dibs (19 page)

“If you’re offering me your hands, Sam, I’ll assume you want them bound.”

I digested his words. My hands fisted and I jerked my arms back, tucking them beneath me just as his hands gripped my hipbones securing me in place. Never in my life had I been so filled…so overtaken with greed and lust. I wanted him for my own. There was nothing I could do but allow him to possess my body in the most primal, animalistic way.

“Mac!” I gritted, as I took all of him, unequivocally more man than I’d ever had.

Suddenly, my head pulled back when he fisted my hair and tugged.

“Remember that name, Sam. In fact, tell the neighbors in the next cabin who’s fucking you,” he groaned in my ear.

“You are,” I whispered.

With the most powerful thrust yet, he buried himself inside me.

“What’s my name?”

“Mac!” I cried out.

“Tell them. Don’t tell me,” he said, pulling out, holding my hips and ramming into me again.

“MAC!” I screamed, unable to take his full length without pain.

That’s when he kissed my ear lobe, brushed a kiss over my cheek and pulled out. My knees gave way, my spent body collapsing on the bed. I wasn’t sure I had another thing to give…

“Roll over, Samantha.”

Two… that’s the number of hours I made love to her. Zero…that’s the number of times that I’d ever made love to someone before. One…that’s the number of women I’d ever had true feelings for, and I was going to tell her goodbye in four days as if she didn’t matter.

She’d slept soundly on my chest for about five hours. No nightmare. No noises. Outside of some slight twitching, I’d say she rested well. I, on the other hand, hadn’t dozed even ten minutes. Sleep was overrated when you had finally found the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and you wanted forever to start now.

Her question echoed in my head.
Mac. I wanna know more about you.
Of course she wanted to know more. That’s how this shit worked. Stick your dick in a woman…tell me your life story. As she stirred, nestling deeper into my arm, which had gone to sleep a good hour ago, I decided I’d answer what I could.

Through thick, heavy lashes her sleepy eyes peered up at me. I wanted to tell her everything…the biggest part of me wanted her to know about me, about my past, but I just couldn’t bring myself to take the chance. The fear of rejection was something I’d never felt. I remembered hearing guys say, ‘dump them before they dump you.’ But there wasn’t a single part of me wanting to dump her.

“You been awake long?” she groaned, stretching her beautiful body into mine. Ironically, my cock sprang to life.

“For a little bit,” I lied. “No nightmares.”

A lazy grin crept across her face. “I know. Maybe you can come sleep with me when we get home to keep the nightmares at bay.”

The moment the words were spoken, her eyes fluttered downward.

“I didn’t mean that…like…literally,” she quickly, but quietly added. Her tone was hushed.

With my thumb, I drew circles on her shoulder, maybe my lame attempt to cushion the blow. Fuck! I wasn’t going to wrap this in ribbons. Regardless of my approach, I was going to hurt her. That was inevitable.

As I slowly breathed in and out, I considered the things I could say. My options were to do it quick…kill her softly with the words or just lay it out there. Boom.

Within only seconds, her head disappeared beneath the sheets as she worked her way down my body. She dropped little kisses over my chest to my stomach. This beautiful woman wanted me. All of me. There was no exchange of money. No pre-existing agreement. She knew nothing about me. She wanted no sexual gratification in this moment outside of pleasuring me.

The warmth of her mouth…of her tongue as it circled the head of my cock, forced me to groan into the silence. And as she took all she could into her mouth, into the back of her throat, I closed my eyes relishing her touch this last time.

When my phone rang and Bryan’s name flashed on the screen, my heart raced as I prayed Jake was ok.

“Hello?”

“There’s my girl. When will you be back?”

His voice sent chills down my spine. I glanced over my shoulder making sure Mac slept.

“What do you want, Bryan? Is Jake OK?” I whispered.

“I haven’t seen him. He’s been with friends.”

My stomach rolled. “You didn’t utilize your visitation?” I asked, disappointment seeping into my tone.

“Sammie. Don’t start on this. Listen to me. You’ve been gone for a long time. I’ve decided we should maybe try this again. We belong together.”

My fingers clenched the phone. Truth is, I’d never been gone from him before. Pathetic. “Bryan…”

“I’m serious. I now know what it’s like to miss you. To live without you. I don’t want that.”

I cast a look over my shoulder again.

“Bryan. We’ve been divorced for almost two years. I’m not coming back. Ever.”

“Seriously, Sammie? We created a family. You can’t just walk out on that. I’ll have to tell Jake that you don’t want to keep us together.”

This conversation happened about every three months. His threats. His bullshit.

The deep cough startled me. When I flipped around, Mac’s blue eyes bore into me.

“What the hell was that? Are you with a fucking guy?”

I held up a single finger to Mac indicating him to hold on, and then walked toward the balcony.

“Bryan. It doesn’t matter who I’m with. That’s what happens after a divorce; you can be with whomever you want then.
You
just happened to do it during our marriage.”

“Sam! I’ll fucking kill him!’

I jerked the phone away from my ear. Mercury rose violently inside of me.

“Go to hell, Bryan. You won’t kill anyone. I don’t belong to you anymore.”

The phone was yanked so quickly out of my hand, I wasn’t sure what happened.

“Leave her the fuck alone!” Mac growled into the phone.

Blood invaded my cheeks. I didn’t want him knowing what was happening.

“Who am I?” Mac snapped. “I’ll tell you who I am. I’m the guy fucking your ex-wife and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it.”

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. When Mac saw my expression, he turned his back to me.

“And let me tell you something, if you’re looking for someone to kill, meet me in Carson City, Nevada, in four days, you want the address?”

As I stared at the back of his head, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was thinking. He didn’t know Jake or what the possibility of losing him felt like. And he couldn’t understand that every fear he’d wiped away in the past six days had fully resurrected.

“Mac…” I squeaked out, but wasn’t sure it escaped my mouth.

Wait…Carson City? He lived an hour from me?

When he turned back around, I couldn’t help but notice his hair was a twisted mess from where my fingers raked through it earlier as he brought me to climax with his tongue.

His angry blue eyes penetrated every cell in my body as they skidded over me. The sheet was the only thing protecting my nakedness.

“Excellent. I’ll come to you then,” he growled into the phone.

I frantically shook my head. “Please,” I desperately whispered.

The anger in his eyes softened, but the ticking in his jaw continued.

There was no possible way he could understand the damage he was doing. Bryan would tell Jake that I was with another man. Bryan would have no mercy about hurting our son.

“You’re done bullying her, asshole!” he yelled, and the walls of the cabin vibrated.

As a single tear broke through the dam, streaking my cheek, I spun on my heels and darted into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

“Sam, open the door,” Mac calmly asked about three minutes later.

The thoughts in my head were a scattered mess. For the first time in my life, a man was defending my honor at the risk of losing my son. I blotted my face with the towel, and then opened the door with my shoulders held high.

The moment he saw me his face contorted into a painful scowl. His hands fisted in his own hair before he grabbed me, securing me against his chest.

“Sam…” he breathed out.

My hands shimmied up between us lying flush with his chest. At first he fought my pushing him away, but finally stepped back. Those three minutes in the bathroom had allowed me to come up with a plan. An ill prepared convoluted plan…but a plan nonetheless.

“Mac. I think…”

“Sam. He’s a jackass. You deserve so much better.”

His large, overbearing presence was hard to ignore. I wanted this man for the rest of my life, but reality was…reality.

I shook my head. “And is that going to be you, Mac? Are you going to come home with me and become step daddy and help me raise the 15 year-old son that Bryan is telling right now that I’m fucking you? Huh?”

Mac bowed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Seriously. We both know there is nothing more here,” I continued. “We could enjoy this for a couple more days, but don’t pretend there is something more.”

His hands stroked to the nape of his neck as he stood staring at the ground.

“Besides, Mac. Jake would never want me seeing a man who is 15 years older than him. How embarrassing would
that
be?” I humorlessly chuckled.

I stared at the throbbing veins in his neck. Without warning, his fist slammed down against the table in the cabin. A cracking sound ricocheted throughout the room. My chin trembled as I watched him yank his shorts up from the ground and jerk them on, leaving them unbuttoned. He snatched his shirt up as he stormed toward the door.

“Mac?” I said with my voice cracking.

He opened the door but stopped dead in his tracks.

“Be honest. Right now. No bullshit,” I said. “Can you give more than this?” I held my breath, waiting for his answer. Hoping. Praying.

With hunched shoulders, he stood in the doorway, staring out into the hallway.

“No,” he said, offering no other words. The door quietly closed behind him. My mouth fell open in shock.

I wrapped my arms around myself trying to contain the unbearable ache that encompassed me. A searing pain, like I’d never felt before, seemed to split me in half. As I crawled into bed, burying myself in the sheets that reeked of him…of us…of sex…I closed my eyes and wept. Silent cries fled from my open mouth as my body shook uncontrollably.

It was in that moment that I realized…losing Bryan—the father of my son, the man I was married to for sixteen years—was a piece of cake. Having Mac walk out on me after nine days…I wasn’t sure I would survive.

“What the hell, Sam? Why would you say those things to him?” Juls said.

Kat stroked my forehead trying to comfort me.

“Shut up, Juls. I was simply doing the inevitable before he did.”

The pain hadn’t lessened in the five hours I’d laid here.

“How’d you guys even find out?”

“Blake told us,” Kat whispered.

Through blurred tears, I glanced up at them. “What did he say?”

“Thor destroyed their room,” Juls said.

“Yeah, well, he talked to Bryan on the phone. That will make you want to destroy anything,” I added.

Juls stared at me with wide eyes. “Remember how stupid you were with Bryan? He cheated on you. You allowed it. Remember?”

I rolled my eyes, got up and walked over to the balcony. “Juls, I really don’t need your shit right now.”

“Well, too bad. You suck at reading men. Don’t you understand? He tore up the room because he knows he’s going to lose you.”

“Lose me?” I spat out. “When I asked if he could give me more, his answer was a big, fat, resounding no! And that was before he sprinted out the door.”

Juls flicked her hand my way. I’d never wanted to punch her more. My fists clenched.

“Look,” she said with the tone of waving a white flag. “This was a cruise relationship. Blake and I will say goodbye too. What did you honestly expect?”

“It was a dibs relationship,” Kat smirked like that was a good thing. “This was testing ground. We’ve never known what would happen if the dibs actually became a relationship. This was new dibs territory.”

The smile tugged at my lips but was never successful.

“What if Bryan tells Jake?” I asked.

Juls blew out an exaggerated breath. Uh, oh, here we go again. Eruption coming. “Tells Jake what? That his divorced mother, who is forty years old, had sex? Come on, Sam! So the fuck what!”

Hmm. When she put it that way…it didn’t seem so bad. I was a forty-year-old divorced mom. I could have sex if I wanted to.

“Hell, Sam. Jake is 15! He could be having sex too!”

My mouth fell open right as my hand clasped over it to prevent the gasp from coming out.

“Julia!” Kat shrieked.

“I cannot believe you just said that!” I shouted.

Juls threw her arms up in the air. “Oh for the sake of fuck. Don’t be naïve. Are you kidding me?”

Shaking my head back and forth, I held my palm up to her. “Discussing my sex life is one thing. Talking about my son having sex is another.”

“Sam, really?” Juls said. “Jake is adorably hot. If you think for a second that girls aren’t coming on to him.”

I jetted my finger in her face. “Stay away from Jake.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Seriously? I’m a nympho not a pedophile. Take that back.”

“Take that back?” I repeated. “Are we in first grade?”

Juls’ eyes widened.

“Fine. I take it back. But don’t refer to Jake as hot anymore.”

Kat started giggling at our exchange.

“OK, Helen Keller. Just be blind to the obvious.”

“You, have real problems,” I said to Juls.

And for the first time in five hours, I smiled…albeit short lived.

***

When I finally crawled out of bed the next day, my hips ached from sex the night before with Mac. As if my heart wasn’t aching enough. The girls were going to force me to go to Fifties Night. There was no way that I wouldn’t see Mac. The entire wedding party was in our section. We’d seen them every night.

Back in California, dressing up like Sandi in Grease seemed like great idea. Now that I slid the tight, black leather pants on with the red stilettos and the black, off the shoulder blouse, I felt like a forty year old trying to look like Sandi from Grease.