Disillusion Meets Delight (13 page)

Ian decided to hold off on any rash decisions and bury himself in
Die Hard. 
John McClane wouldn’t be so sensitive.  He would be too busy saving innocent party goers from crazy German terrorists.  Yep, this was just what Ian needed to get his mind off of the mysterious Natalie.

Why do I convince myself that these men I meet are different than the others?  They say something nice or buy me a drink and don’t expect sex and I automatically assume they are the “non-typical male”?  Every time I meet someone, I ignore my instincts and every other signal that flashes before my eyes.  Initially, I thought Jake was just like every other man and then somehow the weasel manipulated me into thinking otherwise.  I am so frustrated and embarrassed that I let my guard down.  After my disastrous relationship with Josh, I swore to myself that I would never let my feelings be hurt and I would never become vulnerable.  How did I suddenly become vulnerable?  How did I let myself fall for the same routine?  Friends lecture me about my hermit behavior and fondness for cheesy television, but it makes life so much easier.  I don’t get hurt watching HGTV.  I don’t waste hours on hair and make up only to be stood up by The Golden Girls.  Nick at Nite doesn’t care if I wear sweats and a t-shirt instead of hot matching underwear.  I know it seems silly, but if I don’t put myself out there, I don’t get hurt and I think that is just fine right now. 

So if it’s fine with me, then why is it not fine with everyone else?  Why does everyone freak out when I say that I don’t feel like dating anyone right now?  My mother has to make up stories just to assure everyone that I am either a) not a lesbian or b) not a spinster.  Speaking of my mother, after ignoring her phone call to both my home and cell phone, she has taken up harassment.  My tolerance for the third “Yoo hoo it’s your mother.  Why aren’t you answering your phone darling?” is deteriorating and I come to the decision that answering the phone and speaking with her is less maddening than her voicemails. 

“Yes mother, what is it?  I am not really in the mood for conversation.”  I answer in a tone that is very daring I must say.  It is a rare occasion for me to start off a conversation with my mother that I venture to describe as snotty.

“Oh dear, what is the matter with you?  I was simply calling to inquire who you would be taking to the Wellington party on Saturday night.”  She says, as though she were asking what color my dress would be.

“You mean, which man would I bring to pose as my fiancé so that you would not look like, oh, I don’t know, a fraud?”  I don’t have the patience or energy to deal with my mother right now.  Not a bit.  “Mother, how do you expect me to just find someone to fill those shoes?  I am in crisis mode right now and it is your fault.  No matter what I do, I am going to look like a fool.  I don’t even want to go!  Besides, Rob is an absolute slime ball.  Do you even know who he is mother?  Do you?”  She has really caught me at the worst possible time.  This could quite possibly have an impact on my upcoming birthday present if I’m not careful, but at this point, I can’t even think about that.

“Natalie Christine Everett, what in the world are you talking about?  Jan has nothing but wonderful things to say about Mallory’s fiancé.”  Of course she does.  The guy drives a brand new Mercedes and is a member of the country club.  How could anything be wrong with him? 

“Mother, it really isn’t important.  Forget I said anything, okay?  In regards to our previous dilemma, I will have to come alone I’m afraid.  There is no way that I can find a date and inform him that for one night, he will be pretending to be my future husband.”

“Well what will I say, Natalie?”  She asks, exasperated. 

“I don’t know mother.  Tell them he has the plague for all I care.  Creative story telling is your department now.  Just let me know my lines so I can prepare.  You are so lucky I was a drama geek in high school.  Good night mother.”

It was times like these that I would call Jenna and she would remind me that although my mother is certifiable, she truly means well, oh and she makes a fabulous lemon meringue pie.  She would also find me a fake fiancé that would make the Wellington’s think Rob is equivalent to discount shopping chopped liver.  But I was still not talking to Jenna, not because I didn’t want to, I just didn’t know how.  I wanted to tell her that I didn’t care about the stupid wedding dress, that our friendship was far more important.  I wanted to let her know how wretched this time has been.  I needed her advice and support and almost like a sign from above, her name and number showed up on the caller id.

“Hi, Nat, it’s me Jen…”  It took me a moment to process the fact that she was actually calling which meant the machine picked up.  I must say that my machine is not the epitome of technology.  If I pick up after the person has begun their message, it goes to speaker phone and makes this ear piercing screech that sounds like the emergency broadcast system.  Not the best way to start out a conversation with anyone, especially one such as this.

“Jenna?  I’m here.  Sorry, it’s this dumb machine.”  Deep breath, calm down Natalie, this is your best friend why are you scared? “How are you?”  At this point, I didn’t know for sure what she was calling about.  I wanted it to be an apology but what if it was to say that she was running away to be a knife thrower in the circus.  Do they still do that?  I haven’t been to the circus since I was ten and to be honest, I never cared for it.  I think I felt sorry for the animals and apart from the clowns, thought the whole thing was quite beastly.  Oh, but back to the main topic.  Sorry.

“Natalie, I just wanted to call and see how things were going.  I miss you.  I don’t like it when we don’t talk.  I never meant to hurt you guys, I really didn’t.  Sometimes I get something in my head and…”

“Jenna, it’s okay.  I know you didn’t mean anything by it.  Can we just say bygones?  I have had a horrible past couple of weeks and it would really make my night if one thing could go right.”

“I am so happy to hear you say that.  Now I just have to see what Mya has to say.  I tried to call her but Kyle said that she was doing some clinical or something.  That must be why she didn’t answer her cell.”

“What?  No she doesn’t.  Her nights on the floor for practicum are Tuesday and Thursdays.  I know this because she always complains that Kyle doesn’t record any of her Thursday night shows and it pisses her off.” 

“Well, maybe she’s in a study group or something.  Anyway, why has your week been so bad?”  Jenna asks, changing the subject back to me.

“Oh it’s my mother.  She told Jan Wellington that I had a fabulous boyfriend and would bring him to Mallory’s stupid engagement party on Saturday.”

“Wow, I was out of it for a while.  Well, dahling, who is the lucky man?” 

“Oh you know very well that he is a figment of my mother’s wild imagination.  Since my only possible prospect cancelled his date with me today, I have nobody.  There is not a single man that I could find in the next two days to go with me to this miserable event.  But I’m fine.  I am just fine.”  I say with bitterness and discord.   

“Yes, you sound fine.  Well, listen, I may have someone that could go with you.  He is really nice and I have been running with him for a couple of months now.  His name is Ian and you know Nat, I really think he’s your type- brown hair, great smile and gorgeous eyes.  He is well educated and could quite possibly be a Democrat.  He isn’t from around here.  I think he’s from somewhere back East.”  Oh good lord, please let it be some cosmic coincidence.  My heart starts to beat faster and my face begins to feel warm and flushed.

“Back East huh?  Could it be, Washington D.C.?”  Please say no.  Please say no.  Don’t let my only chance at dignity be that arrogant video store guy because that would be an oxymoron.  Dignity and that man do not go hand in hand.

“Yes!  You’re right, it is D.C.!  Weird, so what do you think?  It’s either that or let your mother come up with some outlandish story for why your love is not present.  Really, Natalie, do you want your mother to have that much control in your fake life?”  Jenna had a point there.  I left all of the specifics to her regarding why my fiancé would not be at the party, which in all honesty, was quite brave.  Who knows what my mother would tell everyone.  I cannot believe this is happening to me!  I cannot possibly face him after everything that has happened, especially after my little episode at Mama’s.  This is punishment for cheating on my tenth grade boyfriend during my summer in England.  I always knew it would come around.  Let’s face it, since my relationship with Josh, the love life has been hurting and now this.  Oh this is low, even for karma. 

“Jenna, I can’t.  I can’t go with him.”  I reply.

“What do you mean?  Why Natalie?  You don’t even know him.  Don’t you trust my judgment?  I wouldn’t fix you up with just anyone, you know.  He is good for you!” 

“Okay, Jenna, I wasn’t going to tell you this but, I have met Ian.  I was introduced to him tonight when I was getting pizza at Mama’s.”  I say with a deep breath.

“Well, that’s perfect so you guys already kind of know each other!”  She responds excitedly.

“No, Jen there’s more.  I actually met Ian before that.” 

“What do you mean?”  Jenna asks, confused.

“Jenna, Ian is that jerk at the video store!  You remember, the one who took my movie and stepped on me and was all ‘I can’t make you feel bad you just let yourself feel that way’ or something like that.  What an ass!  That is why there is no way in Hades that I will ever go out on date with him.  That is my final answer.”  I have made my decision and although I thought about asking the audience, I feel it was a good choice.

“Well, that seals the deal.  You are going with him to this party Natalie Everett.  It has already been decided in the stars, as Mya would say.  If you have seen this guy that many times just by chance, it’s meant to be.  Plus, you guys have sexual tension.  Look how excited you just got talking about how much you dislike him.  It’s just like a movie!  Oh this is fabulous!  I am running with Ian tomorrow morning so I will discuss everything with him and let you know later.  Yay this is so fun!”  I’m glad someone is enjoying it because I feel like running away to join the circus now.  Knife throwing is looking really good right at this moment.

Although Ian tried to use all of the manly testosterone things to get his mind off of Natalie, it didn’t work.  He woke up with her dark eyes and spit fire dialogue engraved in his mind, much to his chagrin.  Unfortunately, Ian knew it was something that he would just need to get over.  There was no way he would be able to call her, given the circumstances for how he had Natalie’s number in the first place.  It would be a poor and calculating move on his part anyway, given that Jake still seemed interested in her.  No, the Natalie girl would simply have to be put aside for now, Ian decided as he stretched out and waited for Jenna in the park.  Running with the friend of the girl he was trying to get his mind off of perhaps was not the best strategy but at least it helped release some anxiety and burn off the pizza and beer from last night. 

“Hi Ian, sorry I’m late.  I was up late talking to my friend Nat.  You know the one that I had the fight with?”  Ian knew exactly which friend she was talking about.  God, if she only knew how much.   

“Oh?  So, you guys made up?  That’s nice.”  He responded, calmly.

“Yes and since we’re talking about her, what are you doing Saturday night?”  She asked with a grin and Ian was somewhat suspicious as to where the conversation was going.   

“Well, I told Maggie I would help her with her art project.  She broke her arm and so she needs help and well, I don’t know.  I’m busy.”

“Can’t you do it during the day?  Oh I know!  I can come over and help.  It will be fun!  We can get takeout and watch chick flicks.  Now, you have no excuse.  Maggie can hang out with me and you can go out with Natalie.  I have to let you know though it’s kind of an affair.  You will be taking her to some party of a family friend.  I think it’s an engagement party or something.  But that’s perfect.  You guys can mingle while getting to know each other.  Oh this will be fabulous!”  Jenna squealed excitedly.   

“Jenna, you haven’t even met Maggie before.  Don’t you think it would be a bit weird for her to have some random woman coming over to baby-sit?” 

“Hello!  That’s why it wouldn’t be babysitting.  It would be female bonding, which I’m sure Maggie is in dire need of given that she has to live with you on a daily basis.  No offense, but you’re a man.  Men know absolutely nothing about the important things like makeup, proper skin care and E! News.  I think it would be nice for Maggie to have me around!”

Ian had to admit that Jenna made a good point.  Since they had moved to Portland, Maggie didn’t have any female influences that she could discuss “girl” things with.  Mrs. Johnson was the only mother figure that Maggie saw and she did not seem to be the type of mother to sit around and have girl talk during her daughter’s sleepovers.  To his defense, Ian really tried to have open communication with his young sister but obviously there were certain topics that Ian would simply never understand.  Quite frankly, he was content in that revelation.