Dipping Into Sin 2: Digging Deeper Into Sin (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Simone

North
Carolina

Two
days later

             “What do you mean that her brain wave activity
has reduced to 10%?” My mother asked Dr. Logan.

Her high-pitched voice drew attention to our
direction as Dr. Logan cleared his throat nervously. “Mrs. Jones, the
ventilator is keeping her alive. She’s not able to breathe on her own anymore.”

            “Oh God,” my mom shrieked with tears streaming
from her eyes. Holding onto my mother, her head rested on my shoulder as I
nodded to Dr. Logan before he walked away. Guiding my mother into Grandma’s
bedroom, my mother immediately ran to her mother’s helpless body. She was
hooked up to the machines with an endotracheal tube and a tracheotomy tube
shoved down her throat. A foul odor filled the room. She was dying, and I could
not do anything about it.

            “Mama, I know that you can hear me. You’ve always
been a fighter. You can fight this. Come on, you can do it,” my mother coached
my grandmother in between her loud sobs.

            Standing at the foot of my grandmother’s bed, I
searched for the strength to let go of my best friend, my mother, my rock.
Silent tears began to slide down my cheeks, as I thought about my daughters.
How was I going to explain to them that their Nana was now in heaven? Walking
to the side of Grandma’s bed, I leaned over and kissed my grandmother’s
forehead as droplets of tears moistened her cold skin.

            “Grandma, as much as I don’t want to say goodbye,
I can’t bear to see you like this,” I said before I leaned into her ear and
whispered, “Please continue to watch over your grandbabies from up there. I
love you, Grandma.”

            Walking away from my Grandmother’s body, I dug
into my bag and pulled out my cell phone. Scrolling through my contacts, I
stopped at Raymond and Raymond Family Funeral Home and prepared for the
arrangements for Grandma’s funeral.      

~****~

Later that day, my mother and I picked up my
daughters from their day camp. Once inside, my mother gave each of the girls a
kiss and told them that she was going to sleep early. She tried to maintain a
sense of calmness on behalf of the girls, but her eyes were filled with
distraught and pain. After making dinner for the girls, I bathed each of them
before bringing them into my bedroom. It was time that they knew the truth
about their Nana.

            “I have to tell you something—something about
Nana,” I began, but choked up. Swallowing the tears that threatened to spill
from my weary eyes, I continued. “Nana is not going to be coming home.”

            “Why?” asked Jasmine, as each of my daughters
looked to me from answers.

            “Doesn’t Nana know that I miss her?” asked
Olivia.

            “Yes, Livy. She knows that you all miss her. She
misses you too.” Unable to hold back my tears, a trail trickled down my cheek.
“God has called her to come into His home.”

            “But, her home is here,” protested Olivia.

            “Can we visit her?” asked Acelia.

            “No baby, I’m afraid that you can’t visit her.
But, she’ll always be here with us. Nana was fighting a great battle. She
fought hard,” pausing briefly I wiped away my tears before continuing. “God
knew that she was tired of fighting so He took all of her pain away and told
her come home with Him.”

            “Why didn’t she take medicine to make her feel
better?” Jasmine asked.

            “This time the medicine did not help her,” I
replied to Jasmine.

            “Maybe if we make the box with Mr. Bald-bald,”
Olivia struggled to pronounce his last name.

            “Mr. Balducci.”

            “Yes. Maybe if we make the box, she’ll come
home,” said Olivia.

            “We can still make the box for her. But she won’t
be able to come home and see it. She’ll see it from up there,” I assured her as
my index finger pointed upward.

            “I want her to come down here and see it. Mommy
tell her to come down here,” whimpered Jasmine.

             “Jazzy, it’s not that simple baby.”

            “But, why Mommy?” Jasmine began to cry. As if
Jasmine’s cries were contagious, Acelia and Olivia began to start crying.
Reaching for my daughters, I pulled them all into a group hug and tried to
console each of them.

~****~

These past few days were dreadful and filled
with having to console my daughters. They didn’t understand the concept of
death and I was not prepared to even explain it to them. I guess, somehow, I
believed that my grandmother was always going to be around for us. Anything
that I didn’t know, I would always turn to Grandma, and she would have the
solution for everything. I never for once thought that there would be a day
that she would not be here to provide a solution.

My mother was taking it just as hard. She
had to return to Florida this morning or risked losing her job. Between Henry’s
nagging behaviors to her not having ‘paid-time-off’ left from her job, my
mother was a complete wreck because she was not going to be able to see Grandma
being laid to rest in two days. Despite the loss of Grandma, my mother managed
to find happiness in the midst of sadness while interacting with my daughters. Like
Grandma, my mother woke up and made her entire day around the girls. Now that
they were in day camp, my mother and I went through Grandma’s belonging. We
cried, laughed, and cried again as we reminisced on the memories of my
grandmother. 

With Grandma gone, I knew that it was time
to move past the hurt. After witnessing Henry assaulting my mother and verbally
abusing the both of us, I had this built up anger that consumed any love that I
had left for my mother. I begged my mother to leave Henry, quit her job, and
move up here to live with me. I told her that I would support her and provide
an actual loving home for her. I even tried to shame her with guilt by telling
her that my daughters needed their grandmother in their lives. I said
everything to try and convince her to stay. I needed her and like always she
needed him. I left the conversation sad but relieved from the weight that
pushed down on my heart.

Even after our conversation the other night
about her relationship with Henry and how it affected our relationship, she
still insisted that she wanted to make her marriage work. In the end, I was in
no position to tell her anything when I’m dating Andre even though another man
haunts my dreams. As much as I hated to admit it, I was angry that Andriano was
gone. He told me that he was going to be way for a couple of weeks, but now
this is the fourth week. Even though he gave me his number, I couldn’t bring myself
to dial his number. The last thing that I wanted him to know was that I missed
him.  

 After dropping my mother off at the airport,
Andre returned home with me and helped me with the preparations for Grandma’s
funeral. Everything seemed to be nearly done with the exception of buying
dresses for my daughters for the funeral.

Andre and I were dating exclusively, but I
still couldn’t understand why my libido didn’t kick in when it mattered. Even
though we were not officially an item, he was the only person that I had any interest
in. He was eye-candy at best, but down there remained as dry as a desert. Last
night, after I put the girls to bed, and my mother bid us a good night, we sat
on the couch and talked for a while before we started to kiss. His touch didn’t
feel right, as I struggled to get in tune with his tempo. Allowing his hands to
rub my body until he got his fill, I still remained unaffected by his touch.

Subconsciously, my mind drifted off to
Andriano. His love bites leaving scars that I could only feel, as his hands
left marks on my body that were invisible to the naked eye. Just the mere
thought of him sent a heat wave over my skin as I envisioned his dominance
taking complete and utter control of me.

“Let’s go to your bedroom,” Andre whispered
against my skin in between kissing me. And that’s when I snapped back into
reality. He was not Andriano.

Stopping his hands from going any further, I
said, “I’m sorry Andre.”

Shifting my body away from his reach, I pulled
my sundress down my legs and looked at him with apologetic eyes.

            “Simone we’ve been dating for close to three
months now,” he began before pausing briefly to wipe his hand down his face to
ease the exasperation that settled on his face. “I know that you said that you
don’t want us to move any further until my divorce is finalized, but baby I’m
trying.”

            Raking my fingers through my hair, I looked over
at Andre with disapproving eyes. “Andre, I think that we should just call it a
night.”

            “I’m not leaving until you tell me how we can get
to the next level of ‘us’,” he said as he brought his hand into a prayer form
and pressed it against his lips.

            “Now is really not the time to have this
discussion. I appreciate you being patient with me, but you were well aware
from the beginning that I needed to have that confirmation. Your divorce would
definitely show me that that chapter of your life is closed,” I said as I
shuffled myself onto my feet to stand before him.

            “Baby, my word is not good enough? It is over
between Vanessa and me. We both are in agreement that our relationship cannot
be salvaged,” Andre said as he stood to his feet and matched my eye level.

            “Your word is good enough. It was good enough for
us to be at this point,” I said as both of my pointer fingers pointed downward
to further accentuate my statement.

            “Yes, but I’ve been consistent and shown you that
my focus is only on you and no one else,” he said.

Exhaling my frustration, I looked at Andre
with exhaustion filtering over me. He was very supportive throughout this
ordeal, but I didn’t owe this man anything. “Truthfully, I’m just not ready,” I
said admittedly.

“Mommy,” I heard the faint voice of Acelia
calling out to me.

“Can you walk yourself out Andre? Lock the
bottom lock when you leave.”

“Wow, okay Simone.” He couldn’t even hide
his displeasure.

“Goodnight, Andre. I’ll call you tomorrow,”
I said as I walked towards the stairs and began to climb up.

Once upstairs, I quickly walked towards the
girls’ bedroom when I heard Acelia call out to me.

“Are you okay, CeCe?” I asked as I sat
beside Acelia.

“Mommy, I had a bad dream.”

“What did you dream about?” I asked as I
pulled her into my arms and began to stroke her hair.

“It was about Nana,” she said in between a
stifled yawn.

Feeling a cold chill run down my back, I
attempted to remain indifferent as I continued to stroke her hair, “What about
Nana?”

“She was lying down on the floor in the
kitchen and then she was standing next to her body,” Acelia explained.

Swallowing the hurt that sprouted up in my
throat, I said, “Well it can’t be that bad if Grandma was in your dream. You
know that she’ll always protect you,” I attempted to smooth over her fears.

“But Mommy, she looked at me, Jazzy, and
Livy. I tried to run to her to give her a hug, but she was too far away,”
Acelia finished.

“You remember what Mommy told you to do when
you have dreams that make you feel afraid, right?” I asked as I stroked her
arm.

“Yes. Ask God to be with me. But, I did and
she was still there,” Acelia said.

“Okay baby, don’t worry about it. Mommy is
here with you.” Stroking her hair, Acelia’s body began to get heavy as her
weight dropped while in my arms. Her light snore matched my breathing as I
stared lovingly at her. She’s too young to understand the meaning of her dream.
Grandma came and said goodbye to them.

Hearing the doorbell ring, I rolled my eyes.
Andre is really working my nerve. What the hell did he forget now? Climbing out
of Acelia’s bed, I made my way down the stairs quickly before he woke the girls.
 

Feeling a surge of goose bumps forming a
pattern all over my arms, I stood frozen as I watched as Andre was down on one
knee while Andriano held onto his hand. The intensity that masked his face
revealed the level of pain that was inflicted on him by Andriano.

 “Andriano, please stop,” I called out to
him after finding my voice.

Chapter Thirty

Andriano

            “Kind of late to be stopping by, don’t you think?”
asked the African American man that opened the door. Nearly ripping the screen
door off of the hinges, I looked at the man suspiciously before entering
Simone’s home. Flashbacks of Simone saying that she was now dating unleashed a
frenzy of wrathfulness to take full control.

            Once inside, Andre stretched his hand out and
said, “I’m Andre, Simone’s boyfriend. And you are?”

Gripping the man’s hand tightly, I watched
as Andre’s face cringed with discomfort as I asked, “Where are Simone and my
daughters?” Andre attempted to withdraw his hand from my grasp, but I gripped
harder, causing him to stumble from the pain.   

            “Get the fuck off of me,” he said through
clenched teeth as his other hand wrapped around his wrist to control the pain
that was starting to shoot up his arm.

            “Why are you here?” I asked in a low deathly
whisper.

            “What is your problem man?” he winced in pain as
he dropped to his knee.

            “Andriano, please let him go.”

            From the corner of my eye, I could see Simone coming
down the stairs. Releasing his grip, Andre stumbled backward and leaned against
the wall while massaging his hand.

            “What the fuck man?” Andre hollered.

“You want me to throw you out you piece of
shit? Get the fuck out of here,” I said as I walked towards him.

Simone flew between the both of us, and I
grabbed her by her arm and pulled her to be behind me as I grabbed Andre by the
neck. Lifting him off of his feet, I could hear Simone’s pleas as Andre
scratched at my hand to release the grip that I had on his neck.

“Please, Andriano. He is going to leave.
You’re going to wake the girls, please stop,” Simone pleaded as she pulled on
my arm. Freeing Andre, I dropped him to the floor and gave the motherfucker a
kick to side of his stomach before turning away from him. Clenching my fist
tightly, I had to will myself not to go back and finish what I started.

“Andre, please just go,” Simone said.

“Get the fuck away from him Simone before I
kill him,” I warned Simone as I walked back over to them. Backing away Simone
went to the door and opened the door.

Grabbing Andre, I tossed him out of the
front door and slammed the front door. Simone stood in the middle of the
hallway with her arms crossed with fiery eyes glaring at me with anger. 

“What the hell is your problem?” Simone
asked in a low tone filled with fury.

“My problem?” I asked her as I paced the
room to combat the rage that brewed within. I was trying to keep my voice down
before my daughters’ sleep was disturbed. Another man should not be around my
bella
mia
and my kids at this time of the night. Fuck that! “Why the hell is a
man here at this time of the night? I should’ve choked the shit out of the
cocksucker the moment he told me that he was your boyfriend.”

“Whoa,” Simone started. “Let’s get something
straight, you don’t own me or anything in this house. You’re not even a guest
in my damn house. So you can follow him out the door too.”  Walking towards the
front door, Simone opened the door wide and gestured her hand out for me to
leave.”

Following suit, I walked over to the opened
door and reached over her head and forcefully slammed the door closed before
saying in an almost calm whisper, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’ve been gone for over three weeks and
decide to show up only to cause problems,” she said as she tossed her arms in
the air and walked away from me.

“I should’ve called you. I had to wrap up a
few things before I came back,” I replied. She’s right. I intended to get back
here sooner, but I did not intend on spending days out there.

Shifting her weight to her other foot,
Simone said, “You need to leave Andriano. I don’t want to have to call the
police because I refuse to put my daughters through any more trauma. So please
just leave.”

“I told you…I’m not going anywhere,” I
repeated.

Turning around, I climbed the stairs and walked
towards my daughters’ bedroom. I missed them terribly while in New York. All I
could think about was getting back out here to
bella mia
and them. Hell,
I even settled for sitting in the economy class section of the plane. I just
knew that I couldn’t bear the thought of spending another day without them.

Turning the knob on the door, I opened the door,
and my eyes skimmed across the room to my sleeping daughters. Closing the door,
I turned around and came face-to-face with Simone. We stared at each other for
the longest time in the dimly lit hallway before Simone walked towards her
bedroom and shut the door. As tempted as I was to follow her and remind her
just how much she belonged to me, I chose the latter and walked towards the
linen closet. Pulling out my duffle bag, a towel, sheets, and a blanket, I made
a makeshift bed on the hallway floor before walking into the bathroom.

Looking at the basket of tub toys that was
stored away to the side, a smile swept across my lips as I envisioned my
daughters having bubble baths at our new house. Entering the shower, I allowed
the hot water to soothe the aching parts of what I had endured tonight. Rubbing
a hand over my rib, I massaged away the troubles of tonight.

For the first time, Lucas had nothing for me
to go on. He had no idea who killed Don Capparelli. Though he said that he was
determined to find answers, I knew that something was not right with this whole
situation. If there was one thing that I learned from my father, it was to keep
my ear to the ground. Someone was bound to slip and talk. For now, I had to be
discreet. Lucas and I decided I would fly under a code name to conceal my
identity.

Creating two passports, I.D.’s and setting
up phony accounts, Lucas was the only other person who knew that I was flying
under the alias of John Winston. I could not draw any attention to myself by
leaving a trail to follow. I couldn’t even tell Nicolai where I was going
because I did not trust anyone. I only told him to leave town for a while, just
until we cleared this mess up.  Stomping on my cell phone, I broke it into tiny
pieces before discarding the remnants into the garbage. Activating my burner
phone, I contacted Lucas and told him to contact me only if he found something.
I was officially under the radar from everyone.

Tomorrow, I had to sit down with Simone and
try to reason with her about moving into the house that I bought for us. I wanted
to do it as soon as tonight, but with everything that transpired tonight; we
would just have to wait until the morning. While in New York, I contacted my
lawyers about creating a legal document issuing sole ownership to Simone. The
only thing that was left to make it official was Simone’s signatures and a few
legal documents to confirm her identity. No one knew about my daughters or Simone,
and I intended to keep it that way until I knew that they were not going to be
a target.

Tossing a pair of pajama bottoms on, I lay
across the hallway floor with my hands clasped behind my head. Hearing sniffles,
I sat back up and followed the noise. The noise was coming from behind Simone’s
door. Standing to my feet, I quickly turned the knob on our daughters’ bedroom
door and saw that they were all sound asleep. Pacing across the hallway, I
turned the knob and walked in to see Simone hunched over with a tape recorder
in her hand and two miniature cassettes splayed out on the mattress.