Authors: Liz Reinhardt
“
So you met the boys from Green Day? Unreal. Did you talk to them?” He peeled back the foil paper inside the carton.
I wished I had a more impressive story, but I didn’t. I’d been young and completely, dorkishly starstruck at the time. “No. Not really. I told them I was a fan, you know, cheesy stuff like that. They were super nice to me, though, and gave me autographs and all that.”
“
Cool,” Saxon nodded. “Hey,” he said, and his voice completely lacked the excitement that Jake’s voice would have had if he was about to tell me something. “I talked to the guy from Folly about your shirt.”
“
My shirt?” I repeated.
“
Yeah.” He put a cigarette to his lips without lighting it. When he spoke, he moved his lips around the cigarette, which was obnoxious, especially because of how much I liked watching him do it. “He noticed it. He’s in your crafts class. Anyway, he was wondering if you’d be able to come up with something for Folly. So, whatever. If you don’t want to, don’t worry about it.”
“
Okay,” I said, still in shock. “Why didn’t this guy just talk to me?”
He took the cigarette out from between his lips for a minute. “His name’s Chris Holcomb. Because he thinks you’re my girlfriend, so he thought I’d be able to get you to say yes.” Saxon put the cigarette back in his mouth and shrugged as if his words were no big deal. My heart was thudding in my chest.
“
Why would he think we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” I glared at him.
“
Maybe because of the adoring way you’re always staring at me,” he said, his grin purposefully annoying. “C’mon? Really? He saw us after gym class the last two days. What can I say, Blix? We have an attraction that’s noticeable.” He leaned over me, his arm sliding past my stomach, and popped open my door. “Alright, I’ve held you captive long enough,” he said, but he didn’t lean back.
So quickly I had no time to react, he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, pulled me toward him, and pressed his lips on mine. His lips were soft at first, then firmer, then his tongue pressed into my mouth, gently. I opened my mouth, tasting the stale flavor of cigarette smoke and the crisp tang of orange Tic Tac. His hand slid to my jaw and it felt so great, big and warm and strong. Suddenly the entire world narrowed down to me and Saxon and our lips and tongues in that big shark of a car. My body felt warm and ready for something that I couldn’t put my finger on. I melted into him, pressed harder to his mouth and even moaned just a little bit.
Then I remembered Jake and our chaste kiss outside the school. I remembered Kelsie and our plans for the night. I pulled away with a start.
“
No!” I grabbed my bag. “I don’t want you, Saxon,” I insisted, and my voice sounded wild in my own ears.
“
I would say that’s not entirely accurate, Brenna.” He picked up the cigarette and lit it nonchalantly. The smoke began to furl from the end. “Now run along before Mommy smells smoke and you get in trouble.” He exhaled wide o’s from his open mouth and waved me away lazily.
I was so mad I slammed the car door as hard as humanly possible. I hated him! I hated his arrogance and his persistence. I hated that he could make me feel things for him when all I wanted to do was avoid him. I hated that being around him could threaten two friendships that were important to me. And I hated that I got in his car and kissed him back when he had told me with his own mouth that all he wanted was to get me out of his system. What was I doing?
I told myself I was just trying to get
him
out of
my
system, but that made me feel like just as big a jerk as he was.
When I got to the house, I saw the curtains flick and knew Mom wondered where I was. She did pull on my nose when I got in, and pinched my ears, but they were normal after all that hot air pouring out of Saxon’s vents. And mouth.
“
Kelsie asked me to spend the night at her place. I told her you might be able to take me to Castle Video and pick up some chick flicks. Is that okay?”
She kissed my head hard. “Of course. I’m so glad you’re getting back together with your old girlfriends. It’s good for you to be around some nice girls your own age.”
I felt a wave of shame sweep through me. How could I have done this to Kelsie? The feel of Saxon’s mouth on mine was still vibrating through me, and, embarrassingly, it had made me feel a little wet and warm. I sighed, ashamed, wondering how I had become such a degenerate over the past few days.
“
I’ll go pack a bag for overnight. Maybe when you and Thorsten come to get me tomorrow, we can go to IKEA?” It would be cool to have Kelsie come to my place, but it might be a little weird if my room was still lavender. Then again, I had never been in Kelsie’s room. It could be Barbie pink for all I knew.
“
That would be fun. Pack the IKEA catalog in case you want to look through it tonight.”
I stuffed a change of clothes for the next day, pajamas and a toothbrush and toothpaste in a bag with some nail polish and my iPod and pillow. I met Mom in the kitchen and we got in the car, ready to go to Castle Video.
“
So, how was school?” My mom had a serious lead foot, and I watched the speedometer so I could warn her if she did more than ten over.
“
Good. My classes are all really decent. I even like gym this year,” I admitted.
“
I always had a feeling you might be a closet athlete. Good for you, Bren. It’s about time you started to really let yourself shine.”
I smiled wanly. If only she knew that what I seemed to be excelling at was kissing multiple boys in a single day.
We went in and I grabbed the Nicholas Sparks movies. I convinced Mom to rent two for herself and Thorsten, and then she bought a couple of big tubs of microwave popcorn and some soda for Kelsie and me.
She dropped me at Kelsie’s with a quick kiss. “Keep your cell on. Love you, baby.”
“
Love you!” I called, and she waited until I was in the door and Kelsie’s mom waved before she pulled away.
“
It’s so nice to see you again, Brenna,” Kelsie’s mom said.
“
It’s nice to see you, too, Mrs. Jordan.” I liked Kelsie’s warm, sweet mom. Unlike my mother, Kelsie’s mom gave her plenty of space and didn’t ask many questions.
Kelsie crashed down the stairs. “Hey Brenna! C’mon up!”
I smiled at her mom and followed Kelsie to her bedroom, which was definitely not Barbie pink. It was a deep purple and covered with posters of Salvador Dali paintings, Janis Joplin posters, and black and white photos of local places and wildlife that I was pretty sure Kelsie had taken. The carpet was covered with rugs that looked like Indian saris, and there was another silky sari-like covering on the bed. Kelsie had plants all over and white twinkle lights around her windows and ceiling. They made the room seem warm and cozy.
“
I love your room.” I stood in the middle and spun slowly, taking it all in.
“
Thanks. Look.” She pointed to a picture stuck in the corner of her bureau mirror. It was Kelsie and me in eighth grade at our dinner dance. I was wearing a short black dress with a metallic, shiny overlay and my hair was curled. Kelsie was wearing a short purple halter dress and her hair was in a fancy updo. I had my arm around her and we were smiling big, cheesy smiles.
“
Wow,” I laughed. “We were big time dorks.”
“
Oh yeah,” she agreed. “What’s that?” She pointed to the popcorn tub I still clutched in my hands.
“
Mom thought we’d want snacks.”
“
Your mom is the best,” Kelsie gushed, and I felt another layer of guilt, thinking of all the times my mom bemoaned Kelsie’s butt or hairline. “So how’s it going riding your bike to school? It’s been weirdly cold lately, right?”
“
Yeah, but, um, it’s been okay.” I so didn’t want my thoughts going anywhere that had anything to do with Saxon or his stupid ideas about us. I decided the best way to put him entirely out of my head was to talk about someone who was so much better. “There’s this guy in my Tech class.”
At the word ‘guy’ Kelsie’s eyes lit up. “Yeah?” she asked eagerly.
I felt the giddiness and excitement well up in me. “He’s so cute. His eyes are gorgeous. They’re the weirdest color, like silver. Anyway, he’s getting his license in November and he offered to drive me home when the weather gets colder.”
“
That’s so cute,” Kelsie squealed. “He’s making plans for you in November? That’s adorable! What’s his name?”
“
Jake Kelly.” My heart fell into my stomach when I saw Kelsie’s face. “What? Do you know him?”
“
No. Not really. I mean, he had a reputation a year or two ago as kind of…it’s not even important. A year can be a long time, and it was rumors.” She suddenly became transfixed with the throw pillows on her bed.
“
Kelsie.” I looked her in the face. “It’s, like, your duty as a friend to tell me what you know about this guy. I’ve only known him for two days. If he’s shady, I need to know so I can stay away from him.” But I hoped I would be cool with whatever Kelsie told me, because I knew I was kidding myself if I thought I could just drop Jake with no problem.
“
No! I’ll tell you what I’ve heard, but I want you to know, I don’t know this guy and it could all be totally exaggerated, rumor-mill type stuff.” She took a deep breath, then dove in. “I heard that he has been with a lot of girls. Like, everyone. And that he is supposed to be some big conquest. Apparently, girls in Tech rip each other apart to get him to take them out. And he’s supposed to be, you know…” Kelsie looked uncomfortable.
“
What?” I sat on the edge of my seat.
“
Good. Like, sexually good.
Really good.
” She raised her eyebrows up high.
“
Oh.”
One piece of me was devastated by the idea of Jake with so many other girls, having sex with them. It made him seem kind of cheap and gross. Another part of me was confused and wanted to talk to him about it. It just didn’t make sense. The Jake I knew was definitely really good looking, but he seemed kind of shy and not like what Kelsie was describing. But I didn’t know. And a third part of me, the part I was pretty embarrassed about, was completely curious. What had he done? How many girls? Did he want me that way? It was exhilarating and humiliating at the same time.
“
Don’t make that face, Brenna. It’s a rumor. And a totally exaggerated one for all we know. Don’t take it too seriously, okay? Just, maybe talk to him before you…you know.” She nudged me with her elbow.
“
No.” I shook my head. “I’ve known him for two days, Kelsie. I’m not even sure he likes me.”
She snorted. “Please. Are you for real? You’re all every guy at Frankford can talk about.”
“
What? Seriously, this is one sad little farm town if I’m the hot news.”
Kelsie rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Brenna. You’re hot.” She giggled at my blush. “You’re a sexy, sexy mama and you know it! And you’re smart. And you’re a mystery, with your trip to Europe for a year and your cool wardrobe and your Share Time thing.” Kelsie waved her hands around and popped her eyes out, then whispered, “Mysterious Brenna Blixen.”
I waved my hands around too. “Dork,” I whispered back, and we both fell on the bed laughing. Then we watched the movies and talked about celebrity couples who just did not make sense and the fact that the couple in
The Notebook
should totally get together again in real life.
“
I don’t care if they’ve been apart for a million years. They’re so perfect,” Kelsie sighed, applying thin coats of black paint to my toenails. I was okay at toenail painting, but Kelsie was an artist. She could paint all sorts of tiny things that look just like decals. She was doing tiny pink skulls on my nails, and they were intricately detailed and assembly-line identical. It was a little creepy how good she was.
“
They are really cute together. So, do you have anyone in mind in the love arena, Ms. Sex Goddess?” It seemed like it was all done with Saxon, and Kelsie always had insta-crushes in middle school, so I hoped there was already someone new who caught her eye.
“
Yes! Do you know Chris Holcomb? He’s in our Crafts class.”
“
Yeah.” I tried to keep my voice even. “Isn’t he in that band Folly?”
“
Yes! Do you like Folly?” She bounced up and down on the bed, making all the nail polish bottles clack and threatening to spill hot pink polish all over her bedspread.
I grabbed the pink polish and twisted the cap on it. “Um, I just got a CD of theirs, but I haven’t listened to it. Do you like them?”
“
I love them. And Chris is so cute. Have you noticed him?” She shook me by the shoulders and bounced again.
“
Someone at lunch mentioned that he noticed my shirt. He was asking about getting something made for Folly.” I wasn’t positive how Kelsie would react to my news, but, in typical Kelsie fashion, she was thrilled.
“
This is so perfect! I’ll go up to Chris on Monday and tell him how you’re my good friend, and he’ll ask me if I can talk to you about shirts and that’s it. History will be made!” She flopped back on the bed and squealed.
We cracked up, and Kelsie yelled at me for messing up her paint job. I was glad to hear that things between her and Saxon had cooled down in a way that left me feeling less guilty about my kiss.
Not that I was okay-ing the fact that I’d kissed Saxon. It was most of all a betrayal of the unspoken thing that Jake Kelly and I had. But Kelsie had planted some serious seeds of doubt about Jake. Maybe I was taking his interest in me way too seriously. He was, after all, just another guy in my class. Maybe he just wanted to talk to me while I was in class with him.