CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TILO ADAMS
I jumped up out of the bed, drenched in sweat. I was convinced someone was in the room. I grabbed my gun from underneath my pillow, ready to shoot whoever had managed to get into my hotel room.
“Who’s there?” I whispered, afraid of the answer. My heart slammed against my chest, its vibration pounding in my head. My arms shook as I tried to hold my gun steady. I slid my legs over the side of the bed and crouched into position. If someone was going to attack me, I preferred them to do it while I was standing.
My eyes struggled to see in the dark, but the sweat in my eyes made it difficult to see clearly. I pivoted around in a circle but nothing jumped out at me. This was the third time tonight I’d awoken from the same dream.
“It was the dream again, you idiot.” I slowly lowered my arm and exhaled. Even if I was dreaming, it was very vivid. I would be lying if I said it didn’t have me all shook up.
I went into the bathroom and ran some water in the sink. Part of me wanted to jump into the shower to wash off some of the sweat. The other part of me just wanted to get back in the bed and pretend it never happened. Again.
I allowed the water to get hot and grabbed a washcloth from the stack on the counter and rubbed it over my face. I refused to look into the mirror because I didn’t want to see what my face looked like. There was nothing cute about being scared half to death.
The dreams were getting on my fucking nerves. They started the day I shot my former lover, Victória. Her eyes plagued me, and she reached out to me in my dreams. Each time I walked toward her she always disappeared before I could reach her. I turned off the light and made my way back to the bed. The sheets on the side of the bed I’d been sleeping on were soaking wet. It looked as if I’d peed on myself. If I had, it wouldn’t have been the first time. I turned down the sheets on the other side of the king-sized bed and climbed in. I pulled the covers up under my chin and tried to pretend the dreams never happened.
“Shit,” I said aloud to the empty room. I hadn’t slept for more than four hours in over two months. I checked under my pillow to make sure I’d put my gun back within easy reach. I sighed when I felt the cold, hard steel against my fingertips. My dream was always the same. It started out so beautifully and ended so terribly wrong. I wanted to forget the details of my nightmare, but my thoughts had a mind of their own and took me right back to where I’d left off. I was scared to close my eyes, fearing the images would flash once again through my mind. The shit was getting old. I knew I would feel some remorse for my actions, but I had no idea it was going to be like this.
“This is some bullshit!” I exclaimed. I was exhausted and had not anticipated all the guilt I’d feel while I was planning the caper. Obviously, I didn’t know myself as well as I thought I did. When all else was said and done, I found out I too had a heart, and I broke it the day I pulled the trigger.
“You pussy,” I said, beating my pillows to get comfortable. I was mad at myself for being so weak. This wasn’t my first kill, so I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t shake it and it be done. Having sex with Victória may have contributed to my discomfort, but enough was enough.
However, I could not get her face out of my mind. It was in her eyes. I didn’t think she believed I would pull the trigger. Truth be told, I didn’t believe it either. I thought I was going to punk out at the last minute but I didn’t. I shot her in cold blood like I had her brother. In my dream, her eyes blazed with love and forgiveness. They begged me to save her, but I didn’t.
She would never understand. Her brother had to die because he knew everything. He worked for Moses, and he knew the operations of the family business. He also harbored hatred in his heart, and it wouldn’t take much for him to transfer that energy to me. He was a liability I couldn’t afford to have hanging around. I shot Victória because I knew that she’d hunt for me for the rest of my life for killing her brother.
I allowed Verónica to live for two reasons: one, I didn’t want her son to grow up without his mother; and two, I wanted to piss Moses off. He was already mad that the child she bore belonged to another man. He would be equally pissed when he realized he was actually married to her. “I wish I could’ve seen Moses’ face when he realized his wife wasn’t dead.” I laughed out loud.
Laughter always came before the tears.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CARLOS MENDOZA
I jumped up off the sofa a tad bit too fast. My head was a little woozy, but I refused to succumb to the dizziness. I stumbled a little bit but, otherwise, I remained on my feet. “Can we go now?” I was nervous to see my daughter and to clear my name.
“Padre, don’t you think you should rest some more?”
“I’m fine, let’s go.” I shot Verónica a warning look. I didn’t need her telling Moses about my little episode. Even though I made a deal with him to find Tilo, he still hadn’t earned my trust. I was going to be watching him as much as, if not more than, he was watching me.
Moses walked through the front door. “What’s going on?” Moses put down his briefcase and gave Verónica a kiss on the cheek.
I shot Verónica another warning look, but she either completely missed my warning or I sucked at it and she ignored it.
“Padre isn’t feeling well. He wants to go to the hospital, but I think he should lie down and take a nap,” Verónica insisted as she slung her purse over her shoulder.
“I said I’m fine. Can we go now?” I didn’t want to get into a fight with Moses, but I would if I had to. I was going to the hospital either with Verónica or without her.
Moses said, “How long has my little man been asleep?”
If Moses felt the tension in the air, he obviously chose to ignore it.
“About an hour. We shouldn’t be gone long. I’m taking my car just in case Padre wants to stay a little longer.”
Perfect. I would have suggested the same thing because I didn’t want to have the discussion about my health with her right now.
I was tense as we approached my youngest daughter’s hospital room. Never in a million years would I have believed that our lives would come down to this.
“Brace yourself, she’s frail,” Verónica said before she pushed open the door to room 521.
I paused for a few seconds while trying to gain the courage to enter her room. I knew Verónica tried to prepare me, but nothing could prepare me for the sight of my little girl lying in a hospital bed. Nothing. Everything else in the room disappeared as I looked at her. “Sweet Jesus.” I rushed forward and touched Victória’s arm.
Verónica came up on the other side of me and placed her hand on my shoulder. I made no attempt to stop the tears that washed my face. I felt like God was punishing me for every mistake I’d ever made, and He was doing it all at once. I closed my eyes for a brief moment and when I opened them, Victória was staring back at me.
“You’re awake,” I said as relief flooded through my body, but I was also scared.
Victória didn’t know me and distrust showed in her eyes. She didn’t have old memories to fall back on. She was so young when they moved, four, maybe five, and I wasn’t around much. To her I was just a voice on the phone. She had no real memories of me. I wanted—no, scratch that—I needed to hear her voice.
Victória gave me but a moment’s glance. This hurt my feelings but I tried not to let it show on my face. I gained solace when she didn’t flinch from my touch. My children had reason to hate me. I needed for them to give me another chance to make things right. Her eyes connected longer with Verónica’s than they did with mine. She never spoke; I was worried that she wouldn’t speak. Her eyes went back to Verónica. I felt like I shouldn’t even have been in the room. Her look said she didn’t want to see me.
Verónica said, “Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling today?”
Victória looked at me again. She didn’t seem to care one way or another about me.
“Ramón? Where is he?” Her voice was hoarse and we could barely hear her.
Verónica shook her head and sat down on the bed with Victória. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if I should move closer to the bed or leave the room. Victória didn’t help me because she never acknowledged me. I tried not to take it personally.
I said, “There’s something that I—no, we—need to tell you, and it’s not going to be easy.”
Victória looked at me again. Her eyes became hard like two small pebbles. Verónica caught the exchange and helped me out.
“I know you don’t remember him and I’m sure this is going to come as a surprise, but this is our real father.”
If Victória was shocked by this bit of information, she didn’t let it show. She continued to stare at Verónica like she was the only person in the room.
I said, “Hi, I ... uh—”
Victória help up a hand in front of my face. “Where’s Ramón?” she asked again.
“I think you should call the nurse and let them know that she woke up.” My heart started beating faster.
“Good idea.” Verónica jumped off the bed and practically ran out of the room.
“Sweetheart, I’m so happy to see that you are doing better.”
She continued to stare at me as she tried to pull away from my touch. I refused to let go. I knew this was going to be my only chance to win her over. If I didn’t do it now, I might never get another opportunity.
“Where’s my brother?” She stretched her words, showing anger with each syllable. Her lips were clenched as she looked straight ahead, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Victória, I don’t think you should be getting upset.”
She pushed my hand off her arm with an energy and strength I didn’t know she possessed. I didn’t know what to do. As much as I wanted to hug and hold her, I was sure it wouldn’t be a good idea. I frantically looked around, wishing Verónica would come back.
“Don’t you dare tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. Who the fuck are you?” she screamed at the top of her lungs.
Tears were flowing freely from both of our faces. I never meant to inflict such pain on my children. What bothered me more than anything was the fact that I’d probably never get them to understand what motivated their mother and me to make the decisions we did. “Victória,” I said a little more sternly.
She turned to me with a look that could only be described as hatred. “Where’s my fucking brother, and who the fuck said you could come in my room?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I started backing out. The nurse burst in and immediately took control. She told me to step out into the hallway while she examined Victória. I was grateful for a reason to escape. I was shaken to the core and felt so helpless to do anything.
“Are you okay?” Verónica asked as she placed a hand on my shoulder.
I needed her touch. More than anything, I needed a hug. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular, but I had to say it just in case. I knew seeing her would be difficult, but never in a million years could I have imagined how bad it was going to be.
“Do you want to sit down?”
“Stop fussing over me. I’m fine.” I immediately regretted taking my frustration out on Verónica. Obviously hurt, she withdrew her hand.
“Sweetheart, no, I’m sorry. That didn’t sound quite the way I intended it to. I just meant that I don’t want you making a big deal about what you saw earlier. I’m fine ... really I am; it doesn’t happen often. I am stressed and that doesn’t help the situation. You have to understand that—”
“You can go in now. I’ve given her a shot so she can rest. Please don’t stay long,” the nurse instructed as she exited the room.
I understood the warning in her voice. Verónica went in first and I reluctantly followed. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy coming back into their lives, but damn, I never expected this.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
MOSES RAMSEY
The baby and I were sitting in the living room when Verónica came home from the hospital. I could tell she’d been crying so I assumed it had something to do with her sister. I had not gotten the chance to go to the hospital to visit Victória yet. It was something I needed to do, but I wanted my visit to be kept a secret.
“Hey.” She put her purse down on the sofa and stared at the television.
I was surprised she didn’t make a beeline for the baby, but I didn’t think she even realized that I was holding him. “Where’s your father?”
“Said he wanted to be by himself.” Verónica wasn’t being very talkative, which was highly unusual for her.
“How’d it go?”
“Bad.”
I waited for her to elaborate, but she just stared at the television like she was watching
The Real Housewives of Atlanta
. I might have thought so, too, if it weren’t football. Verónica hated football.
“Is your sister okay?”
She tore her eyes from the television and stared at me like I’d said the dumbest shit on the planet. “Would you be okay if you found out that everything your parents had ever told you in life was a fucking lie?”
“Is that a rhetorical question?” I could have confessed to my own deception while the door was wide open, but I punked out.
“Seriously, they lied about everything.”
What was I to say? I was just as guilty. “Stay here, we need to talk.” I went upstairs and put M down for what I hoped to be the night. It felt good taking care of him, watching our first game together, and being responsible. I hoped that what I was about to tell Verónica wouldn’t change our future together. I poured both of us a double shot of rum on the rocks before I returned to the living room. Verónica was still staring at the TV as if she really understood what she was watching.
I turned it off. “Here, you’re going to need this.”
“Oh, shit. If this is more true confessions, I’ve had enough today.”
“I understand. But there is something I need to get off my chest, and it’s best you hear it now rather than later.”
“Is it going to be bad?” Tears started leaking from her eyes.
I didn’t want to hurt her, but I was ready to start the healing process. “Your meeting me wasn’t by chance.”
“Excuse me?” She put her drink down on the table without touching a drop.
I drained my glass and reached for hers. If she wasn’t going to drink it, there was no sense in letting aged rum go to waste. “Now don’t go getting all upset and shit, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Your Uncle Monte, posing as your father, hired me to follow your mother. He believed she was having an affair but I never confirmed it. The only reason I am telling you this now is because I’m tired of keeping it inside. I want us to build a solid foundation together, and it can’t be done if it starts out on a broken slab.”
She sat back, despondent. I could tell she was a little leery. She looked like she was about to bolt from the room at any moment.
“One day I followed you.”
She gasped and started to get up, but I stopped her.
“Honey, wait. Before you start jumping to conclusions and shit, let me finish.”
She sat back down with her arms folded across her chest.
“You were looking for a job and I created one just for you.” I hung my head. This conversation was going to go one way or the other. She was either going to be flattered that I put so much energy into meeting her, or she was going to flip the fuck out about the invasion of her privacy. I braced myself for her reaction.
She started watching the television again. Only problem, though, was it wasn’t on. Damn, I didn’t anticipate silence. Silence was a motherfucker because folks started confessing to shit they didn’t even do just to fill the void. I was not about to get tricked into that shit so I waited her out.
“Can you fix me another drink?” she said and nibbled her bottom lip.
Perfect. She must have read my mind. I went to the bar and grabbed the entire bottle, hoping we didn’t need it. After Verónica drank what I would have easily called a triple, she was ready to start talking.
“So, was my mother cheating?” She filled her glass again.
I was relieved she wasn’t focused on my deception. I wiped my sweaty brow and tried to keep the smile of satisfaction off my face. “Not that I could tell. Whenever she left the house, she was with Ramón.”
Verónica nodded her head but she wasn’t finished. “What else?”
“Huh?” If she was requesting something specific, she was going to have to spell it out for me because I was not about to start confessing all willy-nilly.
She poured another drink, and I began to worry things wouldn’t turn out as planned. Even though this marriage started with deep deception, I really did want my marriage to work. I only had to remind myself of how I felt the day I found out she was having a baby, and I knew that I wanted what my mother and father had, and I believed I could get it with Verónica. I reached out to put my arm around her shoulders, but she pulled away.
“Were you a part of the scam my uncle pulled on my family?”
I was outraged.
I did some fucked up shit ... but that other shit with your uncle, I didn’t even see it coming.
“Hell no! I didn’t know the man like that. He fooled all of us.”
“How am I supposed to believe you?” She was on a slow boil—the alcohol contributed to the heat.
“Seriously? Are you fucking serious? Honestly, you should be flattered I went the extra mile just to meet you.”
“Flattered? Are you high?” Her voice reached a high-pitched squeal, which grated on my nerves.
“Honey, calm down. You will wake the baby.”
She jerked away from me again.
“Don’t you see I couldn’t say anything to you because I couldn’t explain why I was watching your house? So I kept watching the house—and you—while collecting a check from the person I thought was Carlos Mendoza for absolutely nothing. One day I decided I had enough of the charade. Instead of watching out for Mrs. Mendoza, I followed you to the unemployment office.”
She still didn’t say anything, so my stupid ass kept on talking. “I went back to my office feeling excited. I was about to take matters into my own hands. I sat down at my desk and composed an ad to appear in the paper for an office assistant. See, I had no idea what your skill level was and, to be honest, I didn’t give a damn. It took a month before you finally took the bait and came in for an interview.” I sat back, confidently smug about the way I explained my actions.
“Is any of that supposed to make me feel better? I feel violated.”
“Honey, don’t ... I’ll admit it was a fucked-up situation. But when I saw you, I was already in. There was no way I could change it, and I didn’t want to lose the opportunity to get to know you. I’m a private investigator. It’s what I do, but I never expected to fall in love with you. That was never part of my plan.” I reached for her again, but she still moved away from me.
She poured herself another drink, and I was still working on mine.
“Are you finished with true confessions?” She was mean-spirited and sarcastic, but I could understand it.
I ignored her apparent attitude. I’d probably feel the same way if the shoe were on the other foot. “I turned down so many applicants waiting for you to come through the door. I didn’t even care if you knew how to turn a computer on, let alone use it.” I started laughing but she didn’t join in. “I wanted to get to know you. My heart practically skipped a beat when you walked into the office. Remember, I didn’t have a receptionist, so you walked up to my door and knocked. This was the closest I’d been to you, and you were even more beautiful up close than you were from a distance.
“My dick was hard as a rock, just smelling your perfume. You broke my heart when you told me you were married. It felt like you’d thrown a bucket of ice-cold water on me. I felt so dumb. I’d spent so much time watching the family, it never even dawned on me to follow you home. I just assumed you were single.”
“So why did you give me the job?”
“I convinced myself that you were off-limits. As far as I was concerned, you had AIDS and therefore were untouchable.”
Verónica shot me a dirty look, shaking her head, but she didn’t look as mad as she originally had. “You should have told me the truth.”
“You’re right and I have to admit it was hard. When you told me you were married, I almost told you the job was filled but I was caught. If I said no, you could have sued the shit out of me for marital discrimination or something stupid like that.” I was lying through my teeth, and I was mad at myself for not being more thorough in my investigation. I began to second-guess myself as to what else I’d missed.
“So, no regrets?” She was clearly drunk, swaying to music that didn’t exist.
“Uh ... of course not.” In reality I was full of regrets, but I was stuck like chuck. I was going to have to spend at least eight hours a day with a woman who I was deeply attracted to. My gut told me that this was going to be very hard to deal with. Despite my fears I was still excited about getting to know this exotic creature who stood before me. Perhaps if I listened more to my gut instinct instead of my dick, things wouldn’t have turned out as badly as they had.
“Hey, I wasn’t going to sleep with you. That’s not why I hired you. I just wanted to be around you. I promise.”
“But you fucked me anyway.”
“That was your idea, remember? You came on to me.” Damn, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. It didn’t quite sound the way that it happened.
“Ouch, I thought we came on to each other.”
I’d hurt her feelings. Shit, I didn’t want to waste time talking. With the baby and her father, Verónica and I had so little time alone. I was missing my wife. “Damn, baby, I didn’t mean it like that. All I’m trying to tell you is that I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. I had to have you, and I’m so happy to have you as my wife.”
She looked as if she didn’t believe me, but one kiss ended any further discussion.