Disgrace (45 page)

“Jesus…shit!” Frank’s voice holds all the evidence I need as to my appearance. “Is she still alive?” His tone is incredulous.

“What business is that of yours exactly?” Richard growls, and Frank steps back, a wise move as Richard swishes the tail of the bullwhip.

“Not my business, sir. It’s just that we have visitors, so you might want to hide her in the hold.”

“What!? What visitors?” Richard throws the whip down, and I relax only to whimper at the slightest movement. He storms out the door, cursing. My mind is racing, but that could be due to the pain-induced delirium. I can’t distinguish one pain from the next, but I can feel my heart start to beat a little faster, and the pain that comes with that makes me smile. Is that Jason, finally? God I hope so, because I don’t think I will survive another hour at the hands of that madman.

I jump and cry at the sudden noise. Richard barges through the door and flies toward me. I flinch and fresh tears sting my face covering open wounds and causing more tears. A vicious cycle. Frank follows him.

“How the fuck did the Captain let this happen?” Richard growls at Frank, firing lethal looks his way as he fumbles to unlock my cuffs. “He had one fucking job, now I can’t keep those interfering arseholes from inspecting the whole damn boat.” He kneels on my chest to reach for my other cuff and I feel something snap. Excruciating pain fires from my chest like a red-hot spear piercing my lungs. I gasp but can’t get in another breath. “Make sure the girls are locked in the freezer, they’ll not check there and delay them until I can dispose of her.” He snarls inches from my face. I can feel his toxic breath. “She’s the one they are looking for.” He yanks me upright and despite the pain, I manage to grab some vital air. Frank rushes from the room with his fresh orders.

Richard unlocks my ankles and pulls me to stand, but my legs have no strength, and I crumple to the floor. My feet and hands burn with the surge of blood, and my wounds start to seep profusely from my brief upright position. I feel lightheaded and bright spots dart across my closed lids, and when I open my eyes, the darkness seems to encroach more with each passing second.

I cry out in agony as Richard grabs my hair and hauls me to my feet. He curses when he drops his keys, and I sway unsteadily, unsupported as I am when he drops to his knees to pick them up.

“Jason.” I cry out at the vision before me. Tall and handsome, in black combats and a slim black T-shit. I frown. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in this type of get up. He looks…he looks hot. His eyes fix on mine and flash from fierce to devastated. I can’t look. I can’t see
me
reflected in his eyes.

“Step away from her and put your motherfucking hands in the air, you piece of shit.” His voice is scary, stern but it isn’t Jason’s. I look again and notice the darker tan, his hair is longer, and I don’t think it could’ve grown that much in two weeks or however long I have been in this hell. His eyes soften when he notices me staring.

“Will?” My voice catches, my throat is so dry, and I struggle to make a sound. He nods but fires his hate-filled glare to my right. Richard grabs my arms and pulls me in front of him. My naked body offers little cover for his large frame, but the coward uses me as a shield nonetheless.

“I said, let her go,” Will spits out through gritted teeth.

“And what did you bring to this gunfight to make me do that, exactly?” Richard’s voice is eerily calm, and I start to shake when his arm stretches out in front of my body, his hand clasping tight around a small black handgun.

“Drop the gun and no one gets hurt,” Will demands. His eyes flash to me and mine instantly fill with tears. I want to beg Richard to drop the gun. I can’t bear to witness anyone else get hurt because of me, but I know begging is useless.

“Will, just leave please. He’ll kill you. Please, just go.” I stutter, my voice shaking almost as much as my body.

“You should listen to her.” Richard’s stiff voice is full of derision. “She is at least still smart…important since her looks are no longer an asset.” I crumple with the hateful truth. I hate that even after all these years and attempts to rebuild my self-esteem he can so easily break my resolve back down to my worth, my value being inextricably linked to my appearance.

“Her scars will heal while you rot in jail,” Will states with compassion.

“But you won’t be alive to see.” He pulls the trigger, and I scream and grab for his arm. The bang from the gun is so loud it knocks me to the ground. No, I’m pulled to the ground by Richard falling, his arms still tight around my waist. I fight and struggle to free myself.

“No, no!” I cry, violent sobs wrack my body as I scramble over to Will’s feet. His feet that are standing still, but still standing. I look up and watch as he slowly crouches on his haunches. His hand strokes the hair from my face.

“It’s over Sam; you’re safe now.” His lips are moving, and I hear the words, but they don’t make sense. I heard the gun go off. I turn sharply to see Richard’s body lying flat. A small black mark singes a precise hole in the centre of his forehead. His eyes are wide with shock. His gun is still cocked. He didn’t get a shot off. He didn’t hurt anyone else. Another man in black kneels beside Richard, and he is slowly replacing his gun in his holster. I collapse and hug myself, sobbing freely with relief and pain and utter devastation. I feel a cool sheet wrap around my body, and I am lifted into strong arms that feel so familiar and yet a little strange. I rest my head on Wills chest but cry out with every step he takes. Curled up like this I feel the pressure of the broken bones in my chest, and I panic, because suddenly, I can’t breathe. Will stops at my gasp and lowers me to the floor. We have made it to the open deck but I can’t bear any more pain.

“Medic!” Will calls out and gentle tentative hands are prodding and poking almost right away, causing me to scream. My breathing is shallow, but I need more air. I feel like I am suffocating. A mask is placed over my mouth, which helps.

“We need to get her airlifted. She lost a lot of blood and I think her lung is punctured.” The medic calls to his commander who puts in the call for air assistance. I feel a sharp prick on my arm, but don’t make a sound. I’ve had worse. Will continues to stroke my hair. I speak, but he shakes his head not understanding the slight sounds I am making hindered further with the mask. He lifts it free.

“Don’t let Jason see me like this,” I plead but he looks shocked at my request. “Please…I can’t have him look at me like you just did. He always called me beautiful. Will I can’t…please promise me.” He shakes his head like my request is somehow hurting him. He fists his t-shirt in the centre of his chest. I know that pain. “Please.” I beg, tears falling unbidden. He closes his eyes but gives me the nod I need. He replaces the mask and we wait for recovery.

The noise of the approaching helicopter wakes me. I didn’t want to wake from the blissful sleep, where nothing hurts, and I’m not scarred and Jason loves me. It was heaven. But the thunderous sound shatters that fantasy sending it into the four winds with the force of the powerful blades.

“The paramedics are going to move you to the gurney. It might hurt, darling.” Will speaks close to my ear so as not to shout. The other men are gathered, and I can just about make out their conversation. Something about a clean sweep, no one else…only staff. My chest tightens and I get a surge of panic. That’s not right! I struggle against the straps that now secure me to the stretcher and start to shout. My voice doesn’t sound like my own, heavy and slurred.

“Relax, Sam, you’re safe now. We need to get you to hospital.” Will tries to comfort me with his soothing voice, and his large hand on my shoulder, but I buck under his touch and let out a heart rending scream. He lifts my mask, and I try to speak.

“Freeze…freezer.” Everything sounds wrong and he looks so confused. I draw in a deep steadying breath and try to concentrate on making my mouth respond to my brain enough to make myself understood. “The freezer, Will. The girls are in the freezer.” I must sound insane. I exhale as the last bit of energy leaves my body, but before I close my eyes and succumb to the delicious mix of drugs and exhaustion, I notice some of the men running off to check my insane revelation.

“I want to see her.” I state flatly

“I’m sorry, sir, next of kin only.” The doctor straightens in response to my audible growl.

“Well, she doesn’t have a next of kin so—”

“Actually, she does.” Leon shrugs sheepishly, but silences me with his statement.

“Mr Castell?” The doctor looks at his chart and back up to Leon, who is standing awkwardly beside me. “You may go and see her now. She has just woken up and is still a little groggy. It is up to her
if
she wants to see anyone else.” He flashes me the stink eye.

“What is that supposed to mean?” It takes all my effort not to shout or tear this obnoxious adolescent in a white coat a new arsehole, but he has just fixed up my girlfriend, so I am trying to be nice.

“She was very insistent that she wants no visitors except Mr Castell.” He turns and walks away, leaving me bleeding from the verbal knife wound to my heart. What the fuck. She hates me. She hates me because I didn’t save her sooner.
I
hate me because I didn’t save her sooner, but I am gutted she feels the same. I feel hollow, sick, like my guts have been wrenched out and broken with my heart beating its last, trampled as it is on the floor. I stumble to take a seat, winded and useless. My reason to breathe wants nothing to do with me. Where do I even go from here?

“She hates me.” I choke out. Will sits beside me.

“She doesn’t hate you but…but she looks pretty bad and she told me on the boat…” He hesitates and looks over at Leon.

“What? What did she tell you?” I interrupt.

“She made me promise that you wouldn’t see her like this.” He lets out a deep breath.

“What the fuck, Will?” I am stunned.

“She said you always called her beautiful, and she couldn’t bear for you to look at her, well…I guess like I did.” He shrugs by way of explanation.

“This is bullshit. Of course I call her beautiful. She is…she is a beautiful person. I love her…everything about her, and I don’t get the chance to prove that because she thinks I’m that shallow I can’t see beyond a few scars.” I drag my hands through my hair utterly exasperated.

“It’s a lot of scars, Jason.” Will’s voice softens.

“It won’t be that.” Leon interrupts. “It won’t be that at all. She might say that now because she’s raw but she doesn’t believe that of you. I’m positive.” His words have an instant calming effect on me. “Her insecurities will come from Richard. They always came from him and her mother. She loves you but she is scared, that’s all. She’s defending her heart the only way she knows how.”

“By blocking me out?” He nods and I stand abruptly. “Not fucking happening, and I’m coming with you, understand?” I stride off, and Leon is quick to catch me, but he wisely doesn’t stop me. We are in the right place for the mood I’m in if anyone tries to stop me.

She croaks out Leon’s name, and he rushes to her outstretched arm. She wraps him in a tight embrace and closes her eyes. She doesn’t see me. My heart breaks that I’m not the first person she calls for but that’s now, and it doesn’t have to stay that way. I take a moment to compose myself because Will wasn’t lying when he said she is cut to shreds. Angry lines trace a pattern down the cheek I can see she’s pressed against Leon’s head. I have no doubt the other side is the same. Her arms are a series of stripes of varying thickness but all a deep crimson. Some of her skin is covered with large patches of gauze I assume to prevent infection of the deepest cuts. I hear her gasp, and her eyes meet mine. I keep my face impassive. If any emotion shows at all, it is certainly not pity, anger or hurt maybe, but not pity. She doesn’t want it and I don’t feel it. I just feel relief and a fuck tonne of love.

I walk into the room and Leon moves back. I sweep in and surround her, my arms thread around the back of her head and around her waist. As carefully as I can, I bring her into my hold, avoiding the tubes that still connect her to machines and drips. Her eyes sparkle and shine with tears, and her lip trembles. She opens her mouth to speak but it’s been too long. I cover her words with my urgent lips; my tongue slides in to taste her. Oh God, I’ve missed her sweet taste. She moans into my mouth, and I can’t help the grin that starts to pull at the corners of my kiss. But I’m not finished. My fingers tease and entwine in her hair, gently massaging and eliciting more sensual sounds that I adore. My tongue swirls and twists with hers, and she is quick to engage, which fills me with utter joy. Both breathless, we part when Leon coughs and motions that he is going to wait outside. Her eyes fill with a flash of panic, and I let out a warning grumble that makes her look a little embarrassed.

“Jason, I didn’t want you to see me like this,” she whispers but won’t meet my glare.

“So I understand, and how happy do you think that makes me?” My tone is stern but hides the hurt I feel. She has enough to deal with without more guilt.