Authors: Janet Dailey
'What were you trying to do, kill yourself?' Logan's rage unleashed itself as he stopped in front of her, blocking her way down the mountain.
Her face was drained of all colour while her knees trembled weakly beneath her. The cold air burned her lungs as she gasped for breath.
'You're not going to answer me, as usual,' he muttered angrily as Jennifer continued to avoid his face. 'If you're not lashing out at me with that damned barbed tongue of yours, then you're running away. When are you going to stop fighting me and—'
'Oh, look, there's Sheila and Dirk!' Jennifer exclaimed breathlessly, recognizing the bright blue ski suit with the moulding white stripe down the side that belonged to Sheila.
She waved frantically at them, glad of anything that would offer her a respite of Logan's presence. At last Sheila spotted them and waved back gaily. Jennifer could sense that Logan gave in with fuming reluctance. His only comment was a biting order to keep their pace down. As Logan and Jennifer neared the other couple, Sheila and Dirk set out down the hill, with Sheila darting back and forth in front of the more staid and cautious Dirk.
In the blink of an eye, the scene changed. There was a spray of snow, a sharp ringing cry, and a cartwheeling blue and white figure erupting in front of Jennifer. Then, almost in slow motion, she saw Dirk's red jacket rushing to the prone woman in blue at the same time that Logan left her side and hurled himself towards both of them.
'Sheila!' A sobbing sound was involuntarily drawn from Jennifer's lips.
By the time she reached the group, a member of the ski patrol had already joined with Logan in examining her sister for any broken bones while Dirk painstakingly brushed the snow from her face. Jennifer stood silently to one side, watching Logan carefully removing Sheila's skis. Her sister's eyes fluttered open and she moaned softly.
'It looks as if it's just the right foot,' Logan told the man from the ski patrol.
'Right. I'll go and get the basket sled and alert them below to contact an ambulance,' he replied before skiing away.
Jennifer felt so apart from the scene, as if she was looking into someone else's nightmare. Her anxious eyes were fixed on Logan's tight-lipped face as he spoke with Dirk. She didn't hear what was said, only felt the cold chilling shock at her sister's inert body. Time became an immeasurable thing. It seemed so long before the ski patrol returned, wrapped her sister in blankets, and tied her into the basket sled, but it probably had only been a matter of minutes. Although they were halfway down the mountainside already, their skis made such slow progress to the bottom. She was half-conscious of Logan by her side, but her attention was focused on Sheila.
At the hospital Jennifer had still not shaken off that peculiar dazed feeling. There was Dirk pacing the waiting room floor. Logan was somewhere in one of the admitting offices filling out those long, interminable forms. And
she was sitting on the green tweed couch, the cup of coffee still clutched tightly in her hands. Logan had given it to her shortly after they had wheeled Sheila in, ordered her to take a drink, waited long enough to see that she did, and then he had left. The rest of the coffee had long been cold. A hand touched her shoulder and she jumped.
'You never drank the coffee,' Logan said softly, removing the cup from her hands and placing it on the table. 'Are you all right?'
Jennifer shook her head numbly.
'Sheila?' she asked.
'They've taken her up to X-ray. She should be down shortly,' Logan told her, his eyes following Dirk's nervous pacing. 'She put a ski pole through her foot. The doctor thinks she's probably broken a bone as well.'
A man of medium height dressed in the pale green hospital uniform walked into the room. A woman in white appeared at his side, glancing at the group in the waiting room before she spoke. Jennifer caught the muffled words 'sister' and 'fiancé' as the man nodded his head and turned to walk towards them.
'It's good to see you, Logan.' The man reached out and shook Logan's hand affably. 'I would prefer it under different circumstances, as I'm sure you would. You must be Miss Glenn.' He turned to Jennifer, then to the impatient Dirk. 'Mr. Hamilton. I'm Doctor March.'
Jennifer tried to concentrate on his words when he began to explain Sheila's condition. But the only words that penetrated were 'puncture' and 'a fracture of the tarsal bone in her foot'.
'I have her under mild sedation now. If you'd like to see her for a few minutes, you may,' he finished calmly.
Jennifer clutched Logan's hand tightly as he helped her from the couch and led her down a hallway to Sheila. She stared down at her sister silently, hardly recognizing the pale face surrounded by a cloud of black hair. Then her eyelids fluttered open, revealing the brilliant blue eyes that were her sister's trademark. Jennifer smiled down at this fragile china doll who had always before seemed so indestructible.
'Hello,' Sheila said thickly. 'I really did it good this time, huh?'
'You certainly did,' Logan smiled, filling in the silence when Jennifer had only been able to nod. 'We can't stay. Dirk's outside waiting to see you.'
'The children?' Sheila raised her head weakly from her pillow.
'We'll take care of them, don't worry,' Logan assured her. 'We'll come back to see you later when you're not so groggy.'
Logan had already guided her to the doorway when Jennifer finally found her voice and managed a tremulous good-bye to her sister. He led her back into the waiting room, set her on the couch and told her to wait for him.
While Logan had gone, Jennifer fought to get a grip on herself. She knew the strain of this last month had weakened her, but now Sheila needed her more than ever, especially the children. She had to get control of her nerves before she saw Eric and Cindy. They were so dependent on their mother, their only parent left, that she just had to make sure that they didn't become over-emotional as she had done.
If only she could appear as calm as Logan, she thought, watching him come confidently towards her. She managed a brief but composed smile as she met his questioning glance.
'Ready to go?' he asked.
Jennifer nodded. Once outside the hospital, Logan reached over and removed the russet brown cap from her head. The sudden coolness of the brisk afternoon air was a refreshing balm to her tense nerves.
'What did you do that for?' Jennifer asked, automatically shaking her head, enjoying the feel of the cool wind playing through her red-gold hair.
'So you could shake away some of that fear and tension that's built up inside you,' Logan smiled. Instantly Jennifer was captured by the comforting warmth of his gaze.
Sheila. She must remember Sheila and not let her personal feelings interfere. Not now, later when she was alone, but not now, she ordered herself.
Although the ride to Sheila's house was made in silence, it wasn't the same as the cocoon of silence that had surrounded Jennifer after the accident. This was companionable, and she drew strength from it. When Logan slowed the car to a stop, Jennifer turned and began to offer her thanks.
'Would you like me to come with you while you tell the children?' Logan interrupted before she could finish.
'Would you?' Her smile was shaky with relief at his offer. For all her hard-won composure, Jennifer didn't really want to face Eric and Cindy alone.
'Of course. I planned to all along.' His teasing smile did flip-flops to her heart as he opened the car door and stepped outside. She followed suit.
They had barely entered the front door when they were accosted by two accusing children.
'Where have you been?' Cindy asked in false anger.
'Where's Mom?' Eric's voice expressed the alarm that Cindy had tried to hide.
As calmly and as patiently as she could, Jennifer explained what had happened. She understood the panic-stricken looks. Mothers were supposed to be invulnerable to those kind of things. But somehow, with Logan's steadying presence, they managed to accept it and—Jennifer said a silent prayer of gratitude—even to see a bit of humour in it, thanks to Logan. He had stepped in and made it an adventure to them. Before Jennifer knew what was happening, they had talked Logan into staying for supper, instinctively seizing on his idea and using it to ensure his acceptance of their invitation.
A smile of pleasure played on Jennifer's lips as she realized that it hadn't taken much coaxing on their part to get him to agree. Of course, it was for the children's sake, she reminded herself. But still, it didn't hurt too much to indulge in a little wishful thinking. When she glanced at the clock, Jennifer was surprised to see how late it was. The question of supper was not premature. She excused herself quickly and hurried into the kitchen, knowing this was going to be a special meal and not just to boost the children's spirits either.
When Jennifer called them in to supper, it was with a certain pride, knowing that the meal of pork chops, steamed rice with tomato gravy, crisp celery stalks stuffed with cheese, and pineapple upside-down cake for dessert, though it was a simple meal, was attractive to the eye as well as deliciously edible.
There was so much laughter and chatter at the table that evening, Jennifer found it difficult to remember that Sheila was lying in a hospital bed. Only when her sister's eyes laughed at her from Eric's face was the realization brought back with a slightly sobering effect. But she didn't let it tarnish her evening. To Jennifer, seated across the table from Logan, watching his smiling face as he listened interestedly to a long dissertation by Eric on the things that were wrong with school, this was a stolen hour, one she could cherish and dream about, she and Logan seated at a table, a brown-eyed pair of children on either side with winking dimples on each cheek.
His eyes locked with hers with such an intense intimacy in his gaze that she felt he had slipped into her thoughts and seen what her imagination had conjured up. She managed to break the spell and hide the rosy blush that had begun to steal into her face, with a flurry of activity, gathering plates and passing out the dessert.
'I forgot to tell you, Jenny,' Logan said with a mock seriousness. 'We got roped into a game of Chinese Checkers.'
'Girlth againth the boyth,' Cindy inserted quickly.
'How did "we" manage to do that?' Jennifer laughed.
'It was easy,' said Eric. 'I dared him.'
'And I double-dared him,' Cindy joined in,
'So you see.' Logan tilted his head in resignation. 'What could I do?'
'Exactly!' Eric agreed enthusiastically.
'Hmm. What would happen if I double-dared all of you to do the dishes?' Jennifer glanced around the table at the horrified looks of astonishment on Eric's and Cindy's faces.
'It doesn't work for that,' Eric gulped.
'I think it works for stacking dishes,' Logan stated. 'Otherwise Jenny might not think that double-dare was any good for Chinese Checkers.'
With a speed previously unheard-of when it came to household chores, the two children had the dishes scraped and stacked and the game spread out on the kitchen table.
After two games, with each side winning one, Jennifer looked up to the kitchen clock and announced that it was bedtime. The grumblings and pleadings were swept aside when Logan announced that if they were ready for bed in ten minutes, he'd read them a story.
Standing over the kitchen sink, her hands immersed in dishwater, Jennifer listened to the rhythmic sound of Logan's voice as he read to the two children in the other room. As she placed the last pan on the draining-board, an overwhelming tiredness engulfed her. The utter futility of trying to believe that this evening could ever be repeated in the future drained what happiness she had felt. The almost sinful guilt of wanting what belonged to her sister rested heavily on her shoulders. She should be the one lying in that hospital bed, not Sheila. If only the accident had happened to her! Two lonely, solitary tears rolled slowly down her cheeks.
'It's been a long day for you, hasn't it, Jenny Glenn?' Logan stood by the counter stating down at her, his gaze so tender and compassionate that the two tears Jennifer had wiped so quickly away at the sound of his voice were replaced by two more.
If he hadn't spoken her name in that gentle caressing tone, she might have been able to resist him when he drew her into his arms. Instead Jennifer went meekly, his arms firmly encircling her, holding her close against his chest. Although she wanted to cry buckets of tears, the ache was too deep and painful. She stilled the wild singing of her heart, forbidding it to become enamoured by the possessive touch of his hand on her head or the rock-hardness of his muscles. But in her imagination she felt the erratic pulse of his heart matching hers. Then a familiar shape made itself felt to her hand as it rested on his chest. The jutting square burned her fingers as she slowly disengaged herself from his embrace. She shivered momentarily, not just because she had left the warmth of his arms, but because of the engagement ring still in his pocket.
'You'll want to see Sheila yet tonight,' wishing the huskiness didn't betray her jumbled emotions so blatantly.
'It's already after visiting hours, but I'm sure I'll be able to stop in for a few minutes,' Logan agreed, studying her intently as he spoke.
'I shouldn't have let the children talk you into staying.'