Daughters of the Mersey (6 page)

Elaine said they must go out to celebrate and Tom booked a table for dinner at the Central Hotel. Leonie was worried about Steve, so he was invited too. As she had suspected, he neither wanted to go himself nor let her go without him.

He had been more depressed than usual over recent weeks and told her that, after all, he preferred her to work from home, that he didn’t want her out all day and he didn’t like being alone in the house when he wasn’t well. Eventually he grudgingly agreed to accompany her to the celebration dinner and Tom picked them up in his car.

Steve seemed quiet and withdrawn compared with the others while Elaine was the life and soul of the party, bubbling over with high spirits because another of the big firms had bought her latest patterns.

The next day in the shop, Leonie and Elaine decided to have the whole of the upstairs repainted, because now compared with downstairs it looked shabby. They decided to have it mainly white because the rooms were quite dark, and as Roy, the lad who had painted the yard, had done a good job, they agreed to ask him to come back and do it.

Leonie had to ring Nick to find out how to get in touch with Roy and he brought him round two days later. Roy estimated how much paint the job would need and as it was Saturday afternoon and the shops were all round them, Nick offered to go with Leonie to help her buy it.

All the time they were with other people, Leonie knew that both she and Nick were
acting. They had become expert in the role of friendly acquaintance. She had been keeping a tight control on her actions, on her facial expressions, and on what she said to hide her true feelings for Nick from the others, and she knew he was doing the same.

When they got back with the paint, Leonie was tired and put the kettle on to make tea. Today they were alone and she was very conscious of Nick’s presence. She knew the moment the invitation crossed her lips that she should not have asked him to stay for a cup of tea. As it was a warm and sunny afternoon, she led him out to the yard to sit on the garden seat to drink it.

She stretched back on the seat with the sun warm on her face to sip her tea, her left hand resting beside her on the seat.

She felt him stir. He covered her hand with his own, ‘Leonie . . .’

His touch made a thrill run up her arm. Instantly she jerked upright, snatched her hand away and spilled some of her tea on her blouse. Nick looked shocked, he hadn’t expected that.

‘I’m sorry,’ they said at the same moment. She put her cup and saucer down on the ground and mopped at her blouse with her handkerchief.

‘I’m sorry,’ he repeated and his eyes searched hers. As though at some signal they moved closer together and the next moment Leonie felt his arms tighten round her. She lifted her lips to his and knew there was no going back. She could not go on fighting against her love for him.

Leonie did not see herself as a woman who would have an extramarital affair. That had not been her intention any more than it had been Nick’s intention to draw her into one. They’d made that clear to each other right
at the beginning. She had been struggling with her conscience for weeks. She’d tried not to think of him. She hadn’t wanted to admit to herself that she was falling in love but it hadn’t helped. What she felt for him had grown stronger.

She knew Nick was a lonely man and her seventeen years of marriage to Steve had not been exactly happy. What could be more natural than that they should fall in love?

A few days later, he came to the shop just before closing time. As soon as Leonie locked up, he took her into his arms and kissed her. She took him up to the flat and they made love for the first time. Leonie felt she’d been swept away on a wave of delight. It had been wonderful but afterwards she felt guilty about it and confused too, because she was happy at the same time.

Over the following weeks Nick became a part of her life that she kept hidden, but her feelings of guilt grew. She rubbed along with Steve as she always had. Most of the time he expected her to run around after him seeing to his every comfort, though when he was depressed he didn’t want her near him. But there were other times when he was filled with rage and frustration at what life had dealt out to him, and then he’d get worked up and be hungry for sex. She found it impossible to refuse his sudden demands. He called it passion, but Leonie felt it had nothing to do with love.

Nick was very different, he was loving and caring and they were growing more serious. Leonie was deeply in love with him. They could meet only at lunchtime or during working hours. Sometimes she went to his house and sometimes he came to the shop. Elaine had furnished the flat above. As well as a workroom, she’d made a
comfortable sitting room with big sofas where they could relax.

One day she remarked, ‘Nick looks very much better. Being included in doing up the shop has given him something else to think about. He seems happier.’

It was true. He was standing up straighter and had enthusiasm and energy for everything.

Elaine had been right about the position of the shop. People walked past the window all day. Many paused to look inside where Leonie could be seen sewing. Some came in to talk to her, and soon she had more work than she could manage and had to advertise for an experienced seamstress to work part-time.

They were swamped with applicants. Elaine helped her sort through them and interview the four they thought most likely to suit them. They both took to Ida, a woman in late middle age, now a widow who had worked all her life in a clothing factory and wanted a job nearer to her home.

She was buxom and outgoing and tended to mother them. Within weeks, Leonie found her invaluable as she could turn her hand to anything and could be left in charge of the shop which meant Leonie didn’t feel pinned down by the long hours it had to be kept open.

Nick came often. Sometimes he took her out to lunch but more often than not they sat up in the flat drinking tea. They just wanted to be together.

One afternoon Elaine returned to the shop unexpectedly having forgotten something and walked into the sitting room to catch Leonie in Nick’s arms. Leonie felt the blood run up her cheeks and couldn’t look at her.

Elaine recovered first. ‘Sorry,
sorry, sorry.’

‘Not your fault,’ Nick managed. ‘It’s just . . .’

‘To be honest, I have wondered.’ Elaine smiled. ‘Tom has too. We thought it almost inevitable that you’d fall in love. I’m too closely involved with both of you not to see it happening. You needed each other. But don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody.’

‘Except Tom,’ Nick said.

‘Yes, but he won’t spread the news around.’

Later, when Nick had gone back to work and they were alone, Elaine said, ‘My advice to you is to grab what happiness you can. We only have one life. Leave Steve, he’s always going to wallow in his misery. I know he lost a leg in the war but lots of other men fared no better. There’s a man in Tom’s office who lost part of his arm as well as his leg and he’s making a go of it. He works hard and plays hard.’

‘It’s not that easy,’ Leonie said. ‘I have two children as well.’

‘They’re growing up.’ Elaine pretended to be harder than she really was. ‘You should think of yourself now. How old is June?’

‘She’s eight. I can’t take the kids away from Steve as well. He’d be left by himself. It would deprive him of everything, but neither can I leave them with him and walk away.’

So although Elaine knew about her and Nick, it changed nothing. If anything it made it easier, because she stayed out of the way at lunchtime and at any other time if she knew Nick was coming. For Leonie, life was hectically busy but the time she spent with Nick was pure bliss. They discussed everything in his life and hers. She thought she was closer to him than she’d ever been to any other person.

L
EONIE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH NICK
developed and strengthened; she
began to think it would go on for ever, but at the same time her feelings of guilt grew. She felt she was living a lie with Steve.

One Saturday Leonie got up feeling sick. During the day, the suspicion that she might be pregnant took hold and wouldn’t go away. She was shocked and horrified. Another baby was the last thing she wanted, she loved her children but her family was complete. Another baby now would change everything.

She made up her mind to say nothing to anybody until she was sure, but she found it impossible not to tell Nick at lunchtime the next day.

‘I can’t believe it,’ she said. ‘The baby is yours but it’s the last thing I want. I thought we were taking steps to prevent it.’

‘We were.’ He was contrite. ‘I thought I was being careful. This is my fault, I’m so sorry. What can we do about it?’ He took her into his arms. ‘What do you want to do about it?’

‘I want to find out I’m wrong.’ She put her head down on his shoulder, almost in tears. ‘If I’m not, I don’t know what I can do.’

She saw Nick swallow hard
before he asked, ‘Might Steve believe this baby is his?’

Leonie had wondered the same thing. A few weeks ago Steve had had one of his episodes of anger and frustration and demanded sex. She’d given him what he asked for, what else could she do? To refuse made him boil over with rage, turn nasty and it prolonged the conflict. To resolve it, she’d always had to give in. But the dates didn’t fit. The baby was Nick’s.

‘Perhaps – I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how to deal with this. I need to think about it. Try to work out what would be best.’

His arms tightened round her. ‘You’re not thinking . . . There are ways. It could be aborted. Not that I know the first thing about how to do it.’

She straightened up with a jerk. ‘Is that what you want?’

‘No.’ His voice was agonised. ‘It’s the last thing I want, Leonie. It’s illegal and I’d be terrified for you.’

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘I know it would solve the problem but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.’ They talked it through backwards and forwards many times, while Leonie worried about what she should say to Steve.

‘I’ve always longed for children,’ Nick said slowly. ‘But it couldn’t have come at a worst moment for you.’

‘The sensible thing is to calm down and wait,’ Leonie said, trying to smile. ‘In a week or so I’ll know for certain one way or the other.’

The days passed and for Leonie each one confirmed her worst fears. Nick came to see her almost every day but inevitably it brought their relationship to crisis point.

Nick kept saying, ‘I’ll always love you, Leonie. I want you to come and
live with me on a permanent basis. I know we can’t be married just yet but perhaps one day, and in the meantime I shall treat you as my wife. I want you to think of that as a promise.’

Leonie trusted him. ‘I know you’ll keep it.’

‘Bring Milo and June. I know that’s what you want. I’ll love them, make them welcome, because they’re part of you. Together we’ll be the family I’ve always wanted.’

She wanted desperately to move in with him, she knew that was where she’d find happiness, but she also knew she had to decide this herself. Her business was thriving, she could afford to provide for herself and her children but that would leave Steve on his own. She fretted and worried about what she should do for over a week before deciding that she couldn’t walk out on Steve, she owed him more than that. None of this was his fault. It was entirely hers.

Leonie tried to tell Nick of the decision she’d made but he found it hard to accept and kept trying to persuade her to change her mind. She was scared of how Steve would react when she told him about this baby but felt she couldn’t go on keeping secrets from him. If she was to stay with him, he would have to know the truth. She didn’t like to think of herself as deceitful and she’d found the tension of keeping a large part of her life from him incredibly stressful.

She would have to let him know exactly how things stood, but the thought of actually doing it terrified her. For days it gnawed at her while she thought about how she would say it. She rehearsed it in her mind and had to steel herself to get the words out.

That night when they were getting
ready for bed, she said, ‘Steve, I’m pregnant.’

‘What?’ He sat down on his side of the bed to unstrap his false leg. ‘Pregnant, eh? Well, I’ll be blowed! So there’s life in the old dog yet.’ He rolled on to his back and looked at her. ‘And when is the happy event to be? Not that I see much pleasure in having a screaming baby in the house again.’

‘It will be born in July.’ She held her breath. If he told her to get out she knew where to go. Feeling sick and nerve-wracked, she forced herself to go on. ‘This baby isn’t yours.’

His face crumbled. ‘What? Don’t be silly!’ He stared at her for a long moment. ‘Whose is it then?’

‘The father is Nicholas Bailey.’ She reminded him who he was and how she’d met him.

He exploded. ‘Good God, woman. That’s adultery!’

‘Yes, I know it is. Steve, I know this must be hurtful—’

‘Hurtful! You’ve got the face to tell me that straight out?’ he raged at the top of his voice. ‘I knew no good would come of you having that shop. If you’d run your business from home this wouldn’t have happened.’

‘Please don’t shout. Do you want the children to hear you?’

That made him rant even louder. He swore and screamed and called her some terrible names and at the same time he thumped his fist on his bed table, knocking over the glass of water Leonie always brought for him. Sweat was running off him and his cheeks were crimson.

Leonie pulled on her dressing gown and went to the door. ‘I’m not staying to listen to this. It’s getting us nowhere. I’ll go until you calm down.’

He struggled to get up from the bed to follow her, but feeling for his crutches
he over-reached himself and crashed to the floor. He lay there sobbing, pounding the floor with his fist.

Leonie turned back. ‘Get up,’ she said quietly. ‘I know you can. Get back into bed.’

‘You bitch,’ he sobbed. ‘Damn you, I can’t get up! You can see I can’t.’

He was almost twice her weight and she couldn’t lift him, but with a little help from her he managed to claw his way back on to the mattress.