Deserve (2 page)

“Thanks—”

“Don’t fucking say you owe me one,” I interject before he
can get all mushy on me. “And let me know when your transfer comes through.
I’ll come up with a few plans to help you get some pussy. God knows you need
all the help you can get.”
Cael
has no problem
getting women. They love his tough-guy exterior, but his challenge is maintaining
a relationship for longer than a few months.

“Fuck off!”

I’m still laughing when he hangs up. Closing my front door
behind me, I fling my jacket over the arm of the sofa and head to the kitchen.
I grab a beer and take a long draw, savoring the cold brew going down my
gullet. I contemplate my cavernous open-plan apartment. Before I moved in, I
had a professional designer update the décor to my specifications, but it still
never quite felt like home.

“Even if the fucker moved in, I probably wouldn’t notice he
was here.”

Clicking on the TV, I let the news play in the background as
I let my mind wander. It would be nice to have the
Cael
in the same city.
Maggie, too.

Nobody could have guessed that
Cael
and I would end up being friends. I was a privileged rich brat rebelling
against his father by refusing to go to the Ivy League school attended by
generations of Rowans. He was a poor kid from Chicago who could only afford to
attend college because of a football scholarship. Away from my dad’s watchful
eye, I was hungry to test the limits of my newfound freedom, attending every
party on and off campus.
Cael
was an antisocial,
brooding bastard who radiated “fuck off” vibes.

To this day, he still doesn’t understand why I made such an
effort to be friends with him. While others gave him a wide berth, I ignored
his dark moods and dragged him with me everywhere. He never became the life of
the party, but over time he learned to loosen up.

The reason for our friendship was never a mystery to me.

Growing up as the only son of a U.S. Senator, I was
surrounded by people who always had an agenda. Everything was about politics
and everyone was jockeying for power and wealth. Sincerity and authenticity
were rare commodities in my world. Early on, I learned to never trust anybody.
Not even my own father.

Cael
Jackson, on the other hand,
was blunt and unfiltered. He had zero tolerance for bullshit. If he didn’t like
you, he wasn’t going to pretend he did. His honesty was admirable, but also
appallingly harsh. From day one, I knew this was a man I could trust. With him,
I never have to pretend to be someone I’m not.

With my trust fund and my father’s money, I could have
easily afforded a single room. Hell, I could have demanded a whole floor to
myself, but I wanted my college years to be as normal as possible. Besides, I
was tired of being by myself all the time.

My parents were always away at political events and
fundraisers. I had no siblings and the only “friends” I had were the sons and
daughters of other politicians. Not exactly the ideal candidates for
confidants. It was impossible to be relaxed when
we were
always surrounded by an entourage of bodyguards who were ready to report the
slightest slip to their bosses
.

Thank God I had asked for a double. Thank God they had
assigned
Cael
Jackson as my roommate.

The day he invited me to go home with him was the day I knew
he finally trusted me. That was spring break. The stubborn bastard took eight
fucking months to finally get to that point, but I was grateful he did. I told
everyone I was thinking about flying to Aruba, but I had planned to stay in the
dorms, as I had for all the other holidays.

Somehow
Cael
knew I was lying
about my trip. The night before he was due to take the bus home, he had looked
up from his book and stared at me for a long time, as if weighing my worth. “If
you want, you could spend the week with me in Chicago, but don’t expect some
plush guestroom shit. You’ll be slumming it,” he said almost belligerently.

I didn’t know if the invitation was given out of pity, but I
didn’t care. Going home to my father’s house was not an option and it was
lonely as fuck being in the dorms by myself. It seemed everyone had a place to
go, except for me. I could fly to a tropical island, but drinking myself
unconscious among strangers sounded depressing as hell.

Cael
looked shocked when I eagerly
accepted and offered to drive us into the city. During the ride, he kept
hinting that I shouldn’t expect any creature comforts at his house and I
realized he was embarrassed by his poverty.

“I get it. I’ll have to eat your table scraps and sleep with
the rats. Asshole,” I grumbled, offended that he thought I was such a snob.

But it turned out he was right to warn me. I had never seen
the kind of neighborhood he lived in except in movies. When we walked to his
building from the secured garage he insisted I park at, we saw two deals go
down in broad daylight.

His gaze was locked onto my face when we entered the
apartment and I was glad that years of being in the spotlight had perfected my
poker face. I
was
shocked by how
small the apartment was. It was hard to imagine how three people could fit into
the space, but as I stood in the tiny living room, I felt warmth seep into my
skin. The furniture might be shabby and the paint might be peeling, but everything
was spotlessly clean, proudly telling the viewer that this was a loving home.

Then a loud squeal and a streak of lightning flashed by me.

“
Cael
! You’re back!”

My eyes bugged out when I heard him laugh. Where the fuck
was the grim-faced asshole I’d known for the better part of the school year?
Cael’s
whole demeanor softened as he hugged the skinny
little girl—all red curls and pale limbs—hanging onto him like a
monkey.

“Hey brat, it’s good to see you.” Arm slung around her
narrow shoulders, he gestured to me. “Maggie, this is my roommate, Sean Rowan.
He’s going to stay with us for the week. Sean, this is my little sister,
Maggie.”

A little heart-shaped face turned to me with a wary
expression. Freckles dotted her nose and cheeks and tight curls flew every
which way.

Unconsciously, I gentled my voice. “Hi, Maggie. It’s nice to
meet you.”

“Hi, nice to meet you,” she mumbled, but she didn’t sound
like she meant it. She turned to her brother and asked, “Does this mean you’re
not going to take me to the Cubs game? Are you going to take
Sean
?”

I had never heard my name infused with so much scorn and I
had to bite back a grin. I knew I had my work cut out for me to win over this
dynamo, but I was determined to do it. Leaning down, I asked, “I was going to
ask you if I could go with you and your brother. I don’t know that much about
baseball, but
Cael
told me you know a lot.”

She looked at me suspiciously, but had magnanimously agreed
to let me go with them. I never thought I would enjoy hanging out with a little
girl, but Maggie was as smart as whip and her reactions were so pure, it was a
joy to watch her expressive face.

It took months for her to warm up to me. When she hugged me
for the first time, I knew I had won her over. It felt pretty amazing.

Being in the Jackson fold was a revelatory experience for
me. I grew up in a privileged environment, but I had very little genuine human
interaction, especially after my mom died. Spending time with the Jacksons
helped me find my humanity again. They were far from rich, but they lived their
lives richly, with incredible love, honesty, and integrity. I’d rather crash
out on
Cael’s
bedroom floor in my sleeping bag than
check into the Four Seasons.

To this day, I believe
Cael
saved
me from becoming a complete amoral bastard like my dad when he invited me to go
home with him and for that, he has my complete loyalty.

“Sean?” I speak his name tentatively, even though I clearly
saw his gorgeous face flashing across my screen half a second ago. My surprise
is understandable since he and I have only communicated in the most superficial
of ways for the last few years. All updates about our lives go through my
brother.

“Hey, Maggie!” His deep, velvety voice is like a shot of one
hundred twenty proof single-malt
whiskey
.
Smooth and smoky and packing a hell of a lot of heat.

Trying to shake off the effect he has on me, I stand up from
the sofa and walk to the window. “What’s up? How are you?”

“I’m doing well. My life is boring.” A pause. His voice turns
teasing and I could picture that perfect grin on his face. “But I heard your
life is getting more exciting.”

“
Cael
told you,” I say,
exasperated.

“Why didn’t you tell me yourself?” There’s a note of puzzlement
in his voice—almost hurt—and I fight off the guilt.

Because you never seem
interested in my life.
Because the smart thing is to keep my
distance from you.

Instead of answering his question, I rib, “Come on now. I
hear you’re busy working through the roster of the Ford modeling agency. Sounds
way more exciting than graduate school.”

Maybe I’m exaggerating a tad, but I’ve seen enough tabloid
covers to know I’m not too far off the mark. He always has some stunning woman
on his arm. Sean doesn’t seek the spotlight, but reporters are naturally drawn
to him. He has a face that’s made for cameras and his story is too compelling
to ignore: billionaire son of a powerful politician who has eschewed a
glamorous life of leisure for a humble career in the NYPD. It’s only a matter
of time before Hollywood comes knocking to get the movie rights to his life.

“Your brother is a liar.”

I chortle. “Oh, I guess you’re dating the Elite models as
well? Then I’m surprised you can keep a full-time job.”

“Brat!” he accuses with a small chuckle.

I grimace at Sean echoing what my brother calls me. He will
always see me as his best friend’s pesky sister and nothing more.

“Congratulations, Freckles! Getting into medical school is quite
an accomplishment.”

“Thanks, Sean.” I smile at the sincerity in his voice.

“When does school start?”

“August seventeenth.” Since I received my acceptance packet,
I have my whole schedule memorized. Going to medical school has been a
life-long goal.

“And when are you flying to New York?”

“August eighth. I have to check into student housing and go to
orientation events during the week.”

“Think you can spare some time for an old friend in between
your busy schedule?”

“Sure. What do you have in mind?” I keep my tone casual,
ignoring my racing pulse.

“If you don’t have something arranged, I can pick you up
from the airport and after we drop your things off, we can catch up.”

My eyes narrow in suspicion, wondering if my brother had
pre-arranged the airport pickup, but I let go of my annoyance at his
interference. It would be nice to see a friendly face when I land in a new city.
“That sounds great. I’ll text you my flight info.”

“I can’t wait to see you. It’ll be nice to have you in the
city.”

Despite telling myself he’s only being polite, a little warm
ball of pleasure forms in my belly. “Thanks, Sean. I can’t wait to see you
too.”

After we hang up, I continue to stand at the window, staring
sightlessly at our back yard.

I’m the biggest cliché walking around. I’m in love with my
brother’s best friend. Pathetic, I know.

I’ve had a crush on him since I was fifteen. When
Cael
first brought his college roommate home for a
week-long
visit, I had just turned eleven. At first I
resented having to share my time with my brother.
Cael
had been a surrogate father to me ever since our sperm donor abandoned us when
I was two.

But resentment of Sean’s intrusion soon turned to guarded
acceptance and then to outright worship. He treated me like an indulgent older
brother. Every time he visited, he’d bring me little treats, like the latest
bestseller or a souvenir from his exotic vacations.
Cael
and Sean let me tag along with them everywhere. They brought me to baseball and
football games and let me gorge myself on hot dogs and soda.

Hero worship transitioned into a teenage infatuation. For a
time in high school, I couldn’t look at Sean without blushing. He was handsome
and kind and everything I wanted in a boyfriend. I didn’t even mind him calling
me the dreaded and unoriginal nickname “Freckles.”

Then one night in a greasy diner, I lost my heart
irretrievably to Sean.

When I walked into the
restaurant, his presence drew my gaze like a lodestone. Sean was already in a
booth, his gorgeous body clad in a dark grey button-down shirt and black jeans.
He must have sensed my stare because he looked up and grinned. He stood up and
pulled me into an affectionate hug.

“Freckles, it’s so
good to see you.” At the sound of my nickname, I knew my primping had been a
wasted effort. No amount of
lip gloss
and mascara
would get him to see me as a desirable woman. I tried to not let my disappointment
show, reminding myself that he was way out of my league.

At
twenty-five, he dated sophisticated, sexually experienced women.
Why would he be interested in a skinny
seventeen-year-old schoolgirl?

Sean Rowan was
gorgeous.
Wheat blond hair with the barest hint of a wave,
cobalt blue eyes, straight nose and sculpted cheeks and stubborn jaw.
Most people mistook him for a model or a movie star. The only thing that kept
him from being too pretty was the underlying darkness in the depths of his
eyes. He might always be laughing and joking, but that adamantine hardness
never left his eyes.

 
“It’s good to see you, too. Mom sends her
love. She’s…um…she already made plans when you called.” I felt bad about lying
to him, but I had no choice.

“I understand. It was
so last minute. I wasn’t supposed to be at this law enforcement summit, but one
of the guys had a family emergency.”

We sat down and the
server took our order.

“How long are you in
town for?” I ask, trying not to fidget.

“I have to leave the
day after tomorrow.”

“That’s perfect. I’m
in a new production of Romeo and Juliet that opens tomorrow night. You have to
come see it.”

Even with his ability
to hide his emotions, Sean couldn’t prevent his eyes from twitching. “Uh…I
wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he said in a deadpan voice.

I burst into giggles.
“You’re such a liar! And there’s no play. I was just messing with you.”

He dropped his
forehead into his hand. “Thank GOD!”

Fighting my laughter,
I kicked him lightly under the table. “HEY! Not nice. What’s that supposed to
mean?”

He looked up, his blue
eyes twinkling. “It means that you should not pursue a career in acting or
singing.” He paused. “Or dancing. Remember Grease?”

Since it was
all true
, I didn’t take offense, but I felt compelled to
defend myself. “Well, the chair wasn’t supposed to be in the middle of the
stage.”

He laughed. “The image
of you tripping over the chair and knocking Rizzo into the back scenery would
be seared into my brain forever.”

I winced. “I felt so
bad. Caroline was limping around on her sprained ankle for weeks.”

“Well, if it makes you
feel better, the audience was practically asleep up to that point. They got a
good laugh out of it at least.”

“If it makes
you
feel better, I stopped auditioning after
that disaster.”

The server brought our
burgers and shakes and we started to eat.

“So if you’re not
going into acting, what are you planning to study in college?”

I hesitated. I had a
full academic scholarship to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign,
but I wasn’t sure if I would be attending in the fall.

He looked at me
quizzically. “What’s wrong?”

I forced a smile and
said, “Nothing.”

“Don’t give me that
bullshit. You’re a terrible a liar just like your brother. Tell me what’s
wrong.”

My chest tight, I
folded and unfolded my napkin.

“Maggie,” Sean said
sternly, using his cop voice. I could imagine criminals spilling their guts
when he interrogated them.

“I’m not sure I’m
going to college,” I blurted.

“Why the hell not?” He
stopped eating and placed his burger on his plate.

“I’m tired of school.”

He snorted in
disbelief. “Try again, Ms. Four-Point-O.”

“Can we talk about
something else? How’s your summit? Did you learn any new ninja moves to bring
down bad guys?”

“Don’t try to change
the subject.” He placed his elbows on the table and studied my face intently,
blue eyes trying to unearth all my secrets. “What the hell is going on with
you? If you won’t tell me, I’ll have to call
Cael
.”

At the mention of my
brother, my pulse jumped. “Don’t!” I realized too late that I had overreacted.
The resolute expression on Sean’s face had only sharpened.

“Spill, Maggie.”

My throat got tight
and itchy.

“If you don’t tell me,
I’m going to use my sources in CPD to do some digging. They will have access to
every record with the Jackson name on it.”

“You can’t do that!
That’s illegal.”

“Try me.” There was no
trace of softness in his voice.

I dropped my eyes and
started to pick at the jagged edges of my nails. “Mom’s sick.”

His inhale was
audible. “Define sick.”

I closed my eyes
against the sting of tears. “End stage renal disease.”

“Jesus.” His voice was
hoarse and strained. “Is she on dialysis? Can she get a transplant?”

I shook my head slowly
and divulged the rest. “She also has liver disease and is not a good candidate
for transplants for both organs. The doctors think her organ failures are due
to the years of exposure to industrial strength cleaners from when she worked
for that office cleaning company. Neurotoxicity, they call it.” I felt like I
was talking about someone else—not my mom.

“FUCK! There’s got to
be something we can do.” His fingers combed through his golden hair, making the
strands stand on ends. There was a wild look in his eyes.

“She’s already in the
advanced stages.”

“When did you find
out?” His hands clenched into fists.

“Four months ago.” It
felt like a lifetime.

“Why didn’t you call
me earlier? And where the FUCK is
Cael
?”

I felt the heat of his
anger like a blast of a blowtorch.

“He doesn’t know. Mom
doesn’t want anyone to know.” I didn’t realize I had started to cry until
Sean’s thumbs wiped the wet drops off my cheeks.

“You have to tell him,
Maggie.”

“I can’t. She won’t
let me.”

“You have to go
against her wishes.
Cael
will never forgive you both
if you keep him in the dark.”

I bit my lip, trying
to figure out the right thing to do.

“Call him or I will.”
His expression told me he wasn’t going to compromise.

The tension in my
chest loosened when I made my decision. “Okay. I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“Good girl.” Blue eyes
regarded me with sympathy. “I can’t believe you’ve had to go through this shit
alone.”

I hunched my
shoulders. “It came on so fast, I haven’t had time to process it. It still
feels surreal, you know?”

He took my cold hands
and rubbed warmth into them. “Tell me when you found out. And what can I do to
help?”

And when he spent
hours comforting me in that shabby booth, my crush blossomed into adult love.
Hopeless, impossible love.

I put in a call to
Cael
the next
day. He was out on a mission so I left an urgent message for him.

Sean spent the next night with my mom and me at the house.
He brought over a variety of different foods, hoping to tempt her to eat
something. And she tried for his sake, but at that point, she had no appetite.
To my surprise, she wasn’t upset with me for revealing her secret. In fact, she
looked relieved and I wished I had done it sooner.

Cael
called a week later and
several weeks after that, he was discharged from the army. He had been so angry
with Mom for hiding her illness from him. Less than three months later, Mom
died peacefully at home.

We found out afterwards that Sean had quietly taken care of
all the medical bills.
Cael
wanted to repay him, but
Sean had adamantly refused. That was the first time I’d ever seen them fight,
but in the end,
Cael
conceded. It was Sean’s way of
showing his love for our mom. His considerate gesture made me love him even
more.

Of course, I knew the idea of
us
as
a couple was preposterous. A gorgeous son of a senator, who himself is worth
billions of dollars, fall in love with a poor, redheaded girl whose only claim
to beauty is her unusual eyes?

No. I knew it was just a fantasy. A fairytale. In this
story, Sean may be the prince, but I wasn’t his princess.