Disgrace (12 page)

“Where are we going?” I shift, ill at ease, and hold my arms across my waist, a useless barrier, I know. Richard drops his hand to my knee once more and slides it roughly up my leg to the very top of my thigh. I clamp my legs to stop him hitting his target. He howls out a sickening laugh.

“The lake house…thought we shouldn’t have your first time in the house. My parents are home, and you might be a screamer.” He spreads his lips wide with pleasure.

“Richard I…I don’t think I’m ready. I don’t want—”

“Sweetheart—” His interruption is sharp and his tone is clipped. “This isn’t about what you want though is it? This is about what your mother wants and what I want. I thought we understood each other, Grace. If that isn’t the case, I can take you home.” He tilts his head with mock compassion, but his smile is more sinister than sincere.

“No,” I shake my head. I can feel my eyes tingle with imminent tears. My nails pierce hard into my palms and I blink rapidly to stop the flow. I swallow the lump and try to force a smile that barely curves my lips. “I’m just nervous.”

“Stage fright.” He squeezes his hand at the top of my thigh so hard I know it will bruise. “I have something for that.” His eyes glaze with a dark vacant glare that freezes my heart. He screeches the car to stop in front of the wooden steps leading to the weathered lake house. Several cars are parked on either side.

His friend’s cars.

“Are you having a party?” I can’t help my naive hopefulness filling my voice. Richard regards me carefully and then sniffs out a bitter laugh.

“Not a party no, more like a show and not tell.” He snickers and leaps from the car. Every part of me wants to run. I slam the lock down on my side of the car. He drops down to meet my eyes. He raises a brow, shaking his head at my pathetic display of defiance. He clicks the door open with his remote and pulls is open before I can hold it shut. Gripping my arm he yanks me from my seat and throws me against the bonnet of the car. His large body quickly pinning me immobile.

“Richard, you’re scaring me.” I cry out, my body is shaking and I hope he can hear the fear that is surging through my veins and turning my stomach. He wedges his body between my thighs, pushing my legs wide, one hand on my hip and one gripping my jaw.

“Do you love me, sweetheart?” He says through angry gritted teeth.

“What?” I choke out my surprise.

“It’s a simple question, Grace. Do. You. Love. Me?” With each word he increases the pressure of his grip until tears spring to my eyes from the pain. I try to nod but his scowl looks more demonic than human, and I give him his answer, fearing for my life if I didn’t.

“Of course,” I whisper.

“Of course what, sweetheart?” he growls.

“Of course, I love you.” I can’t swallow the lump in my throat, my mouth is so dry.

“Good. Then you will do everything I demand without question or hesitation understand?”

I nod but quickly reply, “Yes.”

He drops his head to my forehead and lets out a heavy breath. His body is a dead weight on mine and making it difficult to breathe. I start to panic as I struggle to draw in another breath. His eyes cloud and I fail to see any life in the dull blue colour.

“Now is your time to prove just how much you love me, sweetheart. I told my friends that I am your Master and you will do anything for me. But they obviously didn’t take my word for it.” He pushes up and I draw in a gasp of air and cough in an effort to get more oxygen. He pulls me hard against his body. His hand pinches a clump of my hair and he yanks it sharply. “You will obey me, Grace, because you love me and want to make me happy.” He taps my nose playfully, and I am speechless as I look at the devil himself straighten his clothes and drag his hand through his floppy hair. He takes my hand and leads me numbly up the steps. “The best way to get rid of stage fright is to have a very appreciative audience.” He swings the double doors wide, and I recoil at the stale, dusty smell, and ominous tension that hits me like a brick wall. I don’t move. I can’t. I am terrified. Twenty of Richard’s buddies line the outside of the room, beer, cigarettes or both in their hands. Smoke swirls like a toxic gas. I just pray it is poison enough to knock me out. I don’t want any part of this nightmare. The room is hazy, dirt curtained windows hindering the natural light of the midday sun. My stomach drops when all eyes turn toward me.

I squeeze Richard’s hand noticing the small sofa dressed like an altar in the middle of the room. My eyes are wide with panic, Richard peers down his nose, eyes cold and a sneer distorting his lips.

“Please don’t do this, Richard. I beg you.”

“That’s a start at least. On your knees, bitch,” he snarls and I drop to my knees and hope to die.

I shudder now at the memory and at the retelling.

Jason shifts to the side and slips around so he is on his side and I am lying flat with him staring down at me. His finger traces my hairline, along my jaw and over my lips. A soft pattern he follows with his dark eyes, his gaze is deep and intense. It causes an equally deep furrow on his brow and mars his perfect face with obvious concern.

“What are you thinking?” The silence is understandable. I laid some unpleasant baggage to process at his feet, but he did ask, and the longer he just watches me, the more unsettled I feel.

“The trigger wasn’t anything I did. It was what I said.” I nod even though it wasn’t a question. “It’s very likely there will be others.” Again a statement, but I stiffen because this feels like a brush off. I laid myself out there or at least started to and he sounds like he is starting to make a list of reasons. But, as if reading my mind he takes the hand I had started to wrap protectively around my waist. “Hey, Sam, look at me.” His fingers lock with mine as do his eyes. “I’m just letting you know I know
that
trigger; it won’t happen again, but given what you’ve told me, others might surface.” His tender voice and confident smile warm me. “We will deal with them exactly like this. We will talk. You know how much shit gets fucked up because people don’t just talk. That won’t happen with us.” My lips smile wide when he says that and he chuckles. “Oh, you like that, huh? Yeah baby, we’re an
us
, and I want full disclosure. Half of the shit Daniel and Bethany went through wouldn’t have happened if they’d just fucking sat down and talked. I don’t play games like that.” His voice drops with a husky whisper. “There are much better games to play.”

“Full disclosure? I’m not sure you can handle that, Jason.” I sigh as his fingers sensuously walk down my tummy and dip under the edge of my panties. But I slap his hand hard to prevent any further exploration. “Besides I don’t hear any of your deep, dark secrets.”

“Hmm…That might be because I don’t have any.” He wiggles his fingers, but I keep my grip firm.

I scoff. “Now I find that very hard to believe.”

“Oh, please, don’t tell me you’re one of those who believe anyone that is involved in kink has to be fucked-up or damaged?” His eyes shoot to mine with instant worry. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to be dismissive. Shit, I’m sorry, Sam—”

“Don’t. Stop that shit. You do not have to wrap me in cotton wool, Jason. I deal with my damage, and no, I’m not one of those people. Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups in my profession. What I mean is
everyone
has baggage. Mine, I know, thanks to a few enlightening years of therapy, but not surprisingly, is a result of my mother and Richard. But even ‘normal’ people have hang-ups, quirks, kinks.” I offer up my explanation.

“Oh, baby, I am the King of Kink.” This time, with his abrupt movement, he manages to slip his whole hand right between my legs, his fingers just hovering at my entrance and coated in a slick wetness because…because he has been stroking my skin for the last half an hour.

My back arches a little to press into his contact, but I keep my voice level, impassive. “What I mean is, you’re a successful businessman, single, and hot as hell, why are you
not
someone’s Mr Happy Ever After?”

His gaze lingers on mine, heat seeping into the dark swirls of chocolate and gold flecks that make his eyes shine. “Simple. I’m not
normal
. I own a sex club, I like to tie up and beat naughty girls until they howl my name and come apart in my hands. There is nothing I haven’t tried and will
always
want to try. I think I mentioned I’m a kinky son of a bitch.” His finger sinks inside me then two and three. My eyelids flutter closed so he doesn’t see my eyes roll with the delicious sensation he is just beginning to stir. “I’m not looking for Happy Ever After, Sam. I’m looking for Extraordinary Ever After, and that level of
normal
is hard to find.” His mouth captures mine when I exhale a deep sigh. His thumb is slowly circling my clit, and I begin to rock into his palm in earnest. His tongue is deep and swirls in a sweet fight for dominance with mine.

God, I love the way he kisses. I don’t kiss very often. Even with my one-night-stands I just want to get off. I don’t like the intimacy that comes from a really good kiss. This isn’t a good kiss. This is a life-affirming, heart-stopping, soul-stealing kiss. Around and around sweeping, diving, consuming me with just his tongue, his soft, full lips and all that passion focused on that one simple act. It’s not foreplay it’s the
only
play. Sweet and soft, demanding and possessive, scorching hot and not too wet… making me soaking wet. He owns me with this kiss and from the smug spread of his lips when he breaks the contact, he knows it, too.

“Blindfold?” His words take a moment to sink in, and my tummy tightens with the possibilities.

“I would love to.” My words falter with understanding and his comically raised brow. “Sorry, you mean me.” I bite my lip to hide my smirk.

“You have no idea how much that look and your sassy mouth makes my palm twitch.” His grumbled words are heavy with desire and light with the sensual threat. I grind myself harder on his hand, but he moves away to reduce the contact. “Ah ah. My way, baby, we do this
my
way.” His tone is a mix of playful and stern. I know he is being cautious, and I love that he seems to be adapting his role as much as I am switching mine. “You have been blindfolded before, I assume?’

“Richard was the only relationship I have ever had and he was a Dominant, so yes, I have been blindfolded before.” I state and I swallow the pooling saliva in my mouth at the flash of images bombarding me of the times he did. My stomach turns, and Jason must feel my reaction because his hand freezes with his fingers still deep inside me.

“Sam…” His voice is strained, and I can see the muscles in his jaw dancing with fury, and I can hear his teeth crunch together with the force of his clenched jaw. “I think we need to be clear. He may have been your boyfriend through no choice of your own but he was no Dominant. He was an abusive fucking arsehole and a coward. He was given you. A beautiful, bright and sexy as all fuck woman—just a girl then—who he had the chance to cherish, but he chose abuse. You of all people should know the difference.” He brushes my cheek with light tender kisses, and I pinch my eyes shut tight to stop the tingle of tears.

“I know the difference now…I didn’t know there was any difference then. He told me what he was and showed me what that meant for me.” I suck in a stuttered breath. I hate that I am still affected like this. This is why I don’t talk about it. This is why I hide this shit away. I try to sit, but he positions his weight just a little further onto mine, effectively pinning me to the sofa.

“Sam, I don’t mean to upset you. I just want you to know that I am likely to lose my shit…badly, if I have to think about what that dick-head did. So we need to find a way where we can discuss this without causing a meltdown for either one of us. He deserves not a second of your time, not a single thought. Any pain you experienced by his hand I will erase. Your pain and your pleasure belong to me now…it belongs to us…Understand?

“And, the only time I will give him will be if we ever meet because then I can teach him how
bad
I am with a Bullwhip.” His voice drops lower when he continues. “I’m not a religious man, but I will pray every fucking day that I get the chance to do just that.” The menace and certainty in his words should chill me, but I glow from the warmth spreading through my veins.

His mouth covers mine, and he captures my bottom lip between his teeth. He bites enough to make my eyes widen and his to crinkle with pleasure. I feel it like a jolt of high voltage electricity firing though my body…
our pleasure
.

“Ready?” Although, both his hand between my legs and his fingers inside me have barely moved since I mentioned Richard’s name, when he smoothly removes them I whimper with the loss of contact. At the same time, he slides right on top of me, and I am momentarily breathless with his full weight before he kneels upright.

“Yes.” I don’t hesitate. I have no idea what I’m doing and I have no idea if this thing between us really stands a chance but for the first time…ever, I feel alive.