Death Becomes Me (Call Me Grim Book 2) (19 page)

So, how do I convince my best friend—a boy who has loved me since the third grade—to murder me?

I don’t know, but I better think of something fast. Before it’s too late.

“I’m sorry to do this to you again, Bobby, but I can’t trust you to keep your mouth shut.” I set my internal alarm clock for twenty-four hours from now, gather all of my power into the center of my being, and push it out toward the barrier that separates Bobby’s soul from mine.

“Relax,” I say and something cracks between us.

Before I can learn what that crack is, I pull away from Bobby and follow the tug of my physical body. My head spins and air whizzes around me, but I take one last look at him through the swirling vortex and somehow manage not to get dizzy.

Bobby has collapsed on the floor in the middle of the second story hallway of his house, sound asleep.

Good. I was afraid the relaxing power wouldn’t work long distance. I’m so glad it did. I can’t risk him telling Abaddon he saw me, much less anything he told me today. Even the most basic statement could set Abaddon on the right path and screw everything up. And if I know Bobby, he wouldn’t keep things basic. He’d tell the monster everything.

22

I slam back into my body with enough force to knock me over. My hand breaks contact with Nicholas’s Scythe as I crash to the cool linoleum floor. Without that contact, both the tugging in my chest and the vortex in my head instantly disappears.

“Are you okay?” Aaron says once I dare to open my eyes. He leans over me, eyebrows bunched with concern. His arm loops around my shoulders and he lifts me up off the floor into a sitting position.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I tuck my feet under my legs. My head spins like it’s caught in a tornado, so I rest it in my hands and try to catch my breath.

Nicholas wasn’t kidding. Traveling in the swirling dimension between Reapers (or whatever the heck it is) kicked my ass. I can hardly sit up straight.

“I opened my eyes on my way back,” I say, wishing the floor would stop spinning. “I don’t think it helped.”

“Why’d you do that?” Aaron gives me a curious frown. He lays a reassuring hand on my knee.

“Right before I came back, I used the relaxing power on Bobby.” The pain and dizziness starts to ease as my fingers massage slow circles at my temples. “I had to make sure it worked.”

“You used the relaxing power on him?” His eyes bulge with surprise. “While you were still inside of his body?”

I nod.

“And it worked?”

I nod again.

“Impressive.” Aaron’s lips tilt in a small, proud smile. Then he shakes his head and frowns. “What happened, Libbi? What did he tell you?”

“Well…” I push myself up off the floor and stand. My head whirls with the sudden movement, but it’s a lot better than it was at first.

“Well, what?” He follows me to the sink. His intense gaze bores into me as I fill a glass with water from the faucet and drink it down. The cool water is like a salve to my dry, fiery mouth, so I fill the cup again, and drain it.

I don’t know why but I’m a little hesitant to tell Aaron what I know. Maybe I’m afraid he won’t believe me. Or worse, maybe I’m afraid he
will
believe me and he’ll try to change my mind. But I can’t keep this secret from him. He has to know. He deserves to know. This involves him as much as it involves me.

“Bobby told me Annalise was alive when Abaddon took her as a Shadow.” The glass quivers in my hand, and it takes me a moment to realize it’s not the glass shaking, it’s me.

“And you believed him?” His gaze doesn’t waiver from my face as he leans closer.

“Yeah.” I set the glass aside and press both hands against the countertop, trying to hide the trembling. “He showed me a sketchbook of Annalise’s drawings. One of the pictures looks an awful lot like a little-boy Shadow luring her to a Gateway.”

Once the dam is broken, the words flow from me like a river. Faster and faster, they tumble from me. I tell Aaron everything. Everything Bobby told me. Everything he showed me. Everything I saw and felt and know. The only thing I leave out is my plan to deal with it all.

Because I don’t think I can tell him I have to leave him. I don’t think my mouth can form those words without shattering my heart.

“Okay,” Aaron says slowly when I finally run out of words and fall silent. “Now we know.” He runs both hands through his thick hair and sighs heavily. “And I can only see one solution.”

“What?” I spin away from the sink and face him. My heart gallops in my chest as I allow a tiny shimmer of hope to grow inside me. Maybe he has an idea I hadn’t thought of. He is an experienced Reaper, after all. Maybe he knows something I don’t.

He takes my hands in his and lifts them to his lips. Softly, he kisses the back of each, one and then the other, before finally looking into my eyes.

“No more running,” he whispers against my knuckles. “We tried it your way, but it’s too dangerous. You have to kill me.”

“No.” I shake my head vehemently, as if the back and forth motion could change what he’s suggesting. “I won’t…I can’t…”

“Yes, Libbi.” He drops my hands from his lips and squeezes them. “You have to. Nicholas will take my soul to the Gateway. And you’ll go back to Carroll Falls. When you get there—”

I yank my hands out of his and back up a step. I know what he’s going to say and I don’t want to hear it.

“As much as you don’t want to…” He swallows hard before pressing on. “You have to kill Kyle and take over for him.”

“No, Aaron.” I plant my fists on my hips. “I won’t do that. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

“Libbi.” He grabs my shoulders, holding me in place in front of him. “Think about it. You have to stop this from happening.”

“I know. And I will.” Tears well in my eyes and cloud my vision. “But I won’t kill either of you.”

“What other choice do you have?” His lips press together in a hard line as he watches me, waiting for an answer.

“I can leave you here and go to Carroll Falls by myself. Then I can convince Kyle to….”

“Kill you?” he says when I can’t finish. “Do you really think Kyle will kill you, Libbi? Everything he’s done since that day on Jumpers Bridge was to keep you alive.”

“I don’t care. I won’t hurt you, or Kyle.” I shrug his hands off my shoulders and back up another step, out of the bathroom. “I’m not like you, Aaron. I can’t just kill someone.”

Aaron stands in the doorway, eyes wide and hands limp at his sides. The silence in the room stretches between us and I wish I could snatch those words out of the air and shove them back into my mouth.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly. I reach for him. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

He stares at me, slack jawed and silent for much longer than I feel comfortable. Then his gaze drops to my feet and he shakes his head.

“No, you’re right. You’re not a killer.” His thoughts couldn’t be clearer if he screamed them at me. I may not be a killer, but Aaron is. And he hates himself for it.

“I’m sorry, Aaron.” I hook his hand with my fingers and try to pull him closer, but his feet won’t move. I take a step toward him instead. “I really didn’t mean it the way it came out. I know you didn’t have a choice.”

“But I had a choice. My options sucked, but I had a choice. And I have to live with that choice for the rest of my life.” He scrubs his forehead with his palm like he wishes he could cleanse the memories from his brain. His eyes close and he frowns. “I wouldn’t want this guilt for anybody, much less someone I care about.”

“I know.” I wrap my arms around his middle and rest my head on his chest. “I’m sorry, Aaron. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m okay,” he says, and I half expect him to push me away, but he doesn’t. His hands slide down my back and he pulls me closer. He kisses my hair and inhales deeply, even as my head fills with the pleasant scent of his clean skin.

“Asking you to kill me isn’t fair.” Aaron’s lips move against my hair. “And you’re right to want to go back to Carroll Falls and help your brother. But you’re wrong if you think I’m going to stay here like some shaky-kneed coward.” He squeezes me closer. “I’m coming with you.”

I pull away from his chest and look up into his eyes.

“You can’t. It’s too dangerous,” I say.

“I don’t care.” His eyes remain hard, determined, and locked on mine. “You need me and my experience as a Reaper. I’m going.”

“You’re too slow to keep up with me now.”

He shrugs. “We don’t have to run.”

“But anywhere we go you’ll attract the local Reaper. They may not be able to touch you anymore, but they can touch me. If we’re together, they’ll take me to Abaddon. I’m not strong enough to fight them and I can’t risk it. I need to get to Carroll Falls and convince Kyle to kill me before Bobby wakes up and tells Abaddon everything.”

“Libbi, whether you take me with you or not, I’m going to Carroll Falls. I’ll steal a car if I have to.” His eyes remain steady as they puncture me with their fierceness.

My fingers curl into fists at his back. Now I know what it’s like to argue with someone as stubborn as I am. It’s infuriating.

“If you somehow manage to convince Kyle to kill you in the few hours it takes for me to catch up, I’ll be surprised. But if we stay together, move fast, and play it smart, maybe the Reapers won’t be a problem. Nicholas has made quite a few friends with his Scythe travel invention. We can use that to our advantage.” He glances down at Nicholas’s snoring form. “Once we get back to town, I’ll help you with Kyle.”

The floor drops out from under me. The last time Aaron “helped me with Kyle” they conspired against me and tried to trick me into murdering Aaron. For my own good. And I doubt this time Aaron’s idea to “help me with Kyle” is any better.

That day on Jumpers Bridge, Kyle’s Plan A was to force me to push Aaron over the railing to his death so I could take over as Reaper for him. When that didn’t work out, he went for Plan B and became Aaron’s apprentice. This gave them both the power to kill each other, which would have left me as the new Reaper of Carroll Falls by default. But in a stroke of lucky genius, we discovered a loophole, and Plan C was born. Aaron gave Kyle his Scythe—the shackle that keeps a Reaper bound to his territory—and we ran away together, leaving Kyle as the Reaper of Carroll Falls.

It was the perfect solution. Sure, I had to leave my family, Aaron had to leave his sister, and Kyle got handed the crappiest job in the world, but nobody died and nobody became a killer.

But Plan C is not working anymore. And Aaron and Kyle both made it clear that if it didn’t work, they would go back to Plan B—Aaron would return to Carroll Falls and they would kill each other.

That is not okay with me.

I cannot let Aaron go back to Carroll Falls, no matter what. If that’s his way of “helping me with Kyle” he could ruin everything.

Aaron’s right. It will take a lot to convince Kyle to murder me. It might take every second of time that Bobby’s safely knocked out and unable to tattle to Abaddon to get Kyle to agree. And even then, it might not work. But I have to try.

This is life or death: mine or the lives of those I care about the most. It’s one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make, but it is still
my
choice. And I’m tired of people forcing their decisions for
my life
on me.

Aaron and Kyle spent so much time and energy trying to keep me alive—and I appreciate it, I really do—but I’m
supposed
to be dead. I was scheduled to die the day Jason smashed his truck into Salma’s car instead of into me.

Everything after that accident was a gift, borrowed time.

I’m grateful for that extra time. I’ve learned so much that I never would have known if I had died that day. And the opportunity to say goodbye to my family is something I can never repay. I’m grateful for the magic, the adventure, the mystery, and the excitement that being a Reaper’s apprentice gave to me. And I have Aaron to thank for it all. If not for him, I would have died without ever falling in love.

“Aaron…” I meet his eyes and touch his face. “Thank you.”

The backs of my fingers caress the angles and curves of his chin, his cheek, his moist lips. He leans into my hand. The old bruise I left on his chin disappeared long ago. The rough stubble there scratches my skin.

“For what?” he says.

Instead of answering, I get up on my tiptoes and lean into him, pressing my body against his as our lips meet in a kiss.

Our mouths move in harmony with each other, a perfect dance. But it’s bittersweet. Even as his fingers comb through my hair and slide over my spine, and even as I let my hands trail down his chest, I know this kiss must count for so much more than any of the others.

Because it’s our last one.

“Relax,” I say against his parted lips, and he goes limp in my arms.

23

Aaron’s legs sag and he slumps forward. I hook him under the arms and gently guide him to the floor next to Nicholas, then kneel beside him and place his hands on his chest. His eyelids flutter, but they remain closed as I lean down and kiss his cheek.

“I’m sorry, Aaron,” I whisper against his skin. I’m not sure if he can hear me, but I say it just in case he can. Tears gather in my eyes. One spills over and leaves a warm, wet trail down my cheek. I sit up and wipe it away with the back of my hand.

I don’t want to leave him, but I have to go. Sitting here on the floor next to him any longer is just a huge waste of time. But before I leave, I have one more thing I need to say. I started to say it before, but my fear and insecurity got in the way. I can’t let that happen now. This is my last chance.

“I love you, Aaron Shepherd.” I trace my fingers over his cheek and chin where I bruised him the first day he saved my life. “Always.”

My heart shatters as I stand from my crouched position beside him.  I avoid looking at his limp body as I step over him.

My feet slap the wooden stairs as I sprint up to gather a few things I’ll need from my room. It’s autumn. It may be hot wherever Bobby lives, but it’s pretty damned chilly up here in Illinois. I slip my arms into my black hoodie, zip up the front, and pull the hood up over my hair. I stand at the window and stare for a few seconds, my eyes out of focus. I know there are buildings and cars and people out there, but I don’t see them. It’s all a blur of colors and shapes that I’ll soon have to face on my own.

I’ve never been this alone before. Sure, I’ve felt alone. Who hasn’t? But there has always been someone to turn to, to talk to, to cry on the shoulder of, if I needed it. Even as a Reaper’s apprentice on the run, I had Aaron to turn to. But not anymore. Now, I am completely alone.

Sadness swells in my chest again and I squeeze it back. I don’t have the time, or the right, to feel sorry for myself right now. I have too much to do.

I scrub my eyes with my palms and turn toward the hallway. Something catches my eye. Across the hall the folded pen drawing I sketched of the Chicago skyline at night sits on the floor under Aaron’s bed.

It must have fallen off the bedside table after I left. He probably doesn’t realize it’s missing from his pocket.

Suddenly, a whisper in Aaron’s unconscious ear is not enough. I need to know for sure that he knows how I feel about him.

I hurry over to his room and snap up the drawing and a pen lying in the table. On the back, above his note marking the occasion as the time he knew he loved me, I write a letter. I’m a full-blown Reaper now, so my written words are invisible to all except the dead, the soon-to-be dead, or the should-already-be dead. Since Aaron qualifies as the last of those three things, I’m sure he’ll be able to read it, once he wakes up.

I’m not a flowery writer, so I keep it short.

Aaron,

Please, don’t try to follow or stop me. By the time you read this it will already be too late. Stay away from Carroll Falls and stay safe. Please.

Go to Renee. She likes you, and I’m sure you’ll be great together. Name one of your kids Libbi, okay?

I love you, Aaron Shepherd. With all of my heart. Thank you for seeing me.

Libbi

Back downstairs, I tuck the drawing with my letter written on the back under his limp hand and turn away. I’ve wasted enough time here.

I need to go home.