Disgrace (43 page)

“Something I can thank
you
for.” He lets out a slow chuckle that sickens my soul. “Once you have virgin pussy there really is no comparison. It’s hardly my fault the pool of virgins is diminishing and girls today are sluts. If they kept their legs together a little longer, I would not be forced to hunt in a younger pond.”

“Wow, you really believe that? You are as deranged as you are twisted. There is a special place in hell for people like you, you know that?” My mouth pools with bile, but I choke it back. He makes my skin crawl.

“Hmm, I don’t doubt, so I may as well have as much
deranged
fun as I can, don’t you think? Starting with you. I intend to make the next few days so unpleasant, you will be begging me to fuck you, just to relieve the agony.” He purses his lips in a sadistic smile and drags his beady eyes slowly up the length of my exposed and vulnerable body.

“I’ll die before that day, Richard.” I tip my chin with all the hatred I feel focused in my glare and into his soulless eyes.

“All in good time, Sweetheart, all in good time.” Cruel amusement distorts his face. His eyes are devoid of any life. I can feel my body start to tremble, and I have to focus all my remaining strength to not let my terror show. “But for now, I need you a little less defiant. I have a client that has very specific tastes, and I don’t have much time before he arrives. He requested you unmarked, untouched, but not
unharmed
. I can work with those parameters for now.” He walks away, and I let out a breath I had been holding, but it’s a deep breath, and I cry out at the sudden pain. He turns sharply and raises a brow. “Problem, Grace?” I don’t know what is worse, my ribs, which are obviously broken, or the way he uses my birth name like he owns it. He can have it. I am Sam, and I am Selina, and I will die before I give him any more of me.

“You need to work on your drama, Dick. Often less is more. I would happily give you some lessons, but I have a strict no arsehole rule.” I bite a thin smile and silently brace myself. He steps closer and leers over me.

“Lucky for me I have no such rule, but you will find that out very soon.” He snickers but the sound holds no amusement.

“See that’s what I mean…you give it
all
away.” I see the fury in his eyes at my mocking tone, but it’s not the last thing I see. The last thing I see is his fist before the searing pain flashes across my face and I feel the gush and warm trickle of blood, I pass out before I can taste the metal on my lips.

Oh, that feels nice, soft and warm against my face. I drift slowly back to consciousness, but I can feel the stiffness on my face from the dried blood so this feels like heaven. My eyelids are puffy and sore, but thankfully, not from tears. He doesn’t deserve my tears. I open them as wide as the swelling will allow and see bright, piercing blue eyes staring kindly, inches away from my face. I smile but my lips feel awkward and hurt. Lolli rubs the damp cloth across my mouth and like magic they feel instantly more mobile. The blood must have fixed them almost closed. Her face is the picture of concentration as she very carefully wipes my face and neck clean, taking time to rinse and pat my skin dry. The bowl of water balanced on her lap is now crimson with my blood, but she looks happy with the result. I personally couldn’t care what I look like, but I do feel a hundred times better from the mini bed bath.

“Thank you, Lolli.” She looks surprised at my gratitude which confuses the hell out of me. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Oh, no, I just thought you’d be mad at me.” Her voice is pitched with amazement.

“Why would I be mad?” My tone is light and curious.

“I told Master you had tricked me, but you never did. I was just stupid and… and I blamed you.” She drops her head and won’t meet my eyes.

“Hey Lolli, I understand. Don’t sweat it.” I let go with a dry laugh and try for a reassuring smile. I try to flip my wrist to wave away her concern, but it is secured pretty tightly and only my fingers move. “You did nothing wrong, and I could never be mad at you.”

“Really?” She is wide-eyed and disbelieving.

“Really.” I confirm with a warm smile. She sags with relief. “Did he hurt you?” I ask a little more sharply than I had intended. Her eyes flit to me then over her shoulder. She looks back to me but, again, won’t meet my eyes. She shakes her head. I draw in steadying breath. What I wouldn’t give for my bullwhip and a pair of pliers.

“You make him mad.” She mutters under her breath.

“He’s a prick. He deserves more than my bad language,” I bite out, my tone heavy with disdain. Her hand slips to her mouth to cover her smile. “Did he hurt you because he was mad at me?”

“No. I was punished for the phone, but he has forgiven me now.” She rushes to explain. “I just know when he is angry, and he always looks really angry when he comes away from here. You need to be careful, Sweetheart.” Her tone drops to gravely serious. “He won’t damage you now, but once the clients have finished with you…well…” Her eyes widen and gloss with tears. The blue in her irises glistens like sunlight reflecting on the deepest ocean. “You need to be careful. You wouldn’t like him when he is really angry,” she warns. I snort.

“I wouldn’t like him if he put on a red suit and pretended to be Father Christmas. Something that rotten has no redeeming features I could ever like.” I let out a sigh and wait until she is looking at me. “He is a bad man, Lolli, and when I get out of here—and I
will
get out of here—I am taking you with me.”

Her head snaps over her shoulder and her eyes fill with panic. She holds her fingers against my lips. “Please, please don’t talk like that,” she whispers. “I…it’s not so bad, Sweetheart. I’m his favourite,” she whispers but there is fear in her eyes.

“For how long, Lolli? What happens when he loses interest?” Her face pales and my chest aches. She knows exactly what happens when he loses interest.

“I won’t go back into foster care.” The tears in her eyes finally escape onto her cheeks, and I feel like a complete shit for making her so sad. I can’t even hug her.

“I won’t let that happen, I promise, Lolli.” She nods but her face is impassive, and I feel I have lost her to a darker time. I shudder that anyone has a darker time than this.

“I’m sorry.” She gives me the saddest smile.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, Lolli.” I try to offer some comfort to ease her pained expression.

“I do.” She slides off the bed, carrying the bowl of water she used to clean me up. She disappears into the bathroom and returns empty handed, but not for long. She lifts a box from one of the high glossed black chest of drawers. She drops the box and lifts the contents. My legs try to shut but the restraints cut my ankles at the futile attempt. I recognise the wand, an extremely effective external vibrator, powered by the mains. It can be relentless. She lays it between my legs and sets about arranging straps and pillows to adjust the round head precisely on my clit. I start to tremble before she even flicks the switch. She looks devastated, so I try to smile, to hide my horror.

“How long?” I swallow thickly.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” She shakes her head and bites her lip tight.

“I know. This isn’t you, Lolli, but it might help if I know how long?” My voice sounds desperate to my own ears. My anxiety spikes at the unknown and skyrockets with the known.

“All night.” I jolt as she switches the wand to full. I was wrong. Knowing didn’t help at all.

I want to die but not as much as I want to come. Every muscle in my body is utterly exhausted from perpetual spasming, teetering on the edge as I have been for that last decade. I know it hasn’t been that long but god its feels longer. Richard was right about one thing I do want to beg, I do want to fuck, it hurts my heart to think that at this moment I would probably beg
him
to fuck me I need release that badly. Twelve hours I have been strapped to this device, I haven’t slept, I’ve tried to move, to dislodge it but the one time I did, Lolli appeared and fixed it tighter to my core. She motioned to the corner of the room where a smooth black sphere is positioned to the wall. A camera, no doubt recording my torture but certainly alerting anyone who’s watching that I have managed to secure myself a moment of respite. Lolli returned at first light but just to offer me some water.

I think it is the same day but I am a little delirious. Richard enters the room with Lolli on his heels. She drops to her knees at the end of the bed and he glares down at my wracked body. Twisted, tense and covered in a slick sheen of perspiration. I bite my lips tight to keep from howling. I am so desperate for release. He flicks the wand off and I sag, my legs still shaking uncontrollably.

“Something you want, Sweetheart?” He croons.

I groan out with a heavy exhale. “Oh God, yes.” His grin crawls across his face. “I could use a good fuck right about now.”

“See I told you, you would be begging me before the week was through.” He laughs out.

“I said
good
fuck, Dick…If I wanted a lousy fuck you would be my go-to guy…ahhh!!” He switches the device back on and with his clenched fist he pushes it hard against my raw clit. Oh God, that’s unbearable… Tears spring to my eyes but I quickly close my lids to prevent them showing. He storms out of the room with Lolli, his silent shadow.

If one thing comes from this it’s that I will never use orgasm denial as a form of torture again, or a wand, or restraints. In fact I think I will go cold turkey and come out the other side as vanilla as Mary Fucking Poppins. My wrists are raw from trying to manoeuvre away from the source of pain. I know I have cut the skin on my ankles as well as my wrists, and my poor clitoris is so swollen it’s probably the size of a tennis ball not the cute little peanut it was before this marathon stimulation nightmare. I start to let out tiny panting breaths, it seems to help to focus on something else and it doesn’t hurt my chest so much as a deep breath would. I count in blocks of ten and repeat. Similar to the breathing exercises I use in yoga, desperately trying to focus on my breathing not the excruciating agony going on between my legs.

I don’t fall asleep, I can’t, but I do zone out into some sort of delirious trance. So when Lolli appears beside me I jump. She is hold a glass up but is standing at the end of the bed with her back to the camera.

“Keep your legs tense and I’ll turn it off, pretend it’s still going okay? Pretend you are still in agony.”

“That is not going to be hard.” I gasp. She flicks the switch off and I sag but instantly tense again when her face flashes with worry.

“Good just like that and they won’t know.” She winks.

“They?”

“Oh, if Master isn’t watching Frank will be. Someone is always watching, always recording,” she warns. I tip my head as she hold the glass to my lips. My whole body trembles and not because I am trying to maintain a façade. My nerves are raw and have a mind of their own. God, what I wouldn’t give for a little light manual relief.

“Would you like me to help? I can’t uncuff you. I don’t have the key but I could stand at the end and you know…help.” Her cheeks flush with embarrassment and I feel mine heat too at her reference.

My eyes water with such sadness. The fact that this child knows what agony I am suffering breaks my fucking heart.

“No darling, that’s quite all right. I’ll manage, what’s a little frustration between friends.” My laugh is flat but it’s the sentiment that counts. Lolli smiles.

“We’re friends?” Her face lights up with innocent joy.

“Sure we are.” I swallow a little easier now I have had some water but the lump is there for a whole different reason.

“But it’s not a little is it…It’s not a little frustrating, I mean?” Her gaze drops to the apex of my legs but quickly averts her eyes.

“No, it’s not but I
will
manage. Some more water would be good please.” She nods her head and rushes to refill the glass. She bounces on to the bed, and I wince. A small cry escapes the back of my throat, and she looks mortified.

“Oh God, Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” She runs her finger along the edge of my hairline. The hair is slick to my forehead but her soft touch feels nice.

“It’s fine…really. Lolli.” My voice is a whisper but as serious as I can muster. “I will get you out of here…I promise.” I want to wrap my arms around her and use my body as a shield. She looks so young, too damn young to have lived the life she has. She flashes me a tentative smile, looking rapidly over her shoulder and then back.

“I’d like that.” She screams out and throws herself on the floor as the door crashes wide. Lolli drops the glass of water, which hits my head and covers me with the remaining water.

“You stupid, fucking bitch! You let her have your phone and now I have the US Coast Guard all up my arse just hovering on the international border and placing a no fly zone so none of my clients can land,” he snarls and walks over to a cowering Lolli. He picks her right off the ground by her high ponytails. She squeals with shock and tries to grab his hands to support her weight. Her legs dangle as he swings her like a rag doll, walking to the side of the bed.