Descending Surfacing (5 page)

‘
What are you doing here?’ I was in no mood for niceties.

‘
Ain’t got nowhere else to go,’ he mumbled through his mouthful.

‘
I suppose you’ll have to come in then.’ I let him in with no grace and he responded with equal awkwardness, shambling in like a boxer after a fight.

‘
So what was that all about in class this afternoon?’ I was so annoyed with him - for three reasons now - that I wasn’t going to bother hiding my feelings.

‘
You what?’ he was still chomping through the burger.

‘
Why did none of your group even want to speak to me in Health and Safety? It was really embarrassing. Brian virtually told me off.’

He sniggered. ‘He’s a wanker.’

‘
Well?’

‘
It’s just that- the others- they said- they said you fancy Luke, ‘cos you’re always helping him.’ He laughed openly. ‘They think if you talk to anyone it means you fancy them.’

I paused, t
hen laid into him.

‘
How dare you? How bloody dare you? I am just doing my job, which is helping students do their work! Just because you’re here doesn’t mean I fancy every man I talk to! I’ve never been with a student before you and I don’t know why I am now!’

Shaking, I got the package from the clinic out and waved it at him.

‘
I had to go there tonight because you’ve given me some disease, you little sod! I’ve never been there before and I didn’t think I’d ever have to.’

He cringed before my anger and put his burger down, unwrapped, on the table.

‘
On top of that they even gave me some for you. Here!’ I threw the jar of ointment at him.

‘
Fuck that!’ he retorted, letting the jar fall onto the carpet. Luckily it didn’t break. ‘I ain’t got nuffin’.’

‘
Well there won’t be any sex in this place until you use it!’ I yelled and stormed out to my bedroom. I didn’t care what he did now. At least that’s what I told myself. Shaking, I flung myself on my bed and cried for how stupid I’d been, how embarrassed I’d felt at the clinic and in the classroom today. What was happening to me? My life had been so neat and predictable, normal and conventional, then Jamie had come along and ruined it.

Later that night, there was a brisk knock on my door, and Jamie came in carrying a mug. He put it next to me so I cautiously sipped it. It was very strong tea and tasted as if it had ten sugars in, but it's the thought that counts.

‘
Sorry,’ he muttered. ‘Sorry I gave you summing. Is it crabs?’

‘
No, just thrush, thank God. You should use that cream you know.’

‘
Maybe.’

‘
We both have to use it for a week and she said no sex.’

‘
No sex?’ he looked quizzically at me. ‘That’s no fun.’

‘
Well, my health is important, as is yours.’

‘
Uh. Tell you what we should do. Go out and get drunk.’

‘
What? Now?’ As he was trying to cheer me up, I hadn’t the heart tell him I wasn’t supposed to drink alcohol while on antibiotics.

‘
No, not now.
Tomorra. Then I don’t go into college the next day and we can have a lie in.’

‘
Well I can’t.
I work at a call centre on Thursdays and Fridays.’

‘
Oh. Can’t you just take a sickie?’

I couldn’t help laughing. It was all so simple at seventeen.

‘
Can’t we go out on Friday night instead? It's better for me, then we’ve got the weekend.’

‘
Okay.’

I ruffled his hair.

‘
Oi. I’m not a dog.’ But he smiled.

Wednesday 25th January

The next day we set out in the car together.

‘
I’ve had a brilliant idea where we can go on Friday,’ I said.

‘
Yeah? Where?’

‘
Aha. I’ve got to set it up first. I’ll let you know later.’

‘
Why is it secret?’

‘
We’ll have to go somewhere you won’t see your friends, won’t we? And where I won’t see people from the college.’

‘
Yeah, I hadn’t thought of that.’

‘
And at the place I’ve got in mind we won’t see any of them.’

He raised his eyebrows.

At college that day I felt calmer. I was determined not to let the strange atmosphere in Group E affect me. I congratulated myself on dealing with the clinic yesterday, and so far keeping it quiet that Jamie was staying with me.

I went into tutorial. Luckily Group E’s tutor was not Brian.

‘
Morning Peter,’ I said cheerily. ‘Lovely day.’

‘
Er- yes. How are you today?’ He actually sounded genuine.

‘
Morning boys,’ I said loudly so they had no excuse not to hear me.

‘
Morning, Miss,’ replied various tones. Jamie had got there already, as I’d dropped him off in the usual place. He smiled at me.

‘
Today we’re finishing off our tiling workbook,’ said Peter. ‘The books are on the table there. Aaron, could you hand them out please?’

Aaron sucked his teeth. Menial tasks were beneath him, but Peter ignored this.

‘
Miss?’ said Jamie. ‘Can you help me?’

The other boys shuffled and whispered.

I went over to Jamie, trying not to look unsure.

Brad and Louis made room for me but there was still whispering.

‘
Quieten down, boys, please. I don’t know, Aaron, the younger ones are very restless today,’ said Peter cleverly.

‘
Yeah. You lot! Shut up!’ said Aaron, glad to be given some power. I smiled at his egotism.

The lesson progressed quietly. Whenever I looked at Jamie, he was virtuously writing in his workbook, apart from when he was asking me a question.

After tutorial ended, I went up to the staff room to find him lurking by the door.

‘
Your pen, Emily.’

‘
Oh thanks, I forgot.’

He walked off down the corridor, indicating for me to follow, and we went into the stairwell.

‘
Where are we going on Friday? Tell me, then!’

‘
Shh! I haven’t arranged it yet. Meet me at the car at four-thirty. It's in the supermarket car park, you know. I’ll give you a lift and tell you then.’

I had a free lesson after lunch, so I phoned Honey and explained my plan.

‘
Okay,’ she didn’t sound too keen.

‘
What?’

‘
I’m still worried about you, Emmy. It's not normal to be with that boy. Tess thinks so too.’

‘
Tess? You’ve told her?’

I was shaken. Tess was very sensible, she always knew what was correct and what wasn’t, and realised the implications of every action. She ‘had her head screwed on right’, as my dad used to say. Before he walked out on us, of course.

‘
I’ll call Tess. I
t's about time we had lunch again. So can me and Jamie come along?’

‘
Yes. Okay. It's just I don’t want you to be hurt. You could catch something from that boy.’

‘
No, I couldn’t,’ I lied. ‘He’s not as bad as he looks.’

‘
Are you going to tell me, then?’ pestered Jamie as we set off in the car along the darkening winter streets.

‘
Okay. You know my friend Honey? Well her brother, Wolf, is gay-‘

‘
Wolf? What sort of name is that?’

‘
Their parents are hippies. They love animals and nature, so gave their kids those sorts of names. The other children are called Storm and Orchid.’

‘
Fuck! Bet they got the shit kicked out of them.’

‘
Listen! I thought if you and I want to go out and not meet anyone we know, then where better than a gay club? None of your friends would be there and no teachers.’

I hadn’t noticed any gay students or staff and to be honest it was unlikely there were any in the macho construction college.

Jamie was silent for so long that I looked over. His face was mutinous.

‘
A gay club?’ his voice was so loud it made me jump and the car swerved a little. ‘What the fuck you on about? I’m not going to a queer club! Full of bloody cocksuckers!’

‘
But it's perfect.
Anyway you’d be with me and you wouldn’t have to pretend to be gay.’

‘
I should fuckin’ bloody hope not! I’m not going! End of.’

He glared out of the window. I could feel the anger radiating off him, even though he had stopped shouting.

We drove home the rest of the way in silence, and he stalked off up the stairs without speaking to me again. So much for my grand plan.

Thursday 26th January

The next day was the beginning of my call centre working week, and I dressed accordingly. Smart skirt suit, crisp blouse, hair tied back in a French plait, high heels and barely black tights. I hadn’t seen Jamie since bringing him home last night, so I knocked on his door to say goodbye.

‘
What?’ said a muffled voice.

‘
I’m going to work now.’

‘
See ya, then.’

I shrugged. I knew he’d be there when I got home as he had nowhere else to go.

The day dragged. It was far more boring in the call centre than at the college. I quite liked my colleagues but they were mostly younger than me and didn’t have much of a caring side. They talked about how drunk they got every weekend, things they bought, holidays they went on etc.

I suppose the talking about getting drunk part was similar to college, because the students talked about that all the time, and who they had ‘banged’ that weekend. But somehow they were more interesting than the call centre workers, who generally had affluent and easy lives, doing exactly what they liked.

The students often had absent parents, little siblings to bring up, or even their own children. Their substance abuse problems were because of their awful lives, not just because they had more money than sense. And they often had criminal records.

I knew Jamie had a criminal record. It was for joy riding, stealing cars, drunk and disorderly, violence. But like all the other students, he had never threatened me or been anything but gentle to me. Even when he had turned against me for a while, his whispering and ignoring me had just been childish, not threatening.

‘
Hello, Emily,’ said a smooth voice, interrupting my thoughts. ‘Decided if you want to take on more hours? We’d certainly value your time.’

It was Clive, my team manager. He was in his late thirties, with slicked back hair and a sharp suit. He really loved himself. I often had a giggle with Marianne, a member of my team, about his use of modern slang. If he knew how the slang should really be used by teenagers at street level, he would be shocked.

‘
I have actually. Are there any opportunities?’ ‘Opportunities’ was a word Clive loved.

‘
Of course. For the right person, but something tells me you are what we seek.’ He leant over me, giving his special smile, one that said ‘do what I want and I’ll make it worth your while, baby.’

I tried not to cringe. Clive was married with two children, but I just knew he cheated on his wife. Or maybe she cheated on him as well. He wasn’t sincere at all, neither were the other office workers. At least with Jamie what you saw was what you got. He was rough and feral and any response you gained from him was an achievement.

The day passed uneventfully apart from Clive’s interruption. People phoned, I talked to them, sorted out their problems and they put the phone down. Simple, easy, a routine job. Did I really want to do this full time? But inside I knew I had gone too far at college, past the point of no return.

When I got home that night, I felt a surge of relief to be back in my cosy flat. But this only lasted a second. There was a stale, smoky smell and I noticed dirty cups set on every surface. The cushions were everywhere, dirty crockery in the sink, water on the floor in the kitchen. I ventured into the bathroom and there were towels and water all over the floor there too. ‘Had I been burgled?’ was my first thought, but I knew whose fault it was. Burglars don’t drink endless cups of coffee and smoke various substances while they burgle you. They don’t use the shower, or eat off your plates. Of course it was my lodger’s doing.

I went into his bedroom, but he wasn’t there.
How come it's become ‘his bedroom’ when it should be ‘the spare room’
, I muttered to myself, getting more and more angry. Where was he? Would he come back?