Authors: Tamsyn Bester
I walk through the hospital doors and turn left towards the oncology wing.
It’s still difficult to walk down this hallway knowing I’m her to see my Father.
The reality of it all is something I have to face every day, and it seems harder
than the day before. When I reach my Father’s room, I find my Mother, Jessa, and Dr. Jameson deep in discussion. The look on my Mother’s face makes
me panic. Her eyes are bloodshot, and her cheeks are wet. I look at my father
and notice that he looks worse than he did yesterday. Something feels wrong
here, and my stomach sinks.
“Mr. Knight,” Dr. Jameson greets. “I’m glad you’re here. You’ll want to be
here for this.”
“What’s going on?” I ask quickly. “What’s wrong?”
“Kyler.” Jessa reaches out to touch my arm but I pull away. Why the fuck is
she even here? “The doctor was just about to tell us, calm down.”
Calm down? Is this woman on crack?
“What’s going on?” I ask, again. I ignore Jessa and look between my parents.
My Father looks worse than he did yesterday, and I hate seeing him so frail.
He was always the strong one in our family, and now he’s withering away. It’s
harrowing to watch, I can’t imagine how he feels.
“Mr. Knight,” Dr. Jameson begins. “We’ve run some more tests, and it appears that your father’s cancer has spread to his lungs.”
My Mother sobs. Her knees buckle, and I push Jessa out of the way so I can
comfort her. I kiss my Mother’s head, and feel her body shake in my arms.
My Father hasn’t said anything. He’s too calm as he lies there, looking at us.
“Do we have any options?” I ask, looking at Dr. Jameson.
“I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do except make your father as comfortable
as possible.”
“How l-long d-do we have?” my Mother asks. Her voice sounds broken and
desolate, and it breaks my heart.
“It’s difficult to say,” Dr. Jameson replies with sympathy filled eyes. “In most
cases such as this, the patient has as long as four weeks, maybe less.”
“Oh God,” my mother cries, moving to my fathers bedside.
“This is a lot to process,” Dr. Jameson says. “I’ll leave you alone. If you need
anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
I nod, and he leaves the room. My father is comforting my mother, when he’s
the one who’s dying, and in this moment it’s confirmed that my fathers shoes
are too big for me to fill. Cassey’s face flashed in my mind, and it evokes
something strange and unfamiliar in my heart. I need to tell her how I feel
about her. This life is too short not to.
Jessa steps up to my side, and slides her hand up my arm. Is she serious right
now? I grab her wrist and all but drag her from my fathers hospital room.
“What are you doing here, Jessa?” I ask, barely able to contain my anger.
“I came to see your dad, baby.”
I cringe at her term of endearment. Perviously, it wouldn’t have bothered me,
but it sounds wrong coming from her mouth now. She’s not Cassey.
“Don’t pretend you’re here for my dad’s benefit,” I snap.
“You’re right,” she purrs. “I came for you. You’ve ignored all my calls, and all
my texts, and I’ve missed you. I thought we could spend some time together.”
She presses herself to my body, and I push her away without too much force.
“No. I’m seeing someone.”
“So? That’s never been an issue with me, baby, you know that.”
“I love her.” The words come out of my mouth unbidden, but I know they’re
the truth. I do love her.
“Oh baby, you can’t love her. You’re mine.” With that, Jessa turns on her heel
and turns her back to me as she leaves. A dark cloud hovers over my head,
and for the life of me, I can’t seem to shake it. I need to see Cassey, but I
need to get a grip on my emotions first. Unfortunately, the only way I can
do that is drown them out. At least for a short while. Then I will tell Cassey
what I’ve known for a while. I love her.
I climb out of the bath, and wrap my fluffy pink robe around my wet body.
I’m exhausted, and as much as I would’ve liked to be with Kyler, I’m glad to
have my apartment to myself. I spoke to Kyler earlier, after he saw his Father
during lunch, and he told me that his Father’s cancer has spread to his lungs.
I tried my best to keep it together after hearing Kyler’s voice, but as soon as
we ended the call, I couldn’t keep the tears in. I’ve had a special relationship
with Kyler’s father from the time I started working at Knight Media, and
watching him and his family go through this is incredibly difficult. I wanted
nothing more than to see Kyler after that, but decided that he would probably want some time alone to deal with all of it. I collapse onto my bed, and
catch the fading scent of Kyler’s cologne on my pillows. I catch myself inhaling it, when I know I shouldn’t. It only reminds me that I have to end things
with Kyler soon, because I’m falling in love with him.
I promised myself, and Kyler, that I would walk away if my feelings changed,
but I became addicted to Kyler without even realizing it. My eyes close and
I doze off, only to be startled awake by my phone. The time reads eleven p.m,
and I roll over to grab my phone. I swipe my finger across the screen when I
see it’s a text from Kyler, and open it.
It takes me a moment to move. My mind runs through several scenarios, and
I contemplate ignoring it. Texts like this at eleven p.m usually only mean one
thing: a booty call. But considering everything Kyler has to deal with right
now, I reason that he does need me. I throw on a pair of discarded jeans and
a tank top with a light sweater. I grab my purse, and my phone, and hail a
cab as soon as I’m downstairs. It doesn’t take long for me to arrive at Kyler’s
apartment. I greet Stan, the security guy, as he opens the door for me, and
take the elevator up to Kyler’s apartment. I use the key he gave me, and unlock the door. I switch the flood lights on and inhale sharply. Kyler’s apartment looks like it’s been ransacked. The bar chairs are all smashed, and the
sofa cushions are lying everywhere. I also notice the clothes that are strewn
everywhere.
I walk down the hallway, past the guest bedroom, towards Kyler’s room. I
bend down in front of his door, and pick up a black and pink lace bra.
It’s definitely not mine. I swallow hard, ignoring the way my stomach is
turning, and wrap my hand around the door knob. I take a deep breath, praying that for the first time in my life, my instincts are wrong, and slowly push
the door open.
With the moon being my only source of light, I struggle to make sense of
the shapes. Moving closer to the bed, what I think I see becomes clearer until
I’m sure of what’s in front of me.
Kyler is sleeping, a sheet barely covering his bottom half, and Jessa is next
to him. Her red hair is fanned out on a pillow, and her arm is thrown across
his waist. I’ve slept in that exact position so many times, and to see someone
else holding him that way makes me sick. He’s not mine, but I started feeling like he could be. Kyler stirs, and mumbles something under his breath.
When he does it again, I realize he’s mumbling my name. Tears prick and
burn my eyes, and I start to back away. Why would he do this? Why send me
a text saying he needs me when clearly, he doesn’t? I turn on my heel, and
walk back down the hallway, not worrying that my footsteps could possibly
wake Kyler or Jessa. I shut his apartment door, and cup my mouth when a
sob threatens to escape. I should’ve known something like this would happen
eventually. But it doesn’t hurt any less. It doesn’t ease the crack on my chest
or the ache that builds in my heart. With shaky legs, I make it back down to
the lobby, and outside to a waiting cab. The short drive back to my apartment
is a blur, and it’s only when the loud click of my door echoes through my
empty apartment, do I allow myself to crumble to the ground. I would grant
myself this one chance to hurt, and cry, and then I would get back on my feet
and pretend it never happened. I will pretend that Kyler Knight is my boss,
and not the man I fell in love with without seeing it.
The sunlight beats down on my face, and the constant throbbing in my head
intensifies. I roll over, and freeze when I feel a body next to me. Cassey? Did
she come to my place last night? I crack an eye open, and instead of seeing
Cassey’s dark brown locks, I’m greeted by long red hair, and a scent I can
only describe as cat pee. Nope. Definitley not Cassey. Shitfuck. The body
groans and rolls over. Jessa.
“What the - ” My words are cut off when my bedroom door flies open. The
loud thwack on the wall makes both Jessa and I jump. I never thought I’d be
happy to see Quinn Avery in my bedroom, but I am. When she looks at me
I can see she’s angry with me, but when her eyes land on Jessa, her expression
turns murderous.
“Jeezus, Quinn, can’t you knock?” Jessa screeches. I try to remember how she
ended up in my bed, but my memory is still to hazy. Quinn walks over to the
bed, and grabs Jessa by the hair. With one swift pull, Jessa is on the floor and
Quinn is standing over her.
“What the fuck, Quinn?” Jessa yells. “What is your problem?”
I stay fixed on the spot and watch the scene unfold.
“My problem?” Quinn screams. “My problem is that you can’t leave your
fucking legs closed, you tramp!”
Quinn’s hand comes up, and the distinct sound of flesh meeting flesh echoes
though my bedroom. My eyes grow wide . Jessa cups her red cheek and glares
up at Quinn. She scrambles up to her feet, and tries to throw a punch in
Quinn’s direction, but she fails when Quinn ducks and lunges to the side. I
have to admit, even in heels the woman can move.
Jessa shrieks again and dives for Quinn, but comes up short when she trips
over my discarded clothes on the floor. I look down, and cringe when I see
I’m naked, save for the sheet pooled around my waist. A shrill sound makes
my head whip up, and I see Quinn grabbing Jessa by her hair again. Only
this time she doesn’t let go. I jump out of bed in time to see Quinn shove
Jessa down the hallway and out my front door. “Tramp,” Quinn mutters as
she slams the door, leaving a half naked Jessa on the other side. Quinn composes herself, fixing up her tousled hair, and the slight wrinkle in her work
pants. She see’s me standing in the hallway, and glares at me. If me she could
kill me with just one look, I’m sure this would be it.
“Quinn, I don’t know what happened,” I say, sounding as panicky as I feel.
It’s the truth. I have no fucking idea what happened last night, and my fear
of Cassey finding out only grows with each passing second. Quinn walks to
me, and if I wasn’t taller than she is, I’d cower under her angry glare.
“You sonofabitch!” Quinn slaps me across the face, and I stumble back. The
sting from her hand making contact with my face travels from my cheek to
my temple, and aids the ache in my skull.
“Quinn, listen to me, please. It’s not what you think.”
Quinn’s mouth twists into a scowl. “What part of it Kyler? The part where I
found you in bed with that skank, or the part where Cassey saw you first?”
My face drops. “She what? When?”
“Last night,” Quinn replies, folding her arms across her chest. “She came
over here after you sent her a text, and found you in bed with Jessa.”
I search my memory of last night, and draw a complete blank. “I didn’t send
her a text.”
Quinn reaches into her back, and pulls out her phone. She touches the
screen, and then hands it to me. It’s a screen shot of a text sent from my
number: I need you.
Dammit. I frown, and shake my head. “Quinn, I didn’t send this.”
“That’s what you’re going with? Really Kyler?”
“It’s the truth!” I reply exasperated. “All I remember is going to the bar to
meet friends, and leaving alone.”
Quinn purses her lips, and regards me. I’m wearing nothing but a sheet, and
I’m silently glad that Quinn is to pissed off right now to notice.
“Please believe me, Quinn,” I plead. “Let me talk to Cass and explain.”
“She won’t see you,” Quinn replies. Her eyes soften slightly. “She’s done, Kyler. She’s walking away, and if you don’t feel the same way about her that she
feels about you, then you need to let her go.”
“What do you mean how she feels about me?”
Quinn sighs. “She’s in love with you.”
My eyes widen, and my eyebrows climb up into the hair falling on my
forehead. She’s in love with me? What?
“And judging by the look on your face,” Quinn continues, “she didn’t tell you.
Dammit.”
“Give me your phone,” I tell her, holding my hand out.
“Why?”
“Because I know Cass won’t answer if it’s my number.” I’m taking a chance,
but I need to talk to her, and explain, before it’s too late.
Quinn huffs. “Fine, but as soon she hears your voice she’ll end the call.”
I don’t care. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Dialing Cassey’s number, I bring
Quinn’s phone up to my hear and listen as the phone rings twice before she
answers.
“Hey, Quinny.”
“Cassey, it’s me,” I say.
The line goes quiet, and then it goes dead. She hung up on me. I stare at
Quinn’s phone feeling dejected.
“She hung up,” I murmur, handing Quinn’s phone back to her.
“She’s hurting, Kyler, and if you really care about her, then give her some
time. Figure out what it is you want, because Cassey deserves everything, not
some half-assed fuck buddy relationship. She’s had enough people making
her feel like she’s not good enough, and I’ll be damned if I allow someone
like you to bulldoze through her life only to make her feel the same way. I
know she chose to have this friends-with-benefits thing with you, but she
wants more, and if you can’t give that to her, then let her go and give her the
chance to find the man who will make her his world. I know she loves you,
and it hurts me to see her deny it out of fear of losing you, especially when
you weren’t hers in the first place. I love her like a sister, and seeing the mess
she was in last night killed me.
She deserves better, Kyler, and you need to decide if you’re willing step up
and be the man she deserves, or walk away.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, Quinn’s words knocking the wind
right out of me. She turns to leave, but I grab her arm and stop her. “Quinn,
wait.” I steel myself. Once I say the words that are floundering on the tip of
my tongue I can’t take them back. Not that it would matter. They’re still true,
whether said or unsaid. “I love her.”
Quinn’s lips tip into a small smile. “I know,” she replies. “Now prove it.”
I watch Quinn leave my apartment, the sound of the lock echoing. What
happened last night? I walk to my bedroom, and pick up my phone, scrolling
to the message sent to Cassey from my phone. There’s only one person who
would’ve sent this. Jessa. Despite the ache in my skull, my anger simmers.
Before I can speak to Cassey, I need to find out what the fuck happened last
night and make sure that nothing did really happen between me and Jessa.
With that, I take a quick shower, and head to the office.