Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (3 page)

“We’ll figure it out,” he says, but the look in his eyes tells me we are screwed. Opening the cabinet door, he pulls out a bottle of liquor and two glasses. He nods towards the table in the corner, prompting me to join him. He fills both glasses to the rim, passing one to me. “I take it no luck today?”

“No,” I whisper, before taking a sip of the amber colored liquid. “Gah! What is this?”

“Bourbon,” he chuckles. “Don’t tell me you’ve never drank before.”

I shake my head. “I wasn’t allowed to go out much,” I admit. The truth is that other than school, I was pretty much a prisoner in the Martin’s home.

“Your dad must’ve been strict,” he says, downing half his glass.

“My father died when I was six,” I whisper, trying to fight back the surge of emotion that swells within me.

“Shit Lana, I’m sorry,” he says, taking a seat at the rackety kitchen table.

“It’s OK,” I reassure him as I take a seat across from him. Losing my father wasn’t a bad thing. He was a mean man who treated my mother like shit.

“I hate this,” he begins, his eyes boring into mine. “We’ve lived together for three months and I barely know you. Then I say shit like that...”

“Paul, don’t worry about. It’s not like it just happened yesterday.” Yet I can still picture everything as if it did. “But you’re right. We don’t know a lot about each other.”

“How about a little drinking game then? To get our minds off our problems. We can get a buzz and learn about each other. I tell you something about myself and you drink. You tell me something, and I’ll drink. Sound good?”

I’m hesitant about revealing much of my past but reluctantly agree. I can always bow out if I get uncomfortable. “Sure,” I nod. “You go first.”

“Alright. Let’s see...” he pauses for a moment, looking deep in thought. “I don’t know where to begin. How about you ask me something, to get the ball rolling. Nothing’s off limits.”

“OK,” my mind is reeling. I don’t want to ask anything too personal for fear that he will return the favor. “Who was your first love?”

“Aw man, you had to go there,” he chuckles. “I’ve never been in love, Alana. Love causes pain and heartache, something I prefer to steer clear of.”

“So you’ve never had a girlfriend?” I ask in disbelief. Paul is a good looking guy. I take that back, he’s drop dead gorgeous. Standing six-three, he’s the epitome of hot. Dark blonde hair with piercing blue eyes, he’s quite the catch. Match that with his rock hard physique and boyish smile, and he’s downright perfect.

“No, I never saw the need.”

“So you’re a...” I can’t even form the words, I am so shell shocked. “You’ve never...?”

“I’ve had sex, Lana. Many times actually, but no girlfriends. In all honesty, you’re the first friend I’ve ever had, aside from Jasper.”

“The guy who took you in?” I ask, remembering the night Paul approached me in the park. Jasper had been to him what he is to me, a protector, saving me from certain doom.

“Yeah,” he says, smiling. “He taught me a lot in the short time we knew each other.”

“Wait, I thought he was still around.”

“No, he died a few months after taking me in. Like I told you, I ran away from a bad situation. My father and mother... let’s just say that their idea of parental love was different than most.”

“They abused you.” The words escape my lips without me even thinking.

“Neglect in the beginning. I was completely ignored for the first ten years of my life. Then I became their punching bag. That lasted about three years. I didn’t think things could get any worse, but then I realized how wrong I was.” He stares off into space, his eyes glazing over as he relives a moment in his past. “It hurt so damn bad,” he whispers. “I remember looking over at my mother and pleading with her to help me, but she just laughed and told me to take it like a big boy.”

A knot forms in my throat as he speaks.

“I tried to ignore the pain, pretend it wasn’t happening, but I couldn’t. The next time, he tied me down so I couldn’t fight him. Before long, she started joining in. It took nearly three years for me to plot my escape, and I never looked back. I lived on the streets until Jasper took me in and that’s when I learned life’s not fair. My parent’s prepared me for it without even knowing.”

I feel tears welling in my eyes, and it takes everything I have to hold them back. What are the chances that Paul was the one to find me in that park, a kindred spirit, who had gone through an almost identical childhood? Fate had brought us together for a reason, perhaps so we could heal one another.

“I think that’s worth a drink or two,” Paul says, nodding towards my glass. I lift it to my lips, taking two huge gulps before placing the glass back on the able. “So how about you? Who was your first love?”

My mind wanders to Jax, wondering what has become of him. No matter how hard I try to forget about him, I can’t. He left a hole in my heart that can never be replaced.

“Jackson Cade,” I admit, my mind drifting back to the day we first met. Being in foster care was hard, but having no friends was even harder. “He and I were placed in the same group home. He showed up a few months after I did. He was angry at the world and wanted to be left alone, but I wouldn’t have any part of it. There was something about him that drew me in. It didn’t take long for him to warm up to me and we became the best of friends.”

“That doesn’t sound bad at all. You two keep in touch?” His question isn’t out of malice, but it kills me just the same.

“No,” I begin, thinking back to everything we went through together and remembering the day he just up and left.  “He left me,” I whisper, the hurt of his abandonment resurfacing.

“Hey,” Paul whispers, lifting my chin with his fingers. “I’ll never leave you.”

“Don’t say that,” I say, turning my head to the side. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“Except you and me,” he whispers, and just like that he gains my trust. There is sincerity in his words, and for the first time in a long time, I believe that I have found the one person who will always be a part of my life and never let me down.

“Y
ou weren’t kidding were you?” Hawk says, taking the seat beside me. The Lap Room is filled to capacity, thanks to the snow storm that shut down the nearby airport. “That girl of yours is a looker.”

He isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know. Alana has it all – looks, personality and compassion, three things that rarely go together. I almost feel guilty for tricking her into doing this, but my ass was on the line. If I don’t deliver, I will lose everything, including the protection Hawk has given me over the years.

“So how’d you do it?”

“Eviction notice,” I say, cringing. As luck would have it, Alana wasn’t able to find a job in town, partly because I had hit almost every place of business and made a few threats. I couldn’t take the chance that someone would hire her. If that happened, all of this would have been for nothing. We need her in the club and I have a feeling she’ll bring in the crowds without partaking in the events that take place in the back rooms.

“Good call,” he says, slapping me on the back. “Bet she’s an animal in the sack. That innocent look is always deceiving. Behind closed doors, they become an insatiable beast.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I grumble, feeling my cock begin to harden at just the thought of burying it deep inside her wetness.

“Yep, you’re definitely losing your touch,” he chuckles, obviously more amused than I am. “At least you have plenty of pussy at your disposal,” he adds, looking around the room. Although his statement is true, the thought doesn’t appeal to me. There is only one place I want to bury my cock and that is between Alana’s thighs.

“I can help you out with that,” Ginger says from behind me. “It’s been a long time since you made me scream out your name.” She takes a seat in the empty chair between Hawk and I, her eyes glued to me.

I shake my head, uninterested. Ginger and I have hooked up on more than one occasion, and I’ve never been disappointed. She’s beautiful with her dark red hair and porcelain skin, but it is those full lips of hers that have always intrigued me. There’s a reason Hawk refers to her as a vacuum.

“How’s Paul’s new girl coming along?” Hawk asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“I think she’s ready, or at least as ready as she’ll ever get,” Ginger explains. “Gave her a couple Xanax to try and relax her though. Thought she was gonna have a panic attack when I told her this was a fully nude club.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I fist my hands at my side. It took a lot of convincing to get Alana here, so I can only imagine what was going through her mind when she realized how far she would need to go. “Is she alright?”

Ginger and Hawk both turn to me, their faces contorted in disbelief. “Are you worried about her?” Ginger ask, her voice lace with sarcasm.

“Hell no,” I say, rolling my eyes. “I’m just worried she might chicken out.” That’s partially true. If she bails, I’m totally fucked. My agreement with Hawk is set in stone. He keeps my secrets and provides me a living and in return I make him money, no matter what it takes. I like Alana, more than I should, but I come first.

“Well don’t worry,” Ginger says. “That fake eviction notice you gave her was all the motivation she needed. I’ve got to hand it to you, you’re good. Glad we’re on the same side.”

“I think I better go check on her, just to see for myself,” I say, quickly excusing myself from the table.

I make my way backstage, coming to a stop outside the dressing room door.
Why do I feel so damn guilty?
The answer is simple. If things had been different neither of us would be in this situation today.

Letting out a rushed breath, I knock on the door. “Come in,” I hear her sweet voice call out from the other side, making me smile.

I peer inside to see her seated in front of the small mirror, applying her makeup. “I wanted to see how you were doing,” I say as I step inside, closing the door behind me.

She looks up at me, causing my breath to catch. Alana is a naturally gorgeous woman, but nothing prepared me for seeing her this way. “You’re so beautiful, princess,” I whisper.

Instead of beaming at me like most girls do, she flinches, lowering her head in shame. “Please don’t call me that,” she says in a hushed tone, her voice wavering.

“Hey,” I crouch in front of her, lifting her gaze to meet my own. “What did I say?”

She shakes her head, internally battling an unforeseen demon from her past. When she finally speaks, I can hear the torture in her tone. “He used to call me that.”

“You have to stop letting him win. He’s gone. He’ll never be able to hurt you again,” I tell her, wishing it were true. The things he did to her will remain with her the rest of her life. “It’s time for you to take control of your life and stop letting him win.”

“I know,” she begins. “But this feels so wrong.” I swallow hard, trying to come up with something to say that will convince her otherwise. “How did you do it?”

No one knows the full extent of my past, including Hawk. I have told stories to girls, to lure them in, depicting my past to be similar to their own. I have a gift, as some would call it, the ability to read people. I can hone in on their weakness, use it to my advantage so that I can gain their trust, and then manipulate them in a way that is beneficial to me. That wasn’t the case with Alana.

Our pasts are mirror images. The abuse she suffered was real, not unlike my own. Maybe that is why I cannot walk away from her, why guilt has an unbreakable hold on me.

I push aside those feelings, concentrating on the here and now. “I refused to let them control me any longer. I threw aside the pain, burying it any way I could so that I could survive. I became the master of my own world, making them my pawns.” I pause for a moment, trying to crawl inside her mind. “They abused my body and made me ashamed of what had happened. I believed I was everything they claimed me to be. Worthless. Good for nothing. That is what they wanted, for me to be theirs alone, to never realize pleasure and joy. Now I am in control.”

She says nothing, absorbing every word I have said, but she is not convinced. “So by doing this, I should feel liberated?”

“No, but it will come in time. Think of this as a hurdle. Your foster dad wanted you to be ashamed of your body because he wanted it for himself. By you taking this first giant step, you are defying him, taking charge. I’ll be with you every step you take and I promise, I won’t let you fall.”

Her eyes fill with tears and I know I’ve won. “You’ve already done so much for me...”

“Don’t,” I say, pressing a finger to her luscious lips. “We are in this together.”

She nods her head, giving me a shy smile. “I’m starting to feel better,” she admits.

As I stand, flashing her a genuine smile, I feel relieved. “That’s what I’m here for.” I turn to head for the door, breathing a little easier than before as I reach for the handle and exit the room.

Stepping into the hallway, I lean against the door, hating myself for what I have just done.