Deep in You (Phoenix #1) (13 page)

She shrugged. “Just work stuff. And personal stuff.”

“What are you going to do about tomorrow?”

Her eyebrows shot up, almost disappearing into her hairline. “What about tomorrow?”

“Are you going to go back to work?”

She looked uncomfortable, nervous. “I don’t know. I’m too afraid not to, but too embarrassed to go.” She paused. “My choices are limited. I can walk in there, fight the embarrassment, and act like nothing happened and continue with my job, or I can quit. It’s a cut-throat business, and I have to stay ahead of the game. I’m not sure I have the stomach for it anymore.” She bit her lip. “On the other hand, it’s good money if I can get a good story. I just don’t know what else I
could
do. I’m so close to a promotion.”

“Tell me about this promotion.”

“One of our editors is retiring, which will leave an opening. Amara and I are competing for that position. If I can get it, I’ll get better pay and I won’t have to dig around in people’s personal affairs anymore. My least favorite part of the job.”

My heart went out to her. “There must be something I can do to help.”

She gave me a hopeful expression, then dropped her gaze to the padded floor, staring at it as if she’d never seen it before. She shook her head. “There’s nothing. I should be getting home soon, though.”

“Why? Spend the day with me.”

Get it together, Xander. You don’t get attached to women, remember? This weekend has gone far enough already. Maybe she’ll let you fuck her once more, then just take her home. You can’t get attached. God damn it.

My subconscious was right. If she wanted to go, I should let her. Despite my claims to Lily about wanting to see where things went, this was all really just about sex, right?

The thing about one night stands was that there were never any messy emotions involved. No worrying about asshole exes or defending my conquest from guys with date rape drugs. No hurt feelings or attachments. I’d never allowed myself to get close to anyone. Now that I’d allowed myself to get close enough to
feel,
I had to acknowledge that the sentiments were confusing. I wanted my life back. I wanted her to go… even as I needed her to stay.

“I’d like to, really. To be honest, though, I’m sore from the last couple of days, and if I stay I’ll just end up hurt… in every sense of the word.”

This interested me. I made her sore… deep down, I liked that. Meant that she could feel me every time she moved. But…

“I’d never hurt you, Lily.” I wouldn’t. Not on purpose. “In every sense of the word,” she’d said. What kind of monster did she think I was?

Guilt welled up in my chest, followed by a strange sensation. Was it regret? No… that wasn’t it. I just didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay with me.

“We could…” I trailed off, trying and failing to get a grip on my own wayward thoughts. “If you want to go home, I’ll take you.”

She looked as confused as I felt. She hesitated, obviously undecided. I hoped she would ask to stay. “Yes.”

Damn it!
I fought to resist the sudden and unexpected pain, banishing it to wherever it came from. Whatever. That’s fine. She wanted our time together to end; that was on her. I would not be the asshole who forced her to stay. “All right. I’ll just go finish getting dressed. Be back down in a minute.” My voice was harsher than I intended, but so be it. I gestured for her to precede me out of the room. She sat on the couch and buried her head in her hands. I climbed the steps to find a shirt.

Chapter Eleven

I awoke the next morning with a crazy, half-formed plan in my head. On the drive to Lily’s place the day before, she had talked some more about how embarrassed she was that her ex had been cheating on her with her coworker and she’d been none the wiser. When we arrived, I had walked her to her door and kissed her goodbye. I had never meant for there to be anything between us. The rational part of my brain told me to forget I’d ever met her, but the rest of me demanded I see her again, and soon.

I had gone home and spent the rest of the day, well into the evening, working out and going through my routines. Sam had come over to spot me and offer his insights… and well-intentioned harassment. Sam had grilled me about Lily, displeased at my level of distraction, and had relentlessly questioned me while I was trying to stop myself from dwelling on her. Finally, physically and mentally exhausted, I had eaten dinner and gone to bed.

I could show up at
Celebrities and Sinners
and surprise her with flowers. Make a real production of it, help her show her ex what he’d lost. But was that really a good idea? I mean, I didn’t really want him realizing what he had done. What if he changed his mind and she took him back? What if she didn’t ever want to see me again, anyway? But… what if this
was
what she needed? I could save her pride and maybe keep her from quitting. Perhaps she’d appreciate the effort.

Who was I kidding? I really just wanted to see her again. Fuck this. What had gotten into me? I didn’t chase women, they chased me. I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror. When the hell had I shaved and gotten dressed to go? I’d even rewrapped my ankle. I scowled and spoke to my reflection. “You, my friend, are one fucked-up, confused asshole.”

Forty-five minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot outside of
Celebrities and Sinners,
two dozen colorful roses artfully arranged in a vase on the floor of the passenger side. I still hadn’t made up my mind over whether this was really a good idea or not, but I was here.

What was the worst that could happen?

She could get pissed and never want to see me again, I supposed, but isn’t that where our strange relationship was heading anyway? She’d never go for my rigorous “work” schedule. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement but get bored when one sees how much time and preparation goes into professional gymnastics. Besides, that would always be my first love. She’d never settle, and why should she? That didn’t mean I couldn’t do some good for her here.

I walked through the front doors as if I owned the place. A quick glance at the directory on the wall told me that her office was on the third floor, so I hit the call button for the nearby elevator. A blonde woman stepped in after me, and the doors closed behind her. She made no move to hit the button for another floor. I could feel her eyes locked on me as the elevator lifted skyward.

“I’m curious what horrible crime you committed.” Her voice was raspy and throaty, almost a purr, probably from smoking.

“What?”

“The flowers,” she elaborated with a chuckle. “Must have been a doozy to warrant so many.”

“Not this time.” I smiled politely. The elevator chimed, and the doors slid open. I held out my arm to prevent them from closing as she passed.

The entry to
CaS
resembled the waiting room of a doctor’s office. Sterile, clinical. Not what you’d expect from a rag. I’d imagined there would be blown-up pictures and articles all over the walls, but they were barren and dull. Blondie headed toward a door to the right, while I approached the open sliding glass window. A woman with ebony skin and tight braids smiled at me from behind her desk.

“I’m here to see Ms. Lily Campbell.”

Blondie jerked to a stop halfway through the door and stopped to gawk at me. When she noticed my annoyed glare, she quickly turned away and continued through the door.

“I’ll let her know you’re here, Mister…?”

“Phoenix. Alexander Phoenix.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Of course, Mr. Phoenix.” She picked up a phone and closed the glass window. A few moments later the door swung open, and Lily stood gawking at me from the other side.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, of course. What else would I be doing here? And look, I brought you flowers.”

She dropped her gaze to look at them and pursed her red lips. An unnamed emotion passed over her face. Was she annoyed? Was she trying not to smile? I wasn’t sure.

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to, Lily. Because I can. Are you going to show me around or just continue glaring at me?” She glanced back through the door, and I took her moment of indecision as an opportunity to close the distance between us. Three long strides brought me to within a few inches of her, and I reached out to tip her chin back toward me. “Come on, Lily,” I murmured, “let me in.”

Lily’s eyes darkened and her breath came fast. I had her right where I wanted her. No matter what she tried to say now, her subconscious reactions screamed her desire to me. Giving in, she slowly stepped aside to allow me to pass. I took her hand and squeezed it. Looking around, I realized I’d stepped into a strange realm of cubicles. A nine-to-fiver’s hell. Real offices lined the walls, but small spaces separated only by low, glass walls filled the center.

“There’s really not much to see here,” Lily said. “The editors, photographers, and other VIPs are in the outer offices. The journalists are in the center. Through those doors on the other side are break rooms, storage closets, and copy rooms.”

I hesitated. Something about her tone sounded off. She spoke to me the way a stranger would, not like someone being visited at work by their prospective boyfriend. “Show me your desk.”

Lily tried to pull away, but I tightened my grip on her hand. After a moment, she gave in and led me to her desk. I set the vase in the center of her workspace and smiled down at her, skimming my thumb over her knuckles. “Do you like them?”

She stared at them like she was just seeing them for the first time. “They’re beautiful, Xander, but what are you really doing here?”

I traced her lower lip with my thumb and smiled. “I missed you.”

Oh, shit. I actually did miss her, I think. I know I said that to her during poker, but… shit. I think it might be true. What the hell is wrong with me?

She smiled, and I pulled her into my arms, ignoring the curious stares from her coworkers. Without moving, I searched the room for someone that could be Michael, her ex. Blondie stared at me from a few desks away, looking like someone had stolen her cigarettes. Briefly, I wondered if this was the infamous Allison.

Lily stiffened and pulled away.

“What?”

“You’re embarrassing me,” she hissed. “Look around. Everyone is watching us. Why are you here?”

Not the reaction I’d expected. Well, I suppose I’d always known it was a possibility, but I’d hoped she would have been happy to see me. I’d come so everyone would stare. How could she not realize that? Or that I’d done it for her?

“I–”

“Xander, this is a tabloid. You couldn’t have nosier people all gathered in one place. Why are you
here
?” she demanded, her voice a cold whisper.

Time to explain. “I’m here to help y–”

“Oh my God, Xander, you’re here!” Amara shrieked as she bounded over like a puppy—an annoying puppy. “It’s so awesome you’ve agreed to let her write your story.”

“Story?” I frowned at Amara, who stood in front of us gripping a folder, then at Lily. Amara’s expression was one of happy curiosity. Lily looked mortified. “What story?”

“The story about the two of you, of course. Of this weekend. What story did you think I meant?”

“Xander…” Lily’s voice was strained, her eyes pleading with me. She shook her head almost imperceptibly. Fuck this shit. Lily had guilt written all over her face. I should have known. The signs had been there, but I hadn’t wanted to see them. Damn her.

Amara handed me the folder, and an old newspaper article fell out. There were two pictures on it. The first was my sister’s smiling face, a picture she’d had taken her senior year in preparation of high school graduation. She was smiling, healthy, beautiful. That picture was the closest she’d get to graduation; she’d died before the semester ended. The other, an ambulance on a beach. I recognized it instantly, and my heart plummeted. With a shaking hand, I bent to pick up the paper and crumpled it into a ball.

“Enjoy your flowers, Lily.” Without another word, I stomped from the room and down the stairs, unwilling to wait for the elevator.

She’d played me.

Fuck her. Sam was right. What’s worse, it pissed me off that I was running away like a pussy, but I really had no choice. I had been surrounded by tabloid reporters. Anything I said or didn’t say would be used against me.

How the hell had she put all that together so quickly? We’d only met last Friday, and it was still early Monday morning. None of this made any sense. I paused. Why would that shit even be relevant in a story about
me
, unless–

No. She couldn’t have found out. Those records were sealed. As far as anyone knew, she’d just been a kid who’d made a careless mistake.

“Xander?” Lily called after me as I made it outside. I paused, the rage inside me barely contained as I slowly turned to face her.

“What the hell do you want now? I don’t give interviews to women I’ve fucked.”

Lily blanched. “I deserved that,” she whispered.

I stared at her impassively. “That’s all I needed to know.”

“No, it really isn’t. Xander–”