Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3) (16 page)

“You’ll give me the money?” Miles scoffed.

Sienna reached for the checkbook, and put her pen to the paper, when Miles jumped up and snatched the pen out of her hand.

“All you had to do was ask, Miles. We’re family which means we take care of each other. You fucked up, and you fucked up really good, but that doesn’t change anything.”

She took out another pen from her top drawer, and wrote out the check. She came around the desk and held it out to him, but he didn’t take it.

“I can’t accept that.”

“Suck up your pride and take it.”

He shook his head. “Fuck pride. It has nothing to do with that.”

“Then, what is it?” she asked, and I turned in my seat, curious as to what else he could possibly have to say.

He ran a hand over his face, and then rested it under his chin as he stared off. Emotion fogged his eyes and he let out a jagged breath. “One night, when they were testing a new shipment on me, I got really messed up. So fucking messed up. They started asking me shit. Somehow, through the haze, I was able to keep my mouth shut, but at one point I slipped up.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked. My fingers dug into the arm of the chair, as I tried to keep from lunging at him.

“What did you tell them?” Sienna demanded.

“I might’ve hinted that the Outlaws were responsible for Anthony’s death, and that we set Montamos up to take the fall.”

It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. My jaw practically hit the goddamned floor. He came to me and confessed everything, yet he left one of the most important details out. He let that information slip to Montamos. Which meant…
he
was the reason Nick was dead.

The man who was like a father to me. The man who took me in and treated me like his own. He was dead because of him. Shock wracked my body, freezing me in place.

Sienna’s face went cold. Ice fucking cold. Angry tears filled her eyes as she forced her chair back and sprung up. Her fists clenched and unclenched. She held one to her mouth. “You son of a bitch!” she screamed, and dove across her desk, her hand aiming right for Miles’ neck.

My limbs finally broke free and I jumped up, stepping between the two of them, even though Miles didn’t deserve shit from me. I held Sienna’s shoulders, keeping her back from doing something she may later regret. “Dice, let go!” she demanded.

“S, I know you’re mad,” I tried to reason, but her lip curled and fire blazed in her eyes.

“You have no fucking idea. Now, let me go.”

I was torn between my two best friends. On one side, my sister, the girl who had always been there for me and, on the other, my older brother who took me under his wing so many years ago.

“Let her go, Dice,” Miles said.

Curling my fingers on her shoulder, I finally pulled away and stepped aside. This wasn’t my battle. Not right now.

“I have blamed myself every goddamned day for a fucking year.”

“I told you I’m a fuck up.”

She pointed to her chest, not even listening to him. “I put my unborn child’s life in danger when I slit Gordita’s throat out of vengeance as a way to repent for my sins. To try and make it right for what I thought I did, and now you’re telling me it was you this whole fucking time.”

My head snapped to Sienna in complete and total disbelief as Miles dropped into his chair.

“You’re the one who killed her?” What the fuck was going on? How did she not tell me about this? If she was the one who killed Gordita then that meant… “You were seven months pregnant! Were you out of your fucking mind?!” I screamed, forgetting about Miles and his shit, and furious at my sister for risking herself so carelessly. For putting my godson’s life in danger for that cunt. “Does Kade know about this? Does he?” A rush of furious heat crawled up my neck and into my ears. I could fucking strangle her right now. Did she have any idea how fucking stupid she was? How horribly wrong that could have went? That I could have lost more than Nick. I survived his death. I wouldn’t be able to survive hers.

“He knows. He’s the only one that knows. And he gave me enough shit about it back then, so I don’t need it from you now.” Her tone was full of venom and warning, but how could I not give her shit? How could I hear something so fucking insane like this and just leave it?

I stared at her in utter disbelief. Words fled me and, even if they didn’t, I was so angry that anything that would come out would be nothing more than rage-fueled gibberish. I rubbed at my temples, trying to calm my nerves.

“Why did you think…?” Miles started, then stopped when Sienna swung her angry gaze to him. “Why would you think you were the reason?” he finally managed.

“I bumped into Matias and some of his crew at a gas station. They threatened me in not so many words and I made a threat back. I told him to watch his back or he’d wind up like his brother. I recovered quickly and until…” Her voice came heavy with unshed tears and it brought me back to when Nick died.

How broken she was. How she cried and cried until I thought she couldn’t cry any more. Now, I knew she just forced her attention on something else. She focused on revenge, putting all her energy into killing Gordita.

She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Until Dad was killed. Then, I just assumed my slip was what caused Montamos to set him up. But, clearly, that’s not the case. Now, is it? So, all this time, I’ve carried this fucking guilt on my shoulders, and it was for nothing.”

Tears filled her eyes and a single tear fell. She swiped at it with disgust. Her hand snatched the check and she held it out to Miles. “Take this and get out.”

“After everything, you’re still going to give that to me?”

She wouldn’t look at him. Her head craned to the side, as she continued to hold the check out to him. “It’s what my father would want. Take it, goddamn it!”

Miles took the check, and stared at it for a moment, before turning to head out. He made it to the doorway and stopped. “When I said I was sorry, I meant it more than I could ever show you. But I never expected your forgiveness and I’m happy you didn’t give it to me. Because I don’t deserve it. You know how it feels to be weighed down by this guilt. Believe me when I tell you I suffer every day, hating myself for what I did. It should’ve been me.”

Sienna closed her eyes for a second and, when they opened, the tears were gone. “It wasn’t, though. So, do the right thing. Pay off your debt and put your ass in rehab. Get your shit together. Be the man my father saw in you.”

Miles caught Sienna’s eyes and nodded. There was nothing left to say that hadn’t already been said, so he took the check and left.

“S,” I said.

She held her hand up. “Don’t. I can’t deal with you giving me shit right now.”

“I was just going to say what you did here? Dad would be proud of you.”

Her lips parted, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. I knew her long enough to know when she appreciated something.

“Do me a favor.”

“What’s that, S?”

“Make sure he gets his ass to rehab.”

It was a favor I’d happily deliver on. “I’ll bring him myself.”

I
found
Miles in his room, lying on his bed, one leg resting on his knee, and staring up at the ceiling beams with a cigarette hanging from his lips. I was furious with him for what he revealed, and even more so that he didn’t think to tell me last night. That he let me walk into Sienna’s office blindly to such explosive information.

But I was also furious for Sienna and her confession. Two people I cared most about in the entire world up until Allison came into my life, had both kept something from me. It made me question everything. Made me wonder what else they could possibly be keeping from me. What others were keeping from me. Could I still trust them when they didn’t trust me enough to confide in me?

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, taking a cigarette out of his pack then tossing it back on the dresser.

“Would you have told me?”

I thought about it for a moment, putting myself in his position and weighing the different choices I’d have to make. Trying to decide if I would have done exactly as he did and kept it to myself.

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck I would do. But you’re one of my best friends and something like that? I’d like to think I’d fucking tell you.”

Miles sat up, putting his cigarette out in the ashtray on the nightstand. “It’s different for me.”

“Why? Why is it different for you?”

“Because you aren’t the one whose best friend’s father was the man your drug fueled stupidity got killed. Take that into consideration. If the tables were turned and I was you and you were me. Would you tell me that you got the man, that was like a father to you, killed? Because I don’t fucking think you would.”

“Whether I would or not isn’t the question. The question is, why didn’t you tell me last night when you told me everything else. Didn’t you think that was something I should know?”

He ran a hand over his face. Lines surrounded his eyes, showing his age more than ever before. His hair, usually combed into place, was a mess of greasy curls. “No, because I didn’t want anyone to know.
I
didn’t even want to know. I wished the fucking drugs could have wiped my fucking memory clean of that shit. But no. I’m stuck with it every goddamned day and, no matter what I do, I can’t get the guilt to go away. So, no, I didn’t think you should fucking know because the minute I said it out loud it was the minute I had to believe it. It was the minute I had to accept that I’m the biggest piece of shit and now the people who I love know the real truth about me. I’m a bad bet. I’ve always have been. It’s time to stop giving me the benefit of the doubt and forgetting about all the bad shit I’ve done. I am the bad shit.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

“Is it? I almost got you killed not too long ago.”

“I see what you’re doing. It’s easy to play the martyr. Don’t forget that you also saved my life and got me the hell out of there.”

“But, what if I didn’t?”

“You did.”

His jaw ticked and his fists clenched. He moved toward me, his anger palpable. “What if I didn’t?”

It was like he expected me to say something, and he was pushing me to let it out. The truth maybe? Did he think that the truth was different from what I’d been saying all these years?

“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I would hate you? That I would’ve got my ass shot up and I probably would’ve died on enemy lines. I would hate you from the other side?” I was mere inches from his face, screaming because I didn’t know what the fuck he wanted to hear. The only thing I knew was what I wanted to say. “I’m not going to say any of that shit because I don’t believe it for a goddamned second. I don’t need to think about what if because I know no matter what rain or shine, life or death, you will have my back. And that is all I need to know. Just like I’ll always have your back even now. Even knowing what I know, I still got your back. You want to know why?” I asked, turning the questions around on him.

His jaw was set and he stared at me with so much rage brewing in his eyes.

“Because we’re brothers. We forgive, we forget, we move on.”

“I’m the reason Nick is dead!” he yelled back, refusing to let me reason with him, but I wasn’t going to stop trying. He needed to get past this shit. He needed to come to terms with it so he could start healing. Stop letting the mistakes of his past haunt him. We all had regrets. Things we wished we could do over. It was part of our life. Shit happened and we found a way to deal with it.

“Did you pull the trigger?”

“I might as well have.”

“Did
you
pull the trigger?” I growled.

“What the fuck does it matter if I did or not? That fucking asshole did, because of what I let slip.”

“Did
you
pull the goddamned trigger?” I asked again, my voice strained, veins in my neck pulsing and bulging. Every ounce of me wanted to reach out and strangle him. Make him understand that, yes he fucked up, but he shouldn’t be crucified for it. It could have been anyone of us. Fuck Sienna thought she was the reason, so really, did we even know the truth? Did we know whose slip up was the one to tip them off?

If he continued to blame himself, he’d never be able to get sober. He’d use drugs to drown his regret, sorrows and guilt. He’d be lost to his addiction and lost to all of us. “Did you?”

The tension in his shoulders eased up slightly, as he dropped his head and looked to the ground. “No.”

I grabbed his face, and forced him to look at me. Look straight into my soul so he could see past the bullshit. “That’s all that fucking matters, you hear me? That is all that matters.”

He swallowed, his face red with so many emotions running through his eyes, I couldn’t begin to guess what the fuck was going through that thick goddamned head of his, though it was clear he was already drowning and I needed to pull him out.

“You hear me? Huh? Do you? Answer me, goddamn it!”

He tore out of my grip, and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I fucking hear you.”

“Good. Now remember that. You didn’t kill Nick. Fucking Gordita’s Army and Montamos are responsible for that shit.”

Miles lit a cigarette and sat down on the bed. He held the pack out to me, and I sat down beside him. We each took a drag and let the smoke linger between us. It was always like that with Miles. No matter what, we always went back to brothers who had each other’s back and shared cigarettes in silence.

“Can you believe blondie is the one who slit that cunt’s neck?” Miles finally said with a laugh.

“No.” I couldn’t and I didn’t want to. I wanted to pretend it never happened. Just hearing him say that had me on edge. Had my blood boiling and my jaw clenching.

“And at seven months pregnant. I knew she was a tough bitch, but fuck.”

We both fell into silence again, each puffing on our cigarettes and staring off at the wall. It was a rough few days, and all I could think about was getting some sleep and putting this all behind us.

“She’ll never forgive me, you know?” Miles said, blowing out a stream of smoke.

“Sienna? Yes, she will. Give her time.”

Miles shook his head. “She won’t. I meant what I said to her. I don’t want it, but it changes shit. Nick’s gone. Phil is getting old as shit. Cash is getting married, Kade has a fucking kid, and you even managed to find someone.”

“Fuck you,” I said.

“My point is, regardless if she forgives me or not, things are changing.”

“Change can be good. Change brought us Friday night dinners and Martha’s chicken.”

“That is some good fucking chicken.”

“Look, it’s been a long couple of days. Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll swing by early tomorrow help you pack a bag? I’ll take one of the trucks and drive you.”

“I have a few cars I still need to get done.”

“We’ll figure it out. It wouldn’t be the first time you didn’t show up.” I nudged his shoulder and he smiled, but it came up short. After everything, I guess reminding him of his prior fuck ups wasn’t exactly the smart choice. But we didn’t do that shit. We didn’t worry about hurting each other’s feelings because we didn’t take anything seriously.

I stood up and he followed. “Okay, my brother.” I held my hand out to him and, after a quick shake, we pulled in for an even quicker hug.

“See you first thing.”

I headed for the door when he called out to me. He held the back of his neck for a moment like he was trying to find the words he meant to say, but couldn’t remember. He looked up and right at me, all the anger and crazy mix of emotions were gone. All that remained was a sense of calm. “You’re a good friend. The best. And I just wanted you to know that, okay?”

His hand dropped to his side, and he shifted from one foot to the other. Miles didn’t do sappy. He didn’t say shit like that ever and that was okay. I didn’t need to hear it from him to know. Still, he said it, and I knew how much it took for him to do that so, instead of replying with the standard return of endearment, I smiled.

“Okay.”

We both nodded at each other, a silent way to end the conversation, and I continued on my way, hopping on my bike and heading home to my girl.

* * *

T
he entire ride
, I was on edge, scanning my surroundings and making sure I wasn’t being tailed. The last thing I felt like dealing with was some pussy ass bitches. Luckily, the coast was clear and I made it to Allison’s without any incidents.

I parked my bike next to her Prius and gave one quick scan of the parking lot before heading to her door. Mr. Rollins gave me a dirty look from his window before yanking the curtain closed and it made me laugh. The old man didn’t have to say a fucking word to me, yet I knew exactly how he felt about me. It was something I could respect. Though I was sure, if he ever left his apartment, he’d be down in town talking shit with those pricks Willie and Kent about how to take down the Outlaws.

I gave a knock, and then let myself in. Allison jumped up from the couch with the making of a blanket in her hands, a ball of blue yarn falling at her feet. Her red hair fell in waves on her shoulder, stopping just above the dip of her dress. She put the work in progress down and skipped over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck before planting her sweet ass lips on mine.

It was a hello kiss, but after my shitty ass day, I needed a lot more than that. She went to pull away, but I plunged my tongue into her mouth, searching for hers, and savoring every delicious stroke when I found what I craved.

My hands landed on her ass, and I hoisted her up onto my waist. Every emotion I felt today expelled itself into this kiss and she gave as much as she took, meeting my tongue thrust for thrust. Her fingers crawled up the back of my neck, and laced through my hair, as I walked us over to the kitchen, never taking my mouth from hers.

This was my calm now. I used to drink a bottle of Jack or smoke an entire pack of cigarettes, but now all I needed was Allison’s warm body wrapped around mine. Her lips brushing against my mouth and her nails digging into my shoulders as I pressed into her.

I placed her on the counter, and with the restraint of a fucking god, I pulled back, resting my forehead against hers. Our breathing came in short, rapid gasps and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. My cock strained even harder against my jeans, begging to be released.

“Now that was some hello,” she said, kissing my nose and then my cheeks. Her hands fiddled with the hem of my shirt, tempting me to continue what I started.

“Rough day.”

“So, why’d you stop? Let me make it better.” She ran her hands under my cut, and went to push it off my shoulders, when I took her hands in mine, kissing her knuckles tenderly.

“You said you wanted to talk earlier today. If I don’t stop now, we’re never going to talk because once I start I don’t plan on stopping.”

“Oh.” I loved the little hitch in her tone, the surprised look in her pretty eyes, and the sexy as hell way her teeth slid over her bottom lip.

“Oh yeah,” I said with a shit eating grin. “So, let’s talk so I can fuck you into tomorrow.”

Her hands retreated from my neck, and she pulled back; the adorable look she had on her face only moments ago vanished, and was replaced with uncertainty.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She unlinked her legs from my hips and slid off the counter, pinning herself in place between me and the wood. Her breath hitched when my cock pressed against her stomach, and I stepped back to give her room.

“Do you want a drink?” she asked.

I wasn’t an idiot. She was avoiding the subject, which only piqued my curiosity. Once we had this discussion of whatever it was she wanted to talk about, I could be inside of her, bringing her to the point of screaming. So why was she delaying it? The only possible reason was because what she had to say wasn’t good.

“I’ll take a beer, if you have one,” I said, hoping that if I let us go about normally she would find that comfort spot and open up.

“I always keep a six pack here for you,” she said, grabbing one from the fridge and popping the cap before handing it to me. She retrieved a wine glass for herself and poured a decent size glass of white.