Down the Hidden Path (31 page)

Caleb had started explaining about finding David and everything that
had happened before Miah arrived. “When I got under that water, I saw my future. I saw a life and kids of my own and I . . . I didn’t want to die. Suddenly, I had something to live for and it was nothing I’d ever known about or even imagined. I had kids, Miah. A boy and a girl with blond
hair and I was watching them through the cabin window on my property.
They were by one of the hot springs and they were playing with a frog.”

Miah could see the confusion playing across his brother’s features, but his eyes were clear and sure. “What are you saying, Caleb? You had a vision?”

“I don’t know. Most people see their past flash before them. Not their futures. You remember what Isaiah used to tell us about the Eye of God?”

“Sure.” Miah remembered; Caleb had pointed it out to him not long ago when Miah himself had been searching for answers.

Caleb leaned up on the white bed, causing the scent of bleach to surge around them. “I was ready to die, Miah. Ready. Thought it through, was glad to go if it would save David.”

Miah tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”

“I had no fight because I’d already resolved myself to dying. And then, under the water, I saw light.”

“The headlights.” Miah drew a metal chair beside Caleb’s bed. It was as much to hold on to as it was to sit in.

“Maybe. I saw light and inside it was my future. And suddenly, I wanted to live.”

“Good choice.” Miah’s throat closed. “You saved my son. He would have died if you hadn’t been there.”

“We’re brothers. Any one of us would take a bullet for the other.”

Miah smiled at the same words he’d once said to Caleb.

“I didn’t do anything you wouldn’t have done for me.”

Caleb reached his hand out for his brother. Miah closed his hand in his then gripped Caleb by the shoulder. “I love you, Caleb.”

“Love you too, bro.”

Gray climbed into Miah’s truck only barely noticing the tarp in the back. It had been a rough night on a vinyl reclining chair in David’s hospital room. “He’s doing great,” she said, through the fog of morning after little sleep. “They’re releasing him today, late afternoon.”

Miah handed her a steaming cup.

“Cocoa?” she asked, expectantly.

“Coffee. Came from the gas station.”

“Oh.” She tried to hide her disappointment.

Miah pulled the truck out onto the road and it was then that Gray noticed the stiffness she’d seen last night. It was still there, creating a crust around Jeremiah. She’d hoped whatever it was would be gone, and that warm, touchy Miah would be back. That didn’t seem to be the case.

Rather than ask, she cast a sidelong glance at his profile. His chiseled features made a handsome silhouette in the morning sunlight. He suddenly felt far away from her, like a photograph from long ago, something one gazes upon, but something that can’t be reached, can’t even be touched. “What’s going on, McKinley?”

His hands tightened on the wheel, loosened, then tightened again as if he were having a whole internal dialogue that ran rampant through his mind but didn’t bother to slip out of his mouth. “I’ve been doing some thinking about all this.”

“What does that mean?” She recognized that detached look. Now, she remembered from where. It was nearly thirteen years ago when he’d called their night together a great send-off. And that was when the first threads of panic set in.

“David. Caleb was right. I shouldn’t have taken him away from you. He needs to be with you where he’s safe.” His voice was smooth, almost practiced.

Cold fire shot into her gut, causing her stomach to roil. She craned her neck and there under the edge of the tarp was David’s blanket from his bed. The truck was full of . . . “What’s back there?” she snapped.

“Just hear me out. David needs to be somewhere stable. He needs a mom—”

“He needs us both. Don’t you even think about ditching us right now. Don’t do it, Miah. I swear, you will ruin him.” She couldn’t breathe. She was going to throw up. Gray pushed the window button and threw the contents of the coffee cup out into the cold morning air.

“You said I couldn’t ruin him. You said he was strong.”

“He’s not strong enough for this. Miah, I’m begging you. This will destroy him. Please.” She had to make him understand. David loved him. She loved him. No, no, this wasn’t happening. She wouldn’t let their future,
David’s
future, be ripped from him again.

Miah sailed into her driveway and threw the truck into park. “I almost killed him, Gray.”

“That wasn’t your fault.”

He turned and gripped her shoulder. “Whose fault was it? It’s my lodge, my snowmobile. Everywhere I look there is nothing but danger for him.”

“Miah, you’re not making any sense. He’s a kid. Those are all things kids do.”

“Not kids like David. You told me yourself that it was all new to him. He’s used to museums and the symphony. Those are safe, Gray. All I can offer him is opportunity to get hurt, and maybe next time we won’t get so lucky. Maybe next time—”

His hand bit into the flesh at her shoulder, but it paled by comparison to the despair unleashed in her heart. But she could make him understand; she had to. “David ran off. You couldn’t have stopped him. He’s going to make choices, and the best we can do is try to be there to help him know which choices to make.”

Miah released her. “He’s better off with you.”

No. The very thought that he could walk away right now caused heat to rush over her from the neck down. Suddenly, she was light-headed, ready to pass out as if his words had stolen the blood and oxygen from her brain. She shook her head to clear the fear from her mind. “I know it scared you. Miah, it scared me, too, but he’s your son and he needs you now more than ever. He needs you to do the right thing.”

“I am.” He stormed out of the truck and slammed the door.

Stubborn McKinley pride. She followed him and gripped his arm as he began untying the tarp. “Miah, don’t leave us again.” Us. So many years before, on that fateful night, with her clothes still drenched and her heart filled with hope, he’d destroyed everything she’d seen in their future. He’d run a wrecking ball through her heart. This was just the same and as she watched him refuse to even look at her, she knew.

Miah was doing this. Period. There was no stopping him because he was a McKinley and once his mind was made up, that was it. He was leaving them. Leaving her. Once again, Jeremiah was shattering her heart and this time he’d shatter David’s as well.

She threw her hands in the air. “Unload his stuff,” she ordered, then stomped into her house, trying to outrun the tears and the pain that had stayed dormant for thirteen years. But there was no escaping it. She went into the bathroom and shut the door. There in the mirror was a scared, alone, eighteen-year-old girl with a problem that was bigger than the world. And there was no one to help her through it.

Beyond the bathroom door, she heard him filling her house with David’s things. How many nights had she cried back while she was pregnant, and alone, a tiny, innocent child growing in her stomach? A child who would look to her for nourishment, life, hope. Somehow, she’d survived those desperate months. She would survive this. She had to; in just a few hours, she’d have a brokenhearted twelve-year-old boy here and he’d need her to be strong.

When she knew Miah was finished placing David’s belongings in her house, she steeled herself and exited the bathroom to find him standing by the front door. Her voice was a rasp when she said, “It’s not too late to change your mind, Miah.”

“I’ll call to check on him later today.” Between his fingers, he gripped the stuffed Ninja Turtle.

She pointed at the door. “Then go. If you’re not willing to fight for him, you don’t deserve him.”

He took a step forward and she had to remind herself this was the man who’d broken her heart. His eyes were misty, his mouth tipped into the saddest frown, so sad that if she wasn’t so angry, so furious, she could almost be persuaded to invite him to sit down, to talk it through. But the fact remained, Jeremiah was giving up on them.

He placed the stuffed animal gently on the couch as if it might break, then his gaze scanned over the things he’d brought in. A stack of manga books, a video game system, a backpack. Haunted eyes landed on Gray and as he took a step toward her, she put both hands out to stop him.

“Gray,” he pleaded, the single word dragging out as if it alone could speak volumes.

“Unless you’re willing to take all of this back to the lodge, just go.” Her voice was solid, firm, riding on the fury that fueled her. She could collapse once he was gone, but right now, she had to be strong. Especially since he was running away.

He lifted and dropped his hands in a gesture that read utter despair. “I don’t know what to do,” he whispered, his eyes locked on the floor.

Part of her heart fractured and swirled around in her mind. She knew that feeling, knew it so well, but that couldn’t matter because he was taking the easy way out. Instead of stepping toward him, she crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to go.

A solitary tear dropped from his face and she watched it land on her floor. Miah tilted his head back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m doing what’s right for David.”

And now he was an expert? She wanted to scream at him, but he didn’t look solid enough to take the abuse. He swayed as he reached for the door.

A tiny part of her wanted to move forward, just go to him, make him see he was wrong about this. David needed him. Needed to be at the lodge. He’d grown in the weeks he’d been there, branching out of his comfort zone and thriving. But she wouldn’t. Gray had never had many people she could count on. Her nana, of course, until the stroke when Nana reverted to childlike behavior and Gray had to be the grown-up. That was okay; she’d loved her nana and nothing had ever changed that. She’d been able to count on Angela—as long as Gray didn’t reveal David’s existence to his birth father. Gray had herself to depend on. She’d thought she had Miah, but just like last time—when she needed him most—he was saying good-bye.

Once again, David was all she had, and this time no one was going to take him away.

After two weeks, David had settled into a routine at Gray’s house. A routine that included contact with his biological father in snippets of time. Miah would drop by every other day after school and visit, always with a too-bright smile and a too-lax posture. Trying so hard to stitch up some of the wounds he’d caused. She’d watched David carefully in the days since the snowmobile accident. Though he was heartbroken over Miah, he seemed strong. She, on the other hand, was miserable. Heartsick and lonely. Of course, having David there was the biggest blessing she could ever hope for, but still her body ached for Miah. It wasn’t natural. It wasn’t normal. But what in their relationship had been?

Miah was still larger than life, brighter than the sun and stronger than the granite deep in the Ozark Mountain. And she supposed she’d always love him. But she’d decided to stop wasting her time on a fairy tale with no hope of a happy ending.

She stepped out of the bedroom and held up a dress for David’s inspection. “How about this one?”

He rose from the floor in front of the fireplace to lean on his elbow. Volume 49 of his manga book shifted in his hand. One shoulder tipped up. “Eh.”

She stared at the floral thing in her hands, seeing it through the eyes of a twelve-year-old. “Kind of hideous, huh?”

“You want to sabotage your night, go with that one.”

She dropped the dress and returned to her closet. Earlier in the day, she’d run into the “cat doctor,” as David liked to call him. He’d been friendly, genuinely excited to see her, and for some strange reason when he asked her out for a second date, she agreed. She still couldn’t quite wrap her mind around why she’d so quickly said yes. After all, he’d bored her to tears on their first date, and the only interesting thing that had happened was her chance encounter with the McKinley clan.

Her fingers reached into the closet and closed around the dress she’d worn on Valentine’s night when David had coerced a town into helping him throw his parents together. Her fingers trailed along the soft material as she remembered Miah holding her, his fingertips electric against her skin. He’d sworn to her she’d never lose David. And she hadn’t. He was here to stay. What she’d lost was the man she loved. But that wasn’t her doing; it was his. She was over the mad part of it. What good did anger do for a person, anyway? It only poisoned the body. No, she wouldn’t stay angry with him. He’d jumped into fatherhood headfirst, enthusiasm bursting, hope full. But he’d quickly learned that kids didn’t come with an instruction manual and bad things could happen at any time. Parenthood was terrifying.