Desired and Dominated (47 page)

I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself.

I go on to relay my conversation with Luca, word for word. The job, the opportunity, the honor of being asked, and also, the fact that I can’t accept the offer.

“You’re taking the job. No arguments.” His voice is cold; lacking any emotion.

“You want me to go?”

“Fuck! Of course I don’t want to lose you, Sof, but like Luca said, this is a once in a lifetime offer. You can’t just turn your back on it. You know in your heart that he’s right; that I’m right.”

“What about us?” My heart is racing, dread filling my stomach as I await his answer.

“You’re the love of my life, my soul mate. What kind of man would I be if I held you back? If I made you choose between me and a career you love? I can’t be that selfish with you. You need to do this.”

“You didn’t answer the question, Nate. What about us?”

“We…we’ll have to say goodbye. I can’t be your Master across continents again. It didn’t work the first time, and the consequences were too much to bear. I won’t risk that again. You need a clean break. A chance to find…love, happiness, and everything your heart desires.”

“
You
are what my heart desires, above all else. Even ballet.”

He walks us over to a bench and sits me down, dropping to his knees in front of me. The resignation in his eyes has me struggling to breathe. “You can’t give this up for me. You would hate me for it in years to come, and I couldn’t live with that. If you don’t at least try, you’ll always wonder. I can’t be the reason that you miss out on such an amazing chance. I could never forgive myself.”

“So you just want me to leave, in a week, and that’s us done? After everything we’ve been through; how hard we’ve fought to be together? You just want to throw it all away? Don’t I mean anything to you?”

“How dare you! You think this is easy for me to say this to you, to contemplate you leaving? You mean everything to me, and you fucking well know it, so don’t say shit like that. I love you, and I will always fight for you; for what’s best for you. This is what’s best. I’m telling you, as your Master, that you need to do this.”

I can’t believe he’s saying these things to me. That he’s not fighting for me to stay with him. My head is spinning, my world turned upside down. “But, I can’t leave you.”

“Just for a minute, don’t think about me. There is only one question that you need to answer, and the rest we deal with later.” I can’t stand to see the pained look in his eyes as he forces himself to say the words. “If I wasn’t a factor, and you were offered this job, would you take it?” I don’t want to answer him, because I know what he’ll make me do, but I can’t lie to him. We agreed on complete honesty a long time again. “Answer me, Nyx.”

“Yes. I would take the job in a heartbeat. It’s the nearest I will ever come to dancing again, and it’s with one of the best schools in the world.”

“Then you have your answer.”

“It’s not that simple. You
are
a factor in this; in my life. You are the
only
factor that matters.” I can’t hold back the tears; letting them roll down my cheeks as I fight to make sense of this.

“Let me take you back to the hotel. This isn’t the place to be talking about life changing decisions, and I think we could both use a minute to process all of this.” He takes my hand and leads me in the direction of our hotel. The silence between us is deafening, but I can’t speak past the lump in my throat, and I can see that Nate is struggling to maintain his calm bravado. A sick feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. I know what he’s going to say, what he’s going to do. He’s my Master. He always has been, and always
will
be, selfless, when it comes to my happiness.

I don’t know if I could be happy in Florence, without Nate. What I
do
know, is that he’s going to take the decision out of my hands; the impossible choice between the love of my life, and the one thing I’ve loved my whole life.

He’s going to make me leave him.

I can’t believe how quickly all of this has happened. A week ago I was planning to buy a house with Sofia. I was going to give her my version of a submissive collar, and we were going to live happily ever after. Now, seven days later, I’m standing in my closet, picking out a shirt to wear to her leaving party. I can’t even begin to process all of this.

After the initial shock, Sofia is slowly becoming excited about the opportunity to work with Luca at the Joffrey Ballet, and what better place for her to start over than Italy. She has family there to help her get settled, and she’ll being doing something that she loves, at one of the most prestigious schools in the world. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity and she knows it. That’s why I insisted that she take it.

She agonized over the decision for days; back and forth as if it was a real choice, but in the end, she realized that I wasn’t going to back down. I couldn’t bear for her to live a life here with me, always regretting what might have been. I know how much she misses ballet, and this is her way to reconnect with that part of herself. I understand the need for that better than most. I managed to find a way to channel my passion for music, and it changed my life. I want that for her, and I know she’ll never be truly happy without it.

I decide on a black shirt and charcoal pants; dark – just like my mood. Simon has organized an amazing party, with all of Sofia’s friends and family, and it’s the last place I want to be tonight. Her flight leaves first thing tomorrow morning, and all I
want
to do is steal her away, and not share her with anyone. I want to take her into our playroom one last time, and worship every inch of her until it’s time to say goodbye.

As I stand, staring into the mirror, past it into empty space, Sofia creeps up behind me, snaking her arms around my waist.

“I could stare at you all day long. I don’t blame you for doing it too!”

I twist around to see her mischievous grin shining up at me. “If you must know, I was thinking about all the things I’m going to do you after the party. I hope you don’t plan on getting any sleep tonight.”

Her smile drops, her mood turning somber. “I don’t have time for sleep. I need to spend every minute I have left with you.” Her arms tighten around me. “I can’t bear even thinking about tomorrow. I don’t think I can leave you. I love you too much.”

“And I love you too much to make you stay. You need this. I’ve seen what losing your career did to you, and I’ve been through it myself. You need this chance to forge a new path for yourself that brings you joy and contentment in your life, and a way to express your beautifully artistic soul.”

“You’ve been where I am, so why can’t you see that I choose you over dance?”

“Because it took me years to come to terms with what happened to me. There were ups and downs along the way, frustration and elation. You need to experience all of those things. You need to know in your heart that you tried. If you find yourself years from now, feeling like you don’t need it the same way you do now, then come back to me. I’m always going to be here, Sofia, but you can’t put your life on hold for me, you can’t stop living. You need to go to Italy, immerse yourself in your work, and your new home. You can’t be looking to the past all the time. If you do, I’ll be holding you back, even when I’m no longer with you.”

“But…”

“No buts. I’m still your Master, at least until you step on that plane tomorrow.” The lump that’s forming in my throat is making it difficult for me to keep talking; the thought of not being her Dominant by this time tomorrow, is soul destroying. “And, as your Master, I’m telling you that this is what’s best for you.”

“I…I…” Tears begin to fall from her beautiful brown eyes, breaking my heart; making me want to drop to my knees and beg her to stay. I know she’d say yes, and that’s exactly why I can’t do it.

“Let’s try to enjoy tonight. Your friends and family all want to wish you well, and when the party’s over, you’re mine, for one last night.” I pull her close, my lips finding hers in a tender kiss. “Now go and get dressed before I ditch the party and take you to the playroom.”

“Sounds perfect to me.” I give her a warning look and a sharp slap on the ass, telling her to get a move on. This is already becoming more of a struggle than I can handle, and I need the distraction of everyone else if I’m going to get through this, and let her go.

By the time we need to leave, I’m pacing the floor, her leaving present burning a hole in my pocket. I was going to give her the bracelets I bought for her, but I thought it would be too hard for her, knowing what I had planned. Instead, I had the key to the padlock put onto a platinum necklace for her. She’ll never know what it unlocks, but I need her to have it anyway. She doesn’t know about the apartments, or the ballet studio either, and that’s the way it has to stay.

When she steps out into the living room, I feel like I’ve been punched in the chest, my heart aching at the sight of her. She looks absolutely stunning in a deep purple lace dress. I know she’s chosen the color carefully, an exact match to our playroom and the ropes I used on her the first time I tied her. It hugs every curve of her body to perfection, with a split up to her thigh, exposing her exquisite legs. Fuck, I’m going to miss her.

“You look…it should be illegal to look as good as you do. You are absolutely stunning, Miss Mantovani.”

“Why, thank you, Master Callaghan.” She’s killing me.

“I bought you a gift. Something to remember me by.”

“I could never forget you. Not ever.”

I take the box from my pocket and place it in her small palm. “I hope you like it.”

She slowly unwraps it, her eyes darting up to meet mine as she opens the box and sees the key nestled inside. “Oh my God. Nate, it’s so beautiful.”

I take it from her hand, moving her hair out of the way, the sweet scent of her perfume enveloping me, and I can’t resist a kiss as I fasten my key around her neck. “This way, you’ll always have a part of me with you.”

Her eyes fill with tears as she runs her fingers over the intricate design. “I love it. I didn’t get you anything.”

I turn her in my arms, placing my hand over her heart. “Sofia, you’ve already given me everything I ever wanted. I don’t need a gift to know that.” I give her a soft kiss, licking the seam of her lips, begging entrance, which she willingly gives.

“Shall we?” She takes my hand, and just this smallest of touches has me fighting to keep my composure. As I lock the apartment behind us, I feel like the countdown has begun. The beginning of the end.

Simon has really outdone himself. His newest nightclub, Vortex, looks phenomenal. He shut the place down for the night, so that the party was all about Sofia. The DJ is amazing, and the boys from Flaming Embers have flown in to do a short set for her. She’s become close with them over the past six months and I know that they’re all going to miss her. I also know that Campbell is going to be checking on me every five seconds after she gets on that plane tomorrow. He’s become as close to me as Brandon and Simon, and he’s really been there for me throughout my relationship with Sofia. He’s seen the best and the worst of me during all of this, and I think he probably understands more than most, how utterly devastating this is for me.

It’s a joy to watch Sofia as she interacts with friends, old and new, laughing, crying, and dancing. I’m overwhelmed to see her so happy, and watching her move on the floor, is such a privilege. She may not be a ballet dancer anymore, but she still commands the room, the music flowing through her like it always has, and she’s completely lost in it, until ‘Love Runs Out’ starts playing. Her eyes search the crowd until she finds me, our shared memory of the moment we found our way back to each other, heavy in the air between us. It’s our secret, and as she begins to move, I know that it’s for me. Everything and everyone around us fading into the background. I’m mesmerized by her, besotted, and I’m struck by how empty my life will be without her.