Authors: J.L. Drake
This was bullshit, I thought as I climbed the stairs.
Get out of my house
. I wanted my old life back. I sank into the desk chair as the weight of the situation made me feel like I was buried under a ton of stone. I hated the whole thing so much my brain ached with any attempt at a clear thought.
I heard a faint knock on my bedroom door. I looked over and saw Riley.
“Sorry for that.” I tried for a smile and shook my head to clear it. “Thankfully, it won’t happen again for a while.”
He took a step into my room. “I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.”
“I’m fine. Truly, this is not the first time I’ve dealt with Jenny.”
“Yeah, she’s a trip.” He chuckled. “See you tomorrow.” I watched him leave.
I held my head in my hands. Maybe I
should
sell the house. It didn’t feel right anyway with another man here, especially one who was definitely
not
in a relationship with my mother for the right reasons. My father would have been so disappointed.
I would love a place of my own to go when she suddenly decided to come home. Then I would only have to see her when I wanted to. But the thought of leaving this house and all its memories had me shutting that line of thought down pretty quickly.
A small noise behind me made my eyes flutter open. I saw Seth’s reflection in my window. He leaned down and gave me a kiss on my shoulder. Then he left before I said anything. I looked down and saw my father’s Rolex.
How?
***
“Emilyyyyy,” Lasko whispered from somewhere in my room. My eyes flew open and searched the darkness. “You look so pretty when you sleep, I almost didn’t want to wake you.” Oh my God, was I dreaming? Or was I awake? I touched my face and pinched myself…everything seemed like I was conscious.
“What do you want from me?” I whispered and hoped he’d show himself.
“You remind me of Julia.” His words seemed to come from all around me. My heart started to race and my breathing picked up.
“W-who’s Julia?”
“Come with me, Emily, and I’ll show you.” He stepped into the moonlight, and it cast a shadow on my bed. He held out his hand and waited.
“No, no, no!” I started to panic.
“No one can hear you scream.” He laughed and then lunged at me. Then I did scream and sent punches and kicks into the air along with it.
I suddenly sat straight up and stifled the scream that rushed out of my mouth. My chest heaved, and my cheeks were wet with tears. I flooded my room with light from my lamp. I checked to see if the windows were locked—which they were, of course—and then I checked the bathroom. No one.
Okay, these dreams are too real. I jumped at a noise from outside.
God, Em, get a grip!
All I wanted was a decent night’s sleep free of nightmares and psychopaths! I rubbed my face in frustration. Maybe I should just take a painkiller. At least I’d get some sleep.
No! I didn’t need any more drugs in my system. At least Lasko had sworn me off the path of illegal substances. What a way to learn.
Hey, parents, you want your kids to be drug free? Here’s what you gotta do. Just get them kidnapped, tortured, and drugged by a psychopathic killer, and they’ll come out running on the straight and narrow
…I rubbed my eyes. Oh, man, I finally lost it! I needed to sleep.
I lay back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. The moment my eyes closed, he was there.
“Juliaaa…”
“Ahh!” I kicked off my blankets. “Hey.” Something finally got through to my temporal lobe. “I forgot about that name!”
I quickly ran out of my room and into Seth’s as I called out his name. He sat straight up.
“Em? What’s wrong?!” He reached over and turned on his light. He blinked a few times while his eyes adjusted.
“I remember something from the basement. Right before he passed out on my lap he said, ‘This is nice, Julia.’ Maybe it’s his ex-wife or a wife who died. I think I look like her, and that’s why he’s after me. You guys need to research that name, cross reference it with Lasko’s.”
I didn’t get the expression I thought I would. Instead, he just studied me. Then it hit me. “You already knew about the name, didn’t you?”
“Hank Wallace’s wife came forward; she said he mentioned someone named Julia a lot when he was drunk. We’ve been looking into it, but no hits yet. It seems Lasko just appeared out of thin air six years ago.”
I sighed and ran my hand over my shoulder. “Of course he did.” I looked down at my tank top and panties. I felt shy and stupid for thinking I knew something they didn’t. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Have you slept at all tonight?”
“Not by myself.” He gave me a puzzled look. “Lasko. He’s always there.” I sighed. He reached out for my arm and pulled me to him. “You don’t have to, Seth. I know you need
space
.”
“Come here.” He wrapped the blanket around both of us. I lay on my back, not sure what I should do. It didn’t feel awkward, exactly, but I didn’t want to seem needy, so I didn’t turn into him. After a few minutes of my internal battle with my emotions, which were always near the surface, waiting to piss me off by showing my weakness, I had to start batting some tears away.
Really? Right now, lying next to him, and you’re going to cry?
Thoughts of Lasko, Jennifer the artist, the unknown victim, Matthews asking me to keep his secret for two weeks, my mother, and Gary swirled around me. I felt like I was going to burst.
“I should go,” I choked out and sat up. Seth’s arm hooked around my stomach and crushed me to his chest. He kissed my shoulder in the same spot he always did.
“Try and sleep, baby,” he whispered. His fingertips brushed along the outside of my thigh.
***
Seth
The amount of self-control it took not to slip myself inside of her was one of the hardest things I’d had to do. I wanted to help her feel safe, make her feel loved, let her know she wasn’t alone…that she had me. But instead, all I could do was hold her, because I wouldn’t risk her safety.
The way her face looked when we were at Mom’s was something I never wanted to see again. Pain. Just pure, heart-wrenching pain, and it was all my fault. People who loved one another shouldn’t do that. I was so fucked up inside, just like him. My thoughts went dark very quickly, and I had to stop my train of thought. I was not my father, I was not a bad person, and I would always put my lover first and not use her as a doormat. I just needed some time.
Emily’s skin was soft and cool to my touch. I drew circles along her thigh to help soothe her. Occasionally, I’d kiss her shoulder when I could barely stand it anymore. She made little sighs when I did this, which in turn made me rock hard. I pressed my erection into her ass and closed my eyes.
I flopped back and cursed quietly. Why did things have to be confusing? Confusion was something I avoided. I liked to know what I was doing, what I had to get done. I needed control, but with Emily I felt like I’d lost all of that.
She moved and curled into me, her leg hooked over my hip. Her arm wrapped around my stomach, and her cheek was pressed against my chest. One thing about Emily was she liked to be held. I thought it grounded her a bit. She’d been alone for so long that it made her feel like she could let her guard down. I squeezed her small body into mine. Her breasts were soft and warm on my side. I resisted the urge to cup them. Instead, I buried my nose into her hair and held her close.
***
Emily
I woke to the sound of an engine starting. I glanced at the clock and saw it was three a.m. My mother must have left. At least I would get my house back. I was even happier that I could stop my worry about Lasko getting to her, even though the whole time she had been there, he’d never made any threats toward her.
I saw Seth’s phone light up with a message, but I didn’t think much of it. I turned to him, only to have his arm hook around me. “Baby,” he muttered as he pulled me closer and nuzzled his nose in my hair. My heart skipped a beat at his name for me. I closed my eyes and focused on his steady breathing. I dreaded the morning; I knew he’d go back to ‘needing space.’
My eyes opened as I heard a car door slam. I focused on the clock and realized I’d slept in ’til eight thirty. I stumbled out of bed and into my bathroom. I heard a few voices, but I assumed it was the guys. I made my way downstairs and found Garrett in the kitchen with a bowl full of his beloved Cheerios.
“Morning.” I reached for a cup of coffee.
“How’d you sleep?”
“Good, thanks.”
He laughed. “Mmm…I bet.” I turned to see his face. He obviously knew where I’d slept.
“Nothing’s changed, Garrett.” I sighed and poured the cream in.
“We’ll see.” He moved next to me to wash off his dishes. “He seemed fine when he was telling me the story this morning.” He winked at me.
“Really?” Seth asked as he came into the kitchen, his phone to his ear. He slid the coffee out of my hand and took a sip. He gave it back to me with a smile. God, what I wouldn’t do to make that smile appear again. “Wait.” His face fell. “When? How?” His head whipped over to Garrett. “Holy shit, Michaels.”
Garrett and I both froze and waited until he was done with his call. After five agonizing minutes, he finally hung up.
He leaned against the counter, and he grew paler as the seconds ticked on.
“Matthews was found dead last night.”
“What?” Garrett shouted. “What happened?”
“Overdose of muscle relaxants.”
“That doesn’t make sense.” Garrett shook his head. “Matthews doesn’t even take Advil.”
All the air rushed out of my lungs. “He tried to warn me,” I whispered, deep in thought. The room started to spin. “This is my fault.”
“What are you talking about?” Seth touched my arm to get my attention. “Em?” His phone vibrated in his hand and he cursed as he went to answer it.
“Avery, hi.”
***
I stared at myself in the mirror, letting my eyes drift over my outfit. My black, fitted dress came just above my knees, my hair was curled at the ends, and a sweater was draped over one arm that held my clutch. I looked all right, but I felt anything but.
The guys had questioned me a few times on what I knew. I really needed to speak to them about it. A heavy cloud of guilt sat on my chest with one constant question.
If I had said something earlier, would he still be alive?
Riley popped his head in the door. “Ready?” I nodded and wished my skin wasn’t so pale against the black.
Seth and Garrett had gone ahead of us. They had to be dressed in their uniforms and ready to go an hour before the funeral.
I could tell Riley wanted to comfort me on the ride over.
I gave him a small, apologetic smile. “Sorry you came in the middle of all this. Between Lasko, my mother, and now Matthews, I bet you wish you’d never taken this job.”
He glanced over at me. “I actually feel the exact opposite. You really get to know someone when the bad stuff is going on. You’re less likely to put up a front when your mind is focused on other things. I only wish I could have gotten to know Matthews before his suicide, though.”
“It wasn’t a suicide,” I muttered. I was angry that people thought it was.
“Why do you say that?” He watched me for a moment before he looked back at the road. I stayed quiet. There really wasn’t much more to say.
I spotted Vanessa right away. She reached out her arm to help me walk a little easier on the grass. I wasn’t at all surprised that Matthews’s family had wanted to hold the service outside, but the sky darkened, and the chance of rain looked promising.
There were rows of white folding chairs and flowers everywhere throughout the cemetery. A bagpiper played as everyone began to take their seats. The guys all stood at attention up in the front. It was all a little intense. Riley introduced himself to Vanessa and then took a seat next to me.
We sat in the middle and prepared to listen to the service. A chill ran up my spine when I saw Matthews’s mother enter. She held her chin up high, but she looked like she would break at any moment.
I slipped into autopilot when the priest started to speak. It brought me back to when I was fourteen with Shawna and David on either side of me. They held my hands as I sat motionless while some stranger preached about life and death. My mother had been two people over. She looked like a statue—no emotion, totally cold. I’d hated her so much at that moment that I’d wanted to tell her to leave on an earlier flight.
I jumped at the sound of the twenty-one gun salute. It jolted me back to reality. Vanessa placed her hand over mine. I was grateful she was there.
After the service, Campbell and Riggs came over to say hi and to see how we both were. I made small talk and then excused myself. I held up a hand to Riley to let him know I was fine, but I needed a minute alone.
The sound of the gravel under my shoes made me shiver. It didn’t help that the temperature dropped. I slowly walked toward the large oak tree in the corner of the cemetery. With every step, it was a little harder to breathe. I wrapped my sweater tighter around me and let my heels sink into the squishy grass. I bit my trembling lip and pushed on until I reached it. I turned around so I faced the massive crowd of people and slowly let my eyes drop to the words on the black, shiny tombstone.