“So this is it? You’re not going to speak to your own mother?”
Her voice cut through my thoughts, and I turned my attention to her. “I’m sorry,” I rasped.
Her wrinkled face lit up at my first words in two days, and then I watched her brow furrow even more.
“Can I guess what you’re feeling? Sad? Confused? Alone? You’re not, you know. Your Master is in the waiting room. He hasn’t left since they brought you in. Why won’t you speak to him?”
I couldn’t look at her; the shame was too deep. I stared out the window instead. “I realize now that we’re wrong for each other.” The words were hard to get out. It was as if they refused to leave, clinging to the inside of my mouth.
“Wrong for each other?” she snapped. “That’s the biggest bunch of crap I’ve ever heard. That young man cares deeply for you, and you won’t even see him.” Those blue eyes bore into me.
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll see him.” Not that I hadn’t planned to, but other things would have to take place first.
From the corner of my eye, I could see she remained unconvinced. “What are you planning?”
Damn it, she knew me too well. “I want him to go home. To go out and find someone who’ll suit him better. I can’t be what he needs anymore.”
She stood up and huffed at me. “If you weren’t already laid up, I would make sure you would be. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, because no one else does. You had a heart attack. A mild heart attack. You’re going to be fine. The doctor said with medication and exercise, you’ll probably outlive him, and he was only forty. I can’t stop you from being an ass, but I sure as hell don’t have to watch it.” She turned to leave me.
“Mother.”
She halted, slowly turning back toward me.
“Take Eli for a coffee, please? There’s something I need to do. Then I promise, I’ll talk to him.”
She tilted her head, eyes narrowed. Finally she nodded and left the ward.
I got out my phone from the small cupboard beside the bed and called my lawyer, outlining what I wanted. He sounded surprised, and tried to talk me into taking more time to think, but I’d already spent enough time going over and over the details in my head. He assured me he would have a courier to me within a few hours to sign the paperwork, but once again he asked me to reconsider.
I knew what I was doing.
When I heard voices in the corridor outside the ward, I closed my eyes and feigned sleep. I didn’t want to talk, not yet, not until I had everything as I wanted it. I heard Mother mutter to Eli, then her slow footsteps as she left the ward. I could smell Eli’s scent as he neared the bed, could hear his breathing. I held myself still until he moved away to the chair. I listened to his breathing, the sound almost hypnotic as it pulled me into sleep once more.
When I awoke, Eli was napping in the chair. It was then that I realized what had awoken me. A courier was standing at the door. I placed a finger to my lips and indicated Eli with a flick of my head. He nodded and quietly made his way to the bed.
He handed me the paperwork and waited until I had signed it before he gave me copies and took the originals with him. Now that my affairs were in order, I could finally rest.
Eli
MY GAZE
fell on Jarod as soon as my eyes opened. The last few days had been wave upon wave of stress. That cry over the phone had been a heart-stopper, and his ensuing silence was driving me frantic. I’d sat in his room, all the things I had been waiting for the perfect time to say mocking me, reminding me there’s never a perfect time, and if you try to wait, it can be taken away from you. I wasn’t sure if I could take more of this.
“Hello, Sir.” Jarod’s croak broke through my reflections, and I stared at him. He blinked and then focused on me.
I got up from my chair and walked over to the bed, forcing down my elation that he was finally talking. “Good morning, pet. I trust you slept well.” My own voice was raspy as I struggled to contain my emotions.
“Could have been more comfortable,” he answered. “This bed is lumpier than yours.”
Yours
? The way he phrased his answer, and the fact that he averted his gaze had me on alert. “What’s going on, pet?”
He reached over to the bedside cabinet for a folder and handed it to me. I opened it, my hands shaking, and read what was written there. As the words sank in, my anger bubbled to the surface. If I hadn’t been in a hospital, I would have exploded.
“What is this?” I demanded through gritted teeth.
He sat up and helped himself to a drink of water before speaking. “If something happens, I need to make sure you’re taken care of. I talked to my lawyer. He’s got a fund set up so Mother will be able to live in comfort. I also set up something for the boys at the club. Each of them will be taken care of if they want to go to school, or if they want to do something else in the future. The bulk of it goes to you.”
I slammed the folder on the cabinet and got close to him. I was shaking. “You’re lucky you’re in a hospital bed right now, pet. I want to pull you into my lap and spank your arse until you’re crying.” I stabbed at the folder with my finger. “This? This is total crap. I told you, I don’t want your money. Take care of your mum, take care of your friends, but you do
not
take care of me.”
Tears leaked down his face. “Shut up.” His voice quivered. “I don’t care what you do with the money. Save it. Spend it. Donate it. But it’s yours. Please. Let me have this peace of mind.”
Nausea rolled through me. “You’re being foolish, pet. You’re going to be fine. The doctor said it was a mild heart attack. You’ll be home in a couple of days. Then we can talk, okay?” I was praying furiously that he’d see sense.
He shook his head. “I’m not coming back to your house.”
And with those words, everything I’d planned to say shattered like cheap glass. “What? Why the hell not?”
Sucking in a deep breath, he started blurting out the things I knew he’d been thinking. He laid it all out, his reasons for wanting me to go on without him. Proof that we weren’t right for each other. And that I needed someone to take care of me, and it couldn’t be him. I sat down, patiently listening to everything he had to say, even though I wanted to stop him. To tell him I didn’t want to hear it. But he was afraid, and I understood, because I was too.
At last he fell silent.
“Are you done?” I asked. I wasn’t angry or disappointed, just… sad. I didn’t wait for a response. “Okay. Now it’s my turn to speak. Let me tell you something, and you’re only to listen. I don’t want you to interrupt. You met Scott. Did you know that Ben tried to send him away? He thought he couldn’t take care of Scott, and despite all his friends telling him otherwise, Ben figured he knew best.” I paused to take a much-needed breath. “Right now you’re acting much the same way Ben did. You’re trying to send me away, because you think it’s noble. But guess what, pet? It isn’t. You’re every bit as foolish now as he was then. You have a home, and you have someone to take care of that needs you there. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”
His cheeks were streaked with tears when he croaked out, “You couldn’t understand. No one could.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder, letting my fingers rub gently, trying to help him see he wasn’t alone. “You’re scared, and I understand that. I was too, when you called. I thought you were going to die, and I’d never have the chance to tell you what’s been on my mind.”
“What’s that?” he whispered, his blue eyes wide.
“When you came into my life, I pictured you taking care of me. That was all that I had in my head at the time. Then as we grew closer, I realized how unfair I was being to you. I started paying attention to your needs, like I should have from the start, and you know what? I finally felt complete.
“I can’t go back to the house without knowing you’re okay, because a part of you is in that house, and it’s a big part. That’s your—no, that’s
our
home. And I need you there, because….”
I stopped and sucked in a deep breath. I would lay it all out for him. Tell him what I’d wanted to for weeks now. Once I did, if he rejected me, I would be devastated, but I would not let him go. He needed me now, every bit as much as I needed him. I had to make him see that.
I stepped closer to the bed and stroked a hand over his cheek. Bending down, I gave him a soft kiss on the lips, then whispered in his ear. “I love you, Jarod. I have for the longest while but wasn’t sure how to tell you. When I thought I’d lost my chance, it was what I regretted most. You need to come home with me. We’ll get through this together, like we will everything else that we come up against. I can’t do it without you, pet. Please tell me you understand.”
My heart was pounding, my mouth dry, as I awaited his response.
Jarod
I LAY
there, not saying anything. How could I? There was so much going on in my head, and I was tired. A part of me was relieved when Eli stood up and walked away from the bed, until he stopped by the door. I held myself so still, wondering what was coming.
“I’m going to be in the relatives’ room, pet. I’m not leaving, and if you need me, they’ll come get me. For the time being, you need your rest. And I meant what I said. I do love you.”
The door closed, and I was alone with my thoughts. One thing I knew for certain was that Eli didn’t lie. If he said he loved me, then it had to be the honest truth, but what did that mean to me? It didn’t change our situation. I could have died and left him alone, like Phillip did me. Would he have gotten through it? Would it have destroyed his life? I couldn’t do that to the man. It wasn’t fair to him. Thoughts like these chased me down into a disturbed sleep.
I awoke to warmth surrounding me. I assessed my physical state. I was feeling better but fatigued and weak. Then the warmth shifted a little. I adjusted my head on the pillow, glanced around and saw my room was filled to the brim: Peter, Alex, Pietro, Gareth, Dorian. They were standing around my bed, their faces anxious. The only one missing was….
A snort in my ear had me looking the other way. Somehow Scott had crawled into my bed and was lying with his arms around me. I opened my mouth, but Alex leaned forward and whispered in my ear.
“Can he stay just a little longer? He cried so hard when he saw you, we were afraid something was going to happen to him. He kept murmuring it was his fault, because he made you dance.”
Oh.
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Bless the boy.
“When Eli told him he could climb in as long as he was careful, he moved slowly and gently, wrapping himself around you. He cried himself to sleep.” Alex gazed at his friend, his pale blue eyes glistening. “We’re so sorry about the dance. If we’d known—”
“Wasn’t you,” I croaked, my voice hoarse with emotion.
Alex smiled. “We know. Master Eli explained it, but Scott took it hard. He’s always been the most emotional of all of us, and couldn’t accept it. He was sure he’d almost killed you.”
“I did.” Scott stirred against me, his voice subdued. He started to extract himself from around me.
I put out my hand and held him there. “No, you didn’t. I had a small clot. The doctor said it could have been anything that triggered it.” I twisted in my bed until I could see his face. “I promise it wasn’t anything to do with you.”
“We wanted to stop by before,” Alex explained, “but we were told we needed to wait until you were up for visitors. Eli called Ben a while ago and asked if we could come down. We didn’t know you were going to sleep through the whole visit, though.” Alex chuckled. “That nurse out there, the one who gave us a dirty look? She just stuck her head around the door and said we have to go soon.”
I had to wonder what they’d done to get such a reaction.
Peter smiled. “Scott was a little… voluble, shall we say, when we arrived. And I think the number of us was probably more than she’s used to.”
That figured. Then a thought struck me. “How did she react to seeing Scott in the bed with me?” I couldn’t see a nurse being happy with that.
Scott huffed. “I swear, if looks could kill… I think the only reason she didn’t yell is because it would have woken you up.” He stared at me. “I wasn’t doing any harm. It’s not like you’re all hooked up to machines, or something.”
“That’s right.” He seemed to need reassurance. Then I laughed. “With the age of all of you, she probably thought you were my kids.” It wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility, I supposed.
That made Scott chuckle. Then his eyes widened. “Oh God. Yeah. Now I’m kinda getting how it must’ve looked to her.” The others laughed quietly, and he glanced at them with rosy cheeks. “Oh hush, you guys.”
“Do you all have to go?” I asked. It seemed wrong that I wasn’t able to spend time with them.
“Yeah, sorry.” Alex squeezed my hand. “Pietro’s borrowed Miles’s car, and he needs it. We’ll come back again, unless they send you home.” He grinned. “In which case we’ll invade your house.”
I had to smile at the thought of Eli finding his house full of subs. Then it struck me. Who was to say I’d be there anyway? Not that I could tell
them
that.
“Ben’s coming to get me later. I’m going to stay with Jarod for a while, okay?” Scott told the others. He gave me a hasty glance. “If that’s okay with you.” I nodded, and Scott took up his position again, curled tight against my side. The others said their good-byes, giving me hugs and pecks to the cheek, and then Scott and I were alone.
We lay in silence while I waited for him to speak, but it felt comfortable.
“I was so afraid,” he whispered finally. “I thought I was going to lose you.”
I could hear it in his voice. “I’m sorry you were frightened.”
Scott gave a shrug. “It’s silly, I know. I’m nineteen now, but this is the only family I’ve ever known. My own parents didn’t want me. They won’t even come to the wedding, Ben said. Told him they don’t have a son.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” The endearment seemed just right. I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hurt Scott. He
was
sweet. There was a vulnerability about him that wasn’t present in the others, even Peter.