Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3) (20 page)

U
nable to control my nerves
, my legs shook beneath the dining room table as Sienna passed the bowl of salad. Eugene rested his hand on my thigh and gave me a reassuring squeeze. It helped a little and my leg came to a stop.

So many times I kicked myself for not telling Kade and Sienna from the very beginning, but I wasn’t strong enough then. Now, with Eugene on my side, I finally found the strength to do what I should have done that first day so long ago.

I remembered what he said about Kade and Sienna having secrets of their own and prayed that they’d find a place in their heart to forgive me. Accept me. Understand why I did what I did even if I couldn’t quite figure it out myself.

Sienna was talking about the garage when her eyes turned to me. Her eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on?” she asked, and I didn’t know whether to be happy that this girl who was a stranger only a couple of months ago knew me well enough to know that something was wrong, or not.

Eugene took my hand under the table, and my eyes instantly went to his. He nodded at me, encouraging me to finally tell the truth. To stop hiding who I really was.

“Don’t tell me. You’re pregnant,” Sienna said, and I shook my head to put an end to that thought process.

“No, not at all,” I said.

“Not that it would be such a bad thing,” Eugene said, and my heartrate picked up a bit. A smile tugged at my lips, and I turned to him, completely surprised by his words. Our entire relationship had been a whirlwind and, other than our quick discussion of me being on the pill, we never discussed if either of us wanted kids. He was amazing with DC, but I didn’t know if that extended to his own plans.

So, hearing him say that made my heart swell. Made me eager to start our lives together.

“Well, if you’re not pregnant then what is it?” Kade asked.

Since what I had to say directly involved Kade, I turned to him, my brother. “Kade,” I said and forced a smile. “I haven’t been completely honest with either of you. That first day, when I knocked on the door, I wasn’t here to interview for a job. I was here to tell you.” I took a deep breath and Eugene squeezed my hand. Sienna’s eyes narrowed on me, and Kade’s head tilted as he waited for me to finish. “I came here to tell you that…” It was now or never. I just had to push the words past my lips. “That I’m your sister.”

Sienna’s fork dropped to her plate, and Kade’s eyes widened. “My sister?” he said confusion clearly etched on his face.

I nodded. “When my mom died, I found a box of my father’s things. A father I had never met before. With the box was a note from my mother, telling me I wasn’t alone in the world and I had a half-brother out there somewhere. So, I came here to find you.”

Sienna slammed her hand on the table, startling me and causing me to jump. “Wait a goddamned second. Let me get this fucking straight. You’re Kade’s sister and instead of telling us you get here and you lie to us. Weasel your way into our lives and never once think to tell us?” Sienna blurted.

“I was so scared and, when you assumed I was here for the position, I just went with it. I tried to tell you.”

“You just went with it?!” she yelled, standing up and forcing her chair back with her legs. “Why should we even believe anything you’re saying?”

“Because I’m telling you the truth.”

“She is.”

“And you!” Sienna screeched and turned her attention to Eugene. “You knew all along and didn’t fucking say anything?”

“I just found out a couple weeks ago. I wasn’t exactly easy on her either, so I get why you’re mad, but I forgave her and you should, too.”

“Why? Why the fuck should I? She came into my home. Lied to me. Pretended to be someone she wasn’t. I trusted her with my son! How do we even know she really is who she says she is? She lied once. Why wouldn’t she lie again? For all we fucking know she’s working for Montamos or Gordita’s Army. Gathering intel on us, telling those fucking pricks every goddamned thing she can to destroy us.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Eugene said. “You’re fucking paranoid.”

“Am I? Miles was working with them. One of the clubs oldest members. The last person anybody would suspect. So don’t tell me I’m fucking paranoid. I’m realistic and unlike you my mind isn’t being controlled by my dick.”

“That has nothing to fucking do with this.”

“Doesn’t it? She could tell you she was a goddamned unicorn and I bet you’d believe her.”

“Yeah, because not only is my mind controlled by my dick but I’m a fucking moron too.”

“Pretty much.”

“You are unfuckingbelievable, you know that? You act like you never fucked up before meanwhile we both know you’ve fucked up plenty.”

“Enough! The two of you,” Kade yelled, holding his hand up and moving for the first time since I broke the news.

Sienna’s lip curled, as Kade looked across the table at me. “We’ll do a background check.”

“I already fucking did when I hired her. Nothing about her being your sister came up. How do we know she didn’t plant a fake life?”

“I didn’t. I swear. I’m exactly who I say I am. I wouldn’t come up as Kade’s sister because my father isn’t even listed on my birth certificate.”

“Shut up!” Sienna spat, swinging her glare back to Kade. “We can’t fucking trust her. Not after this.”

Kade glared at Sienna and I swore she was going to lunge at him. “We’ll do another background check on Allison and her mother. I’ll have Hudson dig deep and see what he finds too. After we find out then we’ll talk.”

“I’ll tell you whatever you want to know,” I offered. “I’ll give you my mom’s name, social security number. I’ll do anything I have to in order to show you the truth.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sienna exclaimed. “I don’t care if God himself came down and told me she was your fucking sister. She’s a goddamned no good liar. She lied to us Kade.”

DC let out a cry and it floated down the hallway. Instinctively I went to go to him, but Sienna turned her fiery glare on me. “Don’t you fucking think about. You stay away from my son, you bitch.”

“Hey!” Eugene called out as I swallowed down the emotion rising up my throat. “You’re the one being the bitch.”

She wasn’t though. She was right. I was a liar A no good goddamned liar and she had no reason to trust me. No reason to accept my apology and my poor excuse for an explanation. I deserved every hateful glare and every vile word directed at me.

Kade turned to Sienna, taking her hands into his. She tried to yank away, but he held them tightly, bringing them to his chest. When she wouldn’t look at him, he took her wrists in one hand and pressed a finger to her chin, urging her to. “We all have lied and kept secrets out of fear. Have we not?”

Sienna didn’t say anything. Her lips pursed and flattened into a straight line.

“You, especially. I’m not saying I agree with what Allison did, but I can understand it if she is telling us the truth.”

“Well I can’t and I think you’re a fucking moron too.” She ripped out of his grip, grabbed her keys off the counter and raced toward the door. Her eyes landed on Eugene, venom filled her gaze. “Don’t follow me.” The door slammed and DC’s cries started again.

Eugene stood and Kade held his hand up. “Just let her go. She’ll come back when she’s ready, but I think it’s best if you’re not here.”

I nodded completely in agreement with my brother. This was Sienna’s home and she should feel safe to come back without having to face the likes of me.

“She’s being completely unreasonable,” Eugene said, running a hand across the stubble on his chin. “Allison isn’t working for Montamos or Gordita’s Army. It’s fucking ludicrous for her to even say that. To think that.”

“Can you fucking blame her?” Kade asked.

“Yes, because she should know better.”

“Should she? A week ago you found Miles hanging from the fucking ceiling beams after he admitted to stealing from us. To working with the goddamned enemy. One person we all thought we could fucking trust. The one person none of us would ever suspect betrayed us. So no I don’t think Sienna should fucking know better. Too much shit has happened for us to accept anyone’s word without investigating and I’m sorry if that pisses you off, but you’re going to have to find a way to fucking deal with it.”

“I understand completely,” I said, stepping between Dice and Kade, refusing to let these two friends fight because of me. I rested my hand against Eugene’s chest in an attempt to calm him down. The tightness in his jaw eased, so I turned to Kade. “Let me know if you need anything from me.” I spun back to Eugene, taking his hand. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Eugene and Kade stared at each other for a few long intense moments before DC cried out again, and this time didn’t stop.

Kade dropped his gaze and headed to the hallway. He hesitated and turned toward us. “I’ll be in touch,” he said before disappearing into DC’s room and though it wasn’t acceptance it was a start.

I
dropped
Allison at home and went for a ride while she took a shower. I thought about joining her, but I had too much shit on my mind that I couldn’t seem to push aside. The open road was always the place I went to think, to gather my thoughts and to clear my fucking head.

The streets of Black Hills were my sanctuary, but tonight the calm that always ran through my veins as I whizzed through block after block was missing. No matter how hard I tried to forget Miles’ lifeless body dangling from the ceiling, the blank stare in his eyes, I couldn’t. The visions haunted me, ripped at my heart and gnawed at my gut until I couldn’t breathe.

When I wasn’t thinking about Miles, I was thinking about Nick. How I came running back after going after those pricks only to find my brothers surrounding Nick’s dead body. The pain that I felt that day was unlike anything I had ever known. I’d been stabbed, sliced, burned and not once did any of those times break me. Losing Nick nearly destroyed me. A part of that pain stayed with me every single fucking day until Allison came into my life. She helped shine light on the darkness in my soul. She made me laugh again and smile. Gave me hope for a future that I stopped imagining so long ago.

I didn’t know what the fuck I did to deserve her, but what I did know was that I would do everything in my power to make her happy. To make sure I woke up to her every morning and fell asleep with her in my arms every night.

I turned my bike onto Cash’s block and pulled into his driveway, cutting the engine. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag, letting the smoke out in a slow steady stream. The club had always been my life, but after Nick’s death nothing felt right anymore. Miles was right. Things were changing and I knew what I had to do.

The porch light switched on and the front door open. Cash appeared and nodded his head at me as he came toward me. “Kind of late for a visit,” he said, coming to a stop across from me and folding his arms over his chest. “What’s going on?”

I took another drag from my cigarette, trying to find the right words.

“Come on, Dice, talk to me.”

“I want out,” I finally said.

A surprised breath rushed out of Cash and he ran his hands through his hair. “What do you mean you want out?”

“Exactly what you think it means and I’m hoping you’ll grant me an easy exit.”

“Is this because of Allison? You guys haven’t even been together that long. I get what it’s like to have a girl come into your life and turn it completely upside down. Sunshine fucked my world. Spun it right on its goddamned head, but that doesn’t mean you skip out on your family.”

“Allison is part of it…but she’s not all of it. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Even before Allison came into my life. When Nick was killed…” A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed it down, forcing the words around it. “I started to question everything. Nick and the club, you and my brothers, you were all there for me at a time when I had nothing. When I was nobody. When I was just stumbling around with no purpose in my life. The club gave me purpose.”

“And now?”

I shrugged as I milled over the question. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ll become the guy with a white picket fence and a steady, boring nine to five job.”

Cash laughed. “That’s not you. You’ll never be happy. You love the thrill, the adventure, the excitement.”

“I used to. I fucking lived for that shit. But without Miles…” My words faltered and Cash nodded. He knew without an explanation that when Miles died part of me did too. The part that devoted my life to the club. The part that got excited over bullets whizzing by my head. Without Miles by my side, that guy didn’t exist anymore.

“He wouldn’t want this,” Cash said. “Miles wouldn’t want you to leave the club. He sacrificed himself to protect us. How can you walk out on that?”

A smile touched the corner of my lips. “He sacrificed himself to protect our futures. To ensure that we would have them. He didn’t want anyone coming after us for those deaths so by taking the blame he made sure that they wouldn’t. In his own fucked up way he was giving us our freedom. You no longer have to worry about the truth coming out about what happened in your bedroom that night Anthony showed up. Aubs is safe now. Miles made sure of it. So yeah he sacrificed himself to protect us, all of us, but that’s what makes this decision that much easier. Miles lived the life he wanted to live and that’s what he’d want from all of us whether he agreed with it or not. And I want the chance to do that. To see what else is out there for me.”

Cash lit up a cigarette and took a long drag before he spoke. “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t rolling over in his grave right now.”

“Oh he’s flopping around like a fish out of fucking water for sure. Probably trying to find away to come back to life to knock me the fuck out.”

We both laughed then we fell into silence. A slight breeze picked up and it made me smile, thinking it was Miles trying to find a way to hit me.

“I love her,” I admitted.

“I know you do.”

“I want to be the guy she deserves and I don’t think I can do that if I stay. I need to figure out who I am without the club.”

“I can grant you a pardon but it’s not entirely up to me.” My gaze swung to him as he continued. “I’ll have to bring it to a vote. Majority rules.”

“I can live with that.”

“Tomorrow. Now go home and get some sleep.” Cash headed for the door then stopped, turning back to me. “Whatever happens, patch or not, you’ll always be my brother.” He offered a slight smile before going inside.

As the door closed, I felt some of the tension in my neck start to ease. This was the start of my new beginning. Now the only thing I could do was pray my brothers would set me free.

* * *

M
y decision was made
, and nothing nor nobody could change my mind. I sat in church for the last time, looking around the small space that for so long was my saving grace. I looked around the table to the men who would always be my brothers, and to the empty seats of the fallen. The seats of the two men that took a lost kid under their wings and helped give him purpose in life.

For years, the club was everything to me, but now I wanted a change. I wanted to see what else was out there. No longer alone, I had the chance to explore the options that I never had so many years ago. While it broke my heart to leave behind the only life I ever cared about, I was excited for the life that I could potentially have.

Cash sat in his chair at the head of the table and started. “I called everyone here today, but I’m not the one who has anything to say, so I’m going to turn it over to Dice.”

All eyes turned to me and I sat forward, resting my hands on the wood table. “After a shit load of thinking, I’ve decided to leave the club.”

My words were met with grunts of disbelief and disapproval, which I expected. Once you were patched in, you were in for life. You couldn’t leave. You couldn’t walk away. Which is why I went to Cash first and got a pardon.

Cash hit the gavel on the table. “Calm the fuck down. He’s leaving for now,” he explained. “But his spot will remain here for him if and when he returns. He’s dedicated over a decade of his life to this club. He’s lost and sacrificed, always following our code, and never once turned his back on any of us. Now, we need to offer him the same courtesy and set him free. Give him a chance to work his shit out.”

Kade nodded to me from across the table.

Allison promised we’d visit, that DC would have cousins one day and, when that happened, we’d move closer. I wasn’t necessarily leaving the club for good, but I was leaving for now. Allowing myself the chance to live my life without it. See if I would miss it. See if I could do the boring life of a normal guy that worked nine to five and didn’t go on stakeouts and deal drugs.

I knew that, if I decided to come back, Allison would come back with me. Because, no matter what, we belonged with each other and wherever we ended up, where we felt we belonged, that’s where we would be together.

The other guys slowly nodded their approval, and the moment was bittersweet, as the gates opened for me to be free.