Authors: Kate Vale
“Not quite.
My husband died. I never
had
a chance to dump him
, though I wanted to, was hoping to do that if he’d lived
.”
“Well, at least you don’t have to
worry about
him anymore.” The
white-haired
lady moved off the rail toward the seats near the bulkhead of the big ship.
Suzanna sat down next to her. “Is this your first cruise?”
“Oh, no. I take one
almost
every year. They r
emind me of the many good times,
and the occasional bad
ones
. I revel in the good memories and I toss the bad ones overboard.”
Her laughter reminded Suzanna of chiming bells.
“Is this your first time on this overgrown yacht?”
The woman’s hair shone in the moonlight.
“Yes—my children—they sent me—to get away—to get over—”
“You need say no more. There are lots of people who use a cruise that way. So are you over whatever it was?”
“I’m not sure. I spent the better part of this afternoon trying to decide what I want to do—what I want to be when I get home
. I live in Minneapolis
.”
The woman’s eyes twinkled.
“Let me guess.
You’re going
to scandalize the neighbors—and your children, too—by taking a lover
at least twenty
years your junior.” Her laugh
t
er rang out
again
from the corner where they sat.
Suzanna smiled in the
semi-
darkness.
“I doubt I could attr
act a man. The only reason the c
aptain danced with me was so he could keep up appearances.”
“He’s an old goat
,” the woman snorted
.
“
I’ve danced with him, too, and he’s no great shakes.”
Suzanna grinned back at her. “He’s not my type anyway, so I guess it was no great loss.”
“W
hat
is
your type? A doctor
, perhaps? Or lawyer?
”
“Please, no! My husband was an attorney. I’m not looking for a man—and certainly not a husband.”
“How about
a male friend,
someone to go to movies with, share a dinner, maybe even your bed if you
feel like it
? If you had your druthers, who would you pick?”
“
Hmm,
w
ell, he wouldn’t have to be handsome, or even
have
hair
.” She grinned. “My best friend told me bald men can be very sexy.” She felt her cheeks warm as she remembered William and Margaret together, hoping the darkness cloaked her heated face and neck
.
“Maybe someone who’
s retired—
and
he wouldn’t have to be rich
. Someone safe, trustworthy, especially that
.” Suzanna
leaned
back
in her seat
and closed her eyes. Who would be safe and
un
demanding, who would let her be herself? “I know. I l
ove to read. How about a school
teacher—someone who likes to read good books a
nd doesn’t mind discussing them?
”
“Sounds
kind
of boring to me,” the
woman
sniff
ed. “Why not an Italian—with a tantalizing accent, and a fast car?”
She’s so elegant, so refined, but with such racy thoughts.
“I’m not that brave.
” Suzanna shook her head. “T
he list I started doesn’t have a man on it—just a few prosaic things.”
“Let me guess. Things you never got around to
doing
?”
“My grandmother told me once to hold tight to my hopes, to chase my dreams until I caught them. That way, they would come true. I realized—on this cruise—that
I haven’t done that, not for the
long
est time
.”
“You said your husband died
before you could dump him.
Let me guess.
”
She
patted Suzanna’s hand. “
H
e
was
fooling around with other wo
men.
”
Suzanna gazed at her.
How did she know?
“Most of the successful men I’ve known seemed to think their success gave them license to drop their trousers with
whomever they wished, even after or maybe because
they were married. I’ll bet you’re blaming yourself for something you had no control over.”
Suz
anna looked at her. “I guess so
.” Her eyes welled up. “It’s been
months
. I should be over this by now.”
“Now, dearie
, let me give you some advice.” She picked up Suzanna’s left hand and began to rub
her now-empty
third finger.
“That husband of yours was a scamp and a scou
ndrel. He’s gone now, and you’
re free to do whatever in the world you want.
And, there’s no one to stop you. So just do it—including findin
g yourself that schoolteacher.” She chuckled. “M
aybe
he teaches Italian.” S
he
wink
ed.
Suzanna looked
toward
the horizon, shining in the light of the moon. “I’ll have to get past my grown children first—at least my daughter. Most of the time, she wants me to pretend everything is just fine.
But
I don’t
even
want to live
in our house
now.
It’s comfortable and
everything. But all that space.
I just
bounce from one wall to the next
.”
“And bump
into memories, too, I’ll bet.
Have you given any thought to getting rid of the old man’s stuff?”
“That’s on the list
. I should have done that right away, but Penny
will
have a fit
.”
“
Not
unless you let her. I’ll just bet she has never seen you stand up for yourself.
You’ve been a wife and mother
far too long,
always taking care of others.
I made that mistake, too, with my first husband.
” She stopped to adjust her heavy sweater. “Why don’t you take some time to be your own woman? You don’t know how many years you have left to do that.”
Suzanna pursed her lips, considering
her new friend’s
words.
“Maybe that’s wha
t your list-making is all about,
your ticket to being you again.”
Suzanna turned to
look
into her kindly eyes. “We’ve been chatting all this time and I don’t even know your name.”
The woman lifted her cane and leaned it against the seat. “Maude. Actually, Madelaine Tower, but I prefer Maude.
All my friends call me that.”
“
Well,
thank you,
Maude. You’ve given me an idea,
something
I’m going to
add to the list.”
“A Frenchman along with the Italian?”
Suzanna laughed. “No. You said to be my own woman. I think I’d like to tra
vel, you know, take a road trip… all
by myself.
When we were married, Brad was always too busy
. That’s what I’d like to do. B
ut I’m not sure where I’d go
.
”
“Why plan your trip to a T? I read once where some gal
just
got in a car and decided to go for a drive, making only right turns along the way.”
“Wouldn’t she’d end up going in circles?”
“Not necessarily. She just let the road take her to places she’d never been—and I hear she had a grand time. Which do you prefer—right or left turns?”
“As long as they’re not wrong turns, does it make much difference?”
Maude chuckled.
“I doubt it.”
Suzanna
watched the moon for another few minutes
after Maude left. When she returned to her stateroom, she pulled the list out of her purse and added,
road trip.
She pulled a map from one of the drawers of the little table and spread it out. The beach house in North Carolina was Margaret’s, but it harbored bad memories. She didn’t want to go back. Minneapolis was in the middle of the country. She could go to Canada. It wasn’t that far away, or maybe south into Mexico. She stared at the map. She’d always wanted to go west to see the mountains and some of the national parks featured in that Ken Burns documentary. Maybe this was the time to do that.
She rummaged in her purse, then dumped it upside down. The gold band slid out from under her wallet. She wrapped it in a tissue and tossed it into the wastebasket. “Good riddance,” she said between gritted teeth.
The engagement ring? Perhaps Kevin or Penny would like to use it if they ever found someone. Lodged against one of the prongs of the ring was a tattered business card. She turned it over.
Jonathan Kingsley, Circle K Ranch, Willow Grove, Montana.
It was in the west and on the way to the Pacific Ocean. Maybe she would stop by and say hello. Hadn’t he said to do that? After all, his son, Neil, had helped her when she was in panic mode, and she’d never really thanked him. Her pulse picked up at the thought.
But, what if Mr. Kingsley with the piercing blue eyes and the beautiful smile didn’t really mean it? What if he wasn’t even home?
Chapter 3
It had been weeks since the cruise.
“No more stalling. I really need to tackle that list,” Suzanna vowed under her breath.
Th
us far, she’d only crossed off “
stop wearing ring
s.” She taped the list to the inside of the pantry wall
.
Perhaps if she saw it every day …
Brad’s practice.
She picked up the phone, left a message with George’s secretary, and scanned the car ads in the paper. When she found what she was looking for, she dialed the number.
“I have a Mercedes S-class—less than a year old. I don’t want to trade it in. I just want to sell it.” She wrote down what the man said, grimaced and called another dealer. His response seemed more reasonable. “Can I bring it by tomorrow so you can see it? Terrific! I’ll see you then.” She’d done it
—
one item, no, two, to cross off her list
.
“I’m selling Dad’s car,
”
she declared, when Penny arrived an hour later.
“What?
”
S
uzanna
hoped she sounded firm
as she looked up at her daughter, two inches taller than she
.
Penny had Brad’s
burnished blond hair
,
with a hint of red highlights, though his had
paled
and thinned over
the years. She had his slim build,
and everything
Penny
wore looked good on her
, mostly because she had excellent taste and tended toward expensive selections for her wardrobe, something her father had encouraged. Her gra
y eyes startled people with their intensity
.
If Penny could just soften her opinions—and how she expressed them—
or did she just talk that way to Suzanna?
I’ve given in to her too often
.
That’s why Penny keeps trying to run my life,
like
Brad.
“But I told you
I
wanted the car,” her daughter
said, her manicured hands planted on her slim hips
.
Be calm. Be firm. Don’t
give in to her
.
“
Since when does a marketing account executive only two years out of college need a car she couldn’t possibly afford on her own?
”
“I would have paid you for it.”
“Not what it’s worth, I’m sure,” Suzanna snapped, her resentment
rising.
“But it—”
“It what? Shouts ‘successful’? In some ways, you are too much like your father
.”
“I—I—resent that
,” Penny pouted
.
“
You never appreciated Daddy’s success.”
Suzanna opened the drapes in the sitting
room. “Now y
ou know that’s not true. What I disliked was his flaunting it.” She turned
around and faced her daughter
. “Will you please
quit
your stomping?” She put her arms out to hug her. “I don’t want you flaunting your success, either. It makes for resentment among colleagues.”
She gave Penny a quick peck on the cheek.
Her daughter
broke away from
Suzanna’s
impromptu hug. “I think you’re making a
big
mistake.”
Just like Brad.
“That may be, but it’
s my decision, and it’s time I started making
them
.” She
walked into
the kitchen
.
“
I never thought you would sell Daddy’s car
,
especially after I said I would take it.”
“Well, it’s too late now. The man from the dealership said I can bring it around tomorrow. And that’s that.” Suzanna looked over her shoulder, quietly
pleas
ed that she had held her ground.
Penny’s look of disapproval was transparent as she changed the subject. “Don’t you think you should get your hair cut, Mother? You’re way overdue for an appointment.”
Suzanna kept her tone deliberately neutral. “I’ve decided to let it grow.” Suzanna ran a hand through her hair, now almost touching her shirt collar. “It feels good covering my neck. Don’t you agree, especially in winter, that it’s nice to have longer hair?” She gave her daughter a little grin.
Penny
stalk
ed out of the
room
.
When Suzanna was alone again, she
looked at the list and felt a thrill of satisfaction.
What’s next?
She picked up her pen.
You never wanted a dog, did you, Brad?
She adored animals, had longed for a cuddly pet and envied her friends’ cute pooches.
Later that afternoon,
Suzanna watched, enthralled, as
a
Samoyed pup
approached
the toe of her shoe, sniffed it
and scampered off again. The
pups
reminded her of overstuffed cottonballs
as they bounced
and slid
about the kitchen floor in the breeder’s house.
“Are you sure yo
u want a pup? They aren’t house
broken
yet
.” The breeder
picked up the pup trying to climb his leg
.
“I’ve raised two children.
I think I can handle the potty
training.” She reached out a hand toward a brave little guy who leaned toward her fingers, touched them briefly with his nose, and then
retreated to the safety of his littermates. Suzanna sat down on the floor. The same
pup sidled up to
her
and lay down next to her knee. When she reached out to
touch him, he sniffed her hand
and rolled over for a tummy rub.
Suzanna
obliged. “I like him. He seems to smile all the time.”
The little dog cocked his head, as if listening to her.
She couldn’t help beaming at the man as she petted the puppy’s fluffy white coat.
“When can I take him home?”
“In about two weeks. We don’t wean our pups at six weeks like most people. Slightly more time with the mother seems to make for a better animal, in my opinion.”
“Sounds good to me. My babies, too, were allowed to wean themselves.”
The breeder laughed and escorted her to the door.
Later that evening, she answered the phone.
“Margaret, did
I mention
I’m getting a dog? I’m starting to like this
business of
making
my own decisions
. I
should have done this years ago.
”
“What do
the kids
think
of your new dog
?”
“They don’t know yet.” Suzanna
took a deep breath
. “I’m hoping they’re ok
ay
with it, but if they aren’t
…
well,
it’s my house, my dog, and
they’ll just have to accept
the new me
.” She mentally squared her shoulders.
Margaret whooped
into the phone. “Suzanna! You
are
changing.
It’s about time you showed what you’re made of
.
What’s next—
an
Italian gigolo
like
your friend on the cruise suggested?”
Suzanna couldn’t resist
giggl
ing. “I’ll leave that to you
.”
She imagined, instead, the tall man at the beach. The man in the cowboy boots.
Thank goodness Margaret can’t see me blushing.
A week later, Penny and Kevin joined her for dinner. After the meal, she and Penny worked their way through the pile of dirty dishes.
“Rinse this one, will you, dear?”
Penny reached for the antique china dish.
“Where are
your ring
s
, Mother?”
“I took them
off.” She rubbed her
ring
finger where a faint indentation remained.
“Well, where
are they
? Never mind. I’ll
get them for you.”
“You don’t need to do that.” Too late. Penny
had already trotted upstairs.
“I can’t find them,
”
she announced when she returned.
“
I put the engagement ring in the safety deposit box—in case you or Kevin wants it.” Suzanna thought she sounded calm, almost nonchalant, but she couldn’t stop chewing her lower lip, something she did when she was nervous. She handed Penny a handful of newly-washed knives.
“But what about your wedding ring?”
“I decided not to wear it anymore. Now that your father’s gone.”
“But,
Daddy gave you that ring!”
Suzanna
rub
bed
her
bare
finger
again
.
“I met a woman on the cruise. She did the same thing.
”
“But
it was your wedding ring! It’s like you’re trying to forget you were ever married to Daddy.”
Penny peered more closely at her. “Why are you trying to change things all of a sudden?”
“I’m not trying to change everything
.
W
hy don’t you take a seat so we can have d
essert, now that we’ve got these extra dishes out of the way
.”
Kevin
wandered into the kitchen and hugged Suzanna before turning to his sister and poking her in the ribs.
“
Will
you put a sock in it
, Sis
? If Mom want
s
to take off her ring
s
, it
’s
her right. Let it go.
”
“C
ould
we talk about something else?”
Suzanna asked.
Penny
glared at her brother and said nothing. The three of them sat down to Suzanna’s
special cherry cobbler
.
Time to tell them.
“I’m getting a dog,
”
Suzanna announced.
Penny
grimaced. “Oh, Mother
!”
“
I’ve always wanted one
—and I was hoping you’d be happy for me.”
Suzanna guessed Kevin must have kicked Penny under the table from the way her daughter shifted abruptly in her seat.
“I’m picking him up tomorrow.
I think
a do
g will be great company for me
.”
“But, Mother, Daddy
always said
a dog
would mess up the yard and chew things
.
Your beautiful garden. What are you going to do when
it
digs up your plants?”
“I’
ll replant them and teach him to dig elsewhere.”
Suzanna took a bite of the cherry cobbler, feeling she’d handled that objection well.
Kevin grinned. “W
hat kind of dog?”
“A Samoyed. You’ve seen them around.
White, kind of
fluffy. He’ll probably be about
forty-five or fifty
pounds
when
he’s
full grown. They
used to be sled dogs, and they’
re very friendly.
Wait
till you see him. H
e is so
cute.
”
Penny
sniffed
. “I’ll bet he’s not even house
broken.”
Suzanna stood up from the table and leaned toward Penny.
“You weren’t either when I brought you h
ome and look how you turned out.
”
Kevin la
ughed. “Mom got you there, Sis.
”
Suzanna peer
ed at
each of them
.
“We need to talk. The three of us. We haven’t done enough of that lately.”
Penny reluctantly followed her mother into the living room and sat down on the couch, her brother next to her. Suzanna perched on the edge of her favorite chair before slowly sliding back into it.