Dice (A Righteous Outlaws Novel #3) (12 page)

His words were like a swift punch to the gut. “You can’t be serious?”

“Oh, I’m fucking serious alright. Next time you think about accusing me of some bullshit, do me a favor and be man enough to show me the knife before you stab it into my back.”

Maybe I should have spoken to him first before Sienna. We basically tag-teamed him and already marked him as the one to blame. We went in with accusations, instead of just talking.

He stormed past me, and straight to the clubhouse without as much as a glance back. I shouldn’t have felt guilty, but I did. It spread through me like a fucking storm, battering my mind and soul and leaving me full of regret.

A
fter a long day
of diaper changes, cleaning up drool, and picking the remains of DC’s lunch out of my hair, I couldn’t wait to get home to my shower and a nice glass of wine. The last thing I expected when I pulled up was to see Eugene smoking a cigarette and leaning against my door. It had started raining as I drove home and wasn’t letting up.

Rain drops rolled down Eugene’s leather vest, despite the small overhang above my door. The slight smile he always seemed to have on his face was nonexistent as he took another drag off of his cigarette.

Mr. Rollins was perched in front of his window, holding back his curtain with an evil glare. I got out of my car and gave him a wave. He yanked the curtain shut with a look of disdain, and I laughed.

“You causing trouble?” I asked Eugene, as I made my way up the sidewalk.

His smile finally appeared, but it didn’t reach its full potential. “Me? Never.”

He put his cigarette out in the makeshift ashtray I made for him and took me into his arms. His grip tightened, as he buried his head into my hair.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I asked, taking his face in my hands. The brightness in his eyes was dull, and he attempted another smile, but this time it barely even appeared.

“I never did fix that sink of yours.”

“True, but that’s not why you’re here.”

“I just wanted to see you.” He dipped his head and captured my lips, thrusting his tongue in my mouth without any hesitation. His hands fisted my dress just above my ass and, if I didn’t pull away Mr. Rollins would have gotten one hell of a show.

Heat radiated between us as I attempted to catch my breath. His forehead rested against mine, and he cupped my cheek with his hand. “I need you.”

It would be so easy to give into temptation and desire, but there was a reason he showed up on my doorstep, and I wasn’t going to let him use me to forget about whatever was bothering him.

“Why?” I asked.

“Do I really need a reason?”

“Yes. Especially when you show up out of the blue looking like someone just kicked your puppy. What’s going on, Eugene? And don’t tell me nothing. I don’t know what this is between us, but what I do know is we have to be open with each other.” As soon as the words poured out of my mouth, I was reminded of the lying coward I was. I was asking him to be honest with me, yet I was hiding the biggest secret of all.

I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t told him. It had nothing to do with fear of him telling Kade or Sienna, because I trusted him completely. Then, suddenly, like clouds parting on a rainy day, it became clear. The reason I hadn’t told him was simple.

I was afraid of losing him.

The fear was stronger every time he walked out of my door, and went off to do so called club business. What if something went wrong, and he didn’t come back? What if I never saw him again?

I hadn’t dealt with much loss in my life, but losing my mother opened my eyes to the pain and heartache that came with it, and I never wanted to experience that again. At least not any time soon.

To think that the secret I harbored could just as easily take him from me froze my insides. The longer I kept it from him, the worst it would be. I had to tell him. Soon. Right now, though, he needed me and that’s all that mattered.

“Come inside, and I’ll make you something to eat.”

“The only thing I want to eat is you.”

I wondered if he’d feel the same once he knew what I was hiding from him. Would he still look at me the same? Or would his entire view change?

I opened the door and turned back to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. For now, I would relish in every second we had together. “How about you can have me for dessert?”

“Mmm.” He grabbed my waist and hoisted me up onto his hips, spinning me around and pinning me to the now closed door. I locked my legs behind his back. “Only if I can skip dinner.”

I reached up, running my fingers through his dark hair. “You know why dessert is the best part of the meal, right? Because you have to wait for it. Earn it.”

He swiped his tongue across my earlobe. His fingers toying with my nipple through the thin fabric of my dress. Desire erupted inside of me, but I held my ground.

“Everyone knows dessert is the best because it’s indulgent and tastes so fucking good.” As the words left his mouth, he nipped at the sensitive skin at the crook of my neck.

If I didn’t put distance between us, then we’d be naked within seconds, and my mind would be mush. There’d be no talking and I didn’t want that. I wanted him to know he could talk to me about anything. So, I unhooked my legs and slid down the front of him until my feet were planted on the ground.

I pressed my hand into his chest and backed him up. “Did you ever hear that it’s worth the wait?”

“Have never really been fond of that saying.”

I touched my lips to his, soft, sweet and seductive. “Trust me. I’ll make it worth it.”

I spun from him, and he smacked my ass, as I took off to the kitchen. Yesterday, I picked up a few things from the grocery store and was planning on cooking a steak for dinner. I rarely ate red meat, but, every now and again, I had a craving. The piece was too big just for me, a reminder that my mother was gone, so I was happy I’d have someone to share it with.

“How about steak and mashed potatoes?”

He eyed me curiously. “No green shit tonight?”

“That green shit is good for you,” I said, placing the steak on the counter, and then grabbing a beer and a bottle of wine.

“That green shit could be used as a form of torture.”

I glared up at him, but, as soon as my eyes locked with his, I laughed. Half the time he didn’t even need to say anything to bring the joy out of me. Just had to look at me with that crooked grin, and I was a giggling school girl.

“I’m making my man steak because he seems lost tonight.”

“Your man, huh?” He snaked his hand around my waist, and brought me close to him. I could feel his erection pressing against his jeans and begging to be released.

“I don’t know why I said that.”

“No, I like being yours.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, eliciting a shiver to trail down my spine. “But what I like more is you being mine.”

“I like that, too.”

He pressed his lips to mine, and I moaned at the tenderness. Heat and moisture pooled between my legs. His tongue swiped at my bottom lip before he took it between his teeth, nipping and sucking before he pulled back, not giving me nearly enough, and leaving me wanting more, so much more.

“A wise person once told me it’s worth the wait.” He winked and I swatted his chest.

“Using my own words against me… that’s cruel.”

“Not so fun when you’re on the other side, now is it?”

I pouted and he laughed. “Come on make me my steak, woman.”

“Talk to me like that again, and you won’t be getting dinner or dessert.”

“You drive a hard bargain.”

“And you love that about me,” I said, and momentarily froze. Love. Why would I say that? Where did that even come from? I imagined guys like Eugene didn’t like to hear that word tossed around so freely.

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and then spread to its fullest potential. “I do. Now, are you going to tell me why your hair smells like applesauce?”

Thrilled that he didn’t harp on my word vomit, I happily answered him. “That would be your godson. Apparently, he’d rather fling his applesauce at me than eat it.”

Eugene got up with a laugh and grabbed the wine cork. He opened the bottle, pouring me a generous glass.

“He’s a pisser, that kid. He’s going to drive his mother nuts when he’s older and I can’t wait.”

“If he’s anything like his father or godfather, he’ll definitely be a handful.” He handed me the glass and I took a nice big sip. “Your turn. What happened today?”

He took a swig of his beer and stared out to the living room. “Have you ever thought you made the wrong choice, but when you finally realize it, it’s too late and the damage has already been done?”

I stopped peeling potatoes and rested a hand on his, lacing our fingers together. “Of course. It’s a part of being human. It’s okay to make mistakes we all do.”

“Even when you accuse one of your best friends of stealing thousands of dollars.”

I looked into his eyes and could see the distress and regret. Whatever happened weighed on him heavily and I wished I could lift the burden off of him. I couldn’t do that unless I knew the whole truth. The whole story. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?”

“Miles has a good twenty years on me, but he doesn’t act like it. He loves to have fun, and so do I. From the minute I joined the club, we became close. While Nick was the father figure I never had, Miles was the older brother I never had. He took me along on club business, and showed me the ropes. Helped me get patched in. He has his demons like we all do, but his are in the form of drugs. He had a relapse recently. That night I left you was because he needed me. Anyway, money has been missing from work which is why Sienna has been working so hard. She’s been trying to figure shit out.”

“Poor Sienna. I had no idea. That must be so stressful.”

He nodded. “Every avenue she followed led her to Miles. When she told me, I didn’t want to believe it, but, when Miles uses, he’s not the same person. So, she didn’t have to do much convincing.”

“So, what’d she do?”

“We confronted him today after work.”

“I’m guessing it didn’t go so well.”

“The thing with me and Miles is that we can be throwing punches one minute and the next sharing a bottle of Jack. Not this time. He was really fucking pissed, and I can’t blame him.”

“You had proof, though. He had to understand.”

“Being an Outlaw, there is a code we follow. Four things that we pride ourselves on: righteousness, brotherhood, respect, and loyalty. I violated every single one.”

“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. If the evidence was there, he should have been able to look at it and tell you how it didn’t relate to him. Give you a different lead to follow.”

“Sienna didn’t even show him. She took his word and left it at that.”

He downed the rest of his beer and rubbed at the spot between his eyes.

“You don’t believe him, do you?”

“He’s my best friend. My brother. He was so adamant that he didn’t do it.”

“But you think he did.”

“I think I’m wrong in how I went about things. When it’s two against one, it’s never a good outcome. If I would have gone to him and had a conversation one on one…”

“Do you think he would have confessed?”

“I’ll never know now. So the only thing I can do is feel guilty about the accusations and pray to whatever fucking god there is that he isn’t lying. Because if he is…”

His words cut off and, honestly, I didn’t want to know. The club world was still something I wasn’t comfortable with, and I wasn’t sure I ever would be. Miles was a friend and, according to Eugene, a long time member. I hoped that, even if he were guilty of the crime, they wouldn’t hurt him.

“If he did do it, I know he has to have a really fucking good reason and that’s what bothers me the most. That I have no fucking clue. What if he’s got himself in some shit and he’s trying to deal with it on his own? What kind of friend does that make me if I can’t help him?”

I rested my hands on his shoulders, and waited for him to look at me. Those beautiful dark eyes settled on me, catching my gaze and I smiled. “If you ask me, I’d say the best kind because, even though you think there’s a possibility that he’s lying and he is guilty, you still believe he has a good reason. That’s honorable.”

“Or fucking stupid.”

* * *

O
ut of all the
people Eugene could have gone to, he came to me. He opened up to me in a way that I always imagined the man I’d be with would. It would be a relationship of give and take. Confiding in each other and offering advice… or just a reassuring hug. I should be happy, but instead I was full of remorse because I wasn’t who and what Eugene thought I was. I couldn’t be the woman to fulfill his wants and needs. Not when I was keeping something from him.

I lay my head against Eugene’s chest and stared across the dark room. Words swirled in my head, begging to come out, but my brain and mouth wouldn’t cooperate. His finger trailed down the bare curve of my back, making me feel warm and safe.

Everything about this moment was perfect except that I couldn’t turn my mind off. Couldn’t force the guilt away.

“Sorry about earlier,” he said, his fingers came to a rest just above my waist.

I propped myself up on elbows and looked toward his beautiful eyes. “Sorry for what?”

“For showing up and dumping my shit all over you, and not fixing your fucking sink… again.”

Needing to show him more than tell him that he had no reason to apologize, I pressed a kiss to his chest, and then another, trailing my way up until I was staring into his eyes. “You never have to be sorry for coming to me.” I reached up, cupping his face in my hand. “I’m happy you did.”

He leaned down, and touched a soft kiss to my forehead. Desire surged through my veins, and I was amazed at how something so simple could elicit such a reaction in me. But it was
him
. He did that to me.