Deranged Marriage (45 page)

‘Holly, I think this could turn things around for us. If we have him followed, and he is doing something we can nail him for, the press will turn against him just as quickly as they turned against you. It will be a perfect solution. A final solution.’

‘But it doesn’t make sense,’ I reiterated, sounding like a repetitive song. It was becoming my theme tune. ‘
It
doesn’t
make
sense
,
it
just
doesn’t
make
sense
.’ Put a monotonous dance beat on that and you’ve got a number one.

‘Holly, are you OK?’ Lisa asked. Actually I was fine, I was daydreaming, or hallucinating. I wondered if that was hormonal. Had my pregnancy finally driven me insane? I patted my stomach and apologised, silently, to my baby. I tried to refocus on the situation at hand but I was so, so tired.

‘I’m fine, a bit tired that’s all,’ I replied.

‘At least if we try this and it works you could sleep again. I can’t believe what a sleaze he is. I know he’s a shit for what he did to you alone, but he’s even more of a shit for sleeping around while destroying your life in the press. I’d like to break his balls myself.’ Lisa was stomping around my living room in her tirade. Freddie was nodding vigorously. She was a soldier rallying her troops, he was her troop. Not much, but more than nothing. I shook my head at my ever-wandering thoughts. Was the drifting mind I was experiencing part of pregnancy? It never ceased to amaze me that there were so many symptoms and side-effects. Getting fat was only a tiny bit, it was the easy bit. Nausea, exhaustion, trapped wind, constipation, backache, oh I could go on and on with my list of ailments but I didn’t want to sound like the medical encyclopedia I was fast becoming.

‘Holly, listen to me.’ Francesca stood in front of me and held on to my arms. I must have been wandering around. Or waddling, because I waddled now. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with my extra bulk and instead of walking in a straight line I seemed to move from side to side. Only slightly, but Lisa had noticed it. She said I looked like a duck. Francesca gave me a tiny shake and continued. ‘Maybe it doesn’t make sense, maybe it does, this whole situation from start to finish hasn’t made sense. We are trying to get you out of the mess you’re in and this is a lead. My instinct is that we can turn things around. The press are losing interest but the media still loves him. At the moment George isn’t showing signs of disappearing into obscurity and that is the only thing that you should want. That and a George-free future. Look, I am prepared to stake my reputation on this.’

‘I don’t know.’ I didn’t. Because he might be the father and if he was and we discredited him would that make me a bad mother? My child might never forgive me for ruining its father’s career as a celebrity because that was what we were trying to do. No matter how we dressed it up we wanted to ensure that George had no more friends in the media, no more fans among the public, and no future in broadcasting. Then he would pack his bags and head back to New York. He could be a lawyer again and I could have my baby and George wouldn’t be in a position to exploit that. No, he wouldn’t be able to do a thing about it. But then how would my baby feel that I had denied him or her a father? What was the right thing to do? I thought about the problem page in the tabloids that I was, by now, so familiar with. They could do a great photo casebook.

HOLLY’S BABY DILEMMA!

Picture one:
Holly
with
a
big
bump
(
or
blonde
model
pretending
to
be
Holly
),
wearing
a
dressing
gown
(
because
they
always
do
).
Speech
bubble
from
model’s
mouth
;
‘What
should
I
do
?
Should
I
ruin
the
potential
evil
father’s
chances
of
stardom
while
I
can
,
and
then
I
will
be
free
from
his
clutches
?
’

Picture two:
Blonde
model
Holly
wearing
same
dressing
gown
and
discussing
things
with
her
beautiful
brunette
friend
.
Holly
:
‘Should
I
follow
him
?
If
he
really
is
a
sleaze
bag
sleeping
with
loads
of
women
then
I
worry
about
the
baby
and
how
it
will
feel
when
it
is
grown
up
.
’

Beautiful
brunette
friend
:
‘I
know
it’s
a
worry
but
it
is
your
public
duty
to
expose
this
man
.
’

Picture three:
Model
Holly
(
still
in
dressing
gown
),
beautiful
brunette
friend
and
private
detective
who
looks
like
Inspector
Gadget
.

Holly
:
‘OK
,
but
I
still
don’t
want
to
hurt
him
.
’

Beautiful
brunette
friend
:
‘You
are
doing
the
right
thing
.
’

Inspector
Gadget
:
‘Leave
it
to
me
,
I’ll
sort
it
out
.
’

End commentary (
from
agony
aunt
):
Holly
,
you
have
been
through
a
tough
time
and
you
have
made
a
difficult
decision
but
your
baby
will
thank
you
in
the
end
because
while
you
let
George
get
away
with
it
,
it
is
the
baby’s
mother
that
is
suffering
the
most
.

‘Holly will you take your fucking head out of the fucking clouds and just let us fucking do it!’ Freddie shocked me out of my reverie. I stood and looked. They were standing in a row: Freddie, Francesca and Lisa—my three musketeers. They were giving me stern looks. I felt ganged up on. I wished I could stop my daydreaming and make a decision, I was so tired.

‘They’re right. Remember we have to take control,’ Lisa pointed out. The baby kicked. I looked at Freddie; I looked at Francesca; and I looked at Lisa. The baby kicked again, reminding me of its presence and the fact that I had a duty to protect it.

‘I can’t afford a private detective,’ I said, quietly. I was losing my grip on reason, but then there had been no reason for a long time.

‘It’s paid for, Hol,’ Freddie told me.

‘What?’

‘Look Holly, don’t take this the wrong way but we already decided to have George followed. We need to get your life back to normal, or at least a bit more normal and we have taken the decision, along with your family, who had paid for the detective.’ Francesca looked tired and I again felt responsible.

‘I’m sorry, you’re right. I’ll do whatever you think is best.’

‘Thank God for that,’ Freddie said.

‘The detective starts tomorrow. Fingers crossed that George is misbehaving.’

‘I still think we should send him a honey-trap,’ Lisa said.

‘Don’t, Lisa, she’s agreed to this, don’t scare her off now.’

Later, in bed, I thought about what was happening. Despite everything I felt sad as I realised how destructive our friendship had become. When George and I were around twelve and we walked home together from school, and he teased me and I punched him in a very girly, not very hard way and we never knew that as we sealed our friendship and it endured beyond all others, that we would be here where we were now and that we would be hurting each other. He had hurt me, and now I was going to put a stop to it, which would hurt him. Some friendship. Time to let go. I wasn’t finding it easy despite the fact that George had done a great job in making me detest him, perhaps that was because I was a sentimental, nostalgic, sad person trying to hold on to the good memories of my childhood, like a child clutching at her mother’s legs, clinging on tightly, asking for protection.

Or maybe it was because I might be carrying his baby.

Chapter Thirty-nine

‘Darling, you are doing the right thing,’ my mother said, when I phoned her in the morning.

‘But it must be costing a fortune.’ Even I was getting bored of my repetitiveness.

‘If it works, it’s worth it.’

‘I guess.’

‘So how are you?’

‘Confused. Horribly, horribly confused. About everything.’

‘I know. But things are looking up.’

‘They are?’

‘Yes, they are. Trust me darling everything is going to be just fine.’ I tried, desperately, to believe her.

*

I knew that I shouldn’t have used my initiative, not with my history, but I did. I phoned the person I hated most in all of this. I called Cordelia. I knew that the last time I did this, it actually backfired and made her more determined than ever to ruin my life, but there was something I needed to know and only she could tell me.

‘Cordelia,’ she announced, when I was promptly put through to her.

‘It’s Holly.’

‘What a surprise.’ I imagined her sharpening her claws.

‘Look, I’ll cut to the chase. Someone called Francesca about George.’ Logically, it was a bit of a gamble. If it wasn’t Cordelia who had phoned Francesca, then I was tipping off the enemy. I could imagine the scene now. Freddie would kill me; Francesca would help him. Lisa would provide the weapon.

‘And...?’ she sounded bored, rather than surprised.

‘Yes, and they said that he’d been doing things he shouldn’t be doing.’

‘Well, you know full well that George has done a lot of things he shouldn’t have done lately.’

‘So it’s true.’

‘No comment.’ I knew then that it was true. Indirectly she was confirming the story. George had made a big, big mistake; he had crossed the most vengeful woman in the world. Even I wouldn’t have been that stupid. Perhaps.

‘Cordelia, I never thought I’d say this, but thank you.’

‘Don’t thank me Holly. I’m not doing this for you.’

‘I didn’t for one minute think you were.’ I came off the phone smiling.

Francesca and Freddie were right and this was all going to come crashing down around him. But that’s what I wanted now. I managed, finally, to get as angry as I should have been. How dare he do this to me. How dare he come back into my life, disrupt it, lie, cheat, and make himself famous on the back of me and all the time be sleeping with the woman he was paying. I hated him. I realised that I really did hate him. Him and his fame and his quest for more fame and the fact that he didn’t give two hoots about me. Or the baby. Because if he did he would have left us alone a long time ago. And if the baby turned out to be George’s then I would fight tooth and nail to keep him out of its life. Because he wasn’t a good enough person to be a father. Not by a long way.

Actually I found my new anger quite refreshing.

‘Freddie, it’s me.’

‘And today’s objection is?’

‘None, I’m really happy.’

‘You are?’

‘Yes, I just know that it’s going to work out.’

‘How?’

‘I called Cordelia.’

‘You did what?’ he exploded.

‘Don’t worry I didn’t say anything that I shouldn’t...actually I did. I told her about the tip-off. I had to know that it was true, and it was. She said “no comment” and her tone, well I know that that is one woman scorned.’

‘Holly, you could have ruined everything.’ Freddie let out a sigh.

‘Sure I could but I didn’t. So has the detective started work?’

‘He has. How are the paps today?’