Disarm (15 page)

The Shermans, including Elsie, flew out to Missouri for our graduation and commissioning. After Jason and I pinned on second lieutenant, the Shermans took us out for a celebratory dinner.

Jason and I threw a huge party at our house afterward, which thankfully, Jason's parents did not attend. I was already a little embarrassed by the state of our living quarters (we're guys, we're always going to be filthy), and they certainly didn't need to bear witness to our wild parties.

The colonel had reservations about his only daughter attending but Elsie was already a sophomore at UCLA by then so she did pretty much whatever she wanted. Still, the colonel asked Jason and me to look out for her, to make sure no guy took advantage of her. I looked out for her all right, but I can't say that no guy took advantage of her because one did.

Me.

It was a few hours into the party. The music was blaring and the alcohol had been flowing for a while. I had already had several red Solo cups of beer and Elsie, I think, may have already done a keg stand or two. A few of the guys were really gunning for her, and I couldn't really blame them. She was easily the best-looking girl there. Her hair had grown down to her waist and the curls were relaxed, not as corkscrew as in high school. She was wearing these tight jeans that hung low on her hips and this top that kept showing her stomach every time she moved. Of course those guys were interested in her. She was gorgeous.

So it was my duty—and pleasure—to stay by her side all night. We talked like old times. Alcohol goes directly to Elsie's vocal cords; the more she drinks, the more she talks. By that time of the night, she'd had plenty to drink and wanted to have a heart-to-heart.

“I'm so proud of you,” she told me as we sat down on the rickety swing on the front porch. “You're a college grad and a second lieutenant in the Air Force.”

I shrugged it off. “Thanks. It's not a big deal.”

She leaned up and planted a kiss on my cheek. “Not a big deal? Look at what you've achieved.”

“Thanks,” I said. I took a big gulp of beer. “I'm proud of you too.”

“What for?”

“For turning out the way you did.”

She turned back to me with a frown. “Huh?”

I laughed, giddy with everything. “You're so grown-up and so hot.” Hell, she wasn't the only one affected by the alcohol.

“Well, thanks. Though you should probably be thanking my parents for that, for giving me good genes.” She leaned her head back on the swing and closed her eyes, exposing her neck. “I'm so drunk.”

“Yeah, you are.” My eyes traced her profile, from her lips to her chin, down her neck and finally to the soft swell of her chest. She was definitely grown all right.

The column of her neck was too enticing to resist so I bent down and touched my lips to the point right above her collarbone, just to see what it would feel like.

She jumped back as if I'd electrocuted her. “What are you doing?”

The beer and jungle juice was making me very brave. Hell, I'd made it through college and ROTC, surely I could also tell a girl I liked her. “I was kissing your neck.” What? I was chickenshit.

“Why?”

Now or never, Henry. “Because I like you, Elsie. I
really
like you.”

She granted me a dreamy smile. “I like you too. You're handsome.”

I licked my lips as I stared at her mouth. “Actually, I take that back—”

“What?” she asked. “You can't take something like that ba—”

I leaned over and kissed her. I just pressed my lips to hers, my body on autopilot. For the first second, she was too shocked to respond, but then her mouth opened and invited me in. She sat up with renewed purpose and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me closer.

God, the kiss . . . I don't know how to describe it without sounding cheesy or sentimental. It was just like I'd imagined, all soft and hard at the same time. Her tongue was sweet and sexy at once, and when she bit my lip . . . fuck. It made me hard all over. Even my toes had boners.

I pulled away and I was sure I sounded desperate when I asked, “You want to come to my room?”

“More than anything.”

I took her hand and led her through the party, making sure Jason was not around to bear witness. I pulled her into my small, cluttered room and closed the door behind us.

She kissed me again, her arms wrapped around my neck. I devoured her mouth as I gradually lowered her to the bed, pressing her into the mattress as I fought to control my body.

I had to slow down and savor the night. If I wasn't more careful, I'd detonate in five seconds and that was something I didn't want for our first time together. I was doing fine until she wrapped her legs around my waist and moaned against my ear, “Henry, I want you to make love to me.”

My hips moved on their own as I ground my dick into her crotch, trying by sheer will to liquefy all the fabric between us. I was this close. All I needed to do was relieve her of her clothes and plunge inside her, but like I said, I needed to slow down.

I pulled away. “Have you done this before?” I asked her as I traced the column of her neck down to her chest and ending at her bellybutton, where I toyed with the hem of her shirt.

“Yes.”

I should have been relieved—I mean, having sex with a virgin is not the best, because really, how could you enjoy yourself when you know you're hurting the girl?—but I was mostly angry with myself. “That should have been me.”

I didn't know I'd said that aloud until she said, “I wanted it to be you.” Her face was all regret and tenderness.

I touched her cheek. “I'm sorry.” She closed her eyes and leaned into my palm. That one little move made my heart hurt. “I love you so much,” I whispered.

“I love you too, Henry,” she said, her eyes remaining closed. “I have since forever.”

I was unable to move, afraid that if I did, the spell would be broken and she'd jump up and take those words back. I couldn't have that.

Elsie loved me. Me. Henry Logan. Me. The dickhead who'd made her life miserable.

Me.

I opened my mouth to say something—hell, I didn't know what, I only knew that something needed to be said to cement the moment, but the next thing I knew, she had fallen asleep, her face still cradled in my hand. So I carefully pulled the covers out from under her and tucked her in, my entire body still warm from her words. It didn't matter that we weren't going to make love that night. She loved me and I loved her—we would get to it eventually.

For now, the most important thing had been established. She loved me too.

I pressed a kiss to her forehead and closed the door behind me, making sure to hang a sock on the knob so that people wouldn't come in the room.

The next morning, I woke up and Elodie was in our living room with a trash bag, picking up empty plastic cups. “Good morning, Henry,” she said much too loudly.

I sat up from the couch and promptly lay back down again. My brain was pounding the beat of a thousand magnified drums.

“Looks like you boys had a great time,” the colonel said, coming from the kitchen with a broom.

“You guys don't have to clean up,” I said with an outstretched arm. “Really.”

My bedroom door opened and Elsie came shuffling out, looking fresher than she had any right to be. “Morning,” she said and kissed her mom on the cheek.

“Did you have fun at the party?” Elodie asked.

Elsie nodded. “Yeah,” she said, then her eyes found me. “Thanks for letting me crash on your bed.”

The night flashed before my eyes, from the kiss and how close I'd come to making love to her, but mostly to her confession of love. “You're welcome,” I said, giving her a meaningful look.

She only shot me a confused look and turned away.

The Shermans took Elsie back to their hotel while Jason and I cleaned up. We all met up for lunch at a Denny's afterward. I was dying to talk to Elsie in private, but we didn't have a chance to be alone. Finally, I pulled her aside as we were all headed to our cars.

“Do you remember what happened last night?” I asked her quickly.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can't remember anything past that beer pong game.”

My stomach dropped to my feet. “So you don't remember what you said to me last night?”

Her eyebrows drew together as she looked at me. For one moment, I thought she might remember, but she just shook her head. “No. What was it?”

I kicked at the ground as I let her go. “It was nothing. You just said you were proud of me.”

She grinned, punching me in the arm. “I am.”

Jason and I took them to the airport. I watched her going through the security gate with a glob of disappointment lodged in my belly. I had foolishly thought that that was our time but even though I didn't see it then, I know now it was for the best. I don't know how we would have made it work; she was in L.A. and I was getting sent to Randolph Air Force Base in San Antonio for training, and then after that, who knew.

We were at different points in our lives. Still, it didn't stop me from wanting what I wanted.

After graduation, Jason was sent to Lackland Air Force Base for training, which is not that far from Randolph. We were there for nine months and hung out quite a bit.

When training was done we were both sent to Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma. That was some seriously freaky shit right there. We said good-bye to each other after college, thinking that our road would fork and I'd go one way and he'd go another. Eventually, we knew we'd see each other again somewhere in the world. The Air Force family is actually quite small, and you'll run into the same people even when you're in backwoods BFE. We never actually thought we'd get stationed at the same place so soon.

We both landed in Oklahoma around the same time and we rented an apartment together on the south side of the city. For a while there, we had it made. We had a really nice apartment, we had our brand-new cars—mine was a convertible Mustang, cherry red, just like I'd always dreamed, and Jason's was a black Camaro—and we had our brand-new jobs. We threw parties every weekend, met friends in each other's squadrons, dated some cute honeys we met in the clubs.

We really lived it up in OKC. I can't say that the life of a bachelor officer sucks. We lived like little kings. Two years in, we pinned on first lieutenant. God, we had it made.

And then Elsie showed up.

Shit, I hate that I'm even saying this, but she really put a damper on our bachelor lifestyle. After graduating she tooled around Monterey for a while before she accepted a web design job in Oklahoma of all places. It felt like high school again, when she'd follow Jason and me around.

It really drove me up the wall because, for one, I can't very well bring dates to my apartment when there's a girl living there, and two, because I still had feelings for her. I mean, there I was ready to let loose and live a little and she was in my space all over again, taking up my thoughts and shit.

She said she only needed a place to stay for a few weeks while she looked for a place of her own, so I at least had that to look forward to. But Jason was a douche and made her sleep on the pull-out couch instead of offering her his bed so every time I came out of my room in the middle of the night, I had to see her lying there, wearing her tiny shorts and a tank top with no bra on. I developed a sudden case of dehydration after that, so I had to go to the kitchen and get a drink of water every night. I was just
so
thirsty.

One night, while I walked past her on the way to the kitchen, she turned to her side and—I swear I tried to look away—her breasts just about fell out of her shirt. She was asleep so she didn't do it on purpose, but the neck of her shirt was really low and when she lay on her side, I could see almost everything. God, I could have stayed there all night just looking at her but I eventually slapped some sense into myself and pulled the sheets over her shoulders. Then I went to my room and jacked off.

The next morning, I went on a hard run and brought back a newspaper. I scoured the classifieds, ready to find a place of my own. I wasn't going to be the bad guy and kick out my best friend's kid sister but there was no way I could live there anymore. My self-control was going to snap sooner or later, and who knows what would happen then.

When I got back from work that day, she had her stuff all packed up by the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked her.

She held up the newspaper with my highlighted ads of available one-bedroom apartments. “I'm going. I can take a hint.”

I grabbed the paper out of her hands. “That's not—”

Jason chose that very moment to walk in the door and announce that he was going to deploy. That guy had interrupting down to an art form.

“What?” Elsie asked, her attention completely on her brother. “Where?”

“They're sending me to Afghanistan.” Jason looked so proud, so excited. Hell, I was excited for him. This was the first time either one of us had done anything that actually meant something. I mean, we go to work every day, we do our jobs, but for the most part, it's just training. We're just working in preparation for deployments, for war.

That's my job: going to war, and to pretend otherwise is to lie. Our job is to start and end conflicts. Peace means we will be out of a job.

But you know what? Peace is just an idea. There will never be peace on earth, at least, not the kind of kumbaya-harmony people envision. There can be cease-fires and treaties, but we will never know true peace. That's the sad truth of the world.

So Jason getting called from the dugout to play in the big leagues, now
that
was the job we had both been training for.

We went out to celebrate that night and we all got drunk. We took a taxi home and drank some more at the apartment. I relaxed a little around Elsie but before I could tell her that I was the one who was moving out, Jason asked her to stay, to take up residence in his room for the six months that he'd be gone.

Elsie didn't even hesitate. She said yes.