Demons Don’t Dream (6 page)

Nada's hands flew to her face to cover up her unprincessly gape of horror. "Oh, my! I had forgotten."

"Therefore you have an obligation to the realm of the gourd. The demons have acquired the option on that obligation. You must participate in our project. That will acquit you."

Nada realized that she was stuck for it The Demon Professor was notorious for leaving nothing to chance. Wearily she returned to the rehearsal.

Now she was glad of those tedious rehearsals, because she was well versed in turning aside obnoxious male moves without in any way diminishing her princessly status or maidenly appeal. She could handle herself. That of course did not make the situation fun, but at least it was tolerable.

This Dug promised to be exactly the type she had rehearsed against. He was tall, handsome, halfway smart, and oafishly ignorant of magic. Furthermore, his hands were just twitching to put a move on her. He had spied her in the lineup, and his orbs had spun into twin WOW position. What a job this was going to be!

But once it was done, she would be free of her obligation to the gourd. Possibly it might even be worth it.

They came to
Isthmus
Village
. Because Dug had exercised his prerogative to Make Decisions, and naturally had made a bad one. He was from Mundania, where food evidently did not grow on trees. He thought they had to get supplies. Even weapons. How could he use a weapon from the other side of his screen? He needed neither food nor weapon here, as long as he refused to believe in magic. As long as he thought it was just a game.

At least that gave her some respite. As long as he did not believe, he could not truly enter the scene, and thus could not annoy her with anything other than verbal harassment. Of course she would have to handle the reaction of the villagers when they saw the screen traipsing about.

It did not take long for the villagers to notice them. A gruff village headman approached. "What are a beautiful Nada princess and a weird magic screen doing in our desolate village?" he demanded. Gruffly, of course.

"We wish to obtain supplies and weapons," Nada said dutifully. "We are traveling to see the Good Magician, and fear privation along the way."

"Why don't you just use the magic path?"

"We can't. It's supposed to be a challenge, so the protection of the enchanted paths are denied us."

"Well, you won't get any help here. We are angry folk who don't like outsiders. Were you not so beautiful, we would be inclined to chastise you."

"Listen, twerp, you can't talk to her like that!" Dug exclaimed from the screen.

Sure enough, he was getting them into trouble. "It's all right, Dug," Nada murmured. "They can't hurt us."

"Yeah, I'd like to see them try," he said aggressively.

The headman grimaced. "We may oblige you, apparition. Come out of that wandering screen and we shall enjoy giving you a decent thumping."

"Boy, I'd sure see about that, you old goat"

Nada moved to cover the screen as well as she could with her body, blocking Dug off from the scene. "We shall be going immediately, thank you kindly, sir," she said to the headman.

"Oh no we won't!" Dug cried, as the screen circled around to recover its view of the proceedings. "Much as I like the sight of your backside." There was a slight fuzziness about the last word that indicated that the magical translation had had a problem; evidently he had used a different word that might or might not mean the same thing. Nada had the distinct impression that had it been possible for him to reach through the screen, he would have done something that required her to wham him across his insolent face.

"Oh, do you think so, you seclusive wretch," the headman said, as other villagers closed in around them, each looking more surly than the others. "Just because you can hide behind a lovely woman, you think you can insult us."

"No, no!" Nada said desperately. "He's not trying to insult you. He just doesn't understand." She tried to cover the screen again, this time being careful not to show her backside to it Unfortunately this was worse. Not only did she have the impression that Dug was peering down the front of her dress, the village men were inspecting her posterior. What a mess!

"The bleep I don't understand!" Dug shouted. The word "bleep" was strongly fuzzed, showing that the Adult Conspiracy had blocked out the original word. Which was odd; she had never heard of it operating that way before. For one thing, there were no children close by, and Dug, at sixteen, was eligible to join the Conspiracy. There should have been no suppression of speech. "Much as I like looking at your bleeps up close."

Angry herself, Nada stepped away from the screen, folding her arms across her bosom. She would let Dug and the villagers exchange their own words; she had done all she could to avert trouble, but since both parties seemed to want it, that was that.

"Get out of the village!" the headman shouted back. "We don't want your kind here! We have trouble enough already."

"Not without our supplies," Dug said.

A canny look crossed the headman's face. "And how will you pay for supplies?"

That evidently made Dug pause. He didn't have anything he could pass through the screen. But in a moment he bounced back. "With information, you bleep. What would you like to know? How ugly your puss is? How big your feet are?"

"We don't need information, we need to be rid of the censorship," the headman said. "What can you do about that?"

"Censorship!" Dug exclaimed. "You mean you have that here?"

"We certainly do! And it's a horror. Its power is increasing all the time, too. Soon it will totally enslave us, making us wholly miserable instead of merely frustrated."

This was new to Nada. But perhaps it offered an avenue for resolution of the crisis. "What is a censor-ship?" she asked.

"It's a ship, of course. It sails into our port every day, and its censers send their incense smoke through our village, ruining our dialogue and incensing us. That is why we are so angry all the time."

"Censorship!" Dug exclaimed, laughing. "So that's what it is! I had thought it was something more serious."

"We find nothing humorous about it," the headman said. "We just wish to be rid of it."

"But it's just a pun. Where I come from, it's a serious matter. They take books out of the libraries, and they stop the people from knowing the truth about government, and next titling, in countries where it's really strong, they get into thought control."

"Exactly. At first it seemed mild, even beneficial. To protect our children. But it kept protecting more things and more people, until now we are almost slaves to it But we are powerless to throw it off."

Dug reconsidered. "Okay, I guess maybe you do have a real problem. I don't like censorship. I want to make up my own mind what I should read or hear. I guess you do too."

"That is the truth," the headman said dourly.

Nada still found this confusing. "Why don't you just ask the ship to go away?"

“We should have done that at the outset," the man agreed. "But we were seduced by what it seemed to offer. It promised us advantage, indeed, dominance over all others. Sheer folly, we now know to our cost there are a number of ships, and some will depart when asked. But this one, though it masqueraded as a nice one, is actually the worst of them all, and once it establishes control it never lets go by choice."

"Does this particular censor-ship have a name?" Dug asked

"It is the dread vessel Bigotry. If only we had fallen victim to some other ship, such as Politics or Literary or Prudish or Social, we might have escaped. I understand that some ships really do have the welfare of their victims in mind. But not this one. This one closes out all other views, being absolutely intolerant of differing belief. We deeply regret ever being lulled by its seeming care for our welfare; it cares for no welfare but its own."

Dug nodded with agreement "You got that right! Okay, this must be a game challenge. Something I have to handle before I move on. So we'll help you get rid of it. Will that be a fair exchange for our supplies?*'

The headman forgot to be angry. "We would give anything we have, to be rid of that ship and its insidious fumes."

"Deal!" Dug said. Then: "Exactly how does it work? I mean, does the smoke smell bad, or something?"

"No, it has only a faint perfume. But wherever it circulates, it suppresses anything it deems to be offensive. It is a puritanical vessel that will not allow any bleep, bleep, or bleep thoughts to be expressed." The man turned his head and spat, disgusted by his inability to say the words. “This of course ruins our fishing, building, social lives, and even our entertainment, because it is impossible to perform tough manual chores without venting an occasional bleep, or to woo a maid without telling her bleep, or to play a game of dice without saying bleep."

"Wow!" Dug said. "You mean it really does stop you from saying bleep?" He looked surprised as he heard his own word. "Yeah, I guess it does. Boy, I don't blame you for getting mad! Nobody likes getting censored and incensed."

“To be sure," that headman agreed gruffly, looking less angry. "Many ships do that, and originally this had appeal. We thought to improve our speech. But we assumed that our wishes for speech would govern. We discovered that it’s rules governed instead. And not merely for speech; that is merely the first stage. Soon it will begin controlling our actions, and finally our thoughts. But we have been unable to escape the devious incense fumes from the censers of the ship. Worse, the definitions are expanding. Originally it was only cursing it stopped, but now we can not even say bleep."

Dug nodded. "I think I have it. I read about it in civics class. What do you call a female dog?"

"A bleep."

"I thought so. Pretty soon it will be running your entire lives, because censorship feeds on its own power to enforce its rules. They don't have to make sense; that's not the point. They just have to be followed, or else. Eventually you won't even be able to breathe without choking on the fumes, and life won't be worth living."

"Exactly. We are already somewhat short of breath." The other folk nodded agreement, and some coughed.

Nada was amazed. Dug was actually getting along with the villagers. He understood their problem. Maybe she had misjudged him.

"Okay. What do I have to do to get rid of this ship?"

"It is very hard. That is why we can not do it for ourselves. But perhaps an outsider, not yet fully suppressed by the fumes, could manage it. You have to get the solution."

“That's what I want, the solution," Dug agreed. "What is …”

"It is a magical fluid that can put out the censers, so that the incense no longer burns. Only that special solution can do it. When the incense no longer burns, there will be no more smoke and no more fumes. Then the ship will be unable to harm us, and will have to go away."

Dug's mouth quirked. Nada realized that he still was not taking this quite seriously, but she decided to stay clear as long as the dialogue was making progress.

"And where may I find this magical solution?"

"It is beyond the pail."

"Beyond the pale," Dug said. "Of course."

"You must take the pail and bring the solution back in it That is the only way."

"I shall try to do that. But just how far beyond the pale, uh pail, is this solution?"

"We do not know. We know only that it is in the possession of the Fairy Nuff."

"Fair enough?"

"Yes. If you can convince her to give you the solution, all will be well."

"I'll do that. Which direction is the pail?"

“That way," the headman said, pointing to the side.

"Well, let's go," Dug said briskly. "I shall return."

Nada had no idea whether they would be able to find the pail, let alone the Fairy Nuff, or get the solution, but at least this was better than quarreling with the villagers. She walked in the indicated direction, and the screen walked with her.

Soon they saw the pail. It was colored daylight blue, and looked very bright and nice. But as they walked toward it, it receded, staying out of reach.

"I begin to see why the villagers didn't get it," Dug said. "But we'll have to prove we're smarter. Can you get around beyond it, so I can herd it in to you?"

For answer, Nada changed into small serpent form and slithered out of her clothes. Then she realized that she shouldn't have done that; how was she going to get back into them, without Dug seeing her body? A princess could not allow a mere man to see her torso or her panties. Especially not a Mundane man. But she would have to worry about that later; she had already changed.

She slithered rapidly around to the side, and through the underbrush. She circled around until she was well beyond the pail. Then she started to change—and realized that she didn't have her clothes here. She couldn't grab the pail unless she had hands. So she slithered back under the brush near a blanket bush, changed back to human form, wrapped a blanket around her, and walked back out to intercept the pail. She lay down, hiding, then changed back to serpent form, keeping the blanket more or less in place so that it would be there when she changed again.