CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CARLOS MENDOZA
I wanted my family back, and I was willing to do anything I had to do to make it happen. I held my breath. In my heart I knew this was my last chance to prove to them that their mother and I really did love them.
I never thought all our deepest deceptions would be revealed, but showing them our secrets was the only thing I could think about doing to restore their trust. I wished Alelina could’ve been with me, but there was nothing I could do about it. The only thing I could do was pray they would learn to love me after they knew the extent of our deception. I had to make them understand that we did what we thought we had to do in order to survive.
“Why are we here, Padre?” Verónica demanded again.
I was taken aback by her tone, and I almost snapped on her. However, I waited until they were fully in the basement before I turned on the auxiliary lighting. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. The walls of the subbasement were bloated with one hundred dollar bills. I watched their faces with great anticipation.
“Oh my God. Are you serious?” the girls cried in unison.
“Is this shit real?” Victória cried.
I knew this was going to be a big shock to them because it blew me away too and I knew about the room. I was surprised by the amount of money tucked in the walls, but it appeared my wife held on to every penny I sent her. “I told you we had money,” I boasted. I didn’t intend to shock them like I did, but I knew that if I didn’t win over Victória soon, she would turn Verónica against me and I needed them in my life.
“Is this blood money?” Victória demanded.
“It’s your money. It represents everything your mother and I worked for over the years. It’s the least I can do to gain forgiveness.” I looked at LM, who was all eyes.
“You can’t put a price tag on love. We needed a father in our lives,” Victória shouted. She was clearly agitated while Verónica walked around apparently in a daze.
“I can’t change the past, as ugly as it is, but I would like to change the future.” My heart was pounding as I waited for their reaction.
Verónica and Victória were grown. I missed the most precious years of their lives and no amount of money could change that. I got it, even if they didn’t believe it. I only wanted a chance. Not to be their father, I missed that boat, but to be a friend and ultimately someone they looked up to. I wanted the opportunity to be the man I should have been, and I wanted to have an active role in my grandson’s life.
I held out two large duffel bags so they could take some of the money with them. It would take many more trips to get it all. I didn’t know what I would do if they turned their backs on me and walked out. The waiting was torturous. Verónica was the first one to take the bag from me. I held my breath while I waited to see if Victória would as well. After several more seconds, she accepted the bag and I relaxed somewhat.
I watched them fill up the bags. There was more than enough money there for all of us to live extravagantly for the rest of our natural lives. My plan was to use some of it to continue the search for the bitch who ended my son’s life.
Victória stopped packing and startled me with a question. “Are you planning on leaving anytime soon?”
I didn’t detect any of the animosity that I earlier felt. “No, Victória, I’m going to stay awhile. Maybe even make this my home. Plus, I want to spend some time with my grandson.” I didn’t mention my desire to find Tilo. I’d broach that subject when the time was right.
“Wow, should I be impressed or is this just lip service?” Victória asked.
If the news stunned Verónica, I couldn’t tell. She was so busy stuffing money in the bag, I didn’t even know if she was paying attention to our conversation or my grandson.
“I’m sincere. I messed up. I allowed things to keep me away from you both. It was never a case of my not loving either of you.”
Victória said, “We read some of the letters you sent to Madre.”
I was surprised by this information because with the nature of what we were doing for the cartel, I always told her to shred the letters after she read them. “Where did you find the letters?”
“I found them in Madre’s desk after she died. We were trying to make sense out of what was happening.”
I was not pleased with this turn of events, but it wasn’t what I said in those letters, it was more of what I didn’t say that mattered. The average person wouldn’t have understood. Once again there was nothing that I could do to change it. I exhaled deeply. Mending our relationship was going to be a lot harder than I’d anticipated. Tension in the room was so strong, I felt like it was a tangible thing that I could reach out and touch.
Victória was getting agitated. I think LM was too. Before she could say anything, Verónica’s phone rang. She turned her back to us to answer the call. She spoke a few words in a hushed voice and ended the call.
“When you’re ready, everything you want to know is in these journals.” I could tell they didn’t even notice the journals lining the walls.
“Can we continue this later? I need to get home,” Verónica said as she attempted to throw her weighted duffel bag over her shoulder. The bag weighed almost as much as she did.
Victória dropped her own bag and attempted to help her sister, but I gently pushed her aside so I could assist.
“I’ll help you with your bag, Victória, when I return,” I said over my shoulder, scooping up LM’s carrier in my other hand.
“I’m going to stay for a while if that’s okay with you,” Victória said, surprising the hell out of me.
“I thought you were riding with Verónica?” I didn’t have a problem with driving her home later. I was just curious.
“I have my own place.”
I got the hint as I gave her the key to come and go as she pleased. I had very little secrets left, and I wanted to get to know my baby. “I’ll give you a few hours and I’ll be back.” I wasn’t sure how I felt about her staying by herself, but she was grown and I had to keep reminding myself of it. This was not the way I wanted this visit to end, but I was powerless to do anything about it. My daughters had gone on with their lives, and it was up to me to catch up. I helped Verónica to her car and waved sadly as she drove away.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
VICTÓRIA MENDOZA
“So what’s your take on this bullshit?” I phoned Verónica as soon as I heard Padre leave. I wanted him to think I was staying, but I was testing him to see if he trusted me alone in his house.
“I really don’t know what to think. Shit, I thought Tilo took all the money there was.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, even though it wasn’t funny. “Yeah, I bet she thought so too. What she got was chump change compared to what’s in that room.”
“I know, right.”
Just thinking about Tilo’s trifling ass pissed me off. I could not believe that she played me like she did.
“I doubt if you will ever find her,” Verónica said.
“Oh, I’m gonna find the bitch, trust and believe that. And when I do, I’m gonna do to her what she tried to do to me! Rock-a-bye baby for real.”
“Victória, you can’t mean you would ... shoot her?”
Was she serious? “You’re kidding, right? I mean, the bitch shot me; she killed our brother! You damn skippy I’m gonna shoot the bitch.” I was done with people trying to do me any way that they thought they could and thinking it would be okay. The incident with Tilo changed me. I was about to be the bad bitch and I had no regrets.
“Sis, you’re scaring me. I’m about to turn this car around and come back so I can talk some sense in you.”
“Pump your brakes, Verónica. This ain’t got nothing to do with you. She didn’t shoot your ass, so please save it. I will shoot the bitch even if it means that I’ll spend the rest of my life behind bars. You don’t understand, she played me big time. She became my friend for a specific reason, and then she tried to kill me. That’s something I don’t take too lightly.”
“I hear ya, sis, but don’t do anything foolish. I can’t afford to lose my sister too.”
“I’ve got to find the bitch first and when I do, it’s on.”
“Well, I gotta go. Wish me luck.”
“Yeah, go handle your business. I’ll give you a call tomorrow and maybe we can get together and read some of these journals. Are you going to tell Moses about the money?” The line was silent and for a minute I thought the call was dropped. “Verónica, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I was thinking. I will probably show him the money, but it won’t be tonight.”
“I feel ya, I feel ya. All right, I’ll speak with you later.” I grabbed a few of the books off the shelf and dragged my bag up the stairs. Padre was still an enigma to me. He appeared remorseful, but I felt like he was hiding something so I wasn’t ready to let my guard down with him.
The whole experience with Monte and Tilo had changed me. I wasn’t the same trusting person anymore and it scared me because I felt like Verónica would be a fool to show Moses all the money she had. I learned the hard way that money made some people do some crazy shit.
I had mixed emotions about going back into the apartment that I shared with Tilo, but it was necessary for closure. I had successfully moved into another building and retrieved most of my clothes. The furniture was soiled but our electronics survived. I needed to walk around the old apartment one last time so I could formally say good-bye to those demons that woke me up at night. Knowing your lover tried to kill you is a bitter pill to swallow, and I hoped by coming to the apartment I would find an adequate chaser. Part of me was surprised the key to the door still worked, but the other half of me wanted to burn the bitch down myself. I put my purse inside the front door and went down the hall to check the mailbox.
I wasn’t surprised to find it jam-packed with bills and junk mail. Since no one was taking care of my affairs while I was in the hospital, my credit was going to take a serious hit, but I would deal with it later when things calmed down some.
“Hell, with all the money our father threw at us, who needs credit?” My voice echoed off the walls, sounding distorted and alien to me. The kitchen still had some of our personal items. Magnets were still attached to the refrigerator and our grocery list was still hanging from a hook on the wall. A brown, singed oven mitt and matching pot holder sat on the counter waiting for the next meals to be cooked, requiring their services. Other than the kitchen no room held memories for me. I looked under the cabinet and got a box of trash bags to put my mail in, and left the bag next to the door as well.
The light on the answering machine caught my attention as I was leaving the room. I was scared to listen to it so I unplugged it and stuffed it in the bag as well. I would listen to it later when I was more comfortable in my new apartment. This place, without Tilo, was giving me the creeps. I walked through the other rooms but didn’t see anything that I wanted to take with me. I was officially done with this part of my life.
I was about to leave when my front door was kicked open and I was roughly pushed against the wall. My face smashed against the wall, and for the second time in my life, I had a gun pointed at me. I didn’t know what to do as warm piss flowed down my leg. I stood in place—too scared to move—with my hands framing my face against the wall.
“What ... what do you want?” I whispered. I assumed it was about the money, but I’d left it in the car. The keys were on the floor. They could have it if they would just let me live.
“Shut up.”
I didn’t have to be told twice. I wouldn’t say another fucking thing if it would keep me from going through the same shit I just went through. I heard additional footsteps behind me. A second person entered my apartment, closing the door behind him.
“If you scream, I will shoot you. Do you understand?”
I couldn’t answer him if I wanted to. I was trembling so badly my lips were shaking. I nodded my head in acknowledgment. My legs were shaking, but since they didn’t shoot me right away, I was hopeful. I wasn’t trying to piss them off so I waited to see what they wanted.
“That ain’t her,” the second man said.
I needed him to shut the fuck up because he obviously made the first guy mad, judging by the way he was pushing my ass into the wall.
“Where’s Tilo?” the man holding me asked.
The only thing I could tell was that he was light skinned with a slim build. I could tell this because he had thrust his leg between mine as he did a slow grind on my ass. His movements could have been sexual if he weren’t holding a fucking gun.
“The bitch shot me and left me for dead so I have no idea.” I adopted a hard-core attitude, even though I was crying like a motherfucker. If these were friends of Tilo, they could kiss my ass too.
“Bitch fucked you too?” The guy holding me relaxed his grip somewhat.
The shorter guy said, “How do we know she’s telling the truth?”
If I had a gun, I would have shot that motherfucker myself. I wanted to turn around so badly so I could see his face. I wanted to remember him.
“Look at her. She done pissed herself.” He shoved me but I had no place to go.
“Sounds like Tilo hasn’t changed. What did she clip you for?”
I started to relax a little bit. I wiped the tears and saliva off my face as I told them how she killed my brother. I also showed them what she did to me. “What did she do to you?”
Bitch, is you crazy? This ain’t no social gathering and these motherfuckers ain’t your friends. How you gonna start asking questions and shit?
“Come on, man, let’s go. It stinks in here.” His heavy footfall signaled his retreat.
A tiny spark of hope started to flicker in my body. The guy holding me turned around to leave, but as much as I wanted them gone, I wanted some more information about the woman I used to love. “Please, what did she do? I need to find the bitch and make her pay.” I wanted to turn around, but I was afraid if I looked at him he would have no choice but to shoot me.
His silence was tormenting me but he finally spoke. “It’s best you don’t know about this little bit. Stay out of this. We are going to find her.”
This chilled me because I knew he was going to kill her. As much as I hated Tilo, I didn’t want her dead unless I was the one to pull the trigger. “Real talk, I don’t know if I can do that.” I was being honest with him and myself. Tilo tried to kill me, and I wouldn’t let it go as long as I had breath in my body.
“Stay out of our way or next time you won’t be so lucky.”
With that he was gone, and I didn’t even know what he looked like. I waited with my hands up just in case they decided to come back. My legs were still shaking but my heart was slowly coming back to normal. I couldn’t get the voices out of my head, and I knew I was going to have to share this information with someone soon to help me sort it out. I got my things and left.
I threw the mail on the kitchen table in my new apartment and carried my bags into my bedroom. I was tired and wanted nothing more than to climb into the bed and go to sleep, but I needed a shower. I took off my clothes and tossed them in the corner. I ran the shower and pulled a nightgown from my dresser. Although I normally didn’t sleep with anything on, I didn’t feel comfortable being naked in the new apartment alone. I paused in front of the mirror before I stepped in the shower. Despite the fact that I’d been in a coma for two months, my body still looked good. I was always slim, so I didn’t have to worry about doing a bunch of physical therapy to get my muscles in shape. Exercise was a part of my normal routine so the momentary break didn’t do too much damage. My hair had grown longer than I was used to having it, but overall I still looked good.
“So what are you going to do with yourself?” I asked my reflection in the mirror. I was hoping the mirror held an answer because I had no clue. I was even questioning my sexuality. Since the only people who knew about my sexuality were either missing or dead, I could honestly go either way. Tilo was my first and I responded willingly. I never gave myself a chance to know how I would have responded if I was approached by a man. Shaking those thoughts from my head, I stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to wash away my stress and my pain. My body was healing, but I had no idea how to heal my heart.