Dirty Little Secrets (21 page)

“Something like that, but to be on the safe side I have an idea…. My lease is about to be up and your lease is about to be
up; how about we get a crib together?”

“I don’t know, Brian.”

“What’s with all the hesitation? You don’t want to live with me?”

“We’re having so much fun right now, and having a place of my own keeps the relationship sexy and unpredictable. We have plenty
of time to move in with each other.” I did love Brian but I wasn’t in love, and living together would just complicate things.
I was also feeling that whole Destiny’s Child “Independent Women” theme.

“I think that’s a mistake, but if that’s how you want it, then so be it.” Brian’s statement and delivery were a tad hostile,
but I dismissed it and we continued to watch
Raw.

“I can’t believe you managed to meet me for lunch. Every since you started dating Brian, you never have time for me.”

“I’m sorry, Chrissie, but you know I love ya, baby.” We were
having a late lunch at our favorite spot, Da Silvano.

“Whatever…I hope you’re not here to break news of a baby and horse-and-carriage thing.”

“No, not yet. Brian actually suggested we move in together, but I think it’s too soon. But I do have to move. My lease is
about to expire, and I definitely can’t afford the rent.”

“Why not ask Brian?”

“Brian is different from the other guys I’ve dated. I want to show him that I can be independent and stand on my own two feet.
If I can do that, then I can earn his respect.”

“Oh, brother… you’ve really fallen hard for this guy. I hope he’s worth it, Tyler, because you’re about to do a lot of struggling.”

“Tell me about it. I don’t want a roommate, and I can’t possibly afford a place in Manhattan, so I think I’m going to have
to take it to the boroughs.”

“What! You can’t be serious.”

“I have no choice.”

“No. You do have a choice. You could always call Ian.”

“I’m not going to do that. I’m committed to Brian. And I was considering moving to Brooklyn. That’s where he’s from.”

“Now you wanna be one of Brooklyn’s finest. Where is my friend Tyler? What has happened to her? Excuse me for a minute; I
have to go to the ladies’ room.” As Chrissie walked off, I thought about what she was saying. My lifestyle would change a
lot; but I wanted a real relationship, not one that was dictated by money. It was important for Brian to understand that I
wanted him for him and not because of who he was or how much money he had. This was my way of doing that.

When Chrissie sat down, I noticed white powder under her nose. “You’re not still fucking with that shit?”

“I had stopped—” Chrissie took a deep breath ”—but after your confession of this new nightmarish life, I had to medicate myself.”

“I’m serious, Chrissie; you need to leave that crap alone.”

“It’s not that big a deal. I’m a social user. What about you and those pills you used to take?”

“I’m through with all that. Ever since I’ve been with Brian, I haven’t felt any sort of depression. My dolls are a thing of
the past,” I assured her.

A friend of Ella’s knew a couple who lived in the Park Slope area of Brooklyn. They’d had a baby and needed a bigger place,
so they were subletting their apartment. Brian went with me to take a look at the place and make sure it was okay. The neighborhood
had tree-lined sidewalks, but the flat was a walk-up, and it was smaller than my apartment in the city. Let’s just say I wasn’t
excited about moving in, because it definitely wasn’t Sixty-sixth Street and Central Park West. But the price was in my range,
and the unit was available. Brian gave his stamp of approval, so it was a go. As Chrissie put it, I began the process of being
one of Brooklyn’s finest. Some people would have considered it a nice apartment, but I was from Georgia, where I’d always
lived in beautiful homes in pretty neighborhoods. I had been struggling in the city, and now here I was in Brooklyn. I definitely
wasn’t feeling pretty in pink.

After settling me into my new place, Brian had to go to Miami to work with Busta Rhymes for a few weeks. He asked me to come,
and though school and work were hectic, I somehow managed to get a few days off. I looked forward to spending time with Brian
in a different place and getting some sun. After taking
the trip to Miami, though, I had to reevaluate if Brian was really “the one.” There are certain traits I believe a man should
have, and Brian hadn’t developed them yet.

When I arrived in Miami, Brian was at the gate waiting. I had an obviously nasty attitude, so he asked, “What’s up? What’s
wrong?”

“Brian, why did you make me fly coach?”

“Excuse me?” Brian snorted as if he didn’t hear me correctly.

“I’m a little—no, a lot—bothered that you had me fly coach instead of first class.”

“Come on, let’s go.” Brian said, ignoring my complaint.

I thought Brian had been in the game long enough that he could afford to put me in a first-class seat. So I was furious that
I had had to fly coach. A limousine was waiting for us outside, which added to my fury.

“You have a limousine waiting for us, so you could have put me in first class. Don’t half-ass it.” I could tell by the way
Brian was looking at me he thought I was an obnoxious snob. I wasn’t a snob, but when you like something you just like it.

When we arrived on Ocean Drive, my eyes immediately became fixated on the tall, elegant, art deco hotel, the Tides. I was
thrilled when I realized we were staying there. When we got to the hotel room and Brian opened the door, I could see the interior
was luxurious and spacious. The oceanfront room was decorated in soft tones of beige, white, taupe, and sand. The serenity
of the room put me in a romantic mood, and I was no longer agitated with Brian.

We were spending time luxuriating on the beach and dining at the best restaurants, but eventually I became a little annoyed.
We weren’t doing any shopping! I was sitting in the studio with Brian all night, and I became bored with the whole trip. The
only purchase Brian made was some Rollerblades for himself. I thought, Okay, I’m in Miami and you fly me here in coach, and
we’re not going shopping? This is not looking good.

My biggest pet peeve was a cheap man. Every man I had dated knew that women love gifts. Believing a man should want to pamper
his woman with tokens of affection goes back to when I was a little girl, when my real daddy would take Ella and me shopping
and would include my friends because he loved to see the smile it would bring to our faces. I had little room for compromise
in that belief. But right before it was about to be curtain time, Brian played his trump card.

On the third night in the Tides I can honestly say that I made love for the very first time. Coming back from a late dinner
I was feeling exhausted. I took a long hot shower to relax myself and get ready for bed. After drying off and lathering my
body with lotion, I felt the bed was calling for me. Brian was already in bed watching a movie. The sky was clear and the
moonlight and stars were shining through the windows. It was the type of night when fools fall in love.

The crisp sheets felt so good under my naked warm body. Brian turned off the TV, and the moment I closed my eyes his hands
gently spread my legs apart and his warm tongue entered me. Brian was licking me with elegant strokes. My past boyfriends
had tried to gratify me this way, but none made me fall into an abyss of pleasure as Brian had.

“Baby, nobody has ever made me feel this way. I don’t want you to ever stop.” I said, in heavenly bliss. Brian’s oral pleasuring
gave me a full-flush orgasm. I could feel the powerful gushing of come leave my body. Without so much as a pause, Brian kissed
my stomach and tickled his tongue in my belly button. He did it just long enough to give me the right effect. With his hands
he
caressed my breasts, and I just luxuriated with my eyes still closed, not wanting this to end. As though he was reading my
mind, his hardness entered me at the exact moment my body was calling for him. I wrapped my legs around his neck so he could
go as deep as possible. His strong arms were pressing down on the bed holding me up as I was clinching his back, and my breasts
were pressed against his chest.

I never wanted to let Brian go. I couldn’t hold him tight enough. With every stroke, a part of my soul became his, until finally
it happened. This explosion of ecstasy overcame my body again. For the first time in my life, I was having my second orgasm
in less than an hour. At first I couldn’t quite grasp what was happening, because this was a wake-up call. I understood that
I had never had an orgasm. All my other sexual experiences, where I just knew I was getting mine, were a mirage.

“Brian, you have sent me to heaven. This is the most unbelievable feeling I’ve ever had.” I realized then that every other
sexual experience I’d had was nothing and meant nothing. During the orgasm my eyes had rolled to the back of my head. I had
screamed so loud that I startled Brian.

“You meant that?” Brian asked.

“I’m a hundred and fifty percent positive. Out of all our love-making sessions this was the first time you ever made me feel
this level of pleasure…. Baby, I want to marry you,” I said laughing. I wasn’t actually ready to marry Brian, but his lovemaking
skills made him the number one contender.

When I got back from Miami, I called Ella to tell her about Brian.

“Hi, Ella.”

“Hi, Tyler. I called you a few times but you weren’t home, and you didn’t pick up your cell either. Where have you been?”

“I went to Miami.”

“Lucky you! Who did you go to Miami with?”

“I didn’t want to tell you until I was a little surer the relationship would work, but I met someone. I’ve been seeing him
for a few months now, and I really like him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Brian McCall. He’s a music producer, but he’s different from the rest of the industry guys I’ve dealt with.”

“Please tell me that he isn’t abusive.”

“Not at all; he’s as sweet as a lamb. He doesn’t even yell. He’s incredible, Ella. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“Wow, this must be serious. I’m just relieved that he’s not a mental or physical abuser like your previous men. This is great,
Tyler, but don’t rush it—take your time and get to know him. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work out.”

“Thanks for the advice, Ella. You’re the best.”

For that brief time I forgot I had flown to Miami in coach or that he hadn’t bought me a damn thing. Contemplating a short-lived
relationship was out the window. All material gain seemed pointless. All I longed for was that internal calm that enveloped
my body.

I hopped on the train, rushing to meet Chrissie in the city. I loathed the commute from Brooklyn to Manhattan, but nothing
in life is perfect. I didn’t want to be late, because Chrissie said this meeting was extremely important. In Chrissie’s last
year at NYU she got an internship at a high-profile publicity company. They hired her full-time after she graduated, and she
met all sorts of celebrities. Now she’d met a celebrity mother who was launching her own styling company and wanted to bring
her on
board. Chrissie in turn thought it would be a great opportunity for me, and we were meeting the woman to discuss a potential
position for me.

When I reached the office building on Twenty-fifth and Park, I took the elevator straight up to the fourteenth floor. The
doors opened directly to office space in a huge loft. The layout was still in the beginning stages, but the color schemes
were in place and everything was black, silver, and white.

“I’m so glad you made it,” Chrissie beamed. “With your new Brooklyn zip code, I had my doubts you would get here on time.”
Chrissie was still giving me a hard time about living in Brooklyn, but I was actually cozying up to the quaint, culturally
inclined area.

“I’m not coming from the jungle, Chrissie. It’s Brooklyn.”

“Whatever. Follow me. I want you to meet Cynthia White.” That name sounded familiar, but the face and the name weren’t clicking.

“Mrs. White, this is Tyler Blake. Tyler, this is the one and only Cynthia White.”

Cynthia White was absolutely beautiful. Her caramel complexion and short auburn hair put you in mind of an older Halle Berry.
She had great style and carried herself with the highest of class. And although she appeared to be nothing but a complete
lady, you could also tell she was a woman not to be taken lightly. She knew how to handle herself and didn’t tolerate people
trying to get over on her in any way. After taking in her beauty, I quickly realized exactly whose mother she was, and I wanted
to wring Chrissie’s neck. Cynthia White was T-Roc’s mother.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. White.”

“Why, thank you. You’re a very beautiful young woman, and Chrissie tells me you’re smart too.”

“You’re making me blush.”

“You have nothing to blush about. When someone pays you a compliment, simply straighten your back, poke out your ample chest,
and say, ‘I know,’ ” she teased.

We all burst out in laughter simultaneously. Mrs. White and I talked for two more hours, as though we had known each other
for years. We had an instant connection, but I was apprehensive about getting involved in the project because of T-Roc. He
would no doubt hit the roof. To say T-Roc was displeased after I cut him off would be an understatement. At this point in
his career he definitely got little or no rejection. But something about Cynthia White was positively endearing. I knew we
were supposed to be in each other’s lives for a reason. Despite the success of her son, she didn’t want to ride his coattails;
instead she wanted to make her own success. She was smart and savvy enough to do just that, and it made me admire her that
much more. I could see where her son got his drive from. I decided to take on the project and assist Mrs. White with her new
business venture.

Later that night lying in bed with Brian, I began discussing my new career plans.

“I met with Chrissie today, and she wants me to work with her at a new styling company.”