Desolate Souls (Forgotten Souls MC, #1) (4 page)

One Year Later

S
taring at my reflection, I decide to apply a little more concealer under my eyes. Makeup does wonders, but the bags under my eyes are still quite noticeable. Rubbing in the thick paste, I watch as the discoloration quickly disappears. After applying a little powder and downing a few pills, I am ready to go.

Pushing my way through the dressing room door, I head to the stage with only a few moments to spare. I adjust my leather halter one last time before I hear Kyle start my intro.

Taking the stage, I move my body in time to the music. I start off slowly and seductively, wrapping my leg around the pole in time to the music. I don't waste much time playing the games the new girls do. I've been doing this for a while now, and the men in this audience aren’t here to be teased. They want a show and that’s what I give them every fuckin’ time. That’s also why I’m the one walking out of here with more money in my pocket than the rest of them every single night.

I slowly unzip my halter until my breasts are free, tossing the scrap of clothing to the side. Groping them roughly, I snake my tongue out, flicking each nipple into rigid peaks. Turning around slowly, I bend over, giving the men a glimpse of my ass cheeks before standing upright and removing my skirt completely. Now that I have their undivided attention, it’s time to have a little fun.

Wearing only my bright red thong, I wrap my legs around the pole, working it hard until I know every man in the room is good and ready. When I final peel off my G-string, I toss it directly at the blonde man sitting closest to the stage, the one I have had my eyes on all night. He’s a big spender and the one who’s going to pay my rent that’s due tomorrow, if I can pull this off.

Some of the other girls won't go to the extremes I do to make a few extra bucks, but they don't have as much at stake as I do. A few of the girls are stripping their way through college. A few are just needing extra money. A couple of the girls are foolish enough to believe this is the way they will meet some rich bachelor who will fall instantly in love with them. I don’t live in a fantasy world. This is how I survive.

Crawling across the stage on all fours, I make my way closer, teasing him. His eyes are locked on me and I know I have him exactly where I want him. Pulling myself up so that I’m kneeling in front of him, I rub my hands all over my body until my fingers reach the apex between my thighs. Biting my lower lip, I wink at him before dipping my finger into my sex and then bringing it to my lips and sucking it into my mouth. I watch his eyes dilate and know he’s mine.

Standing up, I turn around, gyrating my hips knowing he is imagining what it would be like if I was impaled on his cock doing the same thing. If he is willing to fork over a few hundred, he can find out. I just need to reel him in. Bending over, I spread my legs, giving him an unobstructed view of my freshly waxed pussy before standing again and peeking over my shoulder.

As the song comes to a close, I end my act by giving him something to think about as I drop to my knees once more and lay back, my legs gaped wide. Spreading my lips with my left hand, I use my right to show him where his dick can be if the price is right.

I wink at him one more time before exiting the stage, praying my antics worked. Hawk stands at the base of the stairs, rolling his eyes at me as I come to stand in front of him. “That was one hell of a show,” he says, his eyes locked on my tits.

“Hopefully, it’ll pay off,” I tell him as I walk towards the dressing room.

Having just changed into a black lace bra and matching thong, I hear Hawk calling to me from the other side of the door. Peeking his head inside, he tells me exactly what I want to hear. “Hook, line and sinker,” he winks at me, letting me know my plan worked.

“Which room?”

“Number one, same as always,” he smiles.

I nod at him and then turn my attention back to my reflection in the mirror. Just a quick touch up and I will be ready for action.

There is nothing I hate more than looking at my reflection in the mirror and seeing the person I have become. Never had I planned on this life, but you have to play the hand you’re dealt. With my history, you wouldn't think I would go to such levels to make ends meet and if things had been different, I wouldn’t be.

Paul has taught me a lot in the time we’ve known each other. Gone is the naive girl I once had been. I am now in control of my actions.  When I first overheard Hawk and Paul talking about the private rooms, I hadn’t given it much thought. It wasn’t until I saw the kind of money that some of the girls were walking out with that I decided to question what went on behind closed doors.

Sometimes it’s simple - a one on one private dance. Other times, the men wanted a little something extra. Consensual sex was a foreign concept to me and I wasn’t sure I could go through with it, but I wasn’t given much of an option. It was do this or be without a home. Paul and I were doing whatever was necessary to make ends meet.

Paul has reverted back to his old lifestyle so that we can survive, selling his body, drugs, whatever he has to do to make sure we keep a roof over our heads. I wasn’t willing to let him be the only one to make sacrifices. He had already done enough for me.

Sex is nothing but mechanics unless there’s emotion behind it. Easy for someone like me. I can let men fulfill their sick needs with the use of my body.

There is never any pain involved, at least not on the outside. Inside, it tears me apart every single time I allow a man to touch me. Just the thought sickens me, something I have learned to push aside a little too easily. They get pleasure, and I get cash. A simple exchange that no one could possibly understand if they haven’t walked in my shoes.

I take one last look at myself in the mirror before darting out the door towards the private rooms in the back, hoping the man I pegged earlier will be the big spender I need him to be.

Stepping inside the room, I see him seated in the chair positioned in the center. “Hey baby,” I say, sashaying inside. “You wanted a private dance?”

He eyes me as I run my hands down my body. “Uh huh,” he mutters.

Glancing down, I see the bulge in his pants and take that as my cue. “Looks like you might be up for something more than just a lap dance, sweetie.” I bite my lower lip hoping he is going to come through for me.

“I’m up for anything you’re willing to give, sweetheart.”

“Is that so?” I ask, stepping closer to him. I reach out, letting my fingertip touch his chest before trailing down to his covered hardened cock. “What did you have in mind?”

“Um... what are my options?” He reaches out to touch me. Instinctively, I grab his hand and lift his finger to my mouth, sucking it slowly and seductively into my mouth, twirling my tongue around the digit before releasing it.

“Blow job is seventy-five.” I move his hand slowly down to my breasts, allowing him to feel their firmness through the barrier that conceals them. “Touching is an additional fifty.” Moving his hands down slowly, I let his fingertips graze the fabric covering my pussy. “I’ll fuck you hard for two hundred, and...” I move in closer, bringing his hand around to my rear, “anal will be another hundred fifty. All of the above and more for five hundred.”

I release his hand and step back, hoping my instincts are right and he has that kind of cash on him. I’ve gotten good at reading men, and don’t think I’m off my game. His eyes are hooded and I know he wants me, but everything depends on what he has in that wallet of his.

He doesn't hesitate as he reaches around and pulls out his wallet, gripping five one hundred dollar bills in his hand, he passes them to me. “Deal,” he says, rising from his chair.

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P
ushing open the apartment door, I’m surprised to see Paul seated on the worn green sofa in our tiny living room. “Long night?” he asks, as I plop down beside him.

“Yeah, but I made the rent,” I say, pulling the cash out of my pocket.

“Well at least that’s one thing off our minds,” he says, gripping the cash in his hand. “Electricity is getting cut off tomorrow,” he adds.

“Fuck,” I mutter, sagging my shoulders. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another. We can’t seem to get ahead no matter how hard we try.

“Good news is I got an extension for the car payment, so we’ve got an extra three days on that.”

That doesn’t make me feel any better, and I can’t see us getting out of this mess anytime soon. “It’s something at least.”

“We’ll get through this, Alana. I’ve been putting in applications everywhere during the day. Someone’s bound to call soon. In the meantime, we’ll do what we always do.”

Which means he’ll continue dealing and both of us will whore ourselves out just so we have a warm place to sleep and food in our stomachs. Neither of us is happy about it, but at least we have each other to lean on. I can’t imagine doing this on my own.

It isn't like we are living in the lap of luxury. We live in a rat hole of an apartment, barely six hundred square feet. Every piece of furniture is second hand at best. Our diet consists of ramen noodles and on occasion we splurge and get a package of hotdogs. The only thing decent we own is the 2000 Ford Focus we financed through one of those buy here pay here places. The payments are killing us, but we need a vehicle, even if the car is on its last leg. With close to two hundred thousand miles on it, we are lucky if we can get it to start. Yeah, we are living the high life.

“We always do,” I tell him, forcing a smile. I know he can see the pain in my eyes, but it’s been present for as long as I can remember.

“You up to a little three way action tonight?” he asks hesitantly.

No, I’m not, but I will never tell him that. This is code word for bill money and I know he wouldn’t ask if there was another option. Luckily it doesn’t happen too often.

A desperate man or woman wanting to fulfill a fantasy is usually willing to pay big dollars to make their dream a reality. They can always head to downtown Langley and pick up a few hookers that would suit the bill, but the people we deal with have a little more self-esteem. Paul is a good looking guy with a great body. Being a stripper I have to stay trim as well, and I know I’m far from ugly. With a lot of makeup and the right outfit, I am exactly what they want. Put us together and it is a dream threesome, and a high dollar one.

“Sure. What’s the game plan?” I listen intently for a few minutes while I get the details before I start to tune him out, wondering how I got myself in this predicament. The answer is simple. I can list every single monumental moment in my life in vivid detail, which is what brought me here to this moment. Closing my eyes, I relive each of those events that have scarred me for life.

Watching my drunken dad pull out his revolver and point it at my mother. Her begging him not to pull the trigger, but he wouldn't listen, accusing her of being with another man. Me screaming at the top of my lungs as he pulled the trigger, her blood showering me as she collapsed on the kitchen floor. Sobbing over her body, looking up at my father in disbelief as he put the barrel of the gun in his mouth. The loud boom that echoed through the empty house as he ended his own life.

The group home I was sent to, the same place I met Jackson Cade. He had become my best friend the same day of his arrival. We were inseparable, moving from home to home together as if we were brother and sister.

Arriving at the Martin’s home, believing Jax and I were finally getting a family. The first time Phil laid his hands on me. The first time I watched him beat Jax unmercifully. And the deal I made with Phil to protect Jax, followed by every single time the man degraded me.

Jax leaving me. I had never been given an explanation other than he ran away. I just knew he was there one day and gone the next. I had expected him to call or write - something, but instead he had just forgotten I even existed. It devastated me more than anyone could ever know. That was the moment I realized you can’t depend on anyone but yourself.

The night the two men entered our house and brutally murdered Janet and Phil. The time I spent in jail. Being released and living on the street. Finding Paul and learning to trust someone again.

And now I am living day to day, just trying to survive but I am no better off than I was before except now I have someone I can depend on. Someone who will never let me down like Jax did.

“We need to go meet him soon,” Paul says, bringing me back to the present. He looks down at me with a concerned look. “Or we can just stay here.” He knows the effect this has on me, even though I try my best to conceal it.

“No,” I say, pushing my thoughts aside, becoming the shell of a person I am. Forcing another smile, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him gently on the lips. “Let me go clean up real quick and I’ll be ready.”

He nods before I turn and head towards the bedroom. As soon as the door closes behind me, I break down. As I strip the clothes from my body, I sob uncontrollably. I am nothing but the whore Phil had always called me, only now, it is true. If I had more courage, I would have ended my life a long time ago but I am a coward. Too afraid to end this misery I call life.