Double Take (20 page)

“Unless you want to go out to eat,” he said.

“Go out to eat?”

“In a restaurant.”

“Oh yes.” She nodded. “We can do that.”

“I think there are some good restaurants around here,” he told her. “We can walk if you want.”

Although the tall black boots were starting to hurt her feet, she agreed to walk. After about twenty minutes of painful walking, they finally found a restaurant, but before they went in, Jacob’s phone rang. Anna waited as he answered. It still seemed strange seeing him in this setting, dressed like an Englisher and using a cell phone.

After he said hello, she saw his eyes light up. His voice grew warm and friendly, and she heard him say the name Monica. Suddenly it was like she had rabbit ears.

“No, no,” he said. “I didn’t forget. Don’t worry. I’ll still be home in time.” He paused to listen. “Yes. I’m looking forward to it too. See you soon.” He closed his phone and turned to Anna. She must have had a suspicious expression on her face because suddenly Jacob looked very uncomfortable.

“Who is Monica?” Anna asked.

“She is a friend.”

“A
girlfriend
?”

Jacob shrugged, then smiled in a way that seemed to suggest guilt. “She is a girl. She is a friend.”

Anna no longer felt hungry. “I have a strong feeling,” she said softly, “that this Monica person is important to you.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced over his shoulder.

“Please be honest, Jacob.”

“I am being honest.” He looked directly into her eyes. “I never—not in a million years—expected you to come to New York, Anna. I knew I was never going back home. I honestly thought that what we had was over.”

She took in a quick breath. “So we are over?”

He took his hands out of his pockets and placed them on her cheeks. “I don’t know, Anna. You bewilder me. First it seems you have no interest in leaving your family and that you will never change. Then I see you today.” He smiled at her. “You are like a real New Yorker. A totally different person. I like it.”

She didn’t know what to say.

“Maybe I should ask you,” he said. “Is it over?”

“What are you saying to me?” she asked. “What is your intention?”

“My intention?” His mouth twisted to one side. “I intend to go to college. I intend to make a life for myself.”

“I mean what is your intention for me?”

“For you?” He looked confused. “I don’t know what you want, Anna. If you like New York, you should stay here. Maybe you could go to school or get a job.”

“And what then?”

He held up his hands. “I don’t know. It’s not for me to decide, is it?”

“Isn’t it?”

“What are you asking me, Anna? Are you asking—will I marry you? Because I don’t know the answer to that. I have a lot to do before I think about things like marriage.”

“What about Monica?”

“I would tell her the same thing. She’s not pressuring me. Monica doesn’t want to get married any more than I do. We understand the way this world works. You go to school, you get a career, you establish yourself, and then you think about marriage.”

Anna felt a rock in the bottom of her stomach. “I am not hungry anymore,” she told him.

“Okay.” He nodded in a brisk, formal sort of way. “Do you want me to walk you back to your building?”

She slowly shook her head. “No, I want you to leave, Jacob. I want you to say goodbye.”

“Goodbye . . . forever?” His eyes looked sad, but his mouth was firm.

She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears from spilling.

“Does this mean you’re going back?” he asked. “To live the old life again? You could settle for that, after seeing this?”

“Yes. I am going back.” She opened her eyes and studied him for a long moment. He was not her Jacob anymore. He was someone else. “Goodbye, Jacob,” she whispered. “God go with you.”

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I wish you well, Anna.” He turned and hurried away . . . almost as if he were relieved.

Her tears fell freely as she walked back to Madison’s building. She tried to tell herself that her feet ached far worse than her heart, but she did not believe it.

After everyone in the house was quiet, Madison slipped out of bed, pausing to make sure Elizabeth was not stirring. She tiptoed down the hallway and down the wooden stairs, carefully avoiding the squeaky treads. Thankful for the moonlight coming in through the recently cleaned windows, she crept through the living room and the kitchen and went out the door.

Holding her skirt in her hands, she dashed across the yard to the barn, where she pulled a candle from her apron pocket and lit it with a match. She set the candle on the wooden ledge by the phone, and using its flickering light to see, she dialed the numbers and waited for Anna to answer. When Anna said hello, she didn’t sound quite right.

“Is that you, Anna?”

“Yes. It’s me.” Her voice was gruff and flat sounding.

“Did I wake you up?” Madison asked.

“No. I am awake.”

“Are you okay?”

There was a long pause, and then Anna began to pout out a sad story of how she’d spent the day with Jacob, how she’d dressed up and nearly gotten sick on a boat, gone to places she didn’t want to go, gotten horrible blisters on her feet—only to find out that Jacob didn’t really love her. Even worse, he had found someone else.

“I’m so sorry, Anna.”

“It is for the best.” Anna’s tone didn’t match her words.

“Really?”

“I know it is better this way. I know I cannot live in the English world. I do not belong here. I do not like it. I wish I never came here.”

“But if you hadn’t gone to New York, you wouldn’t have found Jacob. You wouldn’t have discovered the truth about him. And you might’ve spent your whole life pining away for him, wondering if you two belonged together.”

“
Ja
, you are probably right. Still, it is hard. It hurts.”

“At least you know that it was never meant to be, Anna. You can get on with your life now. You wouldn’t have known that without visiting New York.”

“Yes, that is true enough.” Her voice broke again. “Even so—I want to leave here. I want to go home!” Now she was sobbing.

“You can’t go home yet,” Madison reminded her. “Not to your parents’ house anyway, because Rachel still needs—”

“No, no. It’s all right. Being with Rachel is almost like home. I just don’t want to be
here
anymore, Madison. I wish I had never come to this big place. I want to leave right now.”

“That’s why I’m calling. You need to take an early bus tomorrow morning. Have you gotten your ticket yet?”

“No. In my misery, I forgot about it.”

“Well, you need to be here first thing in the morning. Maybe by eight or nine at the latest. Can you figure it out and do that?”

“Yes.” Anna’s voice was firm with resolve. “I will be there.”

Madison heard something rustling in the barn—probably a cow, but just in case, she knew she should cut this short. “Good. I’ll see you in the morning. Just be there, okay?”

“I will.”

“Things are going to get better, Anna.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just know. I’ll be praying for you.”

“You will pray for me?” Anna sounded surprised.

“Yes. You don’t have to be Amish to pray.”

After they said goodbye, Madison replaced the receiver back on the phone, puffed out the candle, then listened to make sure no one was around. Satisfied that she’d only heard one of the animals, she put the candle back into her pocket and slipped out into the farmyard. The three-quarter moon was high in the sky now, illuminating the fields with a milky light that seemed to be inviting her for one last rendezvous with the nighttime countryside. As she walked through the field and the high grass, crickets were chirruping happily and the owl let out three hoots as if to say hello.

Madison stood looking out over the pond for a few minutes, soaking in the sounds of night creatures, the smells of the earth and the blooming fruit trees and the water, and the beauty of the moon reflected on the black glassy surface of the pond. She sat on the now familiar bench and sighed.

She was going to miss this place. She wondered how she could replicate this part of her day once she was back in the busy city. Central Park was right by her building, but she knew better than to go down there by herself at night. Perhaps there were other ways to find this sort of place—perhaps it was a spiritual place as much as it was a physical one.

She would have to explore these things another time, because right now she wanted to keep her promise to pray for Anna. It had been disturbing to hear Anna’s deep sadness tonight. Madison felt somewhat guilty for her pain. If she hadn’t encouraged the life swap, Anna would not have discovered that Jacob no longer loved her.

Yet, like Madison had suggested, it could be a blessing in disguise (as Rachel would say) that Anna had learned the truth. At least she could move on now. So that was how Madison prayed—that God would help Anna to shake off her grief and to realize that she had her whole life ahead of her.

Madison also prayed for Anna’s relationship with her aunt. She asked God to help Anna see Rachel in a new light, and to deepen their friendship. Perhaps it would take a miracle, but wasn’t that God’s business? Then she prayed for the whole family, starting with Daniel and clear on down to her namesake, baby Maddie.

Next she prayed for Malachi. She asked God to bring good out of his heartache and to make himself as real to Malachi as he had to her. And to show Malachi that he should get baptized because he knew he loved God . . . not because he supposed he loved a woman.

Finally, she prayed for the people back in her own world. She prayed for family and friends, and she asked God to help her to take what she’d found here—this sense of peace and purpose and connection with him—back to the city with her. That, she knew, would take a miracle too. But she suspected God was up to it.

It was almost ten o’clock when Anna called Lucinda. She knew it was late, but this was something like an emergency. At least it was to Anna. “I’m sorry to call—”

“Hey, Anna.” Lucinda sounded cheerful. “I’m so glad you called.”

“It’s not too late?” Anna asked.

Lucinda laughed. “No way. It’s the last Friday night of spring break. In fact, I was just getting ready to go out to a club. Want to come along?”

“A club?” Anna tried to imagine what that would be.

“You know, music, friends, dancing. Why don’t you come—”

“No thank you.”

“Okay. How did it go with Jacob today? You promised to call me, remember. He is so good-looking, Anna. You didn’t mention that. Tell me everything—did you have a fabulous time? Let me guess, you guys are getting married, right?”

“Wrong.”

“Oh. But he did talk you into staying—”

“No. I am going home tomorrow.”

“Anna!” Lucinda sounded genuinely disappointed.

“I have to go home—I need to—” Her voice cracked and she began crying again. “I’m sorry. But it is upsetting.”

“Oh, Anna. I’m sorry too. You’ve had a rough day.”

“A rough week.”

“Yeah. Poor Anna. I won’t even ask you for the details if it’s too painful.”

“Thank you.”

“But you did call me,” Lucinda reminded her. “So what’s up?”

Anna explained her dilemma over how to get bus tickets and needing to leave early in the morning, but she wasn’t sure how it was done. “I told Madison I could do it, but now I do not even know what to do. Can I take a taxi all the way to—”

“Wowzers, that would be expensive. Although Madison is good for it.”

“I don’t want to waste her money. But I want to go home.”

“How about if I come up and we’ll figure this out together?”

“Oh, thank you!”

“Besides, I have money for you.”

“Money for me?”

“For the work you did for my mom. I told her the truth about who you are. I hope you don’t mind. She promised not to tell. Anyway, she wanted to write you a check, but I thought that you might not have a checking account. She’s paying you in cash.”

“Please thank her for me.”

“All right. I’m on my way up now.”

Within minutes, Lucinda was sitting in Madison’s bedroom with Anna. Using Madison’s Blackberry, she soon figured out the bus schedule, purchased a ticket with a credit card, and called the doorman downstairs to request a taxicab at five in the morning. She handed the phone back to Anna. “There you go.”

Anna threw her arms around Lucinda and hugged her. “Thank you!”

“Sure you don’t want to go clubbing with me tonight?” She grinned. “Last night in the Big Apple.”

Anna frowned. “Big Apple?”

Lucinda laughed. “Another name for New York City.”

“Oh. The Big Apple.” She frowned. “It has given me a big tummyache.”

“Okay then.” She pointed to the clock. “Maybe you should set your alarm and get some sleep.”

“Set alarm?”

Lucinda chuckled as she reached for the clock. After fiddling with the buttons, she set it back down. “That will wake you at 4:30. Is that early enough?”

“
Ja
. That’s good.”

“I’d offer to go with you to the bus station, Anna, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to wake up that early.”

Anna waved her hand. “No. It’s all right. You have done enough.”

Lucinda handed her an envelope. “Here’s your pay. My mom says if you ever change your mind and need a job, just call.”

Anna forced a smile. “I do not think you will be hearing from me again. But thank you. Thank you for everything.”

“See you around.” Lucinda grinned as she stood. “Tell Madison hey for me.”

Anna nodded. “I will do that.”

After Lucinda left, Anna considered taking a bath. But the last one she took had not been as wonderful as she had imagined it would be, and she figured this one might be even worse. No, she decided, better to go to bed. That way the morning would hasten.

It was dark when Anna awoke to the sound of voices talking. Lying frozen in bed, she felt certain that someone had broken into her room. As she listened, she realized the voices sounded like those of the television, and when she looked over at the clock by the bed, she discovered the voices were coming from there. According to the green numbers, it was 4:30. Time to get up and get ready to go to the bus station!

She had already decided to wear the exact same outfit that Madison had worn on the Saturday they’d met. First she opened the bottom drawer of the big dresser, removing her own undergarments from where she had hidden them last Saturday. She’d been afraid that Nadya would discover them and grow suspicious. She put them on, then put Madison’s clothes on over them. She felt as if she should have a bag to pack and take with her, but she realized her bag was already at Aunt Rachel’s.

No, the only thing Anna needed was Madison’s purse, cash, and credit cards. She even decided to switch back to the orange purse that Madison had taken with her on that day. Everything would be the same. Everything except for Anna. She would never be the same.

At 4:55 a.m., Anna tiptoed through the penthouse, let herself out the door, and pushed the elevator button. Hopefully Nadya was not a light sleeper. Although even the stern-faced housekeeper would have a hard time stopping Anna at this point. Anna was so eager to make her escape that she felt certain that no one—not even the police, although she hoped it wouldn’t come to that—could keep her in New York City after the 5:50 bus pulled out.

“No luggage?” Henry the doorman looked surprised.

She forced a smile. “No. This is just a day trip.”

He nodded, returning the smile. “Have a good day then, Miss Van Buren.”

Outside, the taxi was waiting. Feeling like she was halfway home, Anna got in and sighed.

“Where to?” a man with a dark complexion asked with a thick accent that was unfamiliar.

She told him the name of the bus terminal Lucinda had written down for her, then leaned back, attempting to relax. Suddenly she grew anxious and clutched Madison’s purse to her chest, wondering if the taxi driver might actually be a criminal of some sort. What if he was a robber? A kidnapper? One of those bad people she had been warned about since childhood? So far she had met none, but that didn’t mean this man wasn’t dangerous. She looked out at the still, dark streets and wondered what she should do. Should she jump out at the next stop? If so, what then?

Anna bit her lip and thought hard. What to do? Suddenly she remembered that day in Madison’s closet, when she had been frustrated and frightened and lost, and she had prayed. It had made a difference. Why hadn’t she prayed since then?

She knew the answer. It was because of Jacob. Somehow when Jacob had stepped back into her life, God had stepped out. Or perhaps she had pushed him out.

Anna bowed her head now and silently prayed. She asked God to help her, lead her, and protect her. By the time she was finished, the car was pulling up to the bus station.

“Here you are, miss.” The driver turned around and told her the amount of her fare.

She fumbled in Madison’s purse, pulling out one of the twenties, which was too much. Remembering a line from a book, she decided to try it as she handed him the bill. “Keep the change.”

“Thank you.” He smiled broadly as he hurried to open the door of the car, then ran on ahead of her to open the door to the bus terminal. “Have a good trip, miss.”

“Thank you.” She smiled back. “I will.” She took another deep breath and looked around, wondering what to do next. Seeing a counter where a few people were milling about, she decided to start there. She decided to go for the gray-haired woman, who reminded Anna of her grandmother.

“I am here for the bus,” she said nervously. She explained where she wanted to go and that her friend had called last night. “But I have no ticket.”

“Name?”

She was so nervous she almost gave her real name but stopped herself. Lucinda had purchased the ticket under Madison’s name. “Madison Van Buren.”

The woman pushed some buttons on her computer, then asked to see a credit card. Anna fumbled to get the wallet, extracting a card that she handed to the woman with trembling fingers. She did not want this to go wrong. Not now when she was so close.

Barely looking at Anna, the woman pushed more buttons, eventually handed Anna a slip of paper, and told her where to wait for the bus. “It should be here in a few minutes,” she said in a friendly tone. “If you want to get something to eat or coffee, there’s time. The bus won’t leave until 5:50—but no dillydallying because it leaves promptly.”

Anna thanked the woman, then went directly to the area where about a dozen other people were already waiting. Although her stomach was growling and she noticed a place to get donuts, she was not willing to take any chance of missing this bus. She would rather be starving on a bus headed home than stuck in New York with a full belly.

The minute the bus pulled in, Anna got in line and got on. She chose a seat near the front, moved next to the window, and leaned back. Finally, she could relax a bit. Just not too much. She did not want to miss her stop.

Anna’s sigh of relief mingled with the loud hiss made by the bus as it pulled out. Soon this city and everything in it would be behind her—a murky memory. And not a moment too soon.

Anna closed her eyes, trying to block Jacob from her thoughts, but he was all she could think about. Her thoughts and feelings swirled round and round like a whirlpool in a fast-moving creek in springtime.

What if things had gone differently with him yesterday? What if he had fulfilled her daydreams by proclaiming his love for her? What if he had begged her to stay here with him . . . asked her to marry him? How would she have reacted?

A part of Anna wanted to think she would have had the boldness to say yes to him. That she would have chosen him above her family and her upbringing. That she would have given up her former life, her home, everything she’d been trained to believe—all because she loved him so much.

Another part of Anna knew that was a lie. She knew from the top of her head to the tips of her toes that she could not—and would not—ever live in this city. Not even with the promise of having Jacob by her side. She knew that the English lifestyle went against everything inside of her. Even Jacob’s love could not have changed that. If he had asked her, she would have said no.

But, she sternly reminded herself, Jacob had not asked. He did not love her. He had actually seemed relieved when she told him she was going home.

What if Jacob had reacted as she’d hoped? What if he had proclaimed his love to her, and what if she had insisted he prove his love by going home with her? If he had agreed, how would she have responded? That was a hard question because part of her felt certain she would have been delighted. She would have felt victorious. As if that was her reward for all she’d been through this week.

In the light of day, another part of her knew that she would have feared she’d been dragging him home against his will. Jacob had a strong will. Where would the victory be if he came with her reluctantly? What if they got home and he changed his mind? What if they married and he realized he’d made a mistake and left her? Or worse, what if he stayed but was miserable . . . made her miserable? No, she didn’t want to live like that either.

The only thing Anna had truly wanted was for Jacob to come to his senses! She had wanted him to realize that he couldn’t keep living on the outside and that he couldn’t keep living without her. She had wanted him to get down on his knees and beg her to marry him. She had wanted them to go home together and to live happily ever after. Or something like that.

She realized now that she’d been daydreaming. Or perhaps she’d been trying to live out a scene from one of those English novels her father disapproved of. She suspected her only way to experience that sort of storybook happiness would be through the pages of one of those books. Maybe that would be enough.

Anna decided she would rather be an old maid than settle for what her options might have been with Jacob. In reality, she had no options with him at all. Sure, he had encouraged her to stay in New York, but not so that he could marry her. No, all he had offered was a halfhearted suggestion that she might create some kind of life for herself—with or without him. Why would she want to do that?

As the buildings outside the window grew shorter and spaces between them grew larger, Anna remembered what Madison had told her last night—that Anna should be thankful to have discovered the truth about Jacob. She supposed that was true. Maybe now she would finally be able to let him go. She would no longer waste time daydreaming about him as she did her daily chores. She would not nurture false hope for a life that would never be. She would grow up!

Wouldn’t her parents be relieved to learn Jacob was finally out of the picture? Not that she could tell them how this had all happened or what had brought her to this place of freedom. At least she didn’t think she could. Maybe someday. Hopefully her parents would not use this as permission to marry her off to Aaron Zook. She suspected her parents’ pressure toward Aaron had simply been their reaction to her obsession with Jacob. They probably hoped the threat of being stuck with someone like Aaron would wake her up—make her start looking around for other options. Surely there were other options.