Authors: Janet Dailey
'This hasn't been the only morning. Honey, what's been bothering you lately? You just haven't been yourself, not since that Brad fellow left, but even more so this past week. You always seem to be going off by yourself. Can't you tell me about it?' cajoled Sheila. 'I heard you tossing and turning all night last night and there's circles under your eyes this morning. We've always been able to talk before, though I'll admit I've been almost too busy since you've been here to really sit down and hash anything over. But today—well, I've got the whole day, or at least, most of it.'
'Sheila, you are the dearest sister in the whole world,' Jennifer reached out and squeezed her sister's hand affectionately, 'and I wouldn't trade you for a dozen of anyone else. It's just that I have some problems that I've got to work out for myself.'
'That's what I'm getting at. Talk them over with me. Between the two of us, we could work out whatever's bothering you.'
'No, you can't.' Jennifer shook her head sadly.
'Is it Brad?'
'Partly.' She ran a hand through her hair, wispy strands reflecting red in the morning sunlight. 'You might as well know I've been considering going back to Minneapolis.'
'Jenny…Jennifer,' Sheila corrected herself. 'You're not going back to work for him?'
'No.'
'Then why go? I know lately you've been unhappy, but at first you really seemed to be enjoying yourself here. I know the children just love having you. They'd be positively lost without you.'
'Not for long. It's just that I feel so useless.' Jennifer held up a hand to stave off the protest that Sheila was about to utter. 'I know I've pulled my share of the load and really lifted some of the burdens off your shoulders for a while, but I spent quite a bit of time and money on my secretarial schooling. Besides, I think I would be making a pretty good guess if I said that quite soon there's going to be someone else who's going to look after you and the children permanently.' Sheila blushed beautifully as Jennifer's morale slipped a notch lower. 'And I'm just not any good playing the mouse in the corner.' She tried to laugh.
'If it's a job that's worrying you, I'm sure Logan could arrange…'
'No!' Jennifer interrupted sharply before tempering her voice. 'I'm capable of getting a job for myself. I just really think I should go back to Minneapolis. It was silly for me to run away from there in the first place.' It had turned out to be the biggest mistake of her life.
'When were you planning on leaving?'
'I hadn't got that far.' Her mind cried soon, very soon.
'Well, I hope you stay for a while longer, for personal reasons,' Sheila beamed, her brilliant blue eyes revealing her secret happiness.
Jennifer couldn't give an honest reply to that statement, so she made none at all.
'I have a few errands to do in town. Is there anything you need while I'm there?' Jennifer offered instead.
'No, I don't think so. Don't forget we're going skiing this afternoon.'
'I won't,' Jennifer retorted quickly, walking out of the kitchen towards the bedrooms to dress.
'I mean it.' Sheila followed behind her. 'No excuses and no cakes in the oven or any of those other tricks you've used this last week whenever Logan has made plans for something.'
'And we mustn't upset Logan's plans.' A teasing smile hid the caustic sarcasm in Jennifer's voice.
'Honestly, Jenny, he planned it specially for you, so the least you can do is come. I want your promise you'll be there.'
'I'll be there,' Jennifer assured her emphatically before disappearing inside her bedroom.
Minutes later, dressed in her russet brown and gold ski outfit, Jennifer hurried out the door with Sheila's voice ringing after her, reminding her to be at the slopes by one o'clock.
She shuffled dejectedly through the snow once out of sight of the house. It had been unbearable this last week with Logan constantly forcing her to be the fourth. At first, it wasn't so bad. Jennifer had almost thought that Dirk had a chance at winning, but it only took one look at Sheila's face when she exchanged glances with Logan to understand the secret intimacy between them. And last night—last night had been the crushing blow.
The children had been in bed. Jennifer had attempted to sink into the forgetfulness of sleep, but it had been denied her. Instead she had sat alone in the darkened living room trying to fight off the depression that hung over her head like thunderclouds on the Teton peaks. Then she had heard the crunching sound of snow as a car halted in front of the house. Although tempted to peep out the window, she had resisted, suffering her imagination rather than see what was really happening. Finally the sound of car doors opening and closing followed by Sheila's laughter, had roused her from the chair.
She would never forget the horrible pain that gripped her when she had seen Sheila step into Logan's arms and plant a kiss on his lips before he lovingly walked her to the door, an arm firmly wrapped around her shoulders hugging her to his side. Jennifer had run swiftly into her bedroom feigning sleep when Sheila had later glanced in. And this morning, Sheila had practically come right out and said that she and Logan were getting married.
Jennifer sighed deeply as she stepped off the curb into the street. Simultaneously a horn blared loudly in her ear and a hand jerked her quickly backwards as a car drove past just inches from her.
'You'd better watch where you're going,' a middle-aged man reprimanded her. 'You very nearly got yourself killed!'
'Th-thank you,' Jennifer stammered. 'I'm afraid I was daydreaming.'
'Daydreaming and walking in traffic don't mix.'
'They certainly don't,' she agreed shakily. 'Thank you again.'
The man tipped his Stetson cowboy hat and walked on. This time Jennifer looked carefully before crossing the street. For a brief moment she wondered how much easier it would have been if the car had hit her, before shaking the morbid thought off. That was wishing an accident on herself, she thought with a shudder, a coward's form of suicide.
Reaching the shopping centre, Jennifer idly glanced in the shop windows as she strolled by. The only reason she had come to town was to get away. Oh, she could stop to see if her watch was repaired, maybe splurge on some perfume or cosmetics, but it was mostly a form of escape. Too bad she couldn't escape this afternoon's skiing outing, she grimaced. She increased her pace as she recognized the jeweller's sign just ahead of her.
As she drew even with the display window, Jennifer glanced inside. With a tightening throat she saw Logan standing inside, a clerk hovering beside him with a small black velvet ring box in his hand. Logan was smiling in approval, taking the box out of the clerk's hands and placing it in his pocket. When he turned towards the door, Jennifer ducked quickly into an adjoining store, the pain constricting her chest until she could hardly breathe.
'An engagement ring!' her heart cried. 'For Sheila!'
Blindly she watched him stride by, lithe and handsome. She hurried out of the store and into the jeweller's, hesitating, like a deer about to flee from danger, just inside the door. The clerk that had been with Logan was talking to another younger clerk.
'Diamonds always seemed so much more acceptable as engagement rings to me,' the younger one was saying.
'You certainly can't accuse Logan of settling for something cheaper. That stone must have cost him a fortune and with that circlet of diamonds around it—well! He told me it was a tradition in the Taylor family that all prospective brides receive an engagement ring of—'
Jennifer involuntarily emitted a cry at his words, causing the older clerk to cut off his sentence and turn to her solicitously.
'Can I help you, miss?' he inquired.
'No, no, thank you.' And she dashed out of the door.
As Jennifer approached the chair lift, she didn't need a second glance to recognize the figure striding towards her in a bright blue and black jacket and black ski pants. His yellow snow goggles were pushed back from his face, offering her no protection from his angry eyes.
'Do you realize it's half past one?' Logan questioned sharply.
'My watch is being repaired, I didn't realize it was so late.' Her own dark-tinted goggles were in place, hiding her pained expression from his penetrating eyes.
'There are a lot of things you haven't realized lately.' He gripped her arm firmly, pushing her ahead of him, two pair of skis firmly clamped under his other arm. 'I told Sheila not to let you out of her sight today, to lead you here if necessary.'
'I promised her I would come. She knew I'd keep my word.'
'The way you've been dodging things this past week, I wouldn't have been at all surprised if you hadn't shown up today.' He glared at her as they stopped, and dropped the skis on the ground in front of her. 'I was just getting ready to look for you, to drag you here by force if I had to.'
'And now you're angry because I came and you didn't get that thrill of knowing you were solely responsible for having everything just the way you wanted it,' she lashed out bitterly, wishing her sharp words would cut as deep as his.
'I don't know what's eating you.' Anger was etched in the line of his jaw and the grim set of his mouth. 'But yes, today is important to me, and I would like everything to be just right, I once thought Sheila's happiness was important to you, too, but I guess that's changed, hasn't it?'
Even though masked by her dark glasses, Jennifer couldn't meet his gaze. She did want Sheila to be happy, but she couldn't help wishing that her sister's happiness was not found in the arms of the man she loved. Ever since leaving the jewellers', she had been telling herself that she was fortunate to find out for sure that Logan and Sheila were going to be married, that now she had an opportunity to adjust to it privately and manage to put on a convincing show when it was actually presented to her as an accomplished fact. But it wasn't as easy as that. Just seeing Logan brought the aching torment to the surface.
Logan was bending near her feet, shoving her boots into the skis as if they were inanimate objects not attached to her body. His roughness forced her to grab his shoulder to keep from being thrown off balance into the snow. His muscles tightened at her touch. Quickly she released her hold as if she had touched a high-voltage wire and was recoiling from the shock.
'Where's Sheila?' Jennifer asked hurriedly as Logan bent to buckle his own skis.
'I sent them on up to the top,' pausing sarcastically, 'when I thought I'd have to go looking for you.'
So the foursome was complete once more, Jennifer thought bitterly. And poor Dirk was to be included as a witness to Logan's victory, too.
She avoided Logan's guiding hand as they joined the line waiting for the chair-lift. Minutes later they were aboard the lift and swinging towards the top. She glanced bleakly at Logan out of the comer of her eye, the dark gold stocking cap that had been in his pocket completely covered his chestnut brown hair and the yellow-tinted goggles made his brown eyes look amber. But there was no relief in the arrogant flare of his nose, or the grim line of his mouth. Nor was there any relief for the dull ache throbbing in Jennifer's heart.
Then they were at the top, swinging off the chairs on to their skis, gliding silently across the snow, the chattering, laughing voices of other skiers mocking their sober, quiet faces. They stopped at the edge of the first slope. Jennifer planted her poles in the snow while she adjusted her hat and mittens. She could hardly bear the gnawing tension that grew with each progressive minute of silence.
'Sheila told me you've decided to go back to Minneapolis.' Harshness seeped through his calm statement.
'That's right.' Jennifer's chin lifted mutinously.
'You're going to accept that man's—what should I call it?—proposition.
'
His degrading words cut through her like a sword.
The wind whistled out of the grey leaden clouds above them, picking up the snow at their feet and sending it dancing down the slope.
'Would it do any good to ask you to stay longer?' Logan sighed in exasperated anger. 'For Sheila's sake, if nothing else?'
Jennifer's mouth twisted bitterly. How typically presumptuous of him to think that all he had to do was ask.
'Jenny—" he began. His voice possessed a commandingly tender tone that wrenched at her self-control.
'Don't call me that!' she cried huskily, with tears brimming her eyes.
Grabbing her ski poles, she flipped herself expertly around so that she was facing down the slope. Before Logan's outstretched hand could stop her, she was pushing off to race down the ski run.
In seconds she was careering down the hill, the trees blurring into a solid wall on either side and the other skiers were faceless objects to be zigzagged around 'Too fast! You're going too fast!' The alarm bell rang in her head. The sound of another pair of skis slushing after her urged her to strain for every ounce of speed she could muster.
'Slow down!' Logan ordered as he drew alongside.
For one brief instant, she toyed with the idea of maintaining her breakneck speed. A broken leg, a broken neck, weren't they better than a broken heart? Then she straightened, making her sweeps wider down the run until she turned her skis at right angles and braked to a halt.