Dirty Power (20 page)

My mom stepped into the hallway to answer a call. Probably from my dad.

“Can she hear us?” I asked.

“No,” Reese said.

“Go check.”

Reese rolled her eyes, then got up to look up and down the hallway. She came back and sat next to my bed again. “She’s all the way at the other end of the hall.”

“Good.” I didn’t want either of my parents to hear this conversation. It would kill them. And I’d been killing them every day for the last two years. I couldn’t add another blow to that.

“Why? What’s up?” Reese asked.

“We can’t stay here.”

“What do you mean? Is it weird to be with the fam again?”

“Yes, but no. I mean, it isn’t safe.” Reese got a weirdly contemplative look on her face. “The longer we stick around, the more my parents are at risk. Same with Austin and Carson and Derek. And Ade, if she ever shows up.”

Ade had conveniently stayed in the hotel the entire time they’d been in Chicago. My parents hadn’t let her go more than a mile from them since her fuck-up in Spain. I was pretty sure they were livid with her. And she had to be terrified of me. Especially since I’d gotten both arrested and shot. Exactly like we said I would.

But I wasn’t going to rub that in. Really. I figured she had enough going on without me telling her I told you so.

“We can’t take off again,” Reese said.

“I don’t want to. I just don’t want to put them in danger.”

“Alexis isn’t going to get anywhere near them.”

“You don’t know that,” I said.

“Actually, I do. Every time I leave this room there are about twenty cops following me. And we are all staying on the same floor of the hotel. I’m pretty sure that every room without one of your family members has an FBI agent in it. Trust me, okay?”

“I do. It’s just that Alexis is fucking insane and—”

My mom walked back into the room. “Everyone is on their way up.”

“Cool,” I said. I was so into pretending that I hadn’t been suggesting that we run away again that I didn’t bother asking why they were all coming up.

Two minutes later, my dad walked in.

“Hey, guys.” He gave us a cursory nod. It could have been because he was carrying a massive stack of pizza boxes, but it wasn’t. He hadn’t been able to look me in the eye yet. He’d hugged me and told me he loved me. He’d taken notes on my care when the doctor explained the hell that my body was going through. He’d even made runs to the store for Zebra Cakes and Mountain Dew and Cheetos. But he hadn’t looked me in the eye. How do you face your child when they turn into something monstrous?

“The boys will be in soon.” He nodded at the door.

Everyone seemed used to the ID checks at the door to my room. Reese said she’d seen about four different cops so far. All of them were quite vigilant with monitoring my visitors. Ryan had said he was going to get a fake ID made with Derek’s name just to see if they would catch it. But then he got distracted by something shiny so we never really got a verdict on that one.

“Coop!” Carson.

“Cooper.” Derek.

“Dude.” Ryan.

“Miss Vivian.” Austin.

“Blow me.”

Ryan and Carson were each carrying a case of beer. Derek had three bottles of wine. And Austin was somehow balancing four cases of soda. I was pretty sure they had overdone it on the beverages.

“Are we having a party?” Reese asked.

“We were going to, back in EDH, but since Coop got all bleedy again, we decided to party here,” Derek said.

It wasn’t my fault with the bleeding. Okay, I might have been making out with Reese and then we realized I was bleeding.

“Yeah, man. Two more days in the hospital. Was it worth it?” Carson asked.

“Uhh, have you seen my fiancé?” I asked the room in general.

“Hello, father present in the room.” My dad waved.

“Mother too.”

“Yeah, brother too.” Ryan mimicked Dad’s wave.

“Anyway, we decided to bring the party to you,” Austin said.

“As opposed to all the other days where you guys wouldn’t leave my room.”

They’d stuck with me constantly since they’d gotten to Chicago. Which was nice in a suffocating sort of way. I think they wanted to protect me, but they didn’t really know what to protect me from. I hoped they never knew what I needed protection from.

“But those other days didn’t have pizza,” Dad said.

“Hey, kids.” Christopher walked into the room.

“Hello, everyone.” Breno too.

“Well, now it’s a party,” I said.

The guys laughed. My parents awkwardly studied their shoes. I was pretty sure they wanted to get a restraining order or something against Christopher and Breno. But my mom had figured out that they made me feel safe. So she let them stay out of a sense of duty. But my dad pretty much looked like he constantly wanted to throw down. And Breno looked like a puppy who wasn’t quite housetrained yet. Christopher just stared at the walls a lot.

Carson and Derek realized that there weren’t enough chairs for everyone so they went in search of more. Ryan distributed paper plates. Austin started handing out drinks. Nothing says classy like wine from a plastic cup. I wanted a beer, but my dad was taking the whole don’t mix pain meds and booze thing way too seriously. So I got Mountain Dew.

I was pretty sure someone was going to come in and break up our party. Weren’t there rules about visitors in hospital rooms? No one did though. Maybe it had something to do with the police presence. About five minutes into the most awkward so-called party of my life, I started praying that someone would come kick them all out. But it so wasn’t happening.

Everyone sat around my bed, which was annoying. I didn’t want to be the centerpiece of the table. I wasn’t wearing pants. You can’t be the center of attention when you don’t have pants.

Austin made a valiant effort at conversation. He would start to tell some story, then realize that it was inappropriate in some way and halt. It was excruciating. But Ryan had never been polite, and thankfully, he decided to stay that way.

“Hey, remember that time that guy shot me?”

Everyone turned to stare at Ryan. Like a bad sitcom. Every head just turned toward him. I started laughing.

“Hey, remember that time I put superglue in your bullet wound instead of stitches?” I said.

“Hey, remember that time Vito decided to kill me so he could kidnap Reese?”

“Which time?” I asked.

“Hey, remember that time you got arrested in Mexico?” Reese asked Ryan.

Carson laughed.

“Hey, remember that time Vito kicked the shit out Coop and that drag queen had to save her?” Ryan giggled.

Austin arched his brow at me.

“Hey, remember that time you guys dressed in drag to hide?” Reese said.

“Which time?” Ryan asked.

Derek, Carson, and Austin laughed.

“Hey, remember that time I killed a guy?” I asked. The room went still. Utterly fucking still. “What? He was evil incarnate and I don’t feel bad about it. I do feel bad about not feeling bad about it, though. But Reese made me go to therapy for half a year, and now I can sleep through the night without creepy dreams.”

“Vivian,” my mom whispered.

“No. It’s true. I killed a guy. He was really fucking bad.”

Reese was awesome. She could have let me hang myself, but she didn’t. “He really was bad. He was going to rape me with a knife. So Coop killed him.” Everyone stared at Reese. “Don’t worry. I went to therapy too.” That didn’t seem to make them feel any better.

“What? We’ve always been able to talk. So let’s talk. I killed a guy. It’s okay. I have immunity. Anyone have questions?” I asked.

I looked around the room. Ryan was smiling at his half-eaten pizza. Austin’s mouth was hanging open. Carson had found something really interesting on my dad’s face. My dad had found something really interesting on the wall. Derek had gone deaf. He was eating like nothing was happening. Breno and Christopher seemed to think that was a brilliant move, so they dug into the pizza they hadn’t yet touched. My mom was staring at me. Through me. I wasn’t sure.

“Hey, remember that time—” I started, but my mom cut me off.

“Be quiet. All of you. Just stop it.” She set down her plate. “This isn’t a joke. I can’t listen to you pretend that it is. I can’t.”

“Hey, remember that time—” I tried again.

“Vivian, stop.”

I stared at my mother, praying for something, anything that would take the cold fury out of her eyes. But there was nothing I could say that would take the last two years away. The pain was there. It always would be.

A voice from the doorway cut through the silence.

“Hey, remember that time you told me I was a naïve eighteen-year-old and I was going to get V killed?” Ade said.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“Yes,” Reese said.

Ryan started laughing. “That’s funny,” he said when we all stared at him. “You know, ’cause that’s pretty much what happened.”

“Fuck you,” Ade said.

Ryan kept laughing. “No, it’s good. If you hadn’t been all idealistic, then we would still be in Spain and you guys would still be here. I don’t know about the rest of you, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be.”

And my dad started laughing. Just like that.

“Yes, Ryan. This is the most pleasant dinner I’ve attended in quite some time,” Dad said.

Which made Austin and Derek laugh.

“It isn’t at all awkward,” I said.

Carson and Breno joined in. My mom even smiled a little. Which made Christopher smile.

“Come on, Ade, we’re having a great time.” Ryan stood and motioned for Breno and Derek to scoot. He pulled over an extra chair. “Sit. I’ll get you a plate.”

Ade sat. She looked like she was in shock, but at least she was here. Ryan tossed a couple pieces of pizza onto a plate and gave it to Ade.

“Thanks,” Ade said.

“I know she’s baby-sized, but I think this kid needs some wine.” Ryan didn’t wait for a response. He just grabbed one of the bottles and poured her a very small glass of wine.

“Ade, I don’t think you’ve been introduced to our father,” Reese said. “Breno, this is Adriana, Coop’s little sister. She got Cooper shot, but we’ve decided to forgive her because my asshole grandpa is behind bars and so is the rest of our fucked up family.”

“Language,” my mom said.

“It is lovely to meet you, Adriana,” Breno said.

“You’re Reese and Ryan’s dad?” Ade asked.

“Yes.”

“Where the fuck have you been? You know Christopher was a total dick, right?” Ade asked.

That launched the retelling of a very long story.

*

That evening after nearly everyone had gone back to the hotel, Reese climbed onto my bed. It was too narrow, but we made it work.

“Careful, don’t want to tear another stitch,” I said.

“I am not sure that I believe that I was responsible for your last torn stitch.” She’d had a lot of wine so her speech was extra perfect. And it made no sense whatsoever. Which I found sexy for some reason. Also annoying.

“You’re awesome,” I said.

“I know.”

“I’m sleepy,” I said.

“Me too,” Reese said.

“Me too,” Ryan said.

Ryan?

“I thought you went back to the hotel. What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked.

“Snuggling. I can’t sleep alone.” He crawled onto the other side of the bed and stole half my pillow. As if the bed wasn’t small enough already.

“Be careful of her side,” Reese said.

“You know this is why people say we are weird and codependent, right?” I said.

“Shh, sleepy time.” Ryan closed his eyes.

I was going to kick him out. But I kind of liked him being there. So I fell asleep instead.

*

“Kids, wake up.” It was my mom’s voice. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know that.

“Uhh-uh,” I muttered.

“Come on, guys. You can’t all sleep in here.”

I opened my eyes. That was all I could move because I was sandwiched between the twins on a narrow hospital bed.

“But it’s sleepy time,” Ryan said.

“I know, honey. But you need sleepy time in your own bed.” We may as well have been eight years old again. Her tone hadn’t changed at all in the intervening decade and a half. “And Vivian needs good sleep. She won’t get that with you two in here.”

“We have to stay and protect her,” Reese said.

My mom laughed. “You guys can stay if you want, but not in bed with V. One of you will get hurt.”

“Nuh-uh,” Ryan mumbled.

“Yes huh. I’m afraid you guys are going to roll right off the bed.”

“Can’t leave. Got to watch Coop,” Reese said.

“Come on, honey. You need your rest too and you won’t get it here. Go back to the hotel. I’ll stay here. That way you two can come back in the morning.” Mom rubbed Reese’s shoulder.

“Fine.” Ryan slowly rolled off the bed.

“Good boy.”

Reese climbed out too. “You have to stay here and watch her, okay?” She rubbed her eyes in an adorably sleepy way.

“I have my book.” My mom held up a paperback. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise,” Reese said.

“Yeah, promise.”

“I promise, guys. Now go get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Reese and Ryan headed for the door. They were leaning heavily against each other.

“Hey,” I said.

“What?” Reese looked back.

“Don’t I get a kiss?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He started walking back to the bed, but Reese grabbed him and pushed him aside. He started giggling.

“Tool,” she said.

“Whatever.” Ryan giggled some more.

Reese kissed me and pulled up my blankets. “Listen to your mommy, okay?”

“Blow me,” I said.

Reese rolled her eyes. “Good night.”

“Night.” I was tired as hell, but I fought to stay awake until they left the room. “Hey, Mom?”

“Yes, honey?” She pushed the hair off my forehead.

“Are you mad?”

“About the twins sleeping in here? No, of course not. It’s weird, but I’m not mad about it.”

“No, not that.” I yawned. “Everything else. Me leaving. That stuff.”