Deep Redemption (Hades Hangmen Book 4) (23 page)

All because I had snapped.

For years I had been subjected to his torture. Daily Lord’s Sharings where he would take me in whichever way he chose. I was helpless to do anything.

The worst pain came when I would see my sisters beside me. All of us would be crouched down, heads to the floor, with our hands behind our backs. I would look into their eyes and try to give them silent comfort. But day by day, year by year, I saw their lights fading. I saw the life draining from their souls.

I was their older sister. They looked to me for help . . . yet I could do nothing. I had to endure the knowledge that we were trapped in this life.

The door opened and Brother Gabriel entered. But this time I did not freeze. He could do nothing more to me than had already been done. He could not hurt me anymore. I had no cries left to give. I had no energy left to hold on to.

Gabriel lived for my cries; my tears were his lifeblood. He lived to see his devil-cursed charge fall. And I had always fallen. As a child I had always cried as he pushed himself within me. I had screamed as I felt him tear through my innocence, helpless to move due to the trap between my legs.

I had always been submissive . . . until a few days ago. There was no real spark that caused me to strike out. There was nothing major that had happened to cause me to defy the prophet’s orders to serve Gabriel in any way he chose.

It was simply that I had had enough. Everyone would break at some point.

When Gabriel had called me to join with him, when he’d stripped me bare and rammed his fingers inside me, the nails tearing at my channel’s flesh, I had reached out and grabbed his wrist. I had acted on impulse and jerked out of his hold. I pushed him back and struck him across the face, dug my nails into the flesh of his cheeks. Then I had run. I had run for the door. But Gabriel had tackled me and delivered a strike of his own.

I had started a war.

His strength had overpowered me and he pinned my naked body to the floor. His large body crawled over me, and I saw the flicker of challenge in his eyes. “Jezebel . . . you seem to have lost your mind.”

“Get off me,” I hissed back.

Gabriel’s eyes widened in shock. I had never spoken to him that way before. I had never spoken to him at all. “There she is,” he said smugly . . . knowingly. “I always knew the devil inside would one day show its ugly head.” He leaned down and ran the tip of his nose along my cheek. “I knew one day this battle would come to pass. The sinful demon inside your heart would come to take back control.” He stilled, then slowly drew back his head. His eyes locked on mine. “And I welcome this fight, Jezebel. I will purify you of your sin.”

“Do not touch me.” I snapped and tried to break free from his grip.

Gabriel took both of my hands in one of his and trailed the other down over my breasts and stomach, until it aggressively cupped my core. I squeezed my eyes shut as his fingers scraped along my folds. He leaned over me, his breath dusting across my face. “I
will
touch you, whore. I will touch you over and over until you know your place in this world. You are forbidden to refuse anything I ask of you. And it is my duty to ensure you are punished according to our scriptures.”

He removed his hand from between my legs, and a second later he slammed himself inside me. I screamed out as the agony of his unwanted intrusion swept over my body. I cried out again when the back of his hand sliced across my face. But the cries soon stopped when I grew numb. And I had not cried in all the days since.

He was going to kill me, and I would die without giving him the victory of my pain.

I stayed absolutely still as my mind brought me back to the present. Gabriel’s wandering hand began traveling up the back of my thigh. His fingers passed through the wet blood. Passed through his seed that still remained on my skin. He crawled over me and thrust himself inside. So I closed my eyes. I closed my eyes and prayed for God to take me. I no longer wanted to be here in this place. I no longer wanted this life.

I let the darkness take me.

When I next opened my eyes, I thought what I had wished for had come true. But when I managed to raise my head, I saw that I was inside a small cell. Metal bars covered the door. And I was cold. I was so, so cold. My head was full and clogged with a thick fog and I could not concentrate. I was thirsty. My lips were cracked and sore.

I could not feel my body.

“Bella,” I heard a voice cry from outside my cell.

Mae? It was my Mae? I could not concentrate . . .

I opened my mouth to reply. I tried to speak but I was unsure if my words came out. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. Just for a little while more. Warmth suddenly filled my hand. I forced my swollen eyes to open. The light outside almost blinded me. Then a pair of blue eyes met mine . . . Mae.

My stomach fell when I saw she was crying. “Shh,” I wanted to say. I was not sure if I did. “I love you,” I wanted to tell her, but I did not know if my voice failed me.

I saw Mae’s mouth moving, but I could not hear everything she was saying. I thought I managed to reply to the words I picked out through the loud ringing in my ears. But it was not enough. Blackness had started to seep into my vision.

“Disobeyed . . . ” I said when Mae asked me what had happened. I tried to tell her what I did. But my thoughts did not come quickly, everything was delayed and too slow. “I think . . . I was . . . drugged . . . ” She said more, but I kept forgetting what Mae was saying; what I had said in response.

“ . . . I am dying, Mae . . . I want to be with our Lord . . . ”

Mae tried to fight for me. I tried to tell her it was too late. A sickening feeling rolled in my stomach. I tightened my grip on Mae’s hand as I tasted blood in my mouth. I coughed, feeling the coppery wetness fall down my chin. I heard Mae cry out. And I heard the sweet sound of my Lilah too. But the darkness kept creeping in, chasing away my vision.

I was so tired.

I closed my eyes, holding on to the sisters I loved unconditionally as I passed . . .

I let the darkness carry me away . . . I just wanted to die . . .

But in the dark, there had been glimpses of light. Quiet, unfamiliar voices talked to me, telling I was going to be safe. They cleaned me. As I fell in and out of consciousness, I felt like I was floating.

When I fully woke again, it was in a small room. There was a little window in the far wall, and I was on a mattress—it felt strange. It was not comfortable, but it was better than the one I had slept on for years.

I tried to move, but I was too weak. Sweat trickled down my neck; an almost unbearable heat cocooned my aching body.

Then a door opened and my breath caught in my throat. A man walked through. When he saw I was awake, he stopped in his tracks. He swallowed, and I watched with confusion, and a hint of apprehension, as his dark eyes began to fill with tears.

My heart raced in my chest. “You are free,” he said softly. Three words that stunned me into stillness. “You are no longer in the main commune. You were rescued from a cell. A friend found you and was able to get you out of the commune.”

The man placed a hand on his chest. “I am Brother Stephen. I have no desire to hurt you . . . no one will ever hurt you again . . . ”

*****

“I wanted to come back. I wanted to come back and get you all.” I inhaled, trying to keep my composure. “We planned to, when I was fit, to try and get you all out too . . . but then we got word of the massacre. Of the prophet dying . . . and I was told you were all gone. I”—my breath hitched—“I could not bear the pain.”

“Bella,” Mae said, sniffing. I looked down at the table; my hand had been covered by all three of my sisters’ hands.

Seconds of heavy silence passed. “I wanted to die in that cell. After Gabriel had tortured me so much, I just wanted to die.” I ducked my head. “I had always tried to be strong, I needed to protect you all . . . but I could not. It haunted me every time the disciple guards would come for you.” I turned to Maddie. “Especially you, sister. What he would do to you.”

“It is okay,” Maddie said bravely.

I shook my head, feeling the wave of ire returning. “It is not. None of it is okay. It was why I acted out. I just could not bear it any longer.” I swallowed and whispered, “It was foolish.
I
was foolish. It only made things worse.”

Silence stretched for a few moments, then Mae said, “It made things better, Bella.” I blinked away the mist of sadness from my eyes and looked at my sister. “Your death . . . ” Mae shrugged and tightened her hand on mine. “It changed everything for us. It set what would result in saving us into action.” Mae leaned forward and ran her hand down my cheek. “I found this home. I found Styx. It was the Hangmen who killed Prophet David.” Mae paused and I watched her expression fall.

“What is it?” I asked.

“All would have been right then, but then Rider . . . ”

I took a deep inhale. “He turned on these men . . . on you.”

None of my sisters responded. That was all the answer I needed.

Mae looked quickly toward the door, then leaned in closer. “Bella, he was wrong. What Rider did was wrong, but he let me go. He could have forced me to go with him . . . but in the end whatever goodness was left in his soul let me go.”

As I stared into my sister’s eyes, I saw something that completely broke my heart. I heard it in her soft voice. “He wanted you,” I said. “Rider . . . he wanted you.”

Mae sat back in her seat and I saw the discomfort in her worried expression. All the fight drained from my body. I had given him my heart. But he had only wanted Mae.

I removed my hand from under my sisters’ and brought it to my chest. Something inside was aching so much that I feared there was something wrong. “Bella,” Mae said softly.

I shook my head. “No,” I assured her. “I am fine.”

“You love him,” Maddie stated. My shattered heart still managed to pound. I opened my mouth to refute the claim, but my soul would not let me lie.

No. I do not
know
him . . . I do not love . . .

My shoulders sagged in defeat. I had fallen for a pretender.

Lilah wiped a tear from her face, the movement drawing my attention. She winced, the simple movement of lifting her arm causing her to flinch in pain.

“You are in pain,” I said and pointed to her stomach. Lilah blanched. She had always displayed her every emotion on her face. “Because of Rider,” I said, remembering the accusations her husband had yelled at me. I tried to remember exactly what he had said. My bottom lip trembled. “Rider allowed you to be taken by many men. Hurt and punished . . . it has left you unable to have a child.”

Lilah’s blue eyes closed and she took in a long breath. “I was with child, but I lost it.” Lilah’s lips pressed together and I knew she was fighting to hold back her tears. Maddie and Mae had their eyes cast down at the table. I struggled to cope with all that I was hearing. It never ended. The pain, the loss . . . it was never-ending. There was always more to come.

“I had to have surgery to help correct that,” Lilah said, her voice cracking a little at the end. I reached over the table and threaded my fingers through hers. Lilah cast a small smile at our joined fingers. “They took me. Rider sanctioned the kidnapping, but, Bella . . . ” Lilah paused, looking warily around, as if checking we were still alone. “I believe that Rider tried to stop the punishments. When we spoke, he begged me to comply . . . I believe he wanted to help me.”

I was frozen, unable to move. A shadow crossed Lilah’s face. “It was his brother, Judah, that caused me this pain. He was the master of that plan.”

“Rider told us he did not know this had happened to Lilah,” Mae told me. “He only believed that the Hangmen had come for her and killed his men. He said he did not know what those men had done to Lilah first.”

Silence fell. “And I believed him,” Maddie said.

I turned to my youngest sister. Maddie’s doe eyes were fixed on me, imploring me to listen. “When we were kidnapped, we all thought Rider had organized it.”

“But he had not?” I finished for her, trying to let all of this new information sink in. They had been kidnapped? Hurt?

My sisters . . . no . . .

“He let us go,” Mae added. “He had no knowledge of our capture. I saw it in his eyes, Bella. He no longer wanted us back. Something within him had changed. Gone was the prophet, and returned was a hint of the Rider I had known as a friend.”

My conflicted thoughts and feelings became too much to bear, and I turned my head away. “Bella?” Maddie said, squeezing my hand. “Are you okay?”

I wanted to say yes, but instead I shook my head. Because I was not okay. I was very far from okay. “The man I met in the cell. Rider. He was the kindest, most caring man I have ever encountered. I . . . he helped me. We”—I sucked in a harsh breath and lifted my left hand—“we were married. I . . . we . . . ” I could not divulge the rest. I could not tell my sisters that the man who had caused them such pain was the man who had brought me nothing but healing.

I could not tell them that I had joined with him. And that for once in my life, I had welcomed it . . . it had meant something to me. It had meant everything to me.