Dragon's Heart (21 page)

“No,” Killian whispered so softly Ryan almost didn’t hear him. He swallowed hard. “She’s abandoned me, and now I don’t have anything left of her.” He looked down at the fire. “What have I done, Ryan?”

“You were hurt and angry. You wanted to lash out at her, but she’s not here. So you took your anger out on items that reminded you of her.”

“Everything around here reminds me of her. There isn’t a place in the palace I can go without being haunted by her ghost.” He stopped himself by taking a ragged, shaky breath. “I have to go talk to her. I need to know why she’s doing this.”

“Maybe she’s trying to protect herself. You
are
getting married very soon.”

“Where is she?” the prince demanded as he advanced on Ryan, menace radiating from every inch of his frame.

Ryan stood his ground, making no move to defend himself. “I am sorry, your Highness, I do not know.”

“Her messenger certainly knows.”

“The messenger fulfilled his duty and left.”

Killian threw up his hands in frustration. “So no one in this Gods cursed place knows where she is or how to find her?”

“No.”

“How do messages get to her from the king?”

“They are sent to her steward, who forwards them to her.”

“So, she’s not in Lakeshire?”

“Not at the governor’s estate.”

“I want a messenger dispatched in the morning.” Killian stalked back to his desk. “I want her here within the fortnight.”

“No.”

“Are you defying an order, Captain Ryan?”

“Yes, your Highness, I am.”

“I could have you brought up on charges.”

“But you won’t.” The captain’s voice was soft and even.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re hurt and angry, and you want to know she’s hurting too. You want to order or have her dragged before you, in chains if need be, and have her answer for your pain.”

“Yes.”

“You want to lord it over her. To prove to her even from here, you can exert control over her. Why?”

“I want to know why she did this. Why she felt she couldn’t talk to me first. Why? Gods, I just want to know why.”

“If you go through with ordering her brought before you, do you really think the two of you can have the honest talk you want?”

Killian closed his eyes, his throat tightening, tears welled up in his eyes. He wanted to see her, needed to see her, but he knew this wasn’t the way. “No.”

“So don’t do it. I know Serena, and I know she’s hurting too.”

“Her letter said everything was a lie. That she only wanted to elevate her station.”

“Do you believe what she wrote?” Ryan asked, trying to lead Killian to what he knew to be true in such a way the prince would respect Serena’s wishes.

Killian whispered, “I don’t want to.”

“But you are a prince, and you question everyone’s intentions where personal relationships are concerned.”

“I’ve known Serena since we were children. I thought I could trust her.” He closed his eyes, let out a breath, and his head and shoulders bowed. “Leave me.” He didn’t look up, and there was a hard edge to his voice.

“As you wish, Highness. However, Thomas asked me to remind you that you have a supper to attend.”

“Tell him to send my regrets.”

“Impossible. It is with your betrothed and most of the court.”

“Serena would have hated these things.”

“Yes, she would have. With your intended, that appears to be another matter.”

Killian nodded and took a deep breath. He rebuilt part of the walls around his heart and prayed it would be enough to get him through the night. “Very well, send him in.”

S
erena strolled
through the woods near the keep, listening to the sounds of the forest all around her.
Altus is going to throw a fit when I return, as he has every right.
Her thoughts drifted to all the times she’d been ordered to find Killian because he’d slipped away from his royal guards. A sad smile curled her lips, and her heart ached when she thought about him, wondering if he had received her letter and even now was reading the words. Had they been sufficient to make him hate her? She touched the embroidery at the collar of her shirt, even though his scent had faded, she still felt closer to him when she wore it. Closing her eyes, she tried to call up a memory of his face, his eyes, his laugh, anything about him, but it was becoming more and more difficult with each passing day.
I didn’t expect this to come so soon. When I see him again, what will he think?
Her hand drifted to her eyes. Delicate red and gold scales had begun appearing over her lids and onto her brow. She wrapped the wings around her body for the comfort she needed but could not find in her new home.
Maybe I should have let him think I’d died.

“What are you doing out here?” A man’s voice, full of hatred and contempt, interrupted her darkening thoughts.

Serena froze, she knew the voice. Trembling, she turned to face Lord Jeffery Dennsmore.

“Surprised that I’m not locked away in a dank cell anymore?” she asked, wings shifting behind her, considering her options.

“And questioning why you are not back in Haven. Afraid the prince will not want you once he learns of your true nature?”

“I have my reasons.” She kicked her chin up, reminding herself that she was, in fact, royalty and this man was beneath her, in every way.

“I should have killed you instead of capturing you. I thought the prince would be cooperative if I dangled your life in front of him.”

“You don’t know Killian very well, do you?”

“Apparently not. I will not make the same mistake twice.” Dennsmore drew his blade and advanced on her.

“You really should have tried to sneak up on me and slit my throat.” She drew her sword and settled into a ready stance.

“Too easy, for one of your kind,” Dennsmore purred in a distinct rough accent Serena had never heard before, making him difficult to understand. The words held a slight sibilant hiss.

The fine hairs on the back of Serena’s neck and arms stood on end, and a name flashed into her mind.

Dark Fey.

A cry of rage built up in her chest as any semblance of self-control washed away. “So now, you will die,” Serena spat the words. One wing lashed out, the long, hard bone-like edge slamming into the center of his chest.

Dennsmore staggered back, trying to catch his breath though each movement brought searing pain.

She didn’t let up before spinning again, using her wings for balance as the trio had been teaching her. When her fingers lengthened, becoming sharp tipped claws, she dropped her sword. Another voice, the one she recognized from her dreams as Rafe, her father… slipped through the rage and hopelessness… threatening to swallow her.

Go easy, Fireball. You need information from him. You won’t get it if you kill him.
Her father’s voice admonished her in a measured, even tone. She backed Dennsmore into the trunk of a large tree.

“Was it you?” she demanded, her claws pressing into the spaces between the Dark Fey’s ribs.

“What?”

“Were you the one who convinced my brother, Kirin, to betray not just his family, but also hundreds of others?”

He chuckled, coughing as Serena’s claws slipped into his chest, “Poor, poor little princess. Doesn’t know her own family’s past or that her own family pushed her brother to it.”

“Liar,” she snarled, her claws digging deeper, finding the space and slipping between his ribs.

“Poor, poor
little
princess.” He coughed twice, blood spattering his lips. “Her family is
dead
. Her
lover
will be married to her worst enemy. Everything her parents fought and died for is falling apart.” He drew a wheezing breath, speech beginning to slur, blood pouring from his lips. “Soon, there will be
nothing
left and the poor little princess will be all alone. Her mate will be tied to another.”

A deafening, utterly inhuman sound tore from her lips, and she thrust her hands the rest of the way into his chest. Serena wrapped her hands around his heart, feeling it beating fast in her grasp.

“Katia will never truly have him. She will never keep him,” Serena swore as her claws dug into the Dark Fey’s heart. “You will fail.”

Destroy the heart, little Fireball.
Serena heard her father’s voice in her mind. Memories of the night of their deaths flashed before her eyes.

Both she and Lord Dennsmore screamed as she ripped his heart from his chest. Blood ran down her claws, dripping on her black doeskin breeches, filling her senses with its distinct metallic scent. She squeezed until the heart burst spraying blood in all directions. Dropping the still warm organ on the ground, she crushed it under her boot heel. Her whole body seemed to vibrate with energy.

My little Fireball. Her father’s voice echoed through her mind.

She felt her bones begin to slip, the change flowing over her. “No,” she whispered. “I am Serena Harlowe, Serena NicArryan. I have control. The dragon does not rule me.”

Breathe, little Fireball.
Rafe’s whispers were a clear memory.
Slow, measured breaths. You can overcome this
.

“It hurts, papa.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she fought to keep her composure.

Think of sweet things. Calming things. Happy things. Chasing your brothers. How they always let you catch them in the end. Your mama’s voice as she sang you lullabies.

She had a lovely voice.

Serena sighed as the memory of her mother’s lullaby washed over her and took her rage along with it.

Rafe’s final words comforted Serena.
You can do this, my little Fireball. We all know you can. We have faith in you. We love you.

S
erena returned to the keep
, entering her suite through the doors on her private balcony. She had washed off as much of the blood as possible in the spring where she’d killed Lord Dennsmore. Shuddering at the thought, she knew she’d come close to death. Yet a part of her, for a moment, wanted to sense the kiss of his blade slicing through her flesh. She closed her eyes and felt a tear slip down her cheek, burning a trail on her flesh.

“Why are you doing this to yourself? To him?” Ryan’s voice came from the sitting room and broke into her musings.

She wiped away her tears and walked into the suite. “It is complicated, my friend.”

“No. It’s not. You love him. He loves you. That is not complicated.”

“He is marrying Katia. I will need to marry.”

“I am certain if you speak with him, you two can find a way out of his marriage.”

“Do you truly believe the court would accept me as their queen?” Her hand swept up, her long nails tracing the edge of the markings around her eyes. “That my people would accept him as my consort?”

“The two of you
can
find a way.”

“Ryan,” she said, holding up her hands, agony written on her features, “please, stop.” She swallowed hard and covered her mouth with her hand. “I can’t. Please, don’t.” The last was a heartbroken whisper.

“Forgive me. I don’t wish to cause you more pain. I hate to see either of you hurting.”

“There must be some other reason you have come.”

“I bear a letter from Killian. He ordered me to deliver it into your hand and no other.” Ryan produced the missive from his pouch and offered it to her.

I should have known he would do this. I did this to him. The least I can do is read his letter.
She took the note and slipped it into the pocket of her coat. “I will read it and have an answer for him shortly.”

“He has ordered me not to leave until I have your answer.”

She sighed and nodded. “All right. I will have his answer momentarily.” Entering her private study, she settled into the comfortable chair behind her desk and pulled the letter from her pocket. Her name was inscribed on the parchment in Killian’s bold hand. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves before breaking the seal and unfolding the parchment.

Serena, my love, 

I need to see you. I need to speak with you. I cannot believe what you said in your last letter is true. I need to hear it from your lips. Please, I’m begging you, if you ever felt anything for me… Meet me, talk with me. No matter your feelings, I deserve that much. 

You have my heart in your hands. Please, be kind. 

Always, your Killian. 

S
erena swallowed hard
. She should have known he would want to hear from her directly. Tears filled her eyes, and her throat slammed shut. She bit her bottom lip until it was painful. And she didn’t notice when Ryan stepped into the doorway.

“Serena?” Ryan’s voice was soft but insistent. 

She looked up at him, feeling tears spill down her cheeks, leaving cold trails in their wake. She stood, clutching the letter in one hand.

“He ordered me not to leave until I had your answer in hand.” 

“My answer?” Her breath hitched, and her expression closed in on itself. She looked at the letter and strode over to him. “Here is my answer.” There was steel in her words. She thrust the letter into the center of Ryan’s chest, letting go of it. She stepped past him crossing into her private chamber. 

Ryan caught the letter before it could reach the floor. He closed his eyes and tried to pretend he didn’t hear his friend’s heartbroken sobs through her closed door. 

He knew he should leave, allow her some privacy, but his feet felt as though they were caught in quicksand. The guard stood as a silent witness until the sobs stopped and only silence came from the room beyond. 

“Why, Serena?” he whispered. “Killian was moving on, trying to find his way. Your return gave him hope. Then you shattered it. Why?” He knew he wasn’t going to get answers. There was too much hurt, too much raw emotion. “Gods, I hope you know what you’re doing. What makes you believe the only option is to break his heart?” He paused, sighing. “And yours.” He shook his head and made his way back to the courtyard where he’d left his mount. He trusted Bronwynn’s word that the kitchens would see him provisioned. Ryan didn’t want to waste any time returning to Haven, to deliver fresh heartache to a young man he’d come to think of as a friend. “Gods, I hope you know what you’re throwing away,” he whispered looking back across the courtyard. He caught sight of Serena standing on the balcony of her suite.

Six days of hard riding later, an exhausted Ryan stood on the threshold of Killian’s study and waited beside Thomas. The crown prince of Illedria made some final notes on the parchment in front of him, picked up the jar of sand used to dry the ink. After a couple seconds, he raised the page up, tipped the sand back into the jar and handed the document to Thomas. 

“Please see to it this is delivered to the king for his final approval.”

“Yes, your Highness.” 

“Thank you. That will be all for now.” 

“Very good, sir.” Thomas took the parchment and exited the room. 

“Ryan, do you have her reply?” 

“Your Highness.” Ryan sighed as he crossed the room. There was no easy way to break the news, no way to soften the blow. “She did not pen a response.” 

“Your orders were not to leave until she had read and responded to my letter.” 

“She read it and responded.” Ryan walked over and handed the note Killian had sent to him. The seal was broken, and there were smudges where it looked as though the reader had begun crying. 

“What does this mean?”

“I would venture a guess that it means she does not wish to see you.” 

Numbness spread through Killian’s whole body, and he doubted he could take a proper breath. “She won’t even speak to me about this?” 

“No, your Highness.” 

“Why?” 

“She’s hurting, too.” 

“She’s the one who broke it off. By letter, no less.” 

“That does not mean she is immune to heartache,” he said, “or what she said in her letter was true.” 

Killian stopped breathing, as another thought occurred to him. “You believe she has a good reason for ending our relationship?”

Ryan shrugged, “I can’t say it is a good reason, but she has her reasons and apparently does not wish to share them with you.” 

Red washed over his vision; rage flared in him, and he slammed his fist on his desk. Pain exploded, radiating from his fist up his arm, numbing it. “Why?”

Ryan cringed and sucked in a hissing breath, but knew better than to ask Killian if he needed anything. The prince needed a friend and counselor, someone who knew what Serena meant to him and what losing her would do. “Perhaps she believes you will try to change her mind.” 

Killian gave a derisive snort. “Of course, I will.” 

“That could explain why she does not wish to speak with you.”

“What other possible reason could she have?” 

“Put yourself in her place.” 

The prince thought about it for a little while. Frowning at his desk, strewn about with papers and books. He looked up, meeting Ryan’s eyes and said, “Duty. I will marry Katia because it is expected. Perhaps she is in the same sort of situation?” 

“Duty?”

Killian sighed and seemed to turn the idea over in his mind. Then he shook his head. “Her only duty is to the people of Lakeshire.” 

“And if her illness is slowly killing her?”

“She would need to marry to protect the people. But she has to ask for royal permission to marry. You haven’t carried a message like that to my father have you?” 

“No, Highness. However, I am not the only messenger who goes to Lakeshire.” 

Killian dragged his hand through his hair and scrubbed his face. “I love her, but I can’t take this anymore.”

“You have to let her go, my lord.” 

The prince rubbed the bridge of his nose, pinching it between his finger and thumb. “Thank you, Ryan.”

“You’re not going to let her go, are you?” 

“I can’t. It would be like tearing my heart from my chest and crushing it underfoot.”

“What will you do?”

Killian thought about it for a few moments. “I will try to respect her wishes. If she does not wish to see me, I will not force the issue. I can only hope that, with time, we will find some measure of peace with one another.”

“Forgive me, Highness, if there is nothing else, I would take my leave.”

“Naturally, you must be exhausted.”

“Will I see you tomorrow morning for our bout?”

“Of course. Thank you,” Killian answered before Ryan bowed and left the room. Killian picked up the letter, noting the splotched ink. “Peace. We must make peace,” he whispered holding the parchment over a candle flame.