Authors: Tammy Blackwell
Tags: #Young Adult, #Paranormal & Supernatural, #Werewolves
He flattened himself against the earth as momentum propelled the wolf over him.
The night ripped a sound from my lungs, more piercing than a scream, more anguished than a wail. It echoed off the trees and rocks, amplifying my pain as I hefted myself off the ground and raced into the darkness of the forest. I slid on loose gravel and tripped over exposed roots as I made my way down through the trees, but I kept moving. Limbs smacked against me, leaving cuts and whelps on my face and arms, but I didnʼt care. I was only vaguely aware of the searing heat in my abdomen and the hair-raising sound of howls loud enough to be heard over the roar in my ears.
I stumbled through the dark, frantically seeking the thin stretch of beach, my throat growing raw as I called his name over and over. My chest constricted when I finally saw his body, naked and human, crumbled on the ground.
“Alex!” I fell to my knees beside him, ignoring the tiny stones that bit into my skin.
His breaths were quick and shallow. A ragged shard of wood protruded just below his left shoulder.
“Scout?”
“Shhh... Iʼm here. Youʼre going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.” One of my tears landed on his cheek. I wiped it away, along with some of the blood that had spilled out of his mouth.
He tried to speak, getting out a word with every other gasp of air. “Scout, I--”
“Shhh..” I brushed my thumb across his lips. “I know. You donʼt have to talk. Itʼs okay.” I stroked his face tenderly as I spoke to him. “I love you. I love you so much.” I bent down and pressed my lips to his, but for the first time he didnʼt kiss me back.
I held onto him as the Laodicean moon leeched the warmth from his broken body. I watched his eyes fill with fear as he struggled with his final breaths and laid witness to the emptiness that followed. Even after he was gone, I couldnʼt let go. I curled my body into his, struggling to tell him how much I loved him, how much I would always love him. I bathed him in tears and blood, and when I had none left to give, I finally surrendered to the darkness.
Opening my eyes seemed like an impossible task, so I didnʼt even attempt it. People spoke in hushed tones around me, but I couldnʼt distinguish one voice from another, much less individual words. Strong cleaning chemicals strained to mask the decidedly more human smells underneath.
“Scout?”
I knew that voice. It took a couple of tries, but my eyelids finally managed to pry themselves away from one another. Everything was slightly blurry and surreal. The television blended seamlessly into the cabinet that faded into the wall that was attached to the head of a middle-aged woman with curly brown hair, petite features, and sky-colored eyes.
“Mom?”
Crap, that hurt. My throat was raw and bruised, my tongue triple its normal size.
“Iʼm right here. Everything is going to be just fine.”
“Where--?” Had someone washed my tonsils with a Brillo pad? I didnʼt know it was possible for a throat to hurt so much.
“Youʼre in the hospital. There was an accident.”
Hospital? Accident?
I remembered being in the woods with Alex. He had let me see him as a wolf, and then--
Oh God.
“Alex! Mom, Alex! We have to help Alex!” I bolted up, but immediately slammed back onto the pillow. Someone was screaming, a blood-curdling, ear-splitting sound that filled the tiny room.
“Scout! Donʼt try to move!” Mom placed her hands on my shoulders to restrain me, but it was unnecessary. I couldnʼt move if I wanted to. The pain blazing in my stomach was all-encompassing. Mom glared at the portly woman in Sponge Bob Square Pants scrubs I hadnʼt noticed being in the room. “For the love of God, give it to her before she busts her stitches out!”
And then the world went black again.
***
Two teenagers kill themselves in the name of love after knowing each other for a couple of days? I didnʼt get it.
Lying in the Vanderbilt University Medical Center, I finally understood. Alex and I had known each other less than nine months, yet I had curled up with him on the ground that night with the intent of dying by his side. Instead, I ended up in a hospital room where my parents took turns watching over me - Mom continuously checking the monitors, IV drips, and pillow situation while Dad stared blankly at the television. I spent my time watching the rain pound against the tiny window, disappointed that my shattered heart still managed to beat.
I had four lacerations stretching from just under my right breast down to my left hip. Two of them were deep enough to have nicked some muscle. I had forty-eight stitches across my abdomen and three more in my shoulder where I had fallen against a tree branch. That, I vaguely remembered. I couldnʼt, however, figure out how I managed to break two of the bones in my left hand.
The main concern, according to my mother, was the amount of blood I lost. During the course of my two day drug-induced coma I received eleven units, which was apparently a lot. I didnʼt need anyone to tell me they werenʼt sure I would pull through; the haunted look in my parentsʼ eyes told me that much.
I wondered if they could see how much I wished I hadnʼt in my own.
My parents never asked me what happened or why I was in the forest in the first place.
They never spoke of Alex. They made sure I was as comfortable as possible and honored my every request, save one.
On my second day of semi-consciousness my mother announced, beaming, that someone was there to see me.
“Mom, please. No visitors.”
“They arenʼt visitors; theyʼre family.” She opened the door and ushered Jase and Angel into the room.
It was unfortunate they had unhooked the heart monitor that morning. If it had still been displaying my heart rhythm for the world to see Mom would have been calling for a crash cart instead of slipping out to get herself some lunch.
They stood just inside the door, Angel timidly huddled against Jaseʼs legs. There was no evidence that he had been in a fight, which was to be expected. When Shifters go from one form to the other the process repaired any damage to the bones or tissue that must tear apart and reform to complete the Change. In the event of a major injury - like Jason Haganʼs gunshot wound or Alexʼs fall - a Change would be triggered as a last ditch effort in survival.
I couldnʼt bear to look at Jase. I wanted to talk to Angel, to attempt to ease some of the fear I could feel radiating off of her, but I couldnʼt do that with Jase in the room. I could barely breath with Jase in the room, so I ignored them and went back to my new hobby - silently counting the water droplets that clung to the window. I was on droplet number forty-six when he broke the silence.
“Iʼm sorry.”
He was sorry? For what? Trying to eviscerate me or being an accessory to the murder of my boyfriend? It didnʼt matter. Apology was not accepted.
“Charlie is in the waiting room. He refuses to leave, not even to eat or take a shower. You have to talk to him.”
Droplet number eighteen, my favorite, decided he couldnʼt hold on any longer and fell towards the ledge, taking several unnumbered friends with him.
“I donʼt have to do anything.” I took a deep breath, congratulating myself on being able to get out a whole sentence. “I want to be alone with my sister.”
“Scout--”
“Please.”
I was as much shocked as relieved that he actually left. When I head the door click shut, I turned to Angel. Her hair was braided down her back, but several unruly curls had worked their way free, frizzing out around her cherubic face. She looked small and scared.
“I like all of my pictures,” I said, nodding towards the wall in front of my bed. Every time Mom came back from the hotel where my family was staying she brought a stack of drawings Angel made for me. I had her hang them on the wall so that I could see all the
Get well soon’
s and
I love you
ʼs every time the drugs wore off enough for me to wake up. My favorite was the first one on the second row. In it she had drawn two blond girls and a boy whose smile was so big it couldnʼt be contained by the round circle of his head. In his hand he had a plate of brownies. “Youʼre becoming a really good artist.”
Angel didnʼt say anything, but she did come over to the side of my bed. Her eyes would slide from my face to my stomach and back up again. Her bottom lip quivered.
“Do you want to climb up here and snuggle with me?”
“Iʼm supposed to be real careful not to hurt you.”
“You wonʼt hurt me.” I patted the empty space on the bed with my cast. “Look, you can lay right here. Weʼll just be sure not to touch my tummy, okay?” She was exceedingly cautious as she climbed up beside me. The jarring of the mattress did cause a few stabbing pains to shoot through my midsection, but I managed not to scream.
When she finally settled in I pulled her head down onto my shoulder. She smelled of hotel shampoo and cookies. I watched as tears pooled on the bridge of her nose before plunging onto my hospital gown.
“Mommy said that Alex went to Heaven.” Her voice trembled as she spoke.
“Thatʼs right. He went to be with his mommy and daddy.”
“And theyʼll take care of him and wonʼt let him be lonely?”
“Of course they will. Heʼs in a better place now.”
Angel wiggled around so that she could look at me. “Youʼre not going to leave me and go to Heaven too, are you?” Her voice hiccuped as she started crying in earnest, her tiny face screwed up into a mask of heartache. If you had asked me an hour before, I would have said it was impossible for my heart to break any further. I would have been wrong.
“Iʼm not going anywhere.” I awkwardly patted her back with my broken hand and covered the crown of her head in kisses. “Iʼm going to get better and come home in just a couple of days.”
“Promise me,” she sobbed. “Promise me you wonʼt die.”
“Angel, sweetie, I canʼt promise that. No one can make that promise.”
“Promise me!” she wailed.
And so I slipped my pinky finger around hers and promised to stay where I was, in my very own version of Hell.
***
“Hey,” I said. My voice was still weak, especially when I first woke up.
Talley jumped up and tossed the book aside without even marking the page. “Iʼm so sorry.
Have you been awake long? Do you need anything? Water? Ice chips? Are you in pain? Do I need to get a nurse?”
“Iʼm fine.” I swallowed and reconsidered her offer. “Actually, ice would be awesome.” Talley darted down the hall, reappearing seconds later with a styrofoam cup and plastic spoon. She made like she was going to feed me, but I fixed her with a look that caused her to hand it over. When her fingers touched mine she jerked back and apologized. She did that a lot now that I knew about her Seer abilities.
“Itʼs fine,” I said for perhaps the hundredth time. “I trust you.” That was apparently the wrong thing to say. Talleyʼs face completely crumbled.
I braced myself, certain Talley was going to tell me she had told Jase and Charlie where to find me. I had been refusing to admit that was the most rational explanation for how they found us because I knew once I did, I would have to pass some of the blame for Alexʼs death onto Talley, leaving me without a single friend.
“Iʼve already Seen what happened that night.” The world weighed heavy on her shoulders.
“I didnʼt want to, but they made me do it to protect the Pack. He had to know what happened.
Iʼm so sorry, Scout. I know I promised never to get inside your head without your permission, but--”
“Itʼs okay,” I said, cutting her off. “Mi brain es su brain.” My own memories of that night were still jumbled, but it was getting clearer all the time.
Some things, like the stick protruding from Alexʼs flesh, seemed to be seared permanently into my brain. Sometimes the image would suddenly float in front of my eyes, blocking out everything else. Other times, I would be gripped with a sudden paralyzing fear out of nowhere, my heart hammering in my chest, my brain screaming for fight or flight without any finite source of danger. And then there were the nightmares. I wondered if Talley was able to sleep peacefully.
“Iʼm sorry you had to See that,” I said.
“Iʼm sorry you had to live it.” She sat down on the edge of my bed. I placed a hand on her arm, both to comfort her and to let her know that I was still okay with her touching me. I watched as tears made rivulets down her cheeks, her face mirroring the window.
“Tal, did you tell them where we were?”
I couldnʼt help it. I had to know.
“What? No. Of course not.” She grabbed one of the sandpaper grade tissues from the nightstand and delicately wiped her eyes. “We were doing a distance test to see how far away they could get before I lost their voices. They were supposed to be heading south,
away
from you. I have no idea...” She dabbed her eyes again. “Toby asked, of course, but they wonʼt say what they were doing there.”
“Couldnʼt you just...” I squeezed her arm to illustrate my point.
“Jase hasnʼt gotten close enough for me to touch him since July, and Charlie...” She cleared her throat in as ladylike of a manner as possible. “No. I havenʼt been able to get anything.”
She stared out my window for a long while. I wished that her power worked both ways so I could know what she was thinking. My medication was wearing off, and since I was still holding onto Talleyʼs arm, she realized it the same moment I did. “Here,” she said getting up, “let me go get someone to give you something for the pain.”
“No, not yet. Itʼs not that bad.” I had learned that pain was relative. For about five minutes I thought my throat was the ultimate in suffering. Now, even though it hadnʼt healed much, I barely noticed it. Compared to my injuries, it was just a nuisance. And compared to the hollow ache in my chest, physical pain was nothing. “I want to talk more before I slip off into the deep, dark abyss yet again.”