Divided (17 page)

I crawled over to Nathan the moment the soldier's weapons were no longer aimed at me. I tried to get close to him, but a solider kept me back. "Will he be—" But the soldier with his hand on Nathan's neck shook his head at the one holding me. "No!" I screamed, clutching my ribs.

The soldier pushed me aside. "We'll try CPR, but you have to stay out of the way." He sounded so calm. How could he be so calm? Nathan was dying and he was calm.

I moved away from him as the other soldier pulled out a plastic mouth thing and began breathing air into Nathan. The calm soldier pushed on Nathan's chest, and I grabbed Nathan's leg, patting him, trying to tell him I was there. After what felt like forever and only a matter of milliseconds all at the same time, they pulled back from Nathan.

"No!" I yelled at them, trying to draw in breath. "Keep going. He could still make it. Please keep going!"

Calm guy turned to me and put his hand on my arm. "He's gone, miss. I'm sorry."

He was sorry. He was sorry? What good did sorry do? Everyone was always sorry. I was so sick of sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. All I could see was Al chewing a piece of Nathan. Before the soldier could stop me, I grabbed the shotgun and turned to Al's body, smashing the stock of the gun into Al's chest over and over. I couldn't stop. I was so angry and shaking and crying.

Finally, calm guy wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "Hey, I know, miss. Just breathe. Take deep breaths."

I fought against him for a second, but my head was pounding, and I couldn't catch my breath.

"Slow down, miss. Deep breaths."

I shook my head. It hurt too bad to take deep breaths.

"Okay, I'm just gonna let you go. I need you to stop fighting me. I need to feel your pulse."

I was so dizzy and tired that the second he dropped his arms, I spilled out toward the floor like a blob of Jell-o. I only remember glimpses of things after that—an ambulance, a female soldier asking about my head and pressing painfully on my ribs, lights here and there, but I didn't focus until Sonya and Gary came into my line of vision. I broke down completely when I didn't see any blood or bandages on either of them. I was so thankful they were okay.

They took me to the hospital since I'd been hit in the head too many times in the past year for them to just say, "She looks okay." They were also worried I was in shock from everything and would send my injured rib through my lungs. They did a ton of tests, and Gabriel stayed in the hospital room with me the entire time, refusing to leave my safety to others. Sonya and Gary were fine. The Infecteds never came after them.

Nathan's funeral was in his hometown up north, but I wasn't allowed to be in a car long enough to get up there. Sonya and I cried together about Nathan, even tough guy Gary shed a few tears. We had our own sort of memorial as I lay in a hospital bed under observation for several days. We talked about the stupid things he'd done or said and Sonya wrote a letter to his family from the three of us to tell them what a good friend he'd been. It was so wrong. He was so young and good and kind. It was just—wrong.

***

When they finally let me go home, I was so relieved and so guilty. Nathan and the guy who let us in his room never got to go home. I was sick about how many people I'd watched come and go from my life. Maybe I was cursed or something. When I mentioned that thought to Sonya, she pulled out our yearbook and opened up to the pages with pictures of the seniors we'd lost. "Just one class," she said firmly, "just one town. It's not you." She was right, it wasn't about me, and I did my best to let go of the heaping load of blame weighing down my shoulders.

It was nice to be home, nice to be with Butcher again. Sonya and Evelyn had packed up all our things, and the pre-college program was cancelled. We were assured that the University would still welcome all seniors from quarantine cities in the fall, but I really couldn't think about that.

We spent a lot of time by the pool the next few days. I got hooked on playing a seriously addictive version of tower defense on my Smartphone while Sonya and Gary splashed at each other in the pool. When Sonya screamed, I physically jumped and stared at her. My nerves still hadn't recovered from the attack. I'd just relaxed again when my nerves were given another massive jolt as my prepaid phone rang to the tune of a shrill siren.

I jumped up, holding the phone, and Gary and Sonya stared, wide-eyed at me as I answered it.

"Dev?" My hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone to my ear. Gary and Sonya rushed out of the pool and over to me.

"It's me, baby. I only have a minute, but I had to make sure you're okay. I heard the report of Infecteds on the CSU Fresno campus. Please tell me you weren't involved."

Tears pooled in my eyes as I tried to tell him what happened, tried to tell him about my friend Nathan and losing him, tried to say something, anything, but the lump in my throat prevented me from speaking. I turned to Gary, my hands shaking, and held the phone to him. He took it, and Sonya put her arms around me.

Gary pressed the speakerphone button and held the phone away from him. "Hey man, it's Gary."

The worry in Dev's voice was clear as a bell. "Where's Evie?"

"She needs a minute. What'd you say to her?"

Dev was speaking quickly. "We got reports of Infected activity on Fresno's campus. I wanted to make sure you weren't involved."

"Shit, Vaughn, she was in the middle of the whole damn thing. You remember Al, that bastard that used to hang out with Jay?"

"Yeah."

"He was infected and hiding it real well. He was obsessed with her. Sent her creepy souvenirs from the girls he'd killed, ending with an engagement ring complete with finger and all. He chased her down, smacked her around, cracked a rib. She put a bullet in him, and thank God, the National Guard showed up to finish the job. He killed a good friend of ours right in front of her, Vaughn."

"Damn it," Dev yelled. "I thought she'd be safe at school."

Gary shook his head sadly. "No such thing, it seems."

"Is she okay, Gary? I need the truth."

I pulled in a ragged breath and tried to steady my voice. "I'm okay, Dev."

Gary stared me down. "She'll pull through, but she's not okay yet."

"I'm fine." I glared at Gary. "It just shook me up."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I wish I'd been there. I wish I was there right now, holding you. I miss you so much it hurts."

I wanted to reach through the phone and touch him. "I miss you too. When can I see you again? Has Harm gotten anywhere with his plan?"

"A little. He's still working on it all, and he—damn it. I have to go. I'll try to call again soon. I love you, Evie."

"I love you too. Wait, where are you?" But the screen read "call ended." I fell back onto the lounge chair and let my shoulders drop while Sonya wrapped her arms around me.

Several days later, as we sat around the table for dinner, Gabriel gently steered the conversation back to college. "When you girls head back to school in the fall, we'll have to take better precautions. No more staying on campus over holidays."

"I can certainly agree with that," Sonya said, nudging me in the arm.

I nodded. "That's for sure."

But as I stared at the ice cubes in my glass of water, I felt uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat, taking another drink of water. It felt hot in the room, and I scooted back in my chair, away from my plate. This wasn't right. Images of the campus, our dorm room, Nathan, and Al chewing—it all made me nauseous and panicked. I stood up and walked to the counter, placing my palms down on the cool tile.

"Evie, you okay?" Gabriel asked gently, probably noticing the sweat that was breaking out on my forehead.

"I—" They would fight me on this. I knew they would fight. "I can't go back."

Evelyn got up and put her arm around my shoulders. "After everything you went through, we can all understand how it would be difficult to return, but you can't just give up. Things will be different this time. The campus will be full of students instead of just the small group that was there over summer. It'll be better, I promise."

She promised? How could she promise that? How could she possibly know whether or not the infection would continue to grow there? Just because they wiped out the small group of Infecteds, didn't mean they hadn't infected others who were just waiting to go all green-eyed and psychotic. And really, what were they teaching me that I couldn't have gotten from reading the textbooks they were making me fork out a fortune to buy?

I turned to Gabriel, knowing his research on the topic would support my statement. "It could actually be a whole lot worse by the time fall comes."

He did a sideways nod that told me he knew I had a point, but then argued against me. "Well, if it is worse, you won't go. It'll be on my message boards if it's unsafe, and I have several friends in that area that will tell me what's going on." He gave Evelyn a small triumphant smile.

Evelyn squeezed my shoulder and sat back down at the table. I stared at the floor. With everything that had happened—Al attacking me and losing Nathan—it only made me feel more urgent about getting back to Dev.

Dev
. I missed him so much that I had to close my eyes to the pain I felt in my chest thinking of him. I spun my engagement ring around my finger to calm myself down. Crying did zero good. I really wanted to be in his arms starting our life together, but I couldn't do that when I had no idea where he was at.

It sucked to be constantly sitting around waiting for his phone call. I felt like a pathetic female dependent on a male to make the first move. If I knew his number though, you'd better believe I'd have used it long before then. That's when it hit me. Why was I sitting around waiting for him? Why was I using my brain power and money to learn useless information at an unsafe school when I could be trying to find Dev? I could be every bit as smart and resourceful as Harm. Why wasn't I coming up with a freaking plan? I'd never been a silly damsel in distress, why the hell was I letting the military turn me into one now?

I walked back to stand next to Sonya. "I'm not going back to school. I'm gonna find Dev," I stated clearly and emphatically. "And when I do, I'm gonna figure out a way to get him away from the military, so we can start our life together."

It was so not exaggeration that you could hear a pin drop. I think you could have dropped twenty and heard the distinct sound of each one enough to count them. They must have stared at me for a solid minute.

Evelyn was first to recover. In her gentle, I-need-to-call-Dr. Avery voice, she said, "Honey, you know you can't get to Dev, right? You could hardly talk to him when he was here, remember?"

"How—where would you even start?" Sonya's sadness was in her eyes. She knew me well enough to know that I meant what I'd said.

"The message boards Gabriel goes on, the internet in general, newspaper articles—by studying all of it, I should be able to find a location." I looked away from her at nothing in particular. "I can't believe I've never even tried."

Evelyn's voice was much higher, much more worried. "It's too dangerous and ridiculous. They keep everything top secret. There's no way for you to know where he's at, and you can't just go up against the military. It's foolish and out of the question. You'll go back to college in the fall and wait to—"

"No, Evelyn. I'm not going back to college. I'm sorry that you're disappointed, but I have to do what's right for me."

She was gripping the edge of the table. "But you can't do this. There's no way for you to do this. It's not possible."

I looked away from her. Maybe it was impossible. Maybe it was a stupid idea, but I had to try. I turned to Gabriel, studying him for a moment. His eyes were wide and full of fear. Why would he be afraid? And then the light bulb went off. He knew—he knew I'd reach this point. I smiled at him ever-so-slightly. Reaching out, I put my hand on his arm. "You know I can do this, don't you?"

"Gabriel?" Evelyn scolded as if he'd given me permission.

He put his hand over his eyes and took in a deep breath. "I'd hoped you wouldn't try." He dropped his hand again and seemed to be analyzing my expression. "We just wanted something normal for you, kid. But it seems there are other forces at play that want just the opposite." He stared at Evelyn. "I told you it'd only be a matter of time. Dr. Avery told you that too."

I couldn't stand the way she was looking at me. I knew in my heart that this was the right decision for me, but I hated to disappoint Evelyn and Gabriel. And the hurt in Sonya's eyes made me feel even more awful. "I'm sorry," I said quietly and walked to my room.

I sat on my bed with my laptop open, searching for information that would help me find Dev. Blindly, I searched and clicked and read and clicked and got annoyed and searched again until my head was pounding. I'd spent over an hour searching only to find that the pile of crap on the internet was pathetic and so tough to dig through. How would I ever find anything reliable?

"Well if it isn't the girl who makes me look good." Sonya strolled into my room and nudged me over to sit on the bed next to me. "So you're really mutinying."

"Yep." I continued searching.

"You weren't gonna tell me you were thinking about this?"

The way her voice raised an octave higher at the end made me stop and look at her. "I'd only just decided. I'm tired of doing this, Sonya. I just can't pretend to be okay with him not being here."

She nodded—not the nod of someone who was placating me or the nod of someone who was pretending to go along but was really plotting against me. Her nod was as sincere as the seriousness in her eyes. I wrapped my arm around her for it.

She squeezed me tight. "Hey, I get it. I'd do the same thing if it were Gary. I'm just worried about you. You know Dev and Harm would kill you if you put your safety at risk."

I lifted my shoulders in a tired shrug. "I have to try. At the very least I can start moving toward Dev, or where I think he is. I don't know. I can't find anything on these stupid sites."