Authors: J.L. Drake
“Thank you.” I wished I wasn’t the topic of conversation.
“Shall we retire to the patio for some drinks?” Martha asked as she stood up and dropped her napkin on the plate.
Seth stood and pulled out my seat for me. He offered me a hand and helped me to my feet. His eyes looked worried, and I wished so much I could read his mind.
We all moved out the French doors. Gretchen brought a drink out to Jack right away, and then took our orders. The back yard looked out over a massive garden. Beyond that were stables and a huge pasture. A rectangle-shaped pool was off to the right with a cabana bar nuzzled into a lush green tropical paradise.
Maddy came to my side. “You wanna meet my horse now?”
“Maddy.” Seth shook his head.
“I would love to.” I smiled at her. She took my hand and pulled me with her. Seth rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut.
“Wait,” I laughed as I pulled off my heels, which were sunk in the grass. “Okay.” She linked arms with me.
“I’ve never seen my brother like this.” She looked off at the stables. I didn’t think he acted any different than usual.
“Really?”
“Mmm…hmm. Sorry about Nicholas. He likes to push Seth’s buttons. They haven’t gotten along since the big blow-up a few years ago.” She stopped mid-step and hesitated for a moment. I could tell she’d regretted what she just said.
“Blow-up?” I tried not to sound too needy for information.
“Umm, yeah, well, Dad and Seth never see eye to eye on anything.” She waved her hands around. “Dad is very stuck in his ways, and so is Seth. They are a lot alike that way. Dad is a lawyer for the ‘bad guys.’” She made quotes in the air. “One of his clients is the Marrone family.” I let out a small gasp, and she nodded. “Yeah, not fun when Dad has the known Mafia over for Sunday brunch. Seth gets mad. He knows Dad helps bend the rules for them.”
“Oh, I could see how that would be a problem. But Nicholas works for the police department, and he and your father seem…”
She glanced up at me. “Yeah, Nicky is wrapped around Dad’s finger. He helps Dad get his clients what they need.” She paused. “Seth calls him a dirty cop.”
“Oh,” I whispered. “I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. “It’s hard, because I don’t get to see Seth much. Mom cries a lot about it because Seth stays away and she misses him. She almost left my father one time because he went after Seth, you know, physically. That was the big blow-up.”
My heart sank, not only for Seth, but for the poor girl who knew so much at thirteen years old.
“Mom got between them and broke it up before it got too bad, but Dad punched Seth right in the face. It was awful. I asked what started the fight once, but no one would tell me.” She went quiet, then ran ahead.
We reached the barn and pulled open the door. “There was only one other time that I saw my brother’s face look so messed up.” Her voice went low. “It was when he came home after he saw you in the hospital.”
I froze.
“He wouldn’t talk about it with me in the room, but I heard him speak to Mom. It was the first time I ever saw my brother cry.”
I shook my head; I didn’t how to respond. I wondered if that was who he spoke to on the phone when I was in the hospital.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you, Emily.” Maddy reached out and touched my arm.
“Me too,” I whispered, for very different reasons.
Seth
“Seth, she’s wonderful.” Mom leaned over the rail with me. “Very humble.”
I looked down at my drink. “Yes, I know.”
She nudged me gently. “She’s clearly head over heels in love with you.”
I turned to eye her.
“Honey, no woman would risk coming to meet a man’s family the way she did unless she was in love. She hadn’t heard a thing about us.”
“Mom, it wasn’t like that.” I felt like shit.
She shook her head, and then glanced back at Jack talking to Nicholas. “I don’t blame you. I know things have been difficult. I just wish you’d come around more. Your father spends most of his time in San Fran with your brother. Maddy and I get lonely.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’ll try harder.”
She rubbed my back soothingly. “Maddy seems to have taken to her.”
I chuckled and watched the two girls laugh over something Maddy had said. “Yeah, it’s nice to see them both smiling.”
“Has Emily seen anyone yet?”
I shook my head. “She deals with things differently, tucks things away and moves on. She’s not one to seek out help.”
“Well, maybe that works for her.” Mom paused. “She mentioned you were being distant? Are you not happy with her?”
Shit.
I sighed. “No, in fact, I love her.” Mom tried to hide her smile, but it didn’t work. I smirked. It felt kind of nice to say it out loud. “It’s just that this case has gotten so big, and this guy could take her at any point. If I let my guard down and he gets her again, I don’t think I can live with myself. I hate myself every day for leaving her alone with Davis at the cabin. I don’t know what I was thinking. She could have been…”
“Hey.” Mom stopped my train of thought and put a hand on mine. “I know how hard this is for you, but you can’t blame yourself for what happened. You did nothing wrong but try and protect her. He would have found a way to get to Emily sooner or later.”
I took a moment to calm my emotions. I loved talking with my mother. She always knew just what to say. I wondered if this was what Emily had had with her father. “It would be so sad if you gave up someone who loves you.”
“I know,” I muttered into my glass. “I’m trying to fight through these feelings. I feel her slip away from me, but I don’t know how to stop it.”
“You need to talk to her, Seth,” Mom said gently. “Women need to know where we stand, or we feel lost and unloved.” She glanced back at Jack. “Trust me, dear, it’s lonely when no one lets you in.”
***
Emily
I grinned as Maddy linked arms with me again. “I always wanted a sister.” She laughed. Maddy had just showed me all her show trophies and her sweet little chestnut pony, Binny.
“You know, Maddy, I didn’t have any siblings when I grew up, and it was pretty lonely. I’d be happy with brothers any day of the week.”
She shrugged. “Seth’s great, but Nicky can be a jerk a lot of the time. Mom has a huge soft spot for Seth, I guess ’cause he was born first.”
I would have guessed Seth was the oldest, after I got a taste of Nicholas at the table. The little brother vibe poured off of him.
She smirked. “He’s a mama’s boy, you know.”
I laughed. “That’s sweet. I like that.” It was fun to watch her face when she talked about Seth. I could see the love she had for him.
“I guess. He used to wear his Batman pajamas all the time.”
This made me grin wide.
“No, Emily, I mean
all
the time—shopping malls, movies, school, and we’re talking cape and all. Nicky loves to tell the story, of course.”
I exploded in laughter. “Please tell me there are pictures somewhere?”
“Oh, yes, there are lots!”
We were in a fit of laughter when we reached the patio; it took a moment to regain ourselves. Seth looked at us with a raised eyebrow, wondering what was so funny. I just shook my head. “She’s funny.”
“Emily, honey.” Martha’s voice rang out beautifully over the chatter. “Come on over here and sit next to me.” I slipped my shoes back on and moved toward her. “Do you and Seth have any plans for Thanksgiving?”
“I’m not sure.” I looked up at Seth. I usually cooked and had Pete and Patty over. Sometimes Erin and her mother would join us too.
“Will your mother be in town?” she asked kindly.
“Generally, she’s not. She normally comes home in January for a week and then heads back to Africa for the rest of the year.”
“You’re home by yourself over the holidays?” Maddy asked, and gave me a sad look.
I felt a little uneasy. I didn’t want pity. I was fine with my situation. Clearly they hadn’t met my mother. “It’s really fine, it’s nothing new to me.”
“Well, you’re not spending it alone anymore, my dear.” Martha gave Seth a scowl. “Please say you’ll join us for Thanksgiving.”
“That sounds lovely. Thank you.” I avoided a look at Seth in case he didn’t want me to come. I knew it would crush me if that were the case. Besides, it was still a few weeks away. I could always cancel if I had to.
“Wonderful!” Martha was excited. I found myself happy, but Jack didn’t seem to care one way or another if I came. I really liked Seth’s family, except maybe his dad. His father didn’t deserve his love. Anyone who would charge at his son and punch him in the face was not all right in my books.
Martha and I had a lovely conversation about the history of their house. It had been built in the 1920s and had remained in their family ever since. Martha moved in after her grandfather passed away in order to help her grandmother, and even long after her grandmother died, she refused to move. Jack protested that they could build something new somewhere else, but she had stood her ground and stated that this was where she belonged. I loved to hear the firmness in her voice when she told that story because, quite frankly, Jack seemed a little scary.
I caught Seth’s face as he watched me from the other side of the fire pit. His head rested on one hand. A glass of scotch dangled from the other hand. His third glass, I thought. Not typical of the Seth I knew. His father and brother must have really made him uneasy. What I wouldn’t have done just then to sneak a peek inside his head. His eyes shifted from mine to Gretchen’s as she brought out some French coffee. It tasted divine, a mix of chocolate and vanilla with a dash of cinnamon.
Jack wasn’t outside anymore. “Gretchen.” I turned toward her. I saw Seth glance back over at me.
She stopped. “Yes, Ms. McPhee?”
“Please call me Emily. I just wanted to say that your pumpkin soup was delicious.” I stood up and moved closer to her. “Your mother’s talent clearly passed down to you.”
She paused, then took a moment to gather herself. “That’s very kind of you to say. Thank you, Emily.” Her eyes moved over to the French doors, to check for Jack, I guessed. “I hope I can make it for you again sometime.” Her voice was a little lower.
“I hope so too.” I smiled and went back to my seat.
Martha had a funny look on her face. She moved her stare to Seth. I hoped I hadn’t crossed a line. Maybe they didn’t talk to their help. Martha turned her attention to me. “I wasn’t aware you had met Gretchen.”
My stomach knotted. “Yes, when I arrived I introduced myself, and we spoke about tonight’s dinner. The soup was her mother’s recipe.” I paused and hoped I wouldn’t get her in trouble, “I-I just wanted to let her know I enjoyed it.” I looked at Seth, and he gave me a one-sided grin. One that hit right in the center of my stomach. “I hope that was all right.”
Martha reached over and touched my hand. “Seth, you weren’t exaggerating about her. She really is a sweetheart.”
The knot eased away, and my stomach warmed at her comment.
“It was nice of you to take the time to speak with Gretchen. She’s been working with us since Seth was six. She’s part of our family.” She cocked her head to one side, like Seth often did. “I can see why my son is so taken with you.”
I felt my face heat, so I glanced down at the table.
“Mother,” Seth said softly.
She leaned back in her chair. “Seth, would you mind getting me another drink, please?”
He took her glass and disappeared into the kitchen. I watched him speak with Gretchen. He seemed to be his old self with her. I smiled as he laughed. Then I realized Martha was watching me and blushed at being caught.
“He has a great heart. Emily, he’s very fond of you.”
“I am of him. He’s good to me.”
“Very protective too. I see the way he watches you, and I’m sure it’s not just because of your current situation,” she said quietly. I glanced automatically in Seth’s direction. I realized I might rely on him too much for help.
Martha reached for my hand. “If you ever need anything, don’t ever hesitate to call or stop by. My door is always open.” My heart warmed to her. She was like another Shawna for me, and someone to whom I could truly open up about what was going on.
I leaned over and gave her a hug. “Thank you,” I whispered. “For so much.”
She hugged me back and held me tightly.
“Everything all right?” Seth asked as he came up and wrapped his coat around my bare shoulders. He was always such a gentleman. He sat down beside me.
Martha took a deep breath. “Girl chat. None of your business, dear.” She kissed his head. “I’m going to check on Jack and Nicholas.” She headed inside.
The fire flickered and popped along a log. The steady heat felt nice against my chilled legs. I looked out at the stables and enjoyed the quiet moment.
“You seem to be fitting right in.” Seth raised an eyebrow, but I saw the corners of his mouth turn up as he swirled the ice around in his crystal glass.
I leaned back and pulled his coat around me. I felt more chilled all of a sudden. “Is that all right?”
“Yes, I’m still letting it sink in that you’re here.”
I felt bad, but how could I have known his family had this much drama going on? “I’m sorry, Seth, it’s just that when Nicholas invited me to come…”
Seth laughed darkly. “Nicholas.” He paused as he rubbed his chin. “He’s always been a pain in my ass.”
“I think he meant well, Seth.”
He set his drink down and leaned toward me. “He’s trouble, just remember that.”
“You mean because he does your dad’s dirty work?” The words ran out of my mouth before I could stop them. His eyes flinched in a painful gesture. Then he looked over at the kitchen.
“Maddy,” he whispered. “She needs to keep her mouth shut too.”
“Actually, it’s the first time I feel as though I know something about you. Besides, the girl adores you. She’s desperate to spend time with you.” I paused. “Well, we both are,” I said quietly.
He looked down at the ground. “Baby, I’m sorry.”
I crossed my legs into him and took his hands in mine. “Seth, I don’t know what’s going on with you. But please don’t push me away again. You told me you knew you wanted to be with me since the first time you met me. Well…” I paused and took a huge leap of faith that I wouldn’t get hurt. “Black polo, green shorts, and a New England baseball hat.”
His head cocked to the side. “You remember?”
“Yes, I hate New England.” I attempted to make light of the situation. I was nervous about what he might say next.
He closed his eyes. “Emily, you know how much I care for you.”
“Then why do you push me away?” I felt the tears threaten.
“After the cabin, when I thought I lost you…” He swallowed. “Something inside of me changed. I just need to work it out. I need some time.”
“Some space?” I asked, though I didn’t want to give him any.
“No…yes. I don’t know.” He rubbed his head. “I can’t explain it.”
“Why?”
“I just can’t do this right now.” He pointed to me and then to himself.
“Okay, so you’re telling me you care for me, but we can’t be together.” I tried to control the fist that had a death grip on my heart.
“Yes,” he whispered.
I wiped my cheek and gave a small nod. “So what now?” I asked while I fought the urge to sob like a baby.
His eyes were watery. “I don’t know.” A long, painful moment passed as we both sat in silence, neither one of us sure what to say. My mind repeated our conversation over and over. I tried to understand him, but I just couldn’t.
“I spent too many years trying to get my mother to love me.” I paused to find my voice that was hidden behind my broken heart. “I won’t chase shadows, Seth. It’s nothing but cold, empty darkness.”
He hung his head, then suddenly downed the rest of his scotch, not even flinching at the taste.
“I think I’ll go home now.” The words barely slipped past my lips as I stood up. I saw Maddy laughing with her mother in the kitchen. Only a few moments ago I had felt so loved. Now I felt like I could burst into a million pieces. I pulled out my phone and started to dial the number for a cab. Surprisingly, Seth let me.
Ouch.
I handed him back his jacket as I muttered the address to the dispatcher. He didn’t reach for it, so I laid it over his lap and made my way inside.
“Thank you for such a lovely evening, Martha.” I tried to sound cheery.
It took only one glance at my face and her smile faded. She wrapped her arms around me. “I’ll see you soon, honey.” She pulled away and wiped my damp cheek with a knuckle. “Give him time. Hang in there,” she whispered. I nodded and tried to flash a smile.
Maddy held onto my arm. “Please come back soon, Emily. I really want to see you again. You don’t have to come with Seth.”
I smiled. “Of course I will. Besides, we have a riding date to set.” I reached over and jotted my cell phone number down on a blue notepad. “Call me.”
Jack met me by the door. We had our formal goodbyes. His intense gaze made me shift uneasily.
I started down the stairs, only to hear Nicholas call out my name. He met me at the bottom.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, but his face dropped when he saw my expression. He moved a little closer. “Are you all right?” The pad of his thumb swiped my cheek free of a tumbling tear. I closed my eyes and turned away from his touch. I knew he was just being nice, but the touch seemed too raw.
I nodded and watched the taxi pull up to the curb. “Thank you for inviting me. You have a lovely family, Nicholas.”
He knew better than to pry right then.
“So, I’ll see you at Thanksgiving.” He grinned playfully. “Remember, it’s my job to find people, so if you don’t show up…” I smiled a little. I’d bet he
would
find me too.
He tilted his head toward the cab and escorted me to the end of the walkway. I could tell he was in debate with himself to say something. Finally he raked a hand through his hair with a sigh.
“Look, Em.” He turned to face me. “I’m sorry if I got you in trouble with Seth, but it really means a lot to all of us that you came. With Dad and me up north, and Seth being so distant with the family, my mom worries about him. I’m just giving Mom some peace of mind that he’s in good hands.”
I looked up at him. I heard the warmth in his voice when he spoke of his mother. Maybe Seth didn’t fully know his brother.
“That’s actually quite sweet, Nicholas.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll deny any of it if you mention it to Seth,” he joked. “Take care, Emily, see you soon.”
“Goodnight.” I turned to open the car door, but a hand beat me to it. Seth came up next to me. Where had he come from? I sat down, only to find him move in next to me.
“You’re coming?” I asked, confused.
He spat out the address to the cabby as he wrapped his coat around me. “I took a cab here. Besides, I had four drinks.”
Oh
. “Please turn the heat up,” he asked the cabby, who complied with a nod.