“We all love you, just the way you are,” Alek whispered, feeling the heat of Evan’s skin sliding under his palm, the light blond hair of his arm so soft to the touch. “It’s okay to want what you do. It’s part of who you are.”
“Am I still acting out against Charlie? I don’t even know anymore,” Evan asked. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Any of you. I swear.”
“Drew, and those other men who came after him—they’ve had a hold on you since you were little. They’ve used fear to get you to do what they want, and we can only imagine how awful that was for you, but don’t you ever think we would blame you for being taken advantage of.”
“What if I said that about what Tommy did?” Brennan said. “Blaming myself for hurting you because of what happened in the cemetery?”
“But,” Evan sputtered. “That’s not the same thing. You didn’t go with him anywhere. He attacked you.”
“And Drew didn’t threaten you? Pressure you to go with him, just so you would stay quiet?”
“Think about what we’ve done,” Alek told him. “Each of us. We’ve all done things we regret, had sex with people we wish we hadn’t. Whatever the circumstances... that’s not something you can take back. You can only move forward and forgive yourself, because no one else blames you, in any way. We’re the same, Evan. You have no reason to feel bad. We understand completely, okay? Whatever you want, whatever you need, as long as you can be honest about it with the three of us, we’ll take care of you. No judging. I swear it.”
Slowly, Evan’s frown melted away. He held onto Brennan’s hand tighter, turning his face toward the pillow. He drew Luka closer, then Alek, too, wrapping himself in them. They were his safe place. Alek wouldn’t have it any other way.
Chapter 24
Home
When Evan seemed content to linger in bed with Alek for the night, Brennan realized he felt comfortable going to his own bed with Luka for the first time since he’d returned from his trip.
Evan was mostly asleep by the time Brennan eased his brother from his lap and Alek pulled the covers up over him. Silently, Brennan and Luka crept from the room, closing the door softly behind them.
Crossing the hall and retreating to their room, Brennan could feel Luka’s hesitancy. After so long without really touching or being alone together, Brennan could understand why. Luka was afraid of hurting him, or overstepping Brennan’s newly drawn boundary lines.
“You’re sure you’re okay with this? I can go sleep on the couch, if it’s easier,” Luka started to say. He was holding back, folding his arms, trying to suppress all of his natural instincts. Brennan knew Luka was a naturally touchy-feely, cuddly person, and lately, Brennan hadn’t been able to surrender to any of that. It had set them at odds with each other, unable to fit together the ways they always had, causing ripples of tension with all four twins. But now, Evan needed them to be in sync. Brennan needed it, too.
“I’m sure,” Brennan said, though it had no affect on the worry in Luka’s expression. Luckily, though, Brennan’s innate decisiveness was just as much a part of who he was, and Brennan knew exactly what he wanted.
It was all about control, and shifting the balance more in his favor. If he wanted to stop being the boy who had let Tommy shape and use him for so long, he had to recognize what was left when all of the bullshit was cleared away.
He didn’t want to be Tommy’s Brennan anymore. He wanted to be Luka’s, and Evan’s, and Alek’s. Most of all, he wanted to belong to himself, on his own terms.
He needed to show Luka what that meant.
Smiling a little, but bowing his head to hide it, Brennan walked up to Luka. His heart started beating harder, thinking about what he was about to do. It was an important moment for him.
“Oh no, I know that look,” Luka said with a hint of a grin, though the caution in him still radiated out more strongly than anything else.
“I know what I want, Luk,” Brennan confessed. “Being in Monroe, seeing everyone who used to be my whole world, the places I used to go to every day.... It’s not mine anymore. I get that now. It really showed me how much I’m not the person I was when Maggie was alive. That was a bigger wakeup call even than Tommy. I
knew
Tommy was an ass. What he did to me wasn’t exactly a shocker.”
He managed to raise his eyes.
“That’s the main reason I’ve been upset, okay?” Brennan told him. “It’s been like falling through the air with no parachute. There’s nothing left for me back in Monroe without Mom. It sucks, but all it does is show me how what I have with you three here is so important. I’m in this. I want to make this work, and that means trying things that scare me a little.”
Luka was still holding back, arms folded, not touching, not relaxing. Maybe he was still expecting someone to break into the apartment to hurt them all some more.
It helped cement Brennan’s decision.
He reached for Luka’s shirt. “Take this off,” Brennan said.
“Just the shirt?” Luka asked, moving to comply.
“Of course not
just
the shirt,” Brennan scoffed. “Are you crazy? You do know it’s me, Brennan, right?”
“Now I do,” Luka smiled. “Missed you, Cupcake.”
“Missed you too, ya big lug,” Brennan replied, waiting patiently as Luka undressed, removing the shirt, then his pants. Once it was all off, he kind of enjoyed being clothed while Luka stood, naked, before him, ready for anything. “Mmm, your body is fucking incredible.”
Luka was firm muscle, soft skin, tan, pert nipples, heavy cock, tight, round ass... He was a man who’d worked for years on perfecting his physique. He wasn’t a boy, and wasn’t average in any way.
The darkness was still with Brennan, even though he was feeling more like himself, or the version of himself he was striving to be. Brennan knew Luka could see it, and how he still didn’t know which way this was headed, in light of everything they’d been through.
“You trust me, right?” Brennan asked quietly.
“Of course I do,” Luka answered.
“Good. Get on the bed. On your back.”
“Look, Bren, if you’re tired, we can just—”
“I need this, Luka. Trust me. It’ll help.”
Luka fell quiet and nodded. He sat down and slid back onto the bed, lying down. His right foot was planted on the bed, the leg bent. His left leg was stretched out. He arranged the pillows under his head while Brennan looked him over and slowly removed his own clothes.
Now, Brennan knew Luka pretty well, and he knew what Luka’s carefully composed expression and body language said, loud and clear. Luka was nowhere near convinced that what Brennan was instigating was a good idea. In fact, the argument against Brennan’s intentions was right there, on the tip of Luka’s tongue.
Smiling inwardly, his goal clear, his desire stiffening his cock, Brennan crawled onto the bed. Groping Luka’s body with his eyes, taking long, lingering looks up Luka’s calves, his firm thighs, his gorgeous cock, his six-pack abs, his chest, Brennan slunk upward from the foot of the bed, coming right up between Luka’s legs. Luka spread them a little more to give him room, his frown growing, his chest rising and falling more quickly.
“Bren...” Luka murmured, ready to plead for reason and sense.
Brennan hooked his arms under Luka’s knees and pressed Luka’s legs back as he kept advancing. Spreading Luka, folding his legs back to his chest, Brennan saw realization change Luka’s expression utterly. Smiling as Luka breathed out a soft moan, Brennan let Luka draw him in for a kiss. Luka’s hand wrapped behind Brennan’s head which he angled to the side to close the distance, tasting Luka’s lips, drinking down his breaths.
Once he had Luka in position, and Luka had wrapped his lower legs behind Brennan’s body, Brennan was able to carefully brace himself with his sprained left arm. His right hand slipped down between them and his index finger, licked quickly wet, breached Luka. It passed through the tight pucker of his outer ring, and a gentle shiver shook Luka, his skin pebbling and breath catching.
“Mmm,” Brennan hummed against Luka’s lips, pumping his finger gently.
“Want you,” Luka moaned.
Closing his eyes, Brennan focused on the way Luka felt, so tight around his finger, the tissues so warm and yielding a little more with pressure, and he could feel what it was doing to Luka.
“Grab the lube,” Brennan said.
Luka’s long arms helped him snag the bottle from the nightstand without even having to lean over much. He opened it and squirted some into Brennan’s hand for him, saying with a slight breathlessness to his voice, “I’m actually kind of nervous,” laughing it off a little. It caught on a soft moan that had Brennan chasing another, deeper kiss. Frowning heavily, Luka opened for him, breathing harder as Brennan’s tongue teased over Luka’s lips and into his mouth.
Pushing two wet fingers into Luka, Brennan eagerly swallowed Luka’s moan. He saw Luka was pulling his legs back, giving him plenty of access, and his hand was on his cock, stroking. Brennan just stared at how hard Luka was, his dick thick and reddened, jutting up stiffly. Knowing he’d done that, made Luka want this, and want
him
like this, was empowering. It felt incredible to be invigorated with possibility and strength, instead of falling back into weakness and fear. It made Brennan even more determined to keep going.
“Don’t be nervous. Love the way you feel,” Brennan sighed, then dragged his lips lightly over Luka’s jaw and cheek to his ear, nuzzling the soft cascade of dark hair there. The rich, woody scent of him filled Brennan’s head, took over his senses. “I’m so lucky to have you.”
His fingers were sliding easily, though Luka was still tight. He tried adding a third, and Luka groaned, his hand pumping his cock a little faster, squeezing his shaft tighter. Brennan glanced down at Luka’s slick, pink cockhead and wanted so badly to suck on it, or at least get a taste.
“You wet?” Brennan asked, his voice rough with lust.
“Yeah,” Luka sighed.
“Lemme taste it. Wanna taste you.”
Luka swiped a thumb over his tip, collecting a bead of pre-come. Brennan opened his mouth, tongue pressed forward as Luka dragged the droplet over it. Sealing his lips around Luka’s thumb, Brennan sucked, moaning, swallowing. Luka’s thumb slipped from Brennan’s lips, Brennan thrust into him a little harder, spreading his fingers apart, working Luka loose.
“Fuck,” Luka breathed, panting.
“Touch yourself,” Brennan asked, his eyes flashing darkly, his cock and balls aching, they were so swollen with desire.
Luka let his hand fall back between his legs. He caressed over his erection, then down over his balls, rolling them a little, letting out a sigh, then rubbed down lower, over where Brennan’s hand was buried in him, stroking over his rim. A subtle tremor of lust worked through him, making his breath catch. Then he caressed back up to his cock, giving it a tight squeeze, from the base of his shaft, up and over his crown. As the glove of his hand stripped back down his shaft, Brennan saw another glistening drop leak from his slit.
“So fucking hot, Luka,” Brennan moaned.
Luka dragged him back in for a long kiss, licking back into Brennan’s mouth. Brennan could hear Luka’s hand sliding at a rapid pace over his cock. Brennan pressed his three fingers in as deeply as he could reach, rubbing over Luka’s passage.
“Ready?”
“Yes,” Luka sighed.
Brennan freed his hand and shifted his position. He watched Luka’s ass swallow the flared head of his cock, gripping the shaft as he thrust inward. Shuddering slightly, breathing hard, Brennan became suddenly overwhelmed by the too-tight grip of Luka’s body around him. Whimpering softly, panting against Luka’s hair, Brennan tried to get it together, to hold back orgasm at least until he was all the way inside.
“Fuck you for feeling so good,” Brennan complained. “Jesus.”
Luka laughed. That didn’t help at all, as little flutters of muscle contractions squeezed Brennan’s dick.
“No, don’t laugh,” Brennan moaned in complaint.
Which only made Luka laugh again.
“I mean it!” Brennan frowned.
Luka palmed Brennan’s ass with both hands and urged him into movement, pulling him inside in more ways than one. Both of them groaned. When Brennan drew back, Luka scratched lightly over Brennan’s ass, up his back to his neck, over his scalp. Pushing harder, driving in over and over again, Brennan felt his body tingling, his blood pumping, his cock throbbing in the glorious sheath of Luka’s ass.
Interweaving his fingers in the soft tangle of Luka’s long hair, Brennan nuzzled against Luka’s neck and burned the moment, the memory, into his mind. It was perfect.
“This is home,” he whispered. “This is where I belong. Right here.”
Luka drew him back gently, and looked into Brennan’s eyes. There was nothing between them any longer that didn't belong there. No circumstance, no turn of luck, no pain, no trepidation.
“I love you,” Brennan professed, with his whole heart.
“Love you more,” Luka smiled in reply and drew Brennan in yet again. Lips on lips, breath intermingled, hearts entwined, they moved together and time stood still.
Brennan came with a broken moan. Palming Brennan’s ass, Luka held him there until the aftershocks faded back. Then, Brennan pulled out, slid down, and swallowed Luka with a needy moan. His thick cock tasted as good as Brennan knew it would. Wrapping his tongue around it, letting Luka slide back into his throat, Brennan gave over to him. Luka’s hands flew to Brennan’s head, holding it, his legs fallen open widely and head thrown back with ecstasy. Stroking his shaft counter to each suck, Brennan took Luka quickly apart. He watched Luka shoot his load with a hard gasp and licked up every drop, petting Luka’s cock with his tongue, sucking the tip.
By the time he was through, Luka was completely relaxed, lying there comfortably while Brennan indulged in a few more moments before it had to end, pressing kisses over Luka’s inner thigh and pelvis.
“C’mere,” Luka beckoned, hardly able to move, but lifting an arm with which to pull Brennan in. Climbing back up Luka, Brennan was gathered up in Luka’s arms. Lying there, atop him, Brennan let go of many things. All he needed was right there, in Luka’s love, and their family. “I love you so much,” Luka whispered, sounding choked up.