Authors: Steve Elliott
Chapter 6.
We congregated at my house the following week. The first order of business was
another
love note, which
Paul
had found on the hallway carpet. Naturally, he had read it and been rather mystified by its contents, believing for a time that it was meant for
him
. When I told the others about his reaction, they fell about, laughing like lunatics.
“Poor Paul,” Stephanie chortled, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “Was he disappointed when you told him he
didn’t
have a male admirer?”
“Who says it’s from a
male
?” Janice pointed out. “The letter doesn’t say one way or the other. The writer
could
be female.”
That sobered up the group fairly smartly.
“She’s right,” Maureen agreed. “One of us could have a
girl
admirer.”
“Let me read it again,” Stephanie demanded.
I handed her the note. It was similar to the first – beautifully written and very much to the point.
I hope I’m not intruding by writing these little missives, but my heart is overflowing and I have to express my feelings. You are so lovely. I worship you from afar.
Your loving admirer.
“You’re correct. It could be
any
gender,” Stephanie sourly admitted. “Not that it
matters
, I suppose. We’re all women of the
world
, right? I’m quite open to a
girly
affair if it arose, I suppose. Hey,
another
rhyme!”
“I don’t think that everyone shares
your
liberal views, Stef,” I told her, taking back the letter. “It wouldn’t worry
me
either, but Jan and Maureen may have other ideas.”
Maureen looked around at us and shrugged. “I guess I wouldn’t
mind
,” she said nonchalantly. “Not that I’ve ever
had
one before, but I
could
see myself in one without freaking out. What about
you
, Jan?”
Janice shuddered. “
Sorry
, guys,” she demurred, “but it just
isn’t
me. I may be old fashioned and everything, but I think it’s
wrong
. I could
never
do it. It just seems so
unnatural
.”
“We’ll have to
disagree
on that one, then,” Stephanie concluded, dismissing the subject. “Let’s not
fight
over it. Each to their own.”
“At least we know our mysterious admirer is well educated,” I interjected. “The notes are wonderfully written. It’s not some street thug. At least
that’s
something.”
“But we’re still no closer to any answers about him, or
her
, as the case may be,” objected Stephanie. “Let’s forget it anyway and concentrate on the important stuff. Jan, what’s the
verdict
?”
“You’re all invited to my very first, and hopefully
last
, parachute jump this afternoon,” she announced. This was greeted with cheers and whistles.
“And you’re
also
invited to the Insect House at the Botanical Gardens for my
spider
crawling episode after that,” Stephanie told us. More cheers ensued.
“I’ve reached my weight
goal
,” Maureen proclaimed in a self-satisfied voice. We cheered that too and congratulated her in fine style. When all of the excitement had toned down, Janice said, “The important thing is that we’ve proven that we can accomplish whatever we set our minds to do.”
“That’s right,” Stephanie agreed, “and by the end of the afternoon, hopefully we’ll all be able to sleep tonight with our dares finally fulfilled. Let’s
drink
to that!”
“
Amen
!” Maureen exclaimed.
At the appropriate time, we trooped off to the airfield to witness Janice’s inaugural parachute jump. She’d had the appropriate training the previous week and declared herself ready and willing to go. Her instructor agreed and so Janice and I climbed into the aeroplane and prepared ourselves for the trip. Stephanie and Maureen stayed on the ground, volunteering to watch from ground level. We arrived at the appropriate height and the door was wrenched open by the instructor. Janice looked out of the door at the ground far below and abruptly scurried backwards into the safety of the aeroplane. I shrugged at the instructor and followed Janice back into the aeroplane to find her huddled in a corner.
“I can’t
do
this Kim,” she told me sorrowfully, in a tremulous voice. “It’s too much. The ground is so
far
away. I thought I was ready, but I’m
not
. I’m calling the dare off. I’m such a
coward
!”
I sat beside her and, asking her permission with raised eyebrows, took her into my arms. "You're
not
a coward, sweetie," I contradicted, holding her as tightly as I could. "You're so
brave
to have come this far, and it’s just
one
more step to
finish
the whole thing. You're
so
close. But, in the end, it's
your
decision and no one's going to blame you no matter what you decide. Remember that
I'm
going to be with you all the way, holding you like I am right now. What do you say?"
She looked up at me, her eyes almost sparking with fear. "You'll
be
with me?" she asked, in a little-girl voice. "You won't let
go
?"
"I
won't
let you go, Jan," I promised. "I swear I'll be holding you as tightly as I can until we touch ground again."
Janice gulped and arose unsteadily, taking my hand. "Let's
do
this thing, before I change my mind," she announced.
"Good girl," I praised.
The instructor nodded when we returned. I stood behind Janice and was securely strapped to her. I already had my parachute in place, so we were ready to jump. "Are you
ready
, honey?" I screamed at her above the noise of the rushing air.
"
No
," she yelled back, "but let's go
anyway
." I wrapped my arms around her, turned my head a little and kissed her on the cheek and then stepped out of the doorway. Janice screamed as we plummeted earthwards and I tightened my grip on her as much as I could for an added sense of security. She was still screaming when the time came to release the parachute, but then she stopped as we dangled lightly, almost suspended above the ground. I looked around at her face and found, to my amazement, that she was actually
smiling
as she gazed down at the green and yellow patches below her.
Almost too soon, the birdlike feeling was over and we touched the ground with a thump, right on target. I pulled the billowing parachute towards me as Stephanie and Maureen came running over to us. I undid the straps that bound Janice to me and began to fold the parachute. Janice was jumping up and down with glee.
"I
did
it!" She yelled, joyfully. "I
really
did it! And it was
fun
! Well,
mostly
fun……. Actually, only the
end
bit was. The rest was
horrible
."
Stephanie and Maureen laughed and hugged Janice fiercely. "You
did
it, sweetie!" Stephanie congratulated. "We're so
proud
of you."
"I nearly
wet
myself on the way down," Janice admitted, "but then it became almost magical as we floated. I'm not sure I'd ever want to do it again, but I wouldn't have
missed
this for the world. Thanks, you guys. I couldn't have done it without you. I love you all."
And that was how Janice
won
her dare. We had a quick celebration and drove to the Botanical Gardens for Stephanie's encounter with her spider.
Chapter 7.
We tracked down the Curator for the pre-arranged human
/
arachnid face-off, and sat down as he went off to bring back the tarantula. Stephanie was
rigid
, white-faced and gripping the seat of her chair with a death-like intensity. I pulled my chair over to hers and put a comforting arm around her shoulder.
"Stef, sweetheart, try to
relax
," I told her.
"I
can't
!" she claimed, her voice an octave higher than normal. "This is a bloody great
tarantula
we’re talking about here, not something almost invisible like before. I'm
petrified
. I don't think I can go
through
with it."
"Of
course
you can," I argued, shaking her gently. "A tarantula is just a bigger one of what you're used to, that's all. Do the same as before, Stef. Close your eyes and think of washday. You can
do
it. I
believe
in you. I’ll be holding you the whole time, if you like. That might help.”
She flashed me a grateful smile as the Curator returned with the
largest
, hairiest multi-legged thing I had
ever
seen. Stephanie emitted a high pitched squeal of fright and slammed her eyes shut. I tightened my grip on her as the man approached and coaxed the monster out of its container. He let it crawl up onto his palm and then gently deposited it onto Stephanie’s arm. She cringed and whimpered as she felt the spider tickle her skin. I soothed her with whispered words of encouragement until she gradually opened her eyes. The spider by this time had progressed to her elbow crease and had apparently settled down for the day. It stayed immobile as Stephanie opened her eyes more and more. She peered at it, glancing away every now and then, but always returning in horrid fascination to the hairy lump on her arm. After about five minutes of interrupted viewing, Stephanie, greatly daring, ventured to poke an uncertain finger at the unmoving object. It slowly uncurled itself and stepped over to the proffered finger and delicately climbed on board. Stephanie stiffened but offered no other sign of agitation and I was finally able to relax my grip on her shoulders. The tarantula laboriously scaled Stephanie’s finger and came to rest on her hand. She let it camp there for a few minutes and then nodded to the Curator who carefully replaced the spider in its container and took it away.
Stephanie let out a huge sigh of relief and then jumped up, a huge smile on her face. She spun around and hugged me. “Thanks, Kim,” she told me sincerely. “I couldn’t have done it without you.” I hugged her back in admiration.
“No,
you
did it, honey,” I said. “I was just there to help. You did it
all
. Congrats.”
Janice and Maureen added their congratulations and we were a very happy group that adjourned back to my place for the usual celebratory drink.
“That’s
three
dares down,” Stephanie announced to general cheers, “And Kim will be the
fourth
.”
“Ah, no, she
won’t
,” I revealed, somewhat embarrassed. “I’m sorry to announce that yesterday I sort of, well…
lost
it.”
“
Lost
it?” Janice enquired.
I blushed, ashamed of my lack of control. “Yeah. I was at a supermarket, see, and there was this huge queue, with babies screaming in my ear, front and back, and this young kid came along and began to rummage through my
basket
.”
“
What
!” exclaimed Stephanie, “Just like that? Where was the
mother
?”
“That was
exactly
what I was thinking,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “Where
was
she? And why was her little feral running around
loose
?”
“How
old
was the little darling?” Maureen wanted to know.
“I’d say about five or six,” I guessed. “
Snotty
nosed as well, I might add. Anyway, I told him to go away – I was quite
polite
at this stage – and he looked up at me, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and continued on as if I hadn’t said anything at all. Then, to matters worse, he began to take items out of my basket and throw them on the
floor
.”
“He
never
did!” Janice gasped.
“Yes, he
did
,” I replied. “As sure as I’m
sitting
here. I was beginning to become a bit irate at this stage and raised my voice a bit. Still in control as yet, though. ‘Please don’t
do
that, little boy,’ I said. ‘It took me
ages
to collect those things you’re so cheerfully chucking on the floor.’ The little monster just stares at me and deliberately puts its sticky hands all over my fruit, picks up an apple and proceeds to take a
bite
out of it and them throws it back into the basket.”
“Oh, my
gawd
!” Stephanie yelped. “What a horrible little
toad
! Did you
kill
him then? I
would
have.”
“Not
quite
, although I can tell you that I was becoming a bit hot under the collar,” I replied, “because I knew I’d have to shop all
over
again, and I
hate
shopping at the best of times. I tried to lift the basket out of his reach, but the little dear seemed to have
elastic
arms or something because, no matter how
high
I put it, his fingers always seemed to be able to reach inside. Anyway, next to go were the
eggs
.”
“The
eggs
?” whispered Maureen, horrified. “
Please
tell me the little ratbag didn’t take the eggs out of the carton and throw
them
on the floor?”
I looked at her, mildly astonished. “You must be psychic or something, because that’s
exactly
what happened. I was holding onto the basket with
both
hands, you see, because it was heavy and I daren’t put it on the floor since that would have given the little monster
full
access to the contents, so I couldn’t stop him from doing his thing with the eggs. You should have
seen
the mess! And nobody did
anything
! That was the amazing thing. They just stood there and
watched
. The cashier lady looked over and called out on the microphone, “Clean up at Register Four”, and then went back to ringing up sales. I wanted to grab the mike off her and yell: “Whoever owns the little
feral
at Register Four, please come and collect your precious darling before I
spank
it back into the Stone Age!”
“Quite understandable,” Stephanie agreed. “What happened
next
?”
I leaned down and asked, ‘Where’s your
mother
, little boy?’ He looks at me insolently, picks out another apple,
bites
it too, throws it back in the basket and says, ‘
None
of your business, grandma.’
Six
years old! What do they
teach
them these days? Whatever happened to
manners
?”
“Beats me,” Stephanie shrugged. “I blame all the
television
they watch. Parents don’t spend the time they
should
with their children, so the kids have to learn how to behave from
TV
shows. And
that’s
a recipe for disaster.”
“Too true,” agreed Janice.
“What did you
do
next?” Maureen eagerly asked. “Is
that
when you killed him?”
“Not
quite
,” I admitted, “although I was tempted. He
then
proceeds to rip open a box of cereal and sprinkle the contents over my foot and the surrounding countryside. I’d had
enough
by this stage and shouted out, ‘Does anyone belong to this young boy? The one
destroying
my shopping basket?’ And, would you believe, the woman
behind
me, I mean
directly
behind me, pipes up and says, ‘Yes, he’s
mine
. Isn’t he
cute
?’
‘Cute?’ I asked in disbelief. ‘Did you say
cute
? He’s pulling my groceries out of my
basket
and throwing them on the
floor
!’
‘Yes,’ she says, all proud of her progeny, ‘he’s so
advanced
for his age.’
“She
didn’t
!” Janice exclaimed.
“God’s own
truth
,” I vowed. “I was aghast. ‘Well then,’ I told her with gritted teeth, "could you tell junior to
stop
doing it, please?’
‘Oh, he never listens to
me
,’ she replies, all cheerful like. ‘So, I just let him do his thing. Don’t worry; he’ll stop as soon as he gets bored.’ By this time my basket was half empty, with the
other
half decorating the local environs. Somehow, he’d opened a jar of
jam
and was busily spreading it all over my
clothes
and through the rest of my groceries. And, it was at
that
point, I’m afraid, that I
lost
it.”
“You
poor
thing,” sympathised Stephanie. “What did you actually
do
?”
“I carefully put down my basket, turned around to fully face the mother, and told her, at some length,
exactly
what I thought of her beloved offspring. I used quite
colourful
language, as I recall, and then I walked out of there, with the some of the shoppers actually
applauding
me.”
“
Whew
! What a tale of
horror
!” Maureen announced. “Stef, this shouldn’t
count
! Even a
saint
would have exploded going though that. Cut Kim some
slack
.”
“Yeah,” Janice wholeheartedly agreed. “And she
did
help you and me through
our
dares. I certainly couldn’t have done mine
without
her.”
“Well,” Stephanie mused, “I suppose you’re
right
. The supermarket episode was obviously over and
beyond
the call of duty and I know that I wouldn’t have completed the
spider
thing without her support either, so, all things being equal, I declare that our sister Kim has
completed
her dare for all intents and purposes!”
This announcement was greeted with shouts of approval and I was gratifyingly admitted into the circle of winners.