Deep Surrendering: Episode Five (6 page)

So, you want to mooch off me? Fine. But you’re getting Ramen.

I nearly laughed out loud. I could just picture her face and hear her voice as she said it.

As long as I get the pleasure of your company.

She texted me a picture of herself making a kissy face. God, she was ridiculous.

I got through the rest of the day and didn’t hear from Fin. It made me a little sad, but he’d been so busy last night.

I stopped on my way to Chloe’s to get a little box of cupcakes we could share. I considered a bottle of wine, but then thought better of it. Getting drunk on a school night wasn’t the best idea.

Chloe buzzed me in and I climbed the stairs to her apartment. I was winded by the time I got to the top. Curse her broken elevator.

“Hey,” Chloe said, opening the door. “Long time no see.”

I just held out the cupcakes. “To soothe your pain from missing me,” I said.

Her eyes lit up and she snatched the box. “God, if you weren’t straight,” she said.

“I know,” I said with a sigh. I’d heard her say that more times than I could count.

“So, have you heard from your world traveler?” she asked as we walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. The place was filled with the smells of cooking, and I definitely didn’t smell Ramen.

“Yeah, he called me last night,” I said, and Chloe caught the blush that colored my cheeks.

“Oh, really. And did you have a little phone hanky panky?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, actually. He was at work when he called me and had to go into a meeting. He was working really late.” Chloe made a pouting face on my behalf, and then jumped up and went to the stove to stop a pan from boiling over.

“That sucks. I can’t imagine the long distance thing. I mean, phone sex is great, but I’d miss the touch, you know?” Yeah, I did.

“Well, it’s what we have to go through.”

“Have you thought about calling it quits?” She stirred and I went to join her in the kitchen. She wouldn’t let me help, but I didn’t want to sit in the living room by myself.

“Not really. I mean, if this is the worst thing we have to go through, then we’re lucky.” If I could get over the fact that he’d been with hookers, I could get over a little bit of distance. I hadn’t told Chloe about Fin’s secrets, and I didn’t intend to. Sure, she was my best friend, but there were some things you just couldn’t share. Besides, they were Fin’s secrets, not mine. She already knew all my secrets.

“So, how’s work?” I asked her, wanting to talk about something other than my relationship with Fin.

She rolled her eyes and got started on a rant about customers and how much she hated people, and how she wished she could find something else to do that didn’t involve people, or interacting with them.

“Could you maybe do some of your work at home? Telecommute?” It seemed to be the wave of the future, and a lot of people were doing it. The wonders of the internet.

She sighed and took out some plates. “I’ve thought about it, but I don’t know if the powers that be would go for it.”

She dished up our food, which was simple but good: chicken with rice and green beans. Chloe was an awful cook before she met Harmony, who happened to be a sous chef and had taught cooking classes. I told Chlo that her food was good, but I didn’t go on and on about it. She still had scars and they were like landmines. I had to be careful where I stepped so I didn’t set one off.

“I slept at Fin’s last night,” I said, finally feeling ready to talk about it after I’d had something to eat and had a glass of wine in my hand. One drink wasn’t going to kill me.

“You did?” I had told Chloe about the key. She thought it was both very trusting of him and slightly romantic.

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to. We were on the phone and he asked me to go there, and then I sat on a chair and was reading a book, and the next thing I knew it was morning and Carl was knocking at the door.” Chloe sipped from her glass and put it down.

“Wait, the chauffer showed up and knocked on the door?”

“Yeah, I guess the concierge called Fin and told him I hadn’t left, so he just assumed I’d need a ride,” I said, sipping slowly.

“So he’s got you on surveillance? That pings my danger radar, Mari.”

I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t like that. I guess he told them to watch out for me if I might need something, and they took it to mean that he wanted to know about my every move. He didn’t ask them to do that.”

Chloe raised an eyebrow. “He told you that?”

“No, Carl did. But Carl wouldn’t lie.”

Chloe snorted. “Of course he would. Look who signs his paycheck. He’d absolutely lie. You need to get in touch with him and ask him about it.” I’d tried, but he wasn’t picking up his phone. I sent another text.

Miss you! We going to chat tonight?

It was definitely late in Paris, but I knew it wouldn’t matter. Fin didn’t sleep much anyway.

Chloe picked up her glass again and twirled it, the wine left in the bottom sloshing around and coating the inside.

“He wouldn’t do that,” I said, but now that I was talking with Chloe, I wasn’t so sure. Fin was a control freak. I knew that. But would that extend to having me watched while he was away?

“He hasn’t responded,” I said as I looked down at my phone and willed it to vibrate with a message from Fin telling me that he’d call me in a few minutes, or that he was in a meeting but would video chat with me later.

“I’m probably just being paranoid,” Chloe said, backtracking. “I tend to think that everyone is out to screw me over. It’s probably just me.” Maybe. But I wouldn’t know for sure until I talked to Fin.

I
didn’t hear from Fin at all, and the longer I went without hearing a word, the more paranoid and worried I got. I didn’t want to panic, but it was hard not to. And then I remembered that I had Carl’s number from that time I surprised Fin.

Hey, it’s Marisol. Have you heard from Fin?

It was late, but I had the feeling Carl was always on call and had his phone on him at all hours. I was right, since his response was immediate.

Mr. Fin has been swamped with work. Can I get a message to him?

I thought about it and realized I had my bottom lip between my teeth. I released it and typed a response.

No, that’s fine. I just hadn’t heard from him. Thanks, Carl.

I was being paranoid. Ugh, I hated girls like that. And it wasn’t like he was off getting wasted on a beach somewhere. He was working. Doing his job.

Let me know if you need anything, Miss Marisol. No matter what.

Therapy. I needed therapy. I set my phone down and went to put my pajamas on. Just as I was getting my head through the hole in my t-shirt, my phone rang. I nearly broke my leg dashing to my bed to answer it.

“Hello?” I didn’t check to see who it was before I answered.

“Hello, Marisol,” Fin said, and his voice was so weary, it was like he’d aged a hundred years.

“Hey, how are you?” I toned back my panic and tried to make my voice soft and calm. “Do you want to video chat or just do the phone?”

“Just this,” he said, and I guessed it was because he probably didn’t look that great at the moment. It was less about vanity and more about him not wanting me to see how exhausted he was. For a moment I pictured his beautiful blue eyes with dark circles etched under them, and his skin pale and drawn from lack of sleep. He would still be breathtaking. He’d always be breathtaking.

“I’m sorry for texting you like a crazy person. I just … I had a question to ask you about this morning and Carl, but it doesn’t matter,” I said in a rush as the silence closed in on me.

“Sorry, what?” he said. “I just … it’s been a long day.” I bet it had. It was the middle of the night over there.

“Then you should get some sleep, Fin.”

“No, no, I want to talk to you. I like hearing your voice. It’s the best thing that’s happened to me in the past two days.” His voice lightened a bit, and I relaxed a little.

“Oh. Well. I just … I didn’t mean to stay at your place last night. I was reading a book and fell asleep, and it sort of happened,” I said. “And then Carl showed up and I was pretty confused.”

He cut me off there. “I swear to you, Marisol, I didn’t ask them to track your whereabouts. I would never do that to you. I like control, but I try to confine it to the bedroom. I’ve had … problems like that in the past, but I’ve never done anything like that with you. I trust you.” His voice was energized from his declaration, and I exhaled, completely relieved. He’d known exactly what I was going to ask and what I’d want to hear.

“I know. I trust you, Fin. I just … I got too wrapped up in my head, and I didn’t know. I’m sorry for doubting you.” Once we got over that hump, we talked about other things, and Fin filled me in on what had taken place in the hours I’d missed. He had been busy with work, trying to get everything set with his clients before he headed to Germany in a few days. His last stop would be England, and then he’d be home.

Home. My heart leapt at the idea of holding him again. Seeing his blue eyes turn dark as he unleashed his other side. My body ached for him. My heart ached for him.

“No, you had every right to feel that way. Under the same circumstances, I would have been suspicious. But fortunately, I can tell you the truth and feel good about it. I don’t normally feel good about telling the truth.” I bet. He had a lot of hard truths to tell.

“It’s okay. It was just driving me nuts, but now that I know, it’s all good. Don’t waste another thought on it. Oh, and thank Carl for me. Again. He’s a damn good employee. If you ever let him go, I’m going to be pissed at you.” He chuckled a little, I laughed, and the tension that had me wound tight unspooled, and I felt light and almost giddy.

I curled myself up on my bed and pressed the phone close to my ear.

“So, where did we leave off last night?” he said, his voice dipping low.

“I’m not sure,” I said, starting to pull up my t-shirt again. I had to set the phone down again as I disrobed. Sure, I was exhausted and he was too, but the prospect of any type of sex (even on the phone) perked both of us right up.

“I think I was kissing your face, brushing your hair back,” he said, and his voice sent a rush of heat through my body. All my exhaustion and frustration of the day fell away and it was just him and me.

“And I’m kissing you back. Oh, I’m also naked,” I said, cringing. I was a virgin when it came to phone sex.

“I like it when you’re naked,” he said, chuckling a little. The sound sent shivers through me.

“Are you naked?” I asked, getting comfortable against my pillows.

“Do you want me to be?”

“Well, yeah. Definitely. I mean, if you want to,” I said. Ugh, why was I so awkward sometimes? Most of the time when Fin and I were together, he didn’t get naked. Just another aspect of his control. But maybe since I couldn’t see him or touch him, the nudity would be okay.

“I can get naked for you,” he said, setting the phone down, and I heard the whisper of clothes and the thump sound that followed as he disrobed.

“What are you doing right now?” I said, running my hand over my breasts. This was harder when I had to hold the phone to my ear. I really should have gotten one of those headsets. I’d have to do that tomorrow.

“I’m thinking of you,” he said, and he was definitely doing more than that.

“Are you touching yourself?” I asked, and moved my hand lower, caressing the insides of my thighs and working my way upward.

“Yes,” he said, and I could just barely hear the sound of his other hand, moving up and down. God, that was fucking hot.

“I’m touching myself, too. Wishing my hands were your hands and your mouth was on me,” I said, moving my hand upward. It became harder to talk as I started, and Fin seemed to be having the same issue. I cradled the phone between my shoulder and ear so I had another hand free to play with my nipples.

“Faster,” he said, “Faster, Marisol.” A little moan escaped his mouth, and I answered him with one of my own.

We were both lost for a little while, only exchanging words like “I’m close,” and “so close.”

“Now,” he said, a groan of release following a few seconds later.

“Almost there,” I said, and willed my body to catch up with him. A minute or two later, I came, and the phone dropped to the mattress. It took me a little bit of time to retrieve it, as I was caught up in the aftermath of my climax. My hand groped for the phone and I put it to my ear, even though it was sweaty and hot.