Distinction: The Distraction Trilogy #3 (22 page)

“It’s over.”

“You and Silas?” His frown is one of confusion.

“No! Me and you…”

His lips part and his eyebrows hit his hairline. “What are you talking about?”

“The confirmation of the decree absolute came through this morning.” My arms lift before flopping to my sides, sending champagne shooting out of the bottle and splashing onto the floor. “We’re no longer married.”

I down another large gulp of the expensive fizz.

“This upsets you?” Isaac says, his voice almost a whisper.

I nod yes. What’s the point in lying?

“But… it’s what you wanted. Don’t you… don’t you want it anymore?”

“Of course I do,” I say, though I don’t believe the words myself. “Don’t you?”

“You know I don’t.” He answers honestly and wipes away a tear from my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I’m a bit confused by your reaction.”

“I am too.”

“You wanted this, Elle. I asked for you back…”

“I don’t want you back. I just… I don’t know how I fucking feel about any of it. I’m fucked up.” I drink more but Isaac quickly reaches for it. I tug it out of his reach but he presses his body against mine and swipes it from my grasp. His cheek brushes mine as he leans around me and places the bottle on the desk. “You hurt me.”

“I know,” he says softly and cups my face with his hands. Shivers are unleashed and send out a rampage of prickles across my skin. Everything heats at his close proximity. I haven’t felt this feeling in so long. “I know I did.”

But I can’t just ignore my heart and my head. “You were horrible… I can’t just forget that.”

“I know you can’t.”

“But I loved you… and you left me. You promised me you’d never leave me but you did.” My voice is barely a whisper and my throat hurts as though I’ve been screaming. The lump there is too much.

“I know.” He rests his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “I know, Elle. Trust me. I know the extent of how badly I fucked up.”

“And now we’re completely done. No turning back.”

His nose strokes the side of mine. “I know.” His voice is a whisper. I feel it against my lips and emotions war inside of me that shouldn’t. An urge to grab his face, kiss him and tell him that I forgive him and want to be by his side, always, comes over me. I want to tell him that I want our spark back. I want to feel the feelings I used to feel. I don’t want to feel like I’m a dull shade of grey anymore.

But I don’t, because I don’t trust him. I remember how badly I hurt when we ended. A thousand knives to my chest would have been less painful. I refuse to go back to that. If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.

“I…” I start to say but the door opens.

“I’m leaving,” Jocelyn states and slams the door shut.

Isaac pulls back and I see that he’s torn in two by the look in his eyes. “Tell me to stay.” He begs, taking my hands in his. “Tell me to stay with you and I will.”

My mouth falls open but nothing comes out. I’m so tired of being speechless.

“Tell me you’ll leave Silas and come home to me, Elle.” His fingers trail up my arm before stroking my neck and finally cupping my cheek. “I love you. Just give me a chance. One chance. That’s all I’m asking.”

I’m weakening but I’m hesitating. If this is truly what I wanted, I wouldn’t hesitate. I wouldn’t have so many reservations.

I thought it would be like when he asked me to marry him. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind back then when I said yes. But doesn’t that contradict everything I’m feeling now?

I’m so confused.

“I can’t.” I step away from him and turn back towards my bottle of stolen champagne. “You should go after Jocelyn, Isaac.”

“I…” We both see her walking past the window, her strides wide and angry. She’s going in the wrong direction. “I need to take her home.”

“Go,” I order harshly and bring the bottle back up to my lips. “There’s nothing for you here anymore.” Nothing for either of us. Nothing but pain, at least.

He lingers for no more than a second and a second after that I hear the door close. I turn back to the desk and rest my hands on the surface. Another tear falls.

“Get a grip, Elle. Get a fucking grip.”

I catch up with Jocelyn on the corner of the street, despite the fact that I want to turn back more than anything. I need to settle this. I stare at Jocelyn’s profile, seeing the hurt there, but I’m not going to string her along.

“I’m sorry.”

She snorts and shakes her head but ignores me as she steps off the curb and onto the road.

“Truly, I didn’t mean to lead you on.”

“I’m not pissed that you led me along; I’m pissed that I ditched the best man to screw you and now I’m not going to get screwed!” She snaps over her shoulder and her strides become wider. Her body is tight with anger and irritation. “I haven’t had it in so long because I’ve been waiting to have it with you. I don’t wait, Isaac.”

“I…” She throws me a look over her shoulder that silences me immediately. The bun in her hair starts to fall out but she doesn’t seem to care. “Turn right down the next street.”

In a huff, she does as I say and continues to stomp only a few paces ahead. “You’re being weak.”

“I disagree.”

“What the fuck ever.”

“Joss…”

“Don’t talk to me.”

I guide her back to my house with muttered directions, with her grumbling under her breath the entire journey. At times it is comical but I daren’t laugh because she is already annoyed at me. Laughing would be like poking the tongue of a hungry dragon, I’m sure.

She’s quiet as I open the door and lead her into my dad’s house. She’s quiet as she pads up the stairs and, fortunately, she’s quiet as she enters my room. It’s not until I close the door behind us that she stops being quiet and starts whisper yelling at me.

“I don’t get it. I actually thought we had something,” she snaps, throwing her bag onto the bed and pulling out her pyjamas. I’m glad she’s not stupid enough to leave, despite the fact I’m a prick. I don’t want her wandering around in an unfamiliar town because of how I feel. “You kissed me, twice.”

“I did.” I admit and lean my back against the wall. “You know you’re attractive.”

“But I’m not your red haired ex.”

No, she isn’t. “She’s it for me.”

“That’s pathetic. She doesn’t want you.”

“But I don’t want anyone else and if there’s a chance, the slightest chance that she will take me back, I’m not going to stop fighting for her.”

She stares at me for the longest moment and I see tears well up in her eyes. “Christ, Isaac… why can’t somebody love me that much?” Sniffling, she sits on the bed and wipes at her eyes. “I hate how fucking beautiful that is.” We stare at each other for the longest moment. “I really hope it works out for you. I really do.”

“Me too,” I respond and rub my tired eyes.

“What if she doesn’t take you back?”

The thought hurts so fucking badly. “I don’t know. Genuinely… I don’t know.”

“I don’t get it. Sure she’s pretty, I get that… but from what I’ve seen of her she’s quite dull and introverted.”

“She isn’t; she’s thoughtful, intelligent, observant. She cares for the people around her. Just because she’s not loud and ‘the life of the party’.” I use my fingers as air quotes. “She’s perfect for me. She’s the type of person who will sit and listen to me rant and rave about stories and books and people and she won’t interrupt until I’m done.” I miss those long nights where we’d curl up in front of the fireplace. “She expects nothing,
nothing,
from anybody and she works hard for everything.”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Her hands rise in defence of herself. “I don’t like her, you know that, but I like you. You’re a good person and I respect your decision.”

“Thank you, Joss.”

She grins wickedly. “Without sounding like a cliché, I must insist that we remain friends.”

This is a relief. I’ve actually come to enjoy talking to her. She makes me laugh and you should always keep the ones who make you happy as close as possible. “’I wouldn’t have it any other way’, is my cliché answer.”

She flies from my bed and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Thank you, Isaac. If you need any help at all with wooing Eloise, just let me know. Okay?”

“Thank you.”

Hayley
:
Where are you?

Isaac
:
I’m sorry.

Mum
:
Are you coming home at all during this visit?

There’s only one person that can get me out of this funk I’m in.

Eloise
:
I think I’m losing my mind.

Damon
:
Where are you?

Eloise
:
Standing outside of my parents’ house.

Damon
:
Oh fuck.

He calls but I don’t answer. I finish my stolen champagne and throw the empty bottle onto the grass. It lands with a thud and the porch light comes on. It’s so sensitive.

Damon
:
What are you going to do, Elle?

Eloise
:
I haven’t thought that far ahead.

I just know that I need to say something tonight while I’m drunk and full of adrenaline.

My heavy feet carry me to the door. Normally I’d walk straight in but I want to knock. I want to wake him up, although he’s probably already awake.

I don’t have to wait long for the hallway light to flicker on and my dad’s silhouette to appear in the glass panels that surround the door.

It opens with a rattle and the light from the hall blinds me for a moment.

“Elle?” I tense when I feel him grip my shoulders, checking to see if I’m okay. “Are you okay? Did you lose your key?”

“Did you lose your mind when you paid my ex-husband to leave me?” I go straight into it. There’s little point in trying to wrap it in a bow after beating around the bush. Whatever that means. Fuck… I’m drunk.

He staggers back a step and inhales a ragged breath. “He told you?” His face is a mask of guilt with a mixture of shock.

Laughing coldly, I turn and look up at the sky as a way to try and stop myself from crying. The tears burn so badly and staring at the thick clouds that block my vision of the stars doesn’t help. I thought he’d deny it. I thought he’d tell me it wasn’t true and then I’d believe him and we’d all live happily ever after.

“Eloise, I’m sorry.” He takes a step towards me and my eyes close, pushing the tears onto my cheeks. “But you need to hear my side…”

“There is no ‘
your
side’, Dad. There was only my side and Isaac’s side. You weren’t even part of the fucking equation.”

Calm, Elle, calm. You’re becoming hysterical.

“Look…” He reaches for me but I side step out of his way. His arms flap pitifully to his sides. “I know what I did was wrong but I saved you from that arsehole. He was the worst thing to ever happen to you, Elle.”

“He was?” I sniff. “Really?” My mum appears behind him in the doorway and she leans on the door for support, looking as sad as I feel inside. Although sad isn’t quite the right word I’d use to describe how fucking torn up I am inside. Sad doesn’t quite do the trick. “Because it didn’t lose me my grades. I still went to university. I was happy. I was settled. We had our problems but it didn’t get so bad until you made sure to make
his
life miserable.”

“Elle…”

“The way
I
see it,
Dad
, is that it was you who was the worst thing to happen to me. You sabotaged my marriage.”

“You were a kid! It couldn’t have been sabotaged; it was doomed from the start.”

“I don’t believe that,” I yell and take a step towards him. “I’m not a child anymore and I know myself; I know how I felt; I know how I still feel and I know what it means. We loved each other.”

“He took the money, Eloise. Don’t be stupid. He didn’t love you. Not enough.”

I laugh cruelly and shake my head. “You never were a very good businessman.” I see his chest puff outwards with indignation. “He lied, Dad. He took the money to pay off his debts, go to rehab and get away from you. He came back for me. He knew you’d never be able to sue him because you’d drop yourself in it with me.”

My dad blanches, clearly not thinking that far ahead. Is he that obtuse?

“Oh my god!” My hand flies to my mouth as other pieces of a different puzzle start to click into place. “Tony and that casino bitch… that was you wasn’t it?”

His mouth opens but nothing comes out. I hate that right now he looks like me. I hate that I share his features.

“Oh, Darren!” My mum lets out a choked sob. “How could you?”

“I hate you,” I tell him. “Tony was Isaac’s only friend. He needed that. He was already going through so much.”

“I’m not proud of that…” There’s a crack and before I can register what has happened, my mum has made her way to him and her hand has whipped him around his face. My dad stares at her, his mouth open and his breathing heavy as a red handprint slowly forms on his cheek.

“You’ll never change,” my mum says, her voice scarily calm. “You will never grow up. You will always need to be in control…”

“Sharon…”

“No. No. No. I’m sick… so fucking sick and tired of this.” She straightens her spine and tucks her hair behind her ears. “Go inside, pack your shit and leave.”

“Mum,” I whimper, not liking this part of the whole thing. I don’t want to be responsible for them breaking up. I don’t want them to ever break up.

“Sharon, please. Let’s all go inside and talk about this,” my dad begs.

“I’m going,” I tell them but my mum grabs my bicep and states, “You’re staying with me. He’s going.”

“No, I’m not getting involved in this. I don’t need you or anybody taking my side,” I snap and tug my arm free. “Just know that I will never,
ever
talk to you again.” I point at my dad. “Ever. I’m done.”

“Eloise.”

I pull away when he tries to reach for me and scream, “DONE!” Stilling, he stares at me, looking perplexed about how to deal with this.

I hope he knows just how badly he has screwed up.

“Honey, let me drive you.” My mum begs, knowing that I’m not coming into the house no matter what she says. “Please.”

I nod and walk to her car. She rushes inside and grabs her keys, coat and shoes. My dad stares at me the entire time, speechless and looking terrible. I don’t care. I want him to feel terrible.

He may not have single-handedly ruined my marriage, but he gave it his best shot and he was a major contributor to its crumbling.

“I’m sorry,” My mum says as my dad watches us climb into the car. He looks helpless but I don’t care. I’m done with him.

“Did you know?” I shout at her, snatching the tissue she holds out to me and using it to wipe my cheeks.

“No!” She gasps.

“How? How did you miss fifty thousand missing from the accounts?”

She looks at the steering wheel, sorrow in her eyes. “You know I’m not clever enough to deal with that side of stuff. I don’t pay attention to his business accounts.” She sighs heavily. “I didn’t know, Elle. You believe me, right?”

The vulnerability in her tone cuts through my angry facade. “I do. But I don’t want you using this as an excuse to leave him. That’s not fair on me. I hate him but I don’t want my parents to split up because of me.”

“I can’t even look at him right now.” She puts the car into reverse and carefully backs out of the driveway, the gates opening on her approach. “Where are you staying?”

“That hotel on Lovett Street.”

She nods and takes me there without issue. She also stays with me because she doesn’t want me to be on my own. Even at twenty four, I need my mum and that’s fine. I’ll always need her.

I’ll always need my dad too, but how can I ever trust him again?

Trust. It’s what it all comes down to in the end.