"What?"
"It's embarrassing." I didn't want to tell him, but I sighed and then said it, "I forgot to bring tampons."
There was an awkward moment as Billy processed what I'd admitted. Then he began to giggle. It started slow at first and built into a crescendo of laughter that we both took part in.
"Is that why you've been beating the shit out of everyone?" he asked as his face turned red.
"Shut up." I playfully slapped him. "It's not funny."
"So you mean you're not always cracking people in the head with bats? It's just PMS?"
"Joke around all you want, asshole, but this is going to turn into a real problem for me soon. Stop laughing, it's embarrassing."
"That's nothing," he said. "I've had to take a mean shit all day, but I've been too embarrassed to do it. It's bad too, like, turtle-heading sort of bad."
"Was that you farting at dinner?" I asked. "I totally thought that was one of the girls. Where are we supposed to go to the bathroom anyways?"
He shrugged. "In a bucket, or over the side. I was gonna try to hold it till we got to the dock."
"Oh that's gross," I said.
"You could set up a pole and we could troll for fish while I poop. We could use it as chum."
I didn't really understand the fishing humor, but I laughed anyhow. Even the girls started to giggle at us.
Our laughter was interrupted and exchanged with sudden, intense fear.
This time there was no pause between the burst of light and the sound as a jet's bomb found its mark on Becken Bridge. Everything around us exploded in an orange blaze and the concussion deafened me. I could see the glass windows of The Casper crack and then break, but I didn't hear the shatter. Heat poured in as if we'd just opened the door of an oven. I could feel my skin burn as I struggled to breath. There was no oxygen. My lungs filled with heat and I fell to my knees as the strength in my legs gave out.
A small hand reached out for me and I grasped it. I couldn't see even though the initial brilliance of the explosion had faded. Now the sudden absence of light left me just as blind and I ran my hand along the arm of my daughter. It was Kim, and her arm shook as she held me. She didn't hold my hand out of compassion or love, she reached out for help. She was dying.
The explosion created a wave that carried the rear end of The Casper into the air. We tumbled to the front of the cabin and I felt glass cut into my face as bits and pieces of food and tackle collided with the door. I could feel the boat push forward as it turned vertical and threatened to overturn completely.
Then we crashed back down as the first wave passed and pulled the front of the boat along which caused the rear to plummet. The force of the fall made the ship shudder and crack. One of the masts that held the shrimp nets broke free and collapsed onto the roof of the cabin. The ceiling crushed down onto us. I heard Kim scream, which I was thankful for as it meant she could breath. My lungs still struggled to work and it felt as if I would suffocate.
Air came back to me with stuttered gasps and I tried to blink away the tears that the searing heat had caused. I held onto Kim with my right hand and blindly searched for Annie with my left.
"Annie?" I found Billy's leg and ignored him as I continued to look for my youngest daughter. "Annie!"
Liquid ran into my eyes and I swiped it away, but my hand caught on something painful. A shard of glass was lodged in my forehead and it sliced into my hand as I tried to wipe the blood out of my eye. I gripped the glass and pulled it out, which didn't hurt the way it should have. Blood gushed out and into my eye. I pressed my hand over the wound, but the blood oozed through my fingers and ran down my arm to soak the sleeve of Billy's flannel.
"Mommy," said Annie. Her voice seemed so far away, but my ears rang from the explosion still. It was hard to tell where her voice had come from.
"Annie? Where are you?"
No answer.
I heard Billy groan and start to move. I grabbed his leg and shook it. "Where's Annie?"
"What?" He struggled to stand up, but the roof of The Casper had been pushed down far enough that he could only get to his knees.
"Mommy," she said again. Her voice was so far away. Billy tried to say something but I shushed him as I listened for her.
My sight slowly focused and I saw the damage around me. There were flames on Becken Bridge that lit up our cabin with twisted shadows of rigid, broken metal. There was glass and blood mixed together with water from the bay that sloshed across the floor along with the picture of Billy and his parents that we had talked about before. A trout flopped in the mess at my knees and saltwater stung my wounds. Kim was pressed under the console of the dash and Billy knelt beside the steering column. Annie wasn't with us.
"Where's Annie?" I started to scream.
"Mommy," she called out to me again.
"Oh my God," I said as I crawled to the side of the cabin to stare into the bay. "She's out there. She's in the water!"
CHAPTER FIVE - IN THE HURT AND COLD
I couldn't get the door of the cabin open. The mast had crushed the ceiling and warped the door. We were trapped inside while my daughter drifted away from us. I kicked at the metal door, but only the bottom corner would bend. I had to find another way.
"Where?" asked Billy as he looked for Annie in the waves.
"Help me get out of here."
"Where is she? I don’t see her."
I pointed out of the boat to where I'd caught a glimpse of her before. "I saw her life preserver. Out there somewhere. Now help me get out of here before the boat goes away from her."
"The explosion killed the engine," said Billy. "We're not moving."
"Okay, fine," I said in a panic. "Just help me get out."
One of the broken windows looked large enough to get through and I tried to grab onto something that I could use to pull myself out. Billy grabbed my legs to hoist me up and I could feel glass cutting into my side as I struggled to squeeze through.
"Mommy," said Kim as I squirmed to get out.
"Not now, Kim," I said. The pain of the glass tearing into my waist turned my words into an angry shout.
"I can't move my legs," said Kim.
We froze. The heart wrenching fear that ran through me as she said those words was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I swear my heart stopped beating. I didn't know what to do.
"Go." Billy started to push me out the window again. "Find Annie. I'll check on Kim."
"Kimmy?" I said as I peered back into the cabin. "Are you okay?" I've never felt more helpless.
She held onto the bottom of the steering wheel as she tried to pull herself up. Her legs slid uselessly beneath her.
"Go find Annie," said Billy.
I had to leave Kim behind. Every instinct in my body wanted to stay, to help Kim, but Annie needed me more. "I'll be right back, honey." I blew her a kiss as I ran away.
Becken Bridge groaned and collapsed into Hailey Bay. The support beams toppled one by one as the road blazed above. There was a large section of the bridge that was missing, like a gaping tooth in a child's smile, and the debris had clumped on the landmass beneath. Cables dangled uselessly from the top support as concrete chunks splintered from the yawning roadway and fell into the mess below. The flames licked at the sky high into the air as if accelerated by what they consumed. The light bathed the bay in horrifying, skeletal shadows.
"Annie!"
No answer. I ran along the side of the boat as I looked out across the churning waves. Our supplies littered the water and I searched for the bright orange color of her life vest. Then I saw something moving against the waves. My heart jumped when I thought it was her, but fear took over. It wasn't my baby that moved amid the wreckage. It was a shark.
"Annie!" I called out again and again. I watched the fin dip beneath the murky water and desperation brought me halfway over the edge of the boat. I wanted to jump in, to let my blood mix with the water to draw the shark away. I tried to think of anything I could do to save my lost baby girl.
But she was gone, and Kim still needed me.
"Annie!"
Should I give up?
"Annie, please God. Annie!"
Where was my little baby girl? My sweet little Annie was gone. There was no sign of her in the water around me. Every useless moment I searched for her was one I could have spent helping Kim. I had to face the realization that Annie was gone.
"Please, honey, please. Where are you?"
I could hear the crackling flames on Becken Bridge as the chill wind whipped across the bay. The waves knocked debris against the wooden side of The Casper with a slow, steady cadence.
"Mommy." Her sweet voice struck me like the hand of God on my soul. She was about thirty feet away, bobbing in the waves as she gripped the side of her life jacket.
I dove in.
I couldn't swim. Not that I never learned, but my thrashing legs didn't propel me forward and I sank.
The weight of my clothes pulled me under and I struggled to get them off. The flannel came off easy, but my sneakers were strapped on tight. I ripped at the laces of the new, tight shoes until I was able to pull them off. Then I burst above the waves and gasped for breath as I undid my pants and wormed free of them. The salt water seared my wounds and the ever-present danger of the shark hung on my nerves. I swam out to where I thought Annie was, but she was lost again.
"Annie?"
"Help," she said from somewhere to my right.
I turned and saw her only a few feet away. I cried out in joy as I moved over and grabbed onto her life vest. I kicked desperately and used my free arm to drag us back toward the ship.
Teeth bit into my ankle and pulled me under the water. I lost my grip on Annie's vest as my head plunged beneath the waves from the violent tug of something I couldn't see beneath me. Then it was gone and my head burst back above the surface. I gasped as Annie asked me what happened.
Pain in my left foot surged up through my body. I wiggled my toes to see if they were still there, but the cold water numbed me too much to tell.
I grabbed onto Annie and pulled her along as I desperately swam to the boat. We made it, but we couldn't get back in. The side was too high to grab and hoist myself up. I looked for a ladder, but there wasn't one nearby. I thought there might be something to hold onto at the back of the boat, but I didn't want to risk the time to swim there. I had to get Annie up before the shark, or whatever it was, decided to finish its meal.
"Annie, I'm going to go under the water and put your feet on my shoulder. Okay?"
"Why?"
"We're going to play a game. I'm going to try and push you up as high into the air as I can, and you have to try and get into the boat. Okay? Think you can do it?"
A shark fin emerged less than ten feet away. It traced the surface as it headed toward us and sank back beneath.
"I don't want to do that," said Annie.
"We have to, baby. We have to. Okay? I'm going to go under. You put your feet on my shoulders."
"No," she said.
"Yes." I dove under and grabbed onto Annie's feet as she kicked to stop this from happening. I held her ankles and stretched myself down into the water as far as I could, then sprang back up.
We rocketed in the air and Annie easily cleared the side of the boat. I heard her strike the bottom with a thud and then start screaming in pain and anger. I've never been happier to hear her cry.
Next it was my turn to stay alive.
"Grab my hand," said Billy from the side of the boat. I was happy to see him, but then I remembered he was supposed to be with Kim.
"Where's Kim?" I asked as I took his hand. He grabbed onto me with both hands and pulled me up until I could grip the side with my free hand. I dragged my left leg over the edge of The Casper.
"Jesus Christ," said Billy. "What happened to your foot?"
"A shark, I think. How's Kim?"
I flopped down to the floor and the pain from my injuries became suddenly far too apparent. I didn't want to look at the damage the shark had done.
"She's fine," said Billy. "She got banged up pretty good, but she's not paralyzed or anything like that. I think the jolt of the explosion hurt her back and her legs, but she started moving after you got out of the cabin. She's fine. Fuck me, you're not though."
I started to cry. "They're okay?" I asked. "My girls are both okay?"
"Yeah. They're fine. They're both fine."
My body convulsed with wave after wave of sobs as the relief overcame me. I was racked with pain, and I could feel the confusion of blood loss set in, but my girls were both okay. That's all I cared about.
"Where's that bag of bandages and shit?" asked Billy as he gazed out over the water for the My Little Pony bag that David had taken from the school. He unlatched a long pole with a hook on the end from under the lip of the boat's edge.
"I wish I'd known you had one of those about five minutes ago," I said as I watched him lean over the edge to retrieve the bag of supplies.
"Yeah, but then you wouldn't of been able to go fight sharks to save your daughter, and I know how much you wanted to do that. You crazy ass." He pulled the bag into the boat and set the pole aside so he could search for something to bandage me with.
I dared a glance at my foot. It gushed blood, but it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. I thought I was going to look down to see that it was gone completely, but it was still there, and I cried out in relief.
"Sit still," said Billy. He started to wrap my leg with a large pad and pressed on it to stop the bleeding. "Here," he said as he tossed me a white rag. "Press that against your head. You've got a pretty nasty gash up there."
"We should get going," I said as I wiped blood out of my eyes. "Why isn't the boat moving?"
"The explosion must've rattled the engine. I'll try to get us going as soon as I can."
"I smell gas," I said.
"Yeah, I smell it too. A fuel line might have snapped."
"I can take care of myself." I sat up to take over and bandage my own foot. "You go get us moving. I want to get out of the water as soon as we can. I'm sick of your fucking boat."
"Mommy," said Kim from the cabin. Her hands grasped the sill of the broken window as she watched us.
"Stay in there, honey. We'll get you in a minute."
Annie crawled up beside me and pointed at my bare midriff. "Does that hurt?"
I looked at the side of my stomach where she pointed. I had taken my clothes off in the water and was left in my underwear as I bled from too many places to count. Annie poked at a long gash that ran from the bottom of my ribs and over my thigh. The broken glass of the cabin's window that Billy had pushed me through had caused it. It didn't hurt until I saw it, then it started to burn as it pulsed blood.
"I'll be fine, sweetie. Go sit…" I said as the world became murky. My head lulled back and forth as the boat spun beneath me. The loss of blood had caught up with me and I fought a losing battle to stay conscious. The acrid stench of the bomb's aftermath became the dominant sensation that I could discern as my vision faded. I could taste the chemical smell. The back of my head hit the deck and there was no pain. No more pain.
"We should buy a boat," said David as his toes dangled in the water off the side of the dock.
"No we shouldn't," I said. I was in a sundress, with my hair tied in a bun and my nails painted red. I gazed at them in delight. They were long, thick, and the polish made them sparkle in the sunlight. I'd spent a long time getting ready and was happy with how I looked. It was a rare thing to feel pretty these days.
My husband took my hand in his. He ran his thumb over my knuckles with sweet affection and guided me to his side. I slipped my loafers off and sat beside him. I looked into Hailey Bay and tested the water with the tip of my toe. It was cold and there were shapes moving beneath the surface.
"There's people down there," I said. It should have terrified me, but I wasn't frightened as long as David was there.
"Don't worry," he said as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. "They won't hurt you."
I laid my head on his shoulder and ignored the people in the water. They stared up at us longingly. They couldn't have him. I wouldn't let them. David was mine.
"I love you," he said to me. He kissed the top of my head and I closed my eyes in contentment.
"I love you too, David. I love you so much. I want this moment to last forever."
An engine rumbled and choked as it tried to start before it sputtered out. I felt David look to see where the noise had come from, but I didn't open my eyes. I didn't want to see. I held on to him tighter.
"He's going to get that thing going soon," said David. "You'll have to go with them."
"I don't want to."
He put his finger under my chin and lifted my head to look at him, but I kept my eyes closed. "Look at me," he said with a laugh.
"No." I teased him. He pecked me once, quick, and then returned for a longer kiss. Our lips slipped between each other's and I didn't want to let go. I opened my eyes and looked into his. "Please don't make me go."
The engine rolled and the dock rumbled beneath us.
"You can't stay here," said David. "You wouldn't like it here."
"If you're with me then I'll be fine. I'll be happy."
"It hurts, Laura." His voice had changed to a more serious tone. "If you stay with me, it hurts. Always."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You just have to trust me on this one. It hurts here. And it gets so cold where I go at night. I don't want you to feel like that."
"What are you talking about?" Nothing he said made sense to me as he pulled his arms away. He moved a few inches away and tried to get me to leave.
"We'll make it cold for you. And the pain never ends."
"I can feel it." A stinging sensation ran along my side and I looked to see that my dress was beginning to soak up blood from a wound on my stomach. Then I looked down at my left foot and saw a zombie chewing on it from below the surface of the water. "It already hurts." I let the creature continue to eat me.