Doubting Thomas (Tarnished Saints Series) (16 page)

“Here, take the towel.”

She turned to see him sticking his hand inside the bathroom, but courteously enough, not looking. She snatched it from him, wrapping it around herself quickly. She swore under her breath when she realized neither did she have clean clothes. Not wanting to bother him again, she pulled open the door and walked out. His eyes met hers and drank her in - his perusal dropping slowly down the towel.

“Thanks for the towel,” she said clearing her throat.

He released a deep breath and nodded. “Now I wish I hadn’t given it to you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked coyly.

“It means I’m a married man with a hard-on the size of Texas, and I can’t help but wonder what you look like under that towel. Only thing is, I’ll never find out, because I’m not allowed to touch my wife.”

“I never said that,” she retorted.

“Then you’ve changed your mind? Are you ready to make love to me?”

Angel almost dropped her towel right there when he said it, knowing she wanted to do it as badly as him. She felt apprehensive about making love to him for the first time in broad daylight. Somehow, under the cover of darkness, it didn’t seem so naughty. But she knew by the time night fell, the cabin would be loaded down with kids and they wouldn’t have another chance.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. After all, you’re trying to make dinner.”

“Hell with dinner. What do you say?”

She wet her lips, wondering what to do. Then Thomas walked over and gently placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Angie, I’m sorry that you think I don’t even like you. That’s not true. I like you a lot. You’ve grown on me since you’ve been around.”

She could feel the heat of his strong hands on her shoulders. She knew all she had to do was nod her head and he’d be carrying her off to the bedroom. It’s what he wanted. It’s what she wanted too. So why couldn’t she do it?

“I don’t know. I feel like the children will be back at any moment. I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing they might walk in the cabin and hear us.”

“Are you saying you’re a screamer?”

Her face flushed and she looked downward. “That’s something you’ll just have to find out for yourself.”

“I’d like to, if only you’d let me.”

He pulled her closer and kissed her, the smell of fried potatoes filling the kitchen as they sizzled on the stove. She returned the kiss with passion, everything else fading from her thoughts. Yes, she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. Even if he didn’t love her.

“You’re good for my children and you’re good for me, sweetheart,” he said in a sultry low voice. “I’m starting to wonder what I did without you.”

His hands trailed down her back and around her hips as he felt her body through the towel. Then his hand trailed upward and he fiddled with the knot, trying to undo it.

“Not here,” she told him, pushing his hand away.

“Then let’s go to the bedroom.”

Suddenly, a flame shot up from the stovetop and then another one, even bigger. Angel screamed and jumped backward. As soon as Thomas saw the flames, he ripped the wet towel from her body. She screamed again and tried to cover herself.

“How can you think of that right now when the kitchen’s on fire?” she yelled.

“I need the towel to put out the flames,” he cried.

She took off at a run for the bedroom. By the time she’d dressed and returned, Thomas had already put out the fire. The towel she’d worn was burned almost to a crisp. His face was covered with soot. The cast iron pan of potatoes was nothing but a mass of burnt ashes, and the whole place smelled like smoke.

“It’s my fault,” she said apologetically. “If I hadn’t distracted you, this never would have happened. I feel so bad.”

“Don’t,” he reassured her. “It was my fault. I never should have let myself be tempted when I know you don’t want me.”

“That’s not true,” she told him, watching him scrape the mess into the garbage. “I do want you. But when the time is right.”

“When will that be?” he asked, filling the pan in the sink with water. “Angie, I don’t think I can live this way anymore. I don’t want to sleep out in the barn again, but I’m afraid to lay in bed with you, not knowing if I’ll be able to control myself.”

“Then I’ll sleep on the couch,” she said.

“Dan sleeps on the couch.”

“Then I’ll use the floor.”

“No,” he told her. “I’ll sleep in the barn until you decide it’s time. But being around you and not being able to touch you is going to drive me crazy.”

Shouts from outside were heard and Angel glanced out the window to see Gabby running, with the two stray dogs right at her heels.

“No!” she cried and bolted out the door. Thomas saw what was happening and quickly followed.

“Go on, get out of here,” Angel shouted at the dogs while running toward Gabby. Thomas made it there first and picked up the crying girl, holding her to his chest. She sank her face into his shirt.

“Zeke said they only want food,” Angel said quickly. She knew Gabby was safe with Thomas, and ran back into the house. She ripped open the fridge and grabbed the first thing she found - some sort of meat - and ran back out, throwing it down for the dogs. They stopped snarling, sniffed the meat, and gulped it down. Then they disappeared into the forest. Zeke ran out of the woods, followed by the twins.

“You didn’t hurt them, did you Pa?” shouted Zeke.

“No,” Angel answered for him. “I gave them food, just like you said, and they left us alone. I don’t think they really mean to harm anyone.”

She rushed over and reached out for Gabby, and was surprised when her daughter laid her head against Thomas’s chest and didn’t come to her.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” she asked.

“Yes, Mommy. Daddy protected me. I feel safe with him here.”

Her heart went out to the child, and she realized just how important it was that the girl bond with Thomas. Gabby had been young when Brad died, and she’d never had the opportunity of growing up with a father figure. She didn’t remember much of her real father, and now Angel could see just how his absence had affected her.

Thomas gave Gabby a kiss on the head and placed her on the ground.

“Go on in the house and wash up for supper,” Thomas told the kids.

Zeke, Eli, Josh and Jake hurried inside. Gabby was right on their heels.

“You’re good with her,” Angel told him, watching Gabby disappear into the house. “Thank you for picking her up and calming her like that.”

“It felt damn good,” he responded. “Now if only I can develop that kind of relationship with my own sons.”

“You do have that kind of relationship,” she told him. “You just need to hug them once in awhile. Especially little Eli. This would let them know you love them.”

Thomas chose to ignore that comment, and Angel figured she’d pressed enough for today.

“Well, I’d better get back to making dinner. Half the troops are already here and hungry,” she said with a laugh.

“That’s not going to be easy,” he grumbled. “You just fed the beef that should have lasted us the rest of the week to those dogs.”

“Oh,” she said covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted to give the dogs food so they’d leave Gabby alone.”

“Something tells me Zeke has been giving them food for awhile and that’s why they’ve been hanging around.”

“Don’t be harsh with him,” Angel said, putting a hand on his arm. “It’s good to see Zeke caring for animals. He loves them so. Sometimes when a child doesn’t know how to show love to others, he shows that love to his pets.”

Thomas nodded slightly. “I know you’re right, Angie. And Zeke hasn’t been hiding as much since you’ve been around. Ever since Brianne died, I haven’t seen much of him. I guess he hid away as a sort of protection or for a place to go to think.”

“Yes,” she said, happy to see Thomas finally understanding his children. “But with your participation in their lives, like today when you played with them, they won’t have the need to hide.”

“I wish the same was true for me,” he said, looking off into the distance.

“You don’t need to hide anything from me, Thomas. I’m your wife. I’m here if you need to talk.”

Sam and Dan rode up on the horses, each carrying a fishing line with half a dozen trout and blue-gills hanging from the end.”

“Pa,” shouted Sam. “The fishing at the lake was good today. Look how many we caught.”

Thomas headed over to them, and Angel followed.

“I caught eight,” Sam announced, “but Dan only caught five.”

“Yeah,” said Dan, hopping off the horse. “But look at the size of this one.” Dan opened a straw pouch attached to his waist and held up a huge catfish.

“Good job, Dan,” Thomas said, patting the boy on the back. “We’ll have catfish chowder this week. Now get over to the barn and gut them quickly.”

“Sure, Pa.” Dan headed off, leading the horse.

“Come on, Sam,” said Thomas holding out his hand. “I’ll help you down.”

Angel saw the expression on Sam’s face and knew instantly Thomas’s act of kindness was taken as an act of pity.

“No,” she whispered to him, pushing his hand away. “You need to praise him just like you did Dan.”

He looked at her in question, and she nodded her head in Sam’s direction.

“Good job on catching those trout,” he told Sam. “You caught quite a slew. That’ll make up a good dinner for all of us.”

Sam’s frown turned to a slight smile. “You really think so, Pa?”

“And it’s a good thing you caught the fish,” Angel pointed out. “Because I accidentally fed the beef to those stray dogs.”

Sam looked at her with wide eyes and then glanced over to his father. “Is that true, Pa? She gave the dogs our dinner?”

Angel expected Thomas to chastise her about her foolish behavior, and she knew she deserved it. Instead, he looked over to her and smiled.

“Yeah, it’s true,” he answered. “Not to mention, I decided to not only burn the potatoes, but try to burn the house down as well.”

Angel couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing because the whole thing seemed so silly. Thomas followed suit, and Sam joined in. Thomas reached up and took the fish from Sam and once again held out his hand to help him off the horse.

“No, Pa. Let me do it myself.”

“Sam, you’ve got a bad leg. That’s a high horse.”

The boy frowned again.

“Sam’s right,” Angel jumped in. “He can do it. Go on,” she urged the boy.

Sam looked at his father, silently asking for approval. Thomas looked first at Angel, and then at his son, and nodded slightly before answering. “All right, then. Go on.”

Angel held her breath, watching Sam struggle, bringing his twisted limb up and over the back of the horse. Then he turned, and placed the front of his body against the horse and slid down to the ground. He landed roughly, and Thomas lurched forward, but Angel held him back. Sam fell on his rump on the ground, but pushed himself up and righted himself to a standing position in no time flat.

She saw a muscle twitch in Thomas’s jaw and knew it was all he could do to hold back from helping him. Emotion showed in his eyes. A cross of pride and pity.

“Good job,” Angel said, nudging Thomas in the ribs.

“Yeah.” Thomas ran a hand through his hair and bit at his cheek. “Good job, son.”

A smile of accomplishment crossed the boy’s face.

“Take these fish to the barn and gut them,” Thomas continued, handing him their dinner.

“Yes, sir!” Sam hurried away anxiously, hobbling along, fish in one hand, reins of the horse in the other.

“Well, that wasn’t a smart idea,” Thomas growled as soon as Sam was out of earshot. “He could have really hurt himself.”

“On the contrary, it was an excellent idea,” she corrected him. “Did you see the way Sam’s face lit up when you not only complimented his catch, but allowed him to dismount by himself?”

“I’m not going to sacrifice a broken bone for a bit of praise.”

“Sam’s tougher than you think,” she told him. “He’s learned to accept his handicap, why can’t you?”

She watched him rub a weary hand over his face and knew this whole thing had troubled him more than he had let on.

“I promised Brianne before she died that I’d take good care of the kids.”

She saw the sadness in his eyes and a tear threatened to come to her own eyes.

“She made me especially promise to watch over Sam, since he wasn’t at strong as the rest. I told her I would.”

“And you’re doing just as you promised,” she told him. “But when Brianne died, Sam was little. He’s a teenager now. You’ve got to let him take care of himself. You surprise me, Thomas. You are so structured and so unconcerned about the welfare of even the younger boys, yet you dote over Sam.”

“I don’t dote.” He headed toward the house and she followed.

“Then what is it that makes you so tough with the other boys, but yet you handle Sam with kid gloves?”