Authors: Eileen Cook
“We made the paper?” I asked. The headline read
War of the Sexes Alive and Well.
I pulled the paper out of his hand and started to read.
“We need this show to go to syndication. The station needs you to step up to the plate,” Wayne said, thumping his hand on the table.
I looked up from the paper. Was now the time?
“What about the option of having my own show?” I held my breath, looking at Wayne.
“You would pass up a chance to work on my show to start some middle of the night nowhere time slot show?” Colin asked, incredulous.
“I’ve got a lot of ideas for a show, and for the record, working with you isn’t what I would call an attraction. It’s an occupational hazard.”
“You could learn a lot from working for me.”
“I wouldn’t work
for
you. If I did this, I would be working
with
you. It’s that kind of power grab that makes me think this would never work.”
“Power grab? It’s my show. I wouldn’t call that a power grab.”
“You two should save this stuff for the show, it’s great,” Wayne said, watching us.
“This isn’t going to work, Wayne, I told you that this morning,” Colin said, pushing back from the table.
“You two were meeting about this behind my back?”
“It’s not behind your back when it has nothing to do with you. Wayne and I were discussing the direction of
my
show.”
“If it had nothing to do with me then why are we having this discussion? It sounds to me like you need me to do this show to give it”—I looked down at the paper to get a good quote—“‘a fresh, sassy female counterpoint.’” I sat back and crossed my arms.
“Okay. Let’s have everyone take a deep breath. Erin, I’ll make you a deal, you keep on working on Colin’s show and we’ll review all our options in regards to a show for you. That will let you try out some of the programming options you’ve wanted.”
“And give you some experience beyond doing the traffic,” Colin tossed in.
I gnawed on my lip as if thinking it over. I could stand a few more weeks of Colin. I wanted a chance at my own show so bad I could taste it. I gave a curt nod. Wayne gave me a hearty whack on my back that almost brought up the cinnamon rolls.
“Are you going to tell her the other part?” Colin asked.
“What other part?”
“It is a small thing, just a marketing detail. Why don’t you two go ahead and get started on a show topic for today?” Wayne stood up, calling our meeting to a close.
“What other part?” I asked again, standing slowly, ready to block Wayne’s exit if needed.
Colin came over and put his arm around me.
“Darling.”
I shrugged off his arm.
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re a couple.”
“Like hell we are.”
“No, darling, according to the media we are,” Colin pointed back to the paper. “You didn’t finish the article.” He picked it. “‘
The sexual tension between the couple takes their discourse from mere bickering to high theate
r
. People will tune in to listen to them and the soap opera that is their relationship. If these two can work out their differences, then there is hope for all of us. I think we’re all hoping for more He Said, She Said.
’” Colin slapped the paper back down. He gave me a smile.
“The reporter must have heard that last call. Now he thinks we’re dating too. You’ve got to do something to take it back,” I said.
“You seem to be laboring under the idea that this relationship is my idea. Keep in mind dating you narrows my chances with other women.”
He couldn’t make it any clearer that he wouldn’t be caught dead dating me. Men like Colin never notice women like me. They stick with their own kind, tall model types with over-bleached teeth.
“You are not dating me.”
“I know. I don’t get even get the benefits of the relationship.”
“There
is
no relationship,” I said, raising my voice.
“What’s the harm of having a little sexual tension? I mean, just for the next couple of weeks. The idea of you two being a couple really gives the show legs,” Wayne said in his best peace-making mediator voice.
“Am I understanding this? Are you, my boss, advocating that I have a sexual relationship with my co-worker? You know there are laws about this kind of thing?”
“Now hang on, I’m not advocating you two having sex, just that you have the sexual tension. Or fake the tension, I’m fine with that too.”
“Trust me, I’m not crazy about the deal either,” Colin said. “If there was sex, it would be one thing. You might have experience, but I personally have never been a faker.”
“What about the company policy against dating other staff?”
“Yes, we all know what a stickler Erin is about following policy,” Colin added.
“Don’t go there,” I threatened. I wasn’t sure how he knew, but I was becoming more and more convinced that somehow Colin knew about Jonathon and me.
“The policy can be flexible. The station wouldn’t stand in the way of true love as long as it didn’t get in the way of the job,” Wayne said.
“This whole idea is obscene.” My face flushed red hot.
“Stop!” Wayne put his hands on his hips. “I’m not asking you two to have a relationship, but I’m asking you to act like you do for a matter of weeks. You don’t even have to act like you’re in a happy relationship. You can be as dysfunctional as you want to be. This gives us a great marketing angle. We can build off this article and promote the hell out of this show. Colin, this is your best shot at syndication. Erin, if you want a shot at getting your own show, this is it. Take it or leave it.”
The break room was silent. No one was looking at anyone else.
“I’ll take it,” I said in a low voice. I could hear Wayne give a sigh of relief. If I could compromise on dating a married man I should be able to find a way to make this okay.
“If all that’s needed to have one’s own show is to have a sexual relationship with me, I could point out that I’ve been very self-friendly for years,” Colin said.
“Colin, you work best as part of a team where you can play off other people. You know that. Besides, it isn’t just Erin’s willingness to be a part of your show, she’s shown herself as ready to take on a new challenge.”
“Thank you, Wayne.” I shot Colin a haughty look. “I’ve been trying to spend some time putting additional research into our segments.”
“I was thinking more about your outreach into the community. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you signed up for the Positive Partnership program.”
“Yeah, about that,” I started.
“This station is a part of the community. We rely on the community and this means our key talent gives back to the community.” Wayne thumped each point with his fist into his open palm.
I smiled tightly. “I couldn’t agree more, Wayne.”
“Really? Didn’t you say your kid was a reject?”
“Colin! These are children, not toasters that can be recalled,” Wayne said, looking at Colin as if he were appalled. “I am certain Erin would never say anything like that.” Wayne turned to me for confirmation. Colin held out his coffee cup as if he were making a toast as he waited for my response.
“Of course I wouldn’t say something like that.” I paused to see if God would strike me dead, adding a silent prayer that security wouldn’t show up in the next two minutes, dragging Diana toward the door and beating her with batons as per my orders. I had told the receptionist on the way in that if she showed up, under no circumstances should she be allowed in the building.
“You should bring your partner by the station. It’s so important for these kids to see positive role models.”
“That’s a great idea, Wayne.” I didn’t mention that it might be a bit difficult as I had told her to get lost only hours ago.
“It is a great idea. Why don’t you have her come by this afternoon for the show?” Colin offered.
“Why don’t you stay out of micromanaging my life?” I countered.
“Okay, enough sniping for one day. The station is going to pull out all the stops to support you two. I’m sure you’ll have a chance to learn from each other and that it will be a positive experience all around.”
I wasn’t sure if I completely agreed with Wayne, although I was willing to bet he was right. It would be educational.
Colin drives me insane, but one thing Wayne was right about was the fact we come at a problem from different directions, and right now I could use a new perspective.
“Wait up a minute,” I called after Colin and hustled after him down the hallway.
“By the way, I meant to tell you, you look good,” he said.
“What?” I stopped short.
“You look nice. I like the outfit.” He gestured at me. In the hustle of the morning I had forgotten about my fashion makeover. I looked down at my outfit. Diana might be crazy, but apparently her hallucinations are useful in the fashion department. I waited to see if there was a backhanded comment, but Colin didn’t say anything else. I suddenly felt awkward, as if the prom king had stopped by study hall to pay me a compliment.
“I wanted to talk to you.” I grabbed him by the elbow and steered him into the stairwell.
“What’s up?” he asked. I wanted to ensure we were alone. I leaned over the railing to look up and down the gray stairwell. Colin watched me while he leaned against the wall. “You’ve gone and done something you shouldn’t have, haven’t you?”
“What? No. I’m just trying to sort out a few things.”
“You might need professional assistance with that.”
“Ha ha.” I chewed my lipstick off my lips while I tried to come up with the best way to explain the situation. “This is going to sound strange, but I need you to listen to me. About my PP kid.”
I took a deep breath and then jumped in with the events of last night, starting with Diana’s assertion that she was connected to the ghost of Princess Diana and that she would channel
the
Diana to give me advice.
“So part of you is wondering if she is Princess Di?”
“No, of course not. It’s just that she seems so sure. It’s sort of weird isn’t it that she was born on the same day Diana died and her name is Diana.”
Colin shrugged. “Not that weird. People die and are born every day. Most likely her mom was one of those people who clipped articles out of
People
magazine about Princess Di and when her daughter was born that day she decided to name her kid that.”
“Good point.”
“Look at this another way. Why would she pick you?”