Disillusion Meets Delight (7 page)

“Remember the last time we went there, Natalie?  Those guys from out of town starting hitting on us and we had to pretend that we were going home so they would go away.”  Mya replies as she puts on her fake eyelashes.  I personally could never pull off fake lashes, but Mya can typically pull off things that the average person couldn’t.  Her short, black, trendy haircut and funky clothes really put Mya in a category of her own. 

“Yeah, that wasn’t so great.  However, the Cosmos were.  If I’m going to spend $10 on a drink, it’s going to be good.” I reply as I spoon out the cork in our wine glasses. 

“Okay how do I look?” Mya asks as she runs out and gives a twirl.  She is wearing a short, ruffled skirt with tall stiletto boots and a striped boat neck three quarter length sleeve top.  God bless the three quarter length sleeves.  I really hope they aren’t a fad like bell bottoms or butterfly collars.  I find them so functional. 

“Woo look at you hot stuff!  You are so lucky that Kyle is out of town.  You had better hope none of his friends are out to see this.  They’re going to think you are on the prowl.”  I reply wishing that I could squeeze my ass into a short skirt and have the thighs to get away with it.  Unfortunately I was born with my mother’s body-big boobs, small waist, basically your everyday hourglass figure, which includes the shapely thighs for added effect.  Oh well, I could have that problem where you eat a ton of food and can’t gain weight and people call you skinny.  I just feel so fortunate really. 

“You don’t think I look too much like a hooker do I?” Mya asks as she studies her ass in the mirror. 

“No, just don’t bend over!”

“Okay, well I’m wearing underwear so that’s a good start.  I have to admit, if Kyle were here, I don’t think he would care for the ensemble too much.  But he wouldn’t say anything, he never does.  He kind of gets quiet and tries to subtly pull up my top so the cleavage goes away.  It’s so cute.”  It is kind of funny the way he is.  I think he really tries to not be one of “those guys” but sometimes it’s hard, Mya pushes it to the limit at times. 

“And speaking of cleavage, Natalie, you need to bring the girls out.  Seriously, you have them to flaunt them.  Twenty years from now, when they’re down to your knees, you’re going to be wishing that you did.” Lovely, now I have the image of myself as a single, old lady with boobs that hang like stockings from a mantle. 

“Mya, I just don’t feel comfortable.  I get tired of guys talking to my ta-tas instead of looking at me.  Boobs are a curse.  Guys look at you like a stripper and girls look at you like a man stealer.  Either way you’re screwed. 

“I know that sucks.  But you can show some cleavage without looking like a whore.  What about that one shirt that you wore out on Jenna’s birthday?  That was hot.  You should wear that with your low rise black pants and new BCBG shoes.”  Mya rummages through my closet and pulls out the hoochie top and my new Banana Republic pants and sends me to finish getting ready.  Apparently the bathrobe look isn’t in Vogue this season. 

As I come out of the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror, I have to admit that I’m looking hot.  The “girls” are situated just right in my new bra and my ass is looking exceptional in the black pants.  I clean up pretty good considering an hour ago I looked like I had just fallen out of bed.  Well, that’s kind of because I had.  Mya woke me up early this morning after I had a very late night with the Cosby’s.  I needed a nap if I was going to party tonight.

“Natalie, I think you may get lucky tonight.  That’s a ‘how you dooin’ outfit.”  Mya says in her best Brooklyn accent. 

“Okay well, let’s get this party started if we’re gonna do it.  Remember, I have brunch tomorrow so we are not staying out till 4 in the morning.”  Famous last words, eh?

“So my buddy Ian here runs his own company.  Last week he golfed with Miles Kirk.”  Jake says as he orders another round of drinks for the group of blonde flight attendants. 

“Who is Miles Kirk?” the curly haired flight attendant asks as she licks the edge of her lemon drop.  So she
should
question because first of all, Ian never golfed with Miles Kirk and second of all, the guy didn’t really exist.

“Sweetie, Miles Kirk is the second most successful businessman in the Pacific Northwest.  Do you know who the first most successful businessman is?” Jake asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Um, that computer guy?” She responds, obviously not catching on.  As wrong as it may be to lie to women, Ian found it oddly entertaining.

“Close, but not quite.  You’re standing right next to him.  I was actually referring to our man Ian.” Jake says giving Ian a nod. 

“Wow you must be really rich because that computer guy is loaded I think!  What kind of car do you drive?” Curly haired girl asked along with several other uninteresting questions.  He began to fade off and simply nod his head back and forth doing the “uh huh, oh absolutely” in between the girl’s babble.

“Dude is your phone ringing?” Dallas Joe asked.  At first Ian thought it was simply a way to save him from the incessant chattering of the flight attendant, when he realized that his phone was ringing.  It was Maggie.  That was odd, he thought.  Why was Maggie calling him at 11:47 at night?  Ian excused himself and walked out to the hallway. 

“Maggie what’s going on?” Ian asked in a panic. 

“Mr. O’Reilly?  It’s Becky Johnson.  Um, Maggie kind of broke her arm at my house and we’re on our way to the hospital.  We’re almost at the St. V’s ER like at any moment.  Can you meet us there?”  Becky asked as if she was asking him to pick them up from the mall.

“Broken arm, how can she have a broken arm?  Forget it, yes I will be there.  I’m downtown so it will take me about twenty minutes.  Tell Maggie I’ll be there in twenty minutes!”  Ian was in a panic.  This was the first major emergency he had dealt with since his guardianship.  The chicken pox wasn’t that big of a deal because every kid gets the chicken pox.  A trip to the emergency room after getting liquored up is not an everyday occurrence and not the way he wanted to meet Becky Johnson’s parents.

Ian walked back into the bar where the guys and flight attendants were taking shots and laughing uncontrollably.  In fact curly haired girl almost fell off her stool trying to knock back some lethal substance. 

“Hey, I gotta go.  My sister is in trouble.  It was nice to meet you all.  Jake, I’ll see you on Monday.”  Ian made his exit and was on his way.  Luckily, there was a minute market around the corner.  He thought it would be a good idea to at least try to mask the smell of booze with some day old coffee.  For a man who loved coffee as much as Ian, it was an unfortunate sacrifice. Once he found out Maggie was safe and well, she was going to owe him big time.  Not only did he not get laid, he had to drink probably the worst coffee he had ever drank in his entire life.  Although, it was a great excuse to get away from the flight attendants from hell and the Night at the Roxbury guys.  Jake was actually a cool guy, but cowboy man was really getting on his last nerve.  Maybe Ian wasn’t cut out for the man-whore life after all.  He realized that he probably wouldn’t find out for a while anyway.  The Maggie incident brought him back to reality.  He felt really irresponsible being out getting drunk while she was in the emergency room with some strange girl’s parents.   

After a couple cocktails at the new martini bar, we arrived at City Grill ready to have a good time.  Well, Mya was ready to have a good time.  Personally, I could have cared less if I was there.  I was in a rotten mood and didn’t feel like sharing it with drunken strangers at the price of $10 a drink.  Yes, I know if I were in New York or L.A. I would probably be paying twice that, but this is Portland and I am poor.  Of course, this is all probably why I am also a single woman with a cat and video store late fees.  I retreat when I feel out of sorts.  Mya and Jenna socialize and get down to business.  Perhaps I could learn something from their behavior.  Maybe my tactics don’t really work.  Regardless, I was still upset over our “talk” with Jenna this morning.  I was mad, hurt and sad for her all at the same time.

“It’s going to be okay Nat.  I know it will.  It just takes some time.  Jenna will come around.”  Mya responded as if she could hear everything I was just saying.  I look at her surprised, trying to act as if she had no idea what I was really thinking.

“Natalie, I know you’re thinking about Jenna.  Listen, we all need some space to ponder.  Once Jenna has a chance to calm down, she’ll realize that it was kind of a crazy thing for her to do and also a shitty way to act once confronted about it.  In the meantime, let’s get a drink and mosey on over to the area of the cute guys that have not stopped staring at us since we walked in.”  Mya replies as we head over to the bar.

“Okay, there’s a table opening up over by those guys.  Those girls just left.  Hurry up before someone takes it.  I’ll wait for the drinks.  Go!”  Mya says pushing me away. 

As I sit myself down at the table, I must admit that the one guy is rather yummy.  He has dark hair and obviously works out.  He’s probably a philanderer though.  Hot, yummy men usually are.  The other guy is okay looking but he seems to be one of those guys that hang on the coattails of the more attractive guy.  Whatever, I have no desire to be chatted up by some guy who stares at my rack and can’t remember if my name is Natalie or Natasha.  Again, another key indicator as to why I am the single friend. 

After what seemed to be an eternity, Mya finally comes over with our drinks.  Why do popular bars only have one bartender on a Saturday night?  That doesn’t make any sense to me and furthermore, how do they expect one person to make speedy and quality drinks to keep a whole bar happy?  Does the bartender actually get good tips when they take forever to make a Jack and Coke?  In reality, I think he does make good tips because his jar behind him has dollar bills falling out and he still has another two hours because it’s not even quite midnight yet. 

“Sorry it took so long.  I think he forgot about me after he took my order.  Now we have a table so the waitress can take care of us!  So, are there any developments with our neighbors over there?”  Mya asks trying to be discreet as she winks over at their table.  How does this woman’s boyfriend deal with her?  I know she would never cheat on Kyle but she is such a flirt!  I wish I was like her!

“Mya I am not here to pick up some guy.  I have told you before that the bar is nowhere to meet a man.”  I reply indignantly. 

“Oh Natalie, I’m just having fun with you.  It’s a new millennium though and it has been a long time since you have, you know.”  She says as she waves her fingers in the air.

“No, Mya I don’t know and since when are spirit fingers code for sex?”  I ask getting a bit annoyed.  Was it really necessary for her to remind me that it had been almost nine months since I had gotten laid?  I don’t think so. 

“I’m sorry.  I’m not trying to upset you.  I’ll shut up.  Let’s toast to good friendships and booze!”  And so we toast and say bygones.  Aren’t cocktails great?

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt, but my friend and I have a bet going on and I just wanted to find out if I won.”  The hot dark haired guy asks with a smile that seriously could have made me, well, never mind, it’s not that kind of story.  He was absolutely breath taking.  He looked just like Ben Affleck pre marriage and fatherhood.  Okay, Nat, get your composure and don’t act like a complete idiot.

“Well, it depends on what your bet was regarding.”  I reply, trying to act coy and sexy.  God please let it work.  I take back everything I said two minutes ago and would feed the homeless every Sunday if you will grant me at least one night of hot steamy passion with hot dark haired guy. 

“Well, he thinks that you are both single ladies out to have a good time, but I said two beautiful women like yourselves could not possibly be un-attached.  So, what’s the verdict, do I owe him a beer?”  He asks, looking into my eyes as I let out a giggle.

“You are actually both right.”  Mya replies.  “We are out to have a good time.  However, I am a beautiful woman with a boyfriend and my dear Katy is a beautiful, striking woman without a boyfriend.  So now you should buy
us
drinks instead.”  Can I please get some of her game?  Just a little bit?  By the way, we are using our fake names tonight.  We pick pop star names so I am Katy and Mya is Britney.  It’s all in good fun.  Guys lie all the time so it’s okay if we do it too, once in a while.

“Hey Joe, tell the waitress to bring these ladies another, Cosmopolitan and a chocolate cake shot.”  He says as he winks at me.  Oh this guy is trouble.  Playboy is oozing out of him but yet I am intrigued.  His confidence and great looks is distracting my usual level headedness.  I am in big trouble.