Demon (26 page)

Rebecca’s hands trembled as she pressed the number two button in the hospital elevator. She wished for at least the tenth time since she walked in the revolving doors that she could have brought Justyn with her. She didn’t want to face this situation alone, but she knew Megan probably wouldn’t be ready for male visitors, if she was ready for any company at all. Rebecca had no idea what kind of reception she was going to receive.

All too soon, the elevator reached the second floor and the doors creaked open. Rebecca stepped out into the hospital corridor and was instantly assaulted by memories. The mingling odors of sickness and waste and the constant sounds of moaning and beeping monitors all reminded her of her own hospital stay. It wasn’t that long ago that she had made her bed in one of those sterile hospital rooms. She wanted to forget that day and the feelings of vulnerability that came with the memories. Yet, somehow she managed to push her own fears to the side. Her friend needed her. She had to be strong for Megan.

A few minutes later, she arrived at Megan’s door. Through the entranceway, she could see bouquets of flowers, brightly colored balloons, and an assortment of
get well
cards lined up across the window pane. They did nothing to alleviate the gloom of the hospital room. Suddenly, the words of the detective echoed in her mind. He had told her she was lucky. She hadn’t felt that way at the time, but when she peeked in at Megan and saw her staring blankly out the window, Rebecca finally started to understand how truly lucky she was to have gotten away from her assailant when she had.

Megan looked terrible. There was no way around it. No way of sugar-coating it. No thinking,
Gee, she looks good, considering
. Rebecca noticed her own pale reflection in the mirror on the opposite end of the room. Her bruises and cuts were mostly healed. Only the deep cut on her arm was still tender. Megan looked ten times worse than Rebecca ever did. It was only her thick mane of flaxen curls that even made her identifiable. Her face was bruised almost beyond recognition. Her eyes were both black and blue, and her nose was so swollen, Rebecca was certain it was broken. Yet that wasn’t the worst of the damage. Both sides of her cheeks were covered with bandages, but patches of blood had seeped through. In her mind, Rebecca saw the glint of the razor blade she had managed to block. The absolute terror the memory invoked almost stopped her dead in her tracks, but she forced herself forward, shunning the fear and pulling strength from somewhere deep inside herself.

“Knock, knock,” she called through the open door, doing her best to sound cheerful. “Can I come in?”

Megan didn’t turn her head from the window or sound even remotely enthusiastic about it, but she nodded. “Okay, Becca.”

Rebecca tiptoed into the room, feeling nervous and out of place. Megan still hadn’t turned to look at her. Her blue eyes were fixed on the window, even though the only view it offered was the black tarred roof of the hospital. Rebecca could only imagine what Megan was really seeing as she pulled a chair a little closer to the bed.

“How are you doing?”

Megan actually rolled her eyes, despite the fact it had to be painful. “How do you
think
I’m doing?” she snapped.

Rebecca cringed a little. Of all the reactions she had prepared for, such bitter indifference wasn’t one of them. It was true that different people handled things in completely different ways. Rebecca tried not to take offense. If anyone understood the conflicting emotions Megan was experiencing,
she
did.

“Stupid question,” Rebecca acknowledged.

“How did you even find out?” Megan asked.

Rebecca chewed her lower lip, not really sure how much she should say. “Professor Carter made an announcement at practice that you had left the show. Later, Justyn was talking to Quinn and…”

“Quinn?” Megan interrupted. “Quinn was talking about me?” At first Rebecca thought she was excited to hear that Quinn was concerned, but then her bruised face twisted into a hateful scowl. “That bastard.”

Rebecca avoided her eyes. She still had trouble relating Quinn to her nameless attacker, but Megan didn’t seem to have any doubts. The idea made Rebecca feel a combination of uncertainty and renewed panic. She considered again her idea that it had been a different perpetrator altogether. However, Megan’s cuts, which were the culprit’s trademark, seemed to discredit that theory. The man must have been getting either more brazen or more desperate if he was attacking girls in such public places.

“Did you … did you actually
see
Quinn?” Rebecca asked.

Megan sighed and turned her head away again. “No. I mean … the guy was wearing a mask, just like with you and the other girls. It was dark, and I was drunk. I actually started to feel a little queasy. I was afraid I might get sick in front of Quinn. So I went outside for a few minutes, hoping the fresh air would make me feel better. The next thing I knew, someone grabbed me from behind and….” She shook her head, as if that might shake away all the horrible memories. Yet, she didn’t cry. She seemed almost detached from the whole story. “I can’t be sure whether it was Quinn, but either way … if it wasn’t for him … if he hadn’t taken me to that stupid party or talked me into drinking so much … none of this would have happened.”

Rebecca thought about arguing that it wasn’t fair to blame Quinn. She thought about telling her how despondent he was without her. But one look at Megan’s cold, detached countenance told her no words were going to salvage that blossoming relationship. For Megan, it was already over. The reasons didn’t have to be justified or make sense.

“I’m so sorry, Megan.” She tried to reach for her hand. Even when Megan yanked it away, Rebecca didn’t give up. “I know how you feel.”

Megan gave a sarcastic chuckle. “No, you don’t.
You
got away. Look at me, Becca! Just look at me! I lost
everything
! My boyfriend, my career, my
face,
even my innocence! It’s all just … it’s all
gone
! Everything that ever mattered to me is
gone
.”

Finally the anger gave way to tears. Megan sobbed into her pillow, her spirit even more bruised and broken than her body. Rebecca felt her own eyes grow moist. She desperately wanted to comfort her friend, but though she tried again to reach for her hand, Megan only yanked it away. Rebecca was beginning to understand the kind of grief she had put Justyn through when she had pulled away from him. Seeing Megan’s anguish, but being unable to help her, was even more unbearable than her own ordeal had been.

“Megan, I know you’re scared and overwhelmed right now,” Rebecca whispered. “But this doesn’t have to be the end. I promise you, your face will heal and so will everything else. It’s going to take time, but you can’t give up. You have to fight back. Don’t let this monster take away all your dreams.”

Megan shook her head, half angry and half desolate. “Don’t you see that it’s too late? He already
has
taken everything. I can’t stay at this school, Becca. I can’t walk across this campus every day and not think about….” She paused, unable to finish the sentence. “I just can’t do it. Honestly, I don’t know how
you
did it.” She shrugged and wiped her eyes. “I guess you’re just stronger than me.”

“No, Megan,” Rebecca insisted. “I almost fell apart, but I fought back. You can too. You aren’t alone. I’ll help you through this!”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any fight left in me, Becca. I don’t even want to try.” There was a long pause before she finally continued, “I’m not just dropping out of the play. I’m dropping out of school.”

“Oh, Megan, you can’t! You worked so hard! All those years of training and practicing, all the sacrifices you made … just so you could get
here
. You can’t just throw it all away!”

“None of that matters anymore.” Megan’s voice was hollow.

“But, Megan…”

“I want you to leave now, Becca.” Megan told her flatly. “Please, just go. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay,” Rebecca agreed, not wanting to upset her anymore or push her if she wasn’t ready. “If you’re tired, I’ll come back and see you again tomorrow.”

Megan shook her head. “No, Becca. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean. You’ve been a good friend to me, and I know you’re just trying to help, but I don’t want to remember any part of this place. Tomorrow, when I’m released, my parents will be coming to take me home. After that, I don’t ever want to talk to anyone from this college again. Not even
you
. I just want to put this whole thing behind me.”

Rebecca tried to swallow back her own selfish feelings. Megan was the only real friend she had made in college. But as her friend, she knew she had to let Megan heal in her own way, in her own time, even if she wasn’t a part of the process. So Rebecca only nodded.

“Okay, Megan. If that’s what you want, I’ll go. But if you need me—anytime you need a friend—I’ll be here for you. Call me anytime, day or night, if you want to talk.”

Megan’s only response was to roll over in her bed and go back to staring vacantly out the window. She looked so lost and alone. So like her character, Johanna, when she was sent to the asylum and hidden from the world. Only Megan’s prison was in her own mind. She didn’t say another word as Rebecca slipped quietly out the door—and if Megan had her way—out of her life forever.

Rebecca didn’t let herself cry until she was alone in the elevator heading back down to the main entrance. Then she just couldn’t hold it back any longer. Thank goodness there was no one else in the elevator, because she actually sat on the ground with her hands around her knees and wept like a little girl. She wasn’t crying for herself or even for the friendship she had lost. She cried for Megan, and all that had been so viciously stripped from her. It just wasn’t fair. None of it was fair.

It took Rebecca a while to pull herself together. Even though she tried to wash her face in the guest bathroom on her way out, her eyes were still red-rimmed when she got back into the car where Justyn patiently waited. As soon as he saw her blotchy face, his brow creased with concern.

“What happened?” he demanded.

Rebecca squeezed his hand in reassurance. “I’m okay. It’s Megan. She needs help, but she doesn’t have a Darlene or boyfriend as wonderful as
you
to get her through this.”

He gave her a sad smile. “We can’t all be so blessed.”

“No,” Rebecca agreed. “But girls who have been through something like this need to have someplace to go for help. They need support. They need…” She stopped talking for a minute as a plan started to formulate in her mind. “These girls need to have a safe place, and I’m going to make sure they have one.”

One week later, Rebecca sat in a circle of young women. She was surprised, even amazed, at the turnout, especially since it was only the first week of the support group. Right after her visit with Megan, Rebecca had stomped into the office of her school counselor and asked, no…
demanded,
that something be done for the victims of the campus rapist. And not only them, but
any
girls in the school who had suffered any type of physical or sexual abuse. The one-on-one counseling with a psychologist who had no firsthand experience wasn’t enough. These girls needed to support each other, set an example for each other. They needed to know they weren’t alone, that there was hope beyond the fear. They needed a place where they could talk, or listen, or just not be afraid, even if it was just for an hour each week.

Rebecca found a female counselor who was willing to moderate the group, but the rest had been up to her. She spent every free second the last week making flyers and handing them out on campus. They were hung in every hallway and plastered on every tree. She started a website and even spoke live on the campus radio. Justyn had been a huge help with everything and supported her every step of the way, even when it meant he barely got to see her outside of play practice. She had no way to know if her efforts were making any difference. Every time she checked her empty email inbox, she wondered if she was just wasting her time. However, when the first meeting began and she looked at the faces of the young women around her, faces that glimmered with hope, she knew she had done something right.

There were about twelve girls present at the meeting. Two of them were pretty blondes who bore the telltale scars on their faces, marking them as victims of the same man who had attacked Rebecca and Megan. Others had different stories. Melinda was a sophomore who had fought her way to college to escape the molestation of her stepfather. Beth had been a victim of date-rape her freshman year. Laurie was attacked her senior year of high school by a guy she had considered a friend when she tried to help him overcome his drug abuse. Rebecca listened to each of their stories, and they all touched her heart with their tales of bravery and survival.

As the circle of girls shared their experiences, there were tears—tears of regret, of pain, and of fear. Yet, there were also tales of victory—of overcoming the fear and taking back their lives. When the meeting was over, more than one of the girls came up to Rebecca to thank her for giving them a safe haven—a place to talk without judgment. As she gathered her things and headed to the car where Justyn was waiting, Rebecca realized she had accomplished something great. The man who had attacked her had tried to take away her power, but she had just taken that power back. Even more importantly, she had given that power back to other women as well. Like Darlene had said, everything happens for a reason. For the first time since the attack, Rebecca no longer felt like a victim.