Authors: Kristen Strassel,Allyson Starr
“Somebody’s got to feed those fuckers.” He laughed. “They’re huge. I bet they eat a lot.”
“They do. And they’re not fuckers. They’re amazing.” I swatted at him. “I’ll check it out. Seriously.” Because I could do anything I wanted.
“Whatever you do, get the hell out of here. See the world. You can do that now. It will change your perspective on everything.” His eyes lit up, even in the dark. “This place is suffocating you.”
That was the truth. “When do you go back in the studio?”
“Around Labor Day.” Bret leaned back, letting the ocean air tickle his skin. “This album is going to be sick. I’ve been writing all summer. I was inspired by a sexy little seductress.”
“You wrote songs about me?” No fucking way.
“Not the first time.” He nodded when my mouth fell open. “Half the songs on the first album are about you.”
Half the songs on the first album were raunchy as hell, and about fucking. Not a ballad in the bunch. “Holy shit.” This night managed to blow my mind more than anything we’d done all summer. “So what happens now?”
Bret sat up and sighed. “We go on with our lives, Gemma.”
Even though I knew that was the answer, my heart wanted something different. We could take the boat to a deserted island and live off coconuts, or something. A shooting star faded in the sky. All this buildup, and then a spectacular crash into nothingness. Just like us. “That’s it? Do we pretend this never happened? What happens at the next family gathering? If we’re even invited to it.”
Bret blinked rapidly and exhaled noisily. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. I never thought about our future, because I knew we didn’t have one. It fucking sucks, but you know it’s true just as much as I do. You don’t want to be messing around with me. There’s some guy out there who’s going to rock your world. I’m not going to take that away from you. Or from the lucky bastard.”
I was fucking bawling. In a million years, I never would’ve guessed Bret Starling would be the person to break my heart.
“But we have tonight, Gemma.” He pulled me in and kissed my wet eyelids. “Tomorrow I’ll be driving to Nashville, thinking about you walking into that lawyer’s office like you just got off a horse. You’ll sign a mountain of paperwork, and your dreams are going to come true. So you know what? You can do whatever the fuck you want, because no one is ever going to be able to tell you different.”
“You’re wrong. I want you, and you said no,” I whispered before kissing him. It was raw and honest, like everything else about him.
Bret didn’t open his eyes right away. He took a deep breath, and his fingers brushed against my bare shoulder, lighter than the breeze. “I want you too, Gemma. I always have, and I always will. Now more than ever. But I won’t ruin your life. So I’m setting you free.”
“I’ll come back to you.” I could barely get the words out. The words carried a desperation I’d never felt before.
“I’ll be waiting for you.” Bret closed his mouth over mine for the best kiss yet, the one that said all the things we were too afraid to say out loud. “Please come to Nashville.”
I
was
going to get everything I wanted. And tonight, I wanted every last piece of Bret Starling.
“Where the hell is he?” Mom wore the same look she’d had on her face since Bret and I came home from Jersey. The ugliest scowl I’d ever seen. She glanced at her phone. “It’s ten past nine. It’s not like he’s got anything better to do.”
“I told you he’s not coming.”
Mom still wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say concerning Bret. She hadn’t asked how I knew this, either. Bret and I had sent her straight into zombie mode.
“Mr. Starling already came into the office and surrendered his rights to the proceeds of the will.” The lawyer told Mom what I already knew, but I gasped. Mr. Starling was my dad. There were so many reasons I didn’t think of Bret that way. The lawyer went on. “Ms. Starling, this means the money belongs to you.”
Mom’s mouth fell open. She sat across the room from me, still barely acknowledging my existence. I wasn’t sure if she’d come with me today. We weren’t on speaking terms, but she had no idea Bret wasn’t in the state anymore, and there was no way she’d let the two of us be together, unsupervised. “Congratulations, Gemma,” she said.
It didn’t feel like a victory.
“Because he already came in, I had a chance to draw up the paperwork for you to sign,” the lawyer told me. Once you do, it will take a couple of weeks for the money to become available to you.”
I nodded, but shook as I stood to approach the lawyer’s desk, where a thick pile of paperwork awaited my signature. Bret haunted me this morning. I could still feel him inside me. Everything ached without him.
Even though I knew exactly what was going to happen today, it was still fucking surreal. A fat tear dropped on the first page, as I read it over. Signing my name on the dotted line meant the end of so many things. Dad wasn’t coming back, and neither was Bret.
The sail masts of the marina were in view just outside the office door. Last night was probably the last time I’d ever go there. Like a graveyard, it was a memorial to all I’d lost. I wanted to believe the spirit of my dad was on the boat, but I knew he was with me, wherever I went. I couldn’t stay here anymore. Bret was right. I was letting this place strangle me, moving backward instead of forward. Ever since I was a little kid, everyone expected I’d follow in my parents’ footsteps. I’d been working so hard to be successful that all the steps I needed to take to get there felt like failure. They weren’t. Now I realized that.
But first, I had to fix what was left here.
“Do you want to get breakfast or something?” I gave Mom a hopeful smile. More than anything else, I needed her forgiveness. “My treat.”
She hesitated, and her body stiffened before she answered. “I have a better idea,” she said. “Take me to the boat.”
Mom had to guess I’d be leaving. My internship was over, and besides her, there was nothing to make me stay. “Okay.” One last time wouldn’t be bad. We threaded through the crowds of tourists in silence. The air was already hot and heavy this morning, and the ocean offered no breeze as a reprieve.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Mom closed her eyes to steady herself when she stepped on the boat. “Dad didn’t have a chance to christen her, but he planned to name her the Gemma Rose.”
I lost it and collapsed on the same bench I’d laid on with Bret last night, in a much different spiritual union. Adding kissing to the mix had knocked down any remaining barrier that had remained between me and him.
Mom sat down beside me, rubbing my back while I cried. “He loved you so much, Gemma.” Her voice shook. “He was so proud of you. I know he wanted you to have that money.”
She meant to make me feel better, but instead it made it worse. Scars of wounds I didn’t know I had ripped open. The pain was unbearable.
“Then why didn’t he just say that?” I asked. Mom was blurry when I looked up. The boat rocked, and the whole world was out of my control again. There were some things money couldn’t buy. “That’s how this whole thing happened. If he just said what he meant, then you wouldn’t hate me and Bret.”
“I don’t hate either of you. I would never do that.”
My words hurt her. Of course. At least I was consistent.
“It always upset me that two of the people I love more than anything in the world couldn’t love each other.” She chuckled sadly. “I guess I should’ve been careful what I wished for.”
“I’m not going to apologize for what happened.” I straightened my back, and a calm fell over me. I wasn’t sorry. “It was wrong, but—”
“Gemma, I’ll never condone what you did, but I understand why you did it.” She sighed, and I gasped. “None of us were ready to deal with this summer. It brought up a lot of emotions we weren’t prepared for. Like I said, all your dad and I ever wanted for the two of you was to get along. When I heard you in Bret’s room—”
“You knew that was me?” I thought I was going to pass out.
“I did. I needed Bret’s help, but before I knocked on the door, I heard your voice coming from behind it. At first I was shocked you were in his room. Then I realized what you were doing. I… I didn’t know what to do. Half of me wanted to rip the door open and scream, ask what the hell was wrong with you two, but there was a piece of me that was glad it was happening.”
It was the last thing I ever expected her to say. “Then why did you kick Bret out and treat me like absolute crap for the last two weeks?”
“It was the party, Gemma. I was willing to keep your secret, but then everybody knew. The way the two of you looked at each other, the way you interacted, there was no mistaking what was going on. When you both disappeared for an hour and I had to stop your cousins from going to find you, the adults started making assumptions.”
“Oh my God.” The sun hurt my eyes. “But you still wanted us to try to get along.”
“I couldn’t take anything else away from either of you, and I wanted to keep my family together. You’re all I have left. I didn’t want this.” She took a deep breath. “But once my friend from the marina sent me those pictures, I knew it couldn’t go on anymore. It was tear my family apart or let both of you ruin your futures. You’d wind up hating each other again in the end. There were no good options.” This was probably harder on Mom than it was on us. She scanned the boat, most likely praying her husband would somehow appear. That everything could just be normal. That none of this ever happened.
“You need to talk to Bret,” I said softly. “He needs to hear this from you.”
“I’ll call him. I wanted to talk to you about it first.” She put her hand over mine and squeezed. It was the first time she’d touched me since the big reveal.
I turned and hugged her. It felt so good.
“What are you going to do now, Gemma?”
“I have some plans.” I smiled, and I felt actually hopeful. Not because of the money, but because I’d come out on the other side of something stronger than I’d started it. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but Bret taught me a lot about myself this summer. All the things I hated about him were things I hated about me. I envied him for doing things I couldn’t. And now that I know that, I can do anything.”
“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” For the first time all summer, her smile reached her eyes. “You always could. You just needed something to go your way.”
This was why I’d never apologize for what happened between me and my stepbrother. As wrong and as dirty as it was, Bret would always have a special place in my heart.
Did I love him? That was the only thing that still scared me.
I’d find out when I got to Nashville.
I hope you loved Gemma and Bret’s story as much as I loved writing it! I never thought I’d write a book like this. The idea came to me when I was super overtired and sitting in traffic, and it wouldn’t leave me alone. I told my best friend the premise, thinking she’d talk me out of it, but no. The dirty bitch loved the idea. Then I HAD to do it. Once I started writing, these two took over every aspect of my life until it was done. And here we are.
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Keep reading for an excerpt from Exposed, the next book in Gemma and Bret’s story. I’ve also included the first chapter of No Strings Attached, which is about a successful woman who hires a male escort to bring her to her twentieth high school reunion.
Exposed Chapter One
Gemma
If you didn’t work for it, you aren’t ready for it.
I knocked on the door too hard, trying to drown out my stepfather’s voice in my head.
He was the one who got me into this mess.
My biological father died before I was born, and Mom’s new husband raised me as his own. Dad was all about the tough love.
If you can’t get it for yourself yet
—and he’d always emphasize
yet
—
you aren’t ready for it, Gemma. Trust me
, he’d say when I pouted.
It will feel so much better when you earn it.
No wonder I was such a lousy flirt. I was a do-it-yourself kind of girl, and it didn’t bode well for my love life.
I’d given Bret a heaping helping of tough love lately. More like I’d pretended he didn’t exist, which would make things interesting if he answered the door now. I ignored all his texts, deleted his voice mail, and sidestepped any attempt he made to reach out to me since he left at the end of the summer. It hurt like hell, but it was a necessity.
Hindsight was like a horror movie. A really low-budget one that wasn’t supposed to be funny, but if you didn’t laugh at it, it would give you nightmares. Bret and I were well on our way to cult-classic status in the laughable-scary-story department. I spent the summer fucking my stepbrother’s brains out.
For money.
In my defense, it was a lot of money and I was in a lot of debt. We were left an inheritance by the man who tied us together forever. My stepfather—Bret’s father. The will stipulated only one of us could have the money, and that was how we settled it. I didn’t regret a second of it. I had to go all the way to Africa to keep myself from this very spot—his doorstep. A little distance had made me realize I had a lot of fun with Bret but we had no future.
I was a smart girl. A pre-med degree sunk me six figures in the red. My heart was a fucking idiot, though. None of it was enough. The five million dollars I inherited was a ton of money, but my dreams were bigger.
The exotic animal sanctuary was the only thing that would make me cave and admit the thing I denied my entire life.
I needed Bret.
And if I was ever going to get what I wanted, I could never let him know how much.
I knocked again, more loudly this time. Bret was famous; he played guitar in the metal band Enemy Impact. I’d snuck past the doorman like I was one of his groupies, giving Bret no warning. I was well aware Bret might not want to see me, but I was the only one who got to take the easy way out. He’d have to say it to my face.
Maybe he wasn’t home. One more rap, my knuckles lingering on the door as I convinced myself to pull away. This was a horrible idea, anyway. I should get out of here before I did anything stupid.
“Gem?” His voice was like cheap whiskey on the rocks. It went down way too easy and made me lose all reason. “What the hell are you doing here?”
I froze in the middle of the hallway. The little voice of reason regained consciousness and urged me to run. My heart would always win. It pounded furiously to make up for those beats his voice caused it to skip.
I was out of my damn mind to be here, and I spun toward him too quickly. In the eye of the hurricane, Bret leaned against the doorframe, his tattooed arms crossed over his stomach, long honey-blond hair messed up like he’d just got out of bed. He probably had, knowing him. His lips twitched, giving in to the grin, and those amazing eyes refused to lie.
Here goes.
I’d rehearsed this speech a dozen times on my way here, talking to myself like a lunatic. “I need you.”
Oh, shit
. That wasn’t what I meant to say.
There was no hiding his smile now. “Get over here.” The second shot of whiskey was when bad ideas started to sound good.
I couldn’t move.
He crooked his finger, motioning for me to come closer. The bastard was enjoying this way too much.
I wouldn’t expect anything different. I stepped closer, and he wiggled his finger again.
Ugh.
I’d forever blame gravitational pull for the next step. “That wasn’t what I meant to say,” I said.
Bret grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me. Not only was I a lousy flirt, I was also a complete failure at playing hard to get. He took full advantage of my shock, his tongue entering my mouth when I gasped. Fighting him was useless, but it didn’t mean I wouldn’t try. We battled for dominance, sucking and nipping, daring each other to give in. Like hell I would.
He pulled away first, his point proven. He didn’t let go, knowing what kind of flight risk I posed, and opened his eyes after a long, lazy blink. “Then what did you mean?”
“Help.” He’d kissed me stupid. “I meant I need your help.”
“Same thing.” He let go of one shoulder and motioned for me to follow him into his apartment. “Come in, but I should let you know I have one rule here.”
“What’s that?” I’d laugh in his face if he was one of those annoying
take off your shoes before you come in the house
people.
“No clothes allowed.” He had me pinned against the wall. Heat rolled off his body, his lips hovered maddeningly close to mine.
I rolled my eyes and did my best to ignore the throbbing between my thighs. “Are you ever going to grow up?”
“Not if I can help it.” He narrowed his eyes. I liked the way they burned. He let go, and I almost slid down the wall, but he didn’t back away. “Tell me why you need me so bad.”
Could his words be any more loaded?
“Can we sit down first?” One of us had to be an adult.
Bret motioned to the couch. I sat on the very edge of the cushion, like it might bite. I’d forgotten this feeling of never knowing when I would fall, just knowing it was coming. And how much I liked it.
Bret sprawled out in the opposite corner. We were in our own little boxing ring, and he was sizing up the competition. We both fought dirty.
My rehearsed speech came back to me, bits and pieces floating through my brain. “I want to go forward with the sanctuary.”
He sat up and leaned forward. “That’s awesome, Gem. Nikki told me you’d gone to Africa, so I’m not surprised.”
“You asked Nikki about me?” I didn’t know if I should be pissed or flattered. My old coworker could’ve said anything; I barely talked to her since I quit my internship at Roger Williams Zoo. The plan was to separate myself from everything that happened last summer.
That worked out well.
“Of course I did. Your phone was out of order. I know you can pay the bill now, so you can’t give me that excuse. I wanted to see if you were blowing everyone off, or if it was just me.”
“Not just you. But especially you.” I sighed.
Something that looked an awful lot like disappointment flickered on his face. “You’re here now.”
I nodded. “I thought you were full of shit when you said you didn’t make any money touring—that the money went to the crew and everyone but you guys. I get it now. Not to sound like a poor little rich girl, but five million isn’t that much money. Dad was smart; the inheritance wasn’t enough that I had to pay estate taxes. He’d already taken care of lawyer fees. So the money was mine. But once I started looking at how to make the sanctuary a success, I realized I didn’t have enough. It would last a year, maybe. I have to custom build the habitat and hire a qualified staff.”
Bret moved closer. “You’ve got to feed those fuckers, too.” He smirked, knowing how much I hated when he called the animals that.
“They’re not fuckers. But yes, big animals eat a lot, and since they won’t be in their native land, landscaping and horticulture have to be considered, too.”
“You’re using big words, Gem. Slow down; I might get confused.” He laughed. “Listen, I’m psyched you’re doing this, and I’d love to help you, but like you said, money doesn’t go as far as you think it will. We just paid for studio space, and we get the next portion of our advance after we deliver an album to the label. They don’t pay unless they like what we give them. Don’t pass go, don’t collect any money until they say so.” He shook his head, disgusted.
Maybe everything wasn’t so easy for the mighty Bret Starling after all.
“I don’t want money from you.” Here was the part where everything got messy. “I found the perfect spot for the reserve. You’re right; this area is amazing. I think the animals would love to live out their retirement here. But it’s not cheap, and someone else owns the land.”
Bret frowned before answering. “Then what can I do?”
“You’re friends with Natalia Dempsey, right?” Her name left a bitter taste in my mouth. There was no erasing the grainy image of her supermodel body lying motionless under Bret, while he did all the work. All take and no give. What a waste. Did she have any idea what kind of plaything she had at her disposal? How his body would react to the right touch? I squeezed my thighs together and made myself think of something else before I left a mark on the couch.
Bret licked his lips like he could smell my arousal. He scooted closer. “Been watching my videos again?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Yeah. And I noticed you had a little controversy.”
He jumped back. Guilty as charged.
Bret had been posting videos on Tumblr, business as usual. They were of him having sex with his fans and whoever else wanted to join in. Watching them used to be a guilty pleasure when I hated Bret from a distance. After our summer together, every new one he posted felt like a kick to the gut. He’d moved on. But when a couple of his costars pointed out these videos were from the last tour, he admitted he hadn’t filmed new material lately. I considered it a personal victory.
“So you want me to hit Talia up for the money?” he asked.
“Not exactly. Her dad owns the land.” Reginald Dempsey was revoltingly rich. He owned more of Nashville than any one person ever should, and from what I could tell, he only had two soft spots—his daughter and animals. “I’m hoping to convince him to convert some of his property to conservation
land
. For the sanctuary.”
It was the perfect spot, about a half-hour south of the city, and he wasn’t entertaining offers. The arrangement would benefit him as much as me, giving him a huge tax deduction. I’d flustered more than one real estate agent, trying to get them to approach Dempsey. What was his was his, they insisted. I’d never name dropped before, and I scrubbed slime off my skin after mentioning Dad had built his own empire with Starling Realty, but slime was a language Dempsey understood, and his secretary took my message. Or so I thought. A call for a meeting never came. The part that pissed me off the most was that I thought he’d really like the idea, judging from his past charity work.
Gemma Starling, charity case, at your service.
From all reports, Natalia Dempsey often leaped before she looked. She was famous for being in the right family at the right time. My internet searches for her dad yielded as many photos of her as of him. She’d done one of those naked ads protesting fur, and of course she’d done something else naked that made the news, too. The sex tape with my stepbrother.
Natalia was my in.
“I’m hoping for some sort of partnership. It’s not the just the land I’m after. The Dempseys have a voice, and with them on board, we could help a lot of animals.” If they were in it for more than just lip service.
Bret nodded. “I’ll see what I can do. But I gotta tell you, I’m having a hard time hearing what you have to say through all those clothes.”
I whacked him, and he burst out laughing. He threw his head back and ran his hand through his hair.
Fucking him was too easy. Besides, I’d lose focus, and I needed to be a little mean if I was going up against a juggernaut like Reginald Dempsey.
Time to change the subject. I needed to get my way before he got his. “You said you’re recording?”
Bret’s face lit up. “Yeah. The new stuff is pretty killer. The guys loved the shit I wrote this summer, and we’ve been building on that. We need to come up with twelve tracks. The label rejected some of what we sent them.” His glow was gone. “I was working on them when you knocked. That’s why I didn’t answer the
door
right away.”
My cheeks burned; he’d told me some of those songs were about me.
“I figured you called the cops because you had a stalker.”
“Thought about it when I saw who was out there.” His breath was warm against my cheek. When did he get so close?
“Will you play it for me?” It had been so long since I’d seen Bret in action. I’d separated myself from him before he started a band. When we were in school, my friends begged me to bring them to his shows. Nope. That never ended well for anyone but Bret.
“Fuck yeah, come on.” He pulled me off the couch and through his apartment. It wasn’t big, but it was spacious. The exposed industrial elements were a memorial to the building’s original incarnation. Huge windows overlooked the Nashville skyline. He pulled me into a room that was supposed to be a bedroom, but Bret never followed the rules, and he had no intention of starting now. He’d turned it into a home studio. A huge mixing board jutted out from the wall, and amplifiers flanked the velvet couch. I ran my hand over it before sitting down. I couldn’t tell if it was purple or if the filtered light made it look that way. He’d
hung
vintage concert posters on the walls, and a string of lights was wrapped around the pipes above. I didn’t have an artistic bone in my body, and this room made me want to create something.