before her, getting ready for prom. I’ve told my parents I’m not going and that I’m seeing a friend. It will be our own personal prom. Just Elena and I. She moves, and I hear the rustle of expensive silk and inhale the provocative scent of her perfume.

“Open your eyes.”

I do as I’m instructed. She’s poised behind me and we’re facing a mirror. I look at her, not at the idiot boy standing in front of her.

She takes the ends of my bow tie. “And this is how you do this.” Slowly, she moves her fingers. Her nails are bright scarlet. I watch. Fascinated.

She pulls the ends and I’m wearing a most respectable bow tie.

“Now, let’s see if you can do it. And if you do, I’ll reward you.” She smiles her secret I-so-own-you smile and I know it will be good.

I’M REHASHING THE NIGHT’S
arrangements with the security team when I hear her footfalls behind me. All four men are suddenly distracted. Taylor smiles. When I turn around, Ana is standing at the bottom of the stairs.